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Dragons Jokes

Why do January 6 deniers never last very long in Dungeons & Dragons campaigns?

They always fail their Constitution checks.

Two Dragons walk into a bar

Dragon 1: It's hot in here

Dragon 2: Shut your mouth

So I went on Dragons Den with my grandad's shotgun and Peter Jones said, "so what's the business idea?"

I said, "It's a very simple concept, Peter. Put the money in the bag."

Okay, we need a title for our fantasy novel involving dragons. Any ideas?

…Dragon?

It can’t just be Dragon.

Umm… Cragon?

No, that’s awful. Come on, think harder.

Umm…. Eragon?

….Bingo.

What's the difference between Hanukkahs and dragons?

Hanukkahs last eight nights, and dragons last ate knights.

Why do dragons like knights?

The come with their own pans.

Why do dragons sleep during the day?

So they can fight knights!

History is a lot like Imagine Dragons...

It's repetitive, never really good, and somehow only getting worse.

A Dungeons and Dragons Joke about the most fearsome of foes: Furniture

The barkeep asked why we carried weapons into his bar.

I said ‘Mimics.’

The party laughed.

The barkeep laughed.

The table laughed.

We killed the table. Good times.

Why do dragons never finish anything on time?

bc they like to drag on and on.

Why do dragons make good accountants?

The economies of scale

2 dragons walk into a bar

One goes, "it's hot in here."

The other responds, "shut your mouth."


Originally by Jimmy Carr (I think, he may have stolen it)

Probably a repost, but reddit search is useless.

Why were dragons called rappers during ancient times?

Because they used to spit fire.

I am thinking about opening a dungeons and dragons themed vacation rental...

I’m going to call it Air D&D

Do you like pop music, like Imagine Dragons?

Well imagine dragon these nuts across your chin.

Why are dragons so good at rapping?

Because they're always spitting fire.

(OC) Once, back the days of dragons...

Once back in the days of knights and dragons there was a mountain to which people would travel from leagues around.

At the summit of this mountain was a magic cradle which would heal the illness of any child placed in it, but only if the child's parent would then roll up into a ball and tumbl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In very ancient times, people used to immolate young and beautiful virgins to appease the wrath of gods and dragons.

Of course, nowadays, no one believes in the existence of such legendary creatures.
And there are even people who doubt about the existence of gods and dragons too!

Why do dwarves hunt dragons in the morning?

Because the early beard gets the wyrm

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are dragons gay?

All the hot knights they blow.

Why are dragons such good story tellers?

Because they have long tails

Imagine Dragons is doing a concert in Washington DC

They start singing Believer... "First things first I'ma say all the words inside my head"

"Challenge accepted" Donald Trump replies

Once there was a dragon slayer named Nick.....

Nick was a wealthy man, due to the fact that there were many dragons around the kingdom that required killing. The king of the land used to pay a great price for every dragon killed. But Nick had a deep secret, he had a massive desire to sleep with the queen, even if it was just for a night.
One...

Why do interns make the best Dungeons and Dragons players?

They do it for the Experience.

I recently came up with a pirate-themed tabletop RPG, but then the makers of Dungeons and Dragons found out.

They sent me a seas-and-d6 letter.

A man and his wife are playing Dungeons and Dragons together...

During the man's turn, he rolls his D20 and rolls a 1. Simultaneously, he stubs his toe against the table leg so hard that his toe essentially falls off. Blood everywhere. The wife has to rush them both to the ER.

She's waiting.

She's waiting...

The doctor emerges, and the wife ...

I took my friend to a concert. He said to me “Hey, you said there would be dragons here.”

So, I responded “No, man. I said you’d have to imagine them.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the guy who made Dragons Fucking Cars pick cars instead of castles?

They're impenetrable

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Game of Thrones S7 Spoiler] What do Dragons call Jon Snow?

Motherfucker.

A fun story about Dungeons and Dragons

I remember reading this great story, goes somewhere along these lines:

The party is traveling on a mountain in a blizzard, and every member rolls to see if they fall from the cliff. A dwarf warrior doesn't pass the check due to his armor, and falls.

DM: You fall from the cliff but hav...

A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.

He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.

This Zamboni operator skidded out of control into our Dungeons & Dragons meeting

Why he be all slidin into my DMs

What shampoo do dragons prefer?

Head & Smolders

What do you call that friend who will always seize the opportunity to run a Dungeons & Dragons game for your group?

A Carpe D.M

What does Santa do to dragons?

He "sleighs" them.

What is the difference between dragons and dinosaurs?

Dinosaurs aren't old enough to smoke. Told to me by my niece at christmas.

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