You think swimming with dolphins is expensive?

You should try swimming with sharks.

It cost me an arm and a leg.

Dolphin joke...made it up myself today. :)

An aquarium guide brought a group of visitors around to see the dolphins, which were split up into two tanks. In the first tank the dolphins were all having fun, playing around with a beach ball. In the second tank the dolphins were training, working hard on a new trick. One of the visitors asked...

Two dolphins are swimming

One bumps into the other and makes him angry.
"Hey, watch where you're going next time."
"Sorry, not like I did it on porpoise"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that aside from humans, dolphins are the only animals that have sex for pleasure?

I had to fuck a lot of animals to find that out.

What did the gang of dolphins say to the orca?

"Whale, whale, whale... Look what the tide brought in..."

TIL dolphins are so smart that if you put them in a library, they would impress a great many people

However, this kills them

Dolphins are the Ted Bundy of the animal kingdom

Raping murdering psychopaths, but white women love them.

I find it strange how everyone suddenly cares about straws killing dolphins...

They've been breaking camels' backs for years.

Dolphins are the second most intelligent creatures on the planet second only to man

Pushing down women to third

Did you know scientists claim that dolphins are second to man in intelligence?

That means woman just got pushed to 3rd place

Scientists have discovered a way to make dolphins nearly invisible to the human eye.

I don’t really see the porpoise.

How do dolphins and whales pass down and share knowledge through the generations?

Via podcasts, naturally.

Lysol's marketing department are trying out some new angles to generate sales. They claim that one bottle can clean an entire family of dolphins!

It's the best multi-porpoise cleaner on the market!

On an excursion, I decided to go swimming with the Dolphins. Unfortunately, one of them was run over by a boat and killed

I'm really going to miss Dan Marino

My sister told me she's decided to pursue a career in training dolphins

I guess she finally found her porpoise in life

I met my new girlfriend at a fancy dress party where coincidentally and bizarrely, we were both dressed as dolphins...

We just clicked...

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They say aside from humans, dolphins are the only other mammal that has sex for enjoyment

You have no idea how many things I had to fuck to figure that out.

Do dolphins speak Welsh?

Or is it just Wales.

A new study shows that dolphins are second in intelligence to man...

Guess that puts women in third.

Why do dolphins live in salt water?

Because pepper water would make them sneeze!

In 1944, a unit of zombie dolphins were deployed by the allies to assist in the invasion of Normandy.

They were named the “marine corpse”

TIL Dolphins deliberately get high on the nerve toxins of puffer fish by chewing on them and passing it around

Talk about ‘puff puff pass’, amirite?

I once tried driving to Mexico to steal a couple pet dolphins.

But I was arrested for trying to enter the country for illegal porpoises.

I got so angry with poachers illegally killing dolphins that I began randomly implanting some with tiny bombs.

But it just ended up defeating the porpoise.

I hate it when people say Dolphins are fish

Because they're predominantly black guys

What do you call it when you cut off a dolphins flippers?

De feeting the porpoise

Did you guys know that dolphins attack seals for sport?

It's almost like they do it on porpoise.

I'm sorry I made it up

What do you call a group of dolphins that move according to the moons gravity?

A Tide pod

So, both living in houses and making love with dolphins were just outlawed...

it may be difficult for many, but for all in tents and porpoises, it'll be ok.

When I visit the ocean, I can never locate any dolphins.

I guess I've lost my sense of porpoise.

I tried swimming with dolphins once. I didn't like it.

I found them very cliquey

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A man's entire family was killed by a masked dolphin...

He set off on a quest for vengeance. He searched high and low for the identity of the masked dolphin. He traveled the world, asking dolphin Gurus and dolphin historians. He searched for ten years before he found his first clue.

In a shallow pool at the top of a tall mountain he found a dolphi...

I'm setting up a website for single dolphins

Where true love's just a few clicks away

I heard that dolphins have vestigial legs...

It would seem evolution defeeted the porpoise.

What do you use to clean dolphins and whales?

All porpoise cleaner

Dolphins are really clever

In fact, they have trained humans to stand at the edge of the pools and throw fish at them.

I just finished writing a book on dolphins.

I should have used paper.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A marine biologist in Virginia fell afoul of the law over his dolphins.

It seems that all he was able to procure were female dolphins. Without males their interest in participating in the experiments waned. Desperate to satisfy his dolphins, he tried to see if any humans could satisfy their needs, but he was limited by morals clauses prohibiting what was in effect bes...

What did the dolphin say to the frog?

Eeeee eeee eeeee ieeeee eeee eee. Dolphins don't talk dummy.

Two oceans are talking to each other...

Two oceans are talking to each other. The first one says “Hey you know that thing where the thing happens with the starfish, then the dolphins do the thing?”

The second ocean looks confused and replies “you’re gonna have to be more pacific.”

Why did the aquarium have an existential crisis when the dolphins were released to the wild?

It lost its porpoise.

I hate dolphins...

...for all intents and porpoises.

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