UPJOKE
killer whaleporpoiseriver dolphinwhalesharkcetaceapilot whaleorcadorsal finmahimahidolphinfishdelphinidaehawaiimammalbottlenose

Dolphins Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dolphins are the only animals besides humans that enjoy having Sex

I had to have sex with a lot of animals to figure that out

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The navy trains dolphins

An elderly man rear ends a guy driving an expensive sports car.

Enraged, the guy hops out of his car and confronts the old man. “Look what you did to my car” he yells. “you’re gonna give me $10,000 right now or I’m gonna beat you to a pulp!”

“Oh my” says the old man, I don't have that ...

What do you call a group of singing dolphins?

An orca-stra.

Dolphin joke...made it up myself today. :)

An aquarium guide brought a group of visitors around to see the dolphins, which were split up into two tanks. In the first tank the dolphins were all having fun, playing around with a beach ball. In the second tank the dolphins were training, working hard on a new trick. One of the visitors asked...

If a group of dolphins is called a pod and a group of crows is called a murder, what is a group of small children called?

Annoying

There was this guy who found an ancient book. In that book he read that dolphins live forever if you feed them the meat of an eagle.

Some time later he came across a very sick eagle and thought: It's gonna die soon anyway, might as well take it to the dolphins at the local zoo to see if what's in the book is actually true. At night he climbed over a wall to get into the zoo – and found himself right in the lion enclosure! He mana...

I saw on Wikipedia that dolphins can bake bread!

[cetacean kneaded]

I find it strange how everyone suddenly cares about straws killing dolphins...

They've been breaking camels' backs for years.

A trainer at SeaWorld was in charge of keeping the dolphins healthy.

He would feed them, give them medical attention, make sure they were in good spirits. But he knew that the dolphins eventually were going to die. Well, he couldn't have that. After researching for days to no avail, he found an article written by a disgraced marine biologist about how dolphins could ...

how do groups of dolphins get away from killer whales

They escape in pods

A local man has been trying to invent a camouflage suit for dolphins

While it seems like a cool idea, I just don't see the porpoise

I went on a camping trip to try to save the dolphins.

It was a waste of time for all in tents and porpoises.

Why are Dolphins so successful at dating?

They always click with one another!

How do dolphins become happy?

They produce endolphins!

My first real estate investment will involve campers and dolphins...

For all intents and porpoises...

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks

It cost me an arm and a leg!

How do dolphins get high?

Sea weed


(And also pufferfish)

How do dolphins get job satisfaction?

By working in positions that give them a sense of porpoise.

Why do dolphins get so happy when they move into a house?

Because they have a lot of indoor fins

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife asked me if I had heard that female dolphins have clitorises that are very similar to humans.

I asked her why she was telling me this.

She replied, "Do you think God did that on porpoise?"

Do dolphins speak Welsh?

Or is it just Wales.

Did you know that US law protects dolphins from indefinite imprisonment?

Also know as the writ of habeas porpoise

Did you know dolphins commit infanticide?

They do it on porpoise.

What do dolphins use to keep clean?

Multi-porpoise cleaner.

Two older male dolphins notice their hairlines are starting to recede.

Dolphins go bald, too. Tough for humans to notice, but dolphins notice... Anyway...

Understandably, they start getting a little down in the dumps recognizing the loss of their youth and feeling a profound sense of their own mortality.

In a moment of clarity, one dolphin says to his bud...

Two dolphins are swimming

One bumps into the other and makes him angry.
"Hey, watch where you're going next time."
"Sorry, not like I did it on porpoise"

A scientist is looking to conduct an experiment using dolphins

He goes to the pet store and asks the clerk if they have any dolphins

The clerk responds “We don’t have any dolphins, but would a whale work?”

The scientist responds “No thank you, that defeats the porpoise”

Did you know that dolphins have existential crisis too?

They wonder if their life has a porpoise.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do you never see dolphins ejaculate?

Because they always cum in waves

Scientists have announced that dolphins are second to man in intelligence levels.

So that pushes women down to third place.

I hate dolphins...

...for all intents and porpoises.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Besides humans dolphins are one of very few species that have sex for fun..

But damn, I still don't like that weird silence in the car every morning I take them back to the zoo.

Dolphins are really clever

In fact, they have trained humans to stand at the edge of the pools and throw fish at them.

Dolphins are the Ted Bundy of the animal kingdom

Raping murdering psychopaths, but white women love them.

I heard that dolphins have vestigial legs...

It would seem evolution defeeted the porpoise.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They say aside from humans, dolphins are the only other mammal that has sex for enjoyment

Can confirm

Did you know scientists claim that dolphins are second to man in intelligence?

That means woman just got pushed to 3rd place

What did the gang of dolphins say to the orca?

"Whale, whale, whale... Look what the tide brought in..."

Why do dolphins always swim in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze

What do philosophical dolphins say?

What's the porpoise?

I tried swimming with dolphins once. I didn't like it.

I found them very cliquey

A Swiss Army Knife is a lot like a pod of dolphins...

Multi-porpoise!

I once tried driving to Mexico to steal a couple pet dolphins.

But I was arrested for trying to enter the country for illegal porpoises.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.