It turns out, Dolphins intelligence is second only to man.

This means women drop to third place.

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks

Cost me an arm and a leg!

Today in the Gulf Stream, two dolphins were caught cheating on their significant others, and in the East Australian, a humpback whale gave the term new meaning when he was found in the fins of another beluga.

I like to stay on top of current affairs.

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Why do you never see dolphins ejaculate?

Because they always cum in waves

You know, dolphins are vital in their food chains.

There can be no life without porpoise.

I find it strange how everyone suddenly cares about straws killing dolphins…

…because they've been breaking camels' backs for years.

Dolphin joke...made it up myself today. :)

An aquarium guide brought a group of visitors around to see the dolphins, which were split up into two tanks. In the first tank the dolphins were all having fun, playing around with a beach ball. In the second tank the dolphins were training, working hard on a new trick. One of the visitors asked...

What did the gang of dolphins say to the orca?

"Whale, whale, whale... Look what the tide brought in..."

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Did you know that aside from humans, dolphins are the only animals that have sex for pleasure?

I had to fuck a lot of animals to find that out.

TIL dolphins are so smart that if you put them in a library, they would impress a great many people

However, this kills them

Scientists have discovered a way to make dolphins nearly invisible to the human eye.

I don’t really see the porpoise.

On an excursion, I decided to go swimming with the Dolphins. Unfortunately, one of them was run over by a boat and killed

I'm really going to miss Dan Marino

Lysol's marketing department are trying out some new angles to generate sales. They claim that one bottle can clean an entire family of dolphins!

It's the best multi-porpoise cleaner on the market!

Did you know scientists claim that dolphins are second to man in intelligence?

That means woman just got pushed to 3rd place

How do dolphins and whales pass down and share knowledge through the generations?

Via podcasts, naturally.

In the Best Interest of the Child...

Miami, FL (AP) - A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Miami courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.
The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custo...

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They say aside from humans, dolphins are the only other mammal that has sex for enjoyment

You have no idea how many things I had to fuck to figure that out.

My sister told me she's decided to pursue a career in training dolphins

I guess she finally found her porpoise in life

I met my new girlfriend at a fancy dress party where coincidentally and bizarrely, we were both dressed as dolphins...

We just clicked...

Do dolphins speak Welsh?

Or is it just Wales.

In 1944, a unit of zombie dolphins were deployed by the allies to assist in the invasion of Normandy.

They were named the “marine corpse”

Two oceans are talking to each other...

Two oceans are talking to each other. The first one says “Hey you know that thing where the thing happens with the starfish, then the dolphins do the thing?”

The second ocean looks confused and replies “you’re gonna have to be more pacific.”

Dolphins shouldn't be commercially used for entertainment.

Because it's not their porpoise.

I once tried driving to Mexico to steal a couple pet dolphins.

But I was arrested for trying to enter the country for illegal porpoises.

TIL Dolphins deliberately get high on the nerve toxins of puffer fish by chewing on them and passing it around

Talk about ‘puff puff pass’, amirite?

So, both living in houses and making love with dolphins were just outlawed...

it may be difficult for many, but for all in tents and porpoises, it'll be ok.

I got so angry with poachers illegally killing dolphins that I began randomly implanting some with tiny bombs.

But it just ended up defeating the porpoise.

I hate it when people say Dolphins are fish

Because they're predominantly black guys

What do you call a group of dolphins that move according to the moons gravity?

A Tide pod

I tried swimming with dolphins once. I didn't like it.

I found them very cliquey

Did you guys know that dolphins attack seals for sport?

It's almost like they do it on porpoise.

I'm sorry I made it up

What do you use to clean dolphins and whales?

All porpoise cleaner

I heard that dolphins have vestigial legs...

It would seem evolution defeeted the porpoise.

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A man's entire family was killed by a masked dolphin...

He set off on a quest for vengeance. He searched high and low for the identity of the masked dolphin. He traveled the world, asking dolphin Gurus and dolphin historians. He searched for ten years before he found his first clue.

In a shallow pool at the top of a tall mountain he found a dolphi...

"Dad, can you help me with my homework?"

"Sure son"

"What are 5 animals that live in the ocean?"

"3 whales and two dolphins"

"Thanks dad"

"Anytime"

A fisherman took his boat far out to sea. He hooked a huge fish, and fought it for hours.

Unfortunately, as he wasn’t strapped into his seat, he was yanked overboard, and began to drown. Suddenly, he was rescued and brought back to his boat by a pair of dolphins. Without thinking, the fisherman thanked them.
They replied, “You’re welcome!” Aghast, the fisherman said, “You can talk! Th...

A young man wanted to know the secret of life. So he asked a pair of wise, immortal, dolphin-like creatures. The dolphins told him they'd share their wisdom, but only if the young man completed their quest.

"First," said the male dolphin, "you must venture out into the forest and locate the Golden Mina Bird. Place it in this magical bag" -- and the dolphins handed him a golden, silk bag made of the finest materials -- "and make your way to the edge of the forest."

"There, you will come to the De...

I just finished writing a book on dolphins.

I should have used paper.

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A marine biologist in Virginia fell afoul of the law over his dolphins.

It seems that all he was able to procure were female dolphins. Without males their interest in participating in the experiments waned. Desperate to satisfy his dolphins, he tried to see if any humans could satisfy their needs, but he was limited by morals clauses prohibiting what was in effect bes...

Dolphins are really clever

In fact, they have trained humans to stand at the edge of the pools and throw fish at them.

What did the dolphin say to the frog?

Eeeee eeee eeeee ieeeee eeee eee. Dolphins don't talk dummy.

In the early 1970s, researchers discovered...

...that a certain enzyme in a specific breed of seagull chicks granted dolphins that ate them a dramatically increased lifespan. Hoping that this could be made viable for humans, they started extensive testing. Unfortunately, the breed of gulls wasn't native to the area around their laboratory.
...

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