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Skydive Jokes

You don't need a parachute to skydive.

You need a parachute to skydive twice.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why don’t blind people Skydive?

It scares the shit out of the guide dog

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a shitty golfer and a shitty skydiver?

The shitty golfer goes, \-WHAM!\- "FUCK!"

The shitty skydiver goes, "FUCK!" \-WHAM!\-

A skydiver jumps out of a plane

A skydiver jumps out of a plane.
20,000ft
18,000ft
16,000ft
He pulls on his ripcord.
Nothing happens.
14,000ft
12,000ft
He pulls his backup ripcord.
10,000ft
Nothing happens
8,000ft
6,000ft
4,000ft
Suddenly a man flies up to him ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Skydive

Paddy was telling Mick about his first skydive: When I got to the door I couldn’t jump. So the 6 ft 7” instructor unzipped his fly and drops his 8” and says if you don’t jump, you’re going to get this up your arse!!! Mick asks: Did you jump? Paddy replies: A little bit when it first went in

How does a blind skydiver know when he's getting close to the ground?

The leash goes slack.

I just saw the best skydiver ever

Even though he was the last to jump, he was the first to hit the ground!

How does the blind skydiver know he’s about to land?

The dog leash slackens.

(Credit: My blind sister.)

Chuck Norris once skydived and the parachute failed to open while mid-air

The next day, he demanded a refund.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Skydiving (long)

Once there was a man who decided to fulfil his lifelong dream and go skydiving. So he went to the airport and signed up for a class. Upon arriving for the class, he discovered that the teacher was an elderly Indian gentleman. (East Indian, not Native American)

"Good day, good day everyone and...

An avid skydiver dies in a skydiving accident.

At the funeral a friend approaches the widow.

"It was a tragic accident" the friend says, "but at least he died doing something he loved."

"Not really" replied the widow.

"I thought he loved skydiving" replied the friend

"Oh, he loved skydiving" said the widow, "He hated...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between golfers and skydivers?

Golfers go *whack* "Shit!"

Skydivers go "Shit!" *whack*

If you skydive without a parachute

You’ll be doing it for the rest of your life

Why did the skydiver prefer indoor skydiving?

He loved the rush of indoor fans.

Me and my wife were in a plane about to make a tandem skydive, when we spotted a distinct monument on the ground. However, we couldn't agree on what it was.

We ended up falling out over it.

3 jokes told to me by an older gentleman at the grocery store

Have you heard the one about the jump rope? That’s OK we’ll skip it.

Have you heard the one about the bed? It hasn’t been made up yet.

Do you know why blind people don’t skydive? It scares the hell out of the dog.

Backstory: I have pretty severe PTSD and things like running t...

If you love skydiving, don’t wear a parachute on your next jump

Then you can skydive for the rest of your life!

A man goes skydiving.....

A man goes skydiving.

After he jumps out of the plane he pulls the parachute cord and nothing happens.

Panicking, he pulls the emergency chute. Again nothing happens.

As he is plummeting towards the earth he sees a speck moving up towards him. As he focuses he can see it's anoth...

My friend decided to skydive without a parachute

I didn't hear from him after that, but someone told me he had a once in a lifetime experience.

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