A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out.

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time." Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?" ...

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My penis is a lot like an image of a convex lens

Virtual, erect and highly diminished

Did you hear about the optician who fell into the lens grinder?

Yeah, he made a spectacle of himself.

What do you call a Hippowdon with a Scope Lens?

A Hypocrite

CDC website: new free online COVID-19 test available

How it works is like this: you visit the site with your phone, you spit on the camera lens and then send them that picture--and just from that photo, they can tell if you're an idiot.

To whoever stole my contact lens

I will always have my eye on you

Why did the programmer get a new lens prescription?

Because he couldn't see sharp.

Things You Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery:

Oops!

Has anyone seen my watch?

That was some party last night. I can’t remember when I’ve been that drunk.

Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

Well, this book doesn’t say that… What edition is your manual?

Ok, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly ...

My magic camera lens keeps flying away and perching on things.

It was aperture.

A photographer had his lens fall off his camera

He was fined for indecent exposure.

WW1. Austro-Hungarian HQ. Italian snipers are decimating the imperial troops, and that needs to stop...

"Zis can't go on! Vat are the pasta eaters doing to kill zis many troop?"

"Apparently, Herr commander, zey discovered zat the most common name in our troops is Fritz. So the snipers call out "Fritz" und every time zome idiot pokes his head out to answer und gets shot."
"Vell th...

Today I put a new lens on my camera that allows me to take photos of farts.

It's called flatulence.

Sorry, I'm a dad.

I have some wire frames and a curved lens.

Is that anything to make a spectacle of?

An old professor of Particle Physics and his assistant were having beers at a pub in London when the conversation drifted to the experiments with the Large Hadron Collider near Geneva, Switzerland.

The assistant mentioned one of the wonderous things the famous particle collider can do. "The Collider can accelerate protons," the assistant began.

The professor smiled and said, "Yes, I've seen it do that, personally."

Surprised and intrigued that his mentor had worked with ...

Why couldn't the pirate see the movie?!

the uploader forgot to take the lens-cap off after the movie started

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Girlfriend said my dick shoots like a cannon.

A Canon 40mm pancake lens to be specific.

Quasimodo's had it.

Sixty years climbing the steps. Sixty years ringing the bell. He's ready to retire, get a little house in the country for him and the little lady. Puts an ad on Craigslist "Bell ringer wanted. Inquire Quasimodo, Notre Dame."

Next day, there's a knock at the door. Quasi opens it, looks ou...

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Old couple is sitting on the front porch

Old couple is sitting on the front porch. Grandpa is sitting on the bench reading the newspaper, grandma is in a rocking chair knitting. They have been together since prom night. *Grandma seems angry, gets up from the chair goes to grandpa and slaps him so hard he drops the newspaper, his glasses fa...

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