Which region of New York has the lowest cholesterol levels?

Statin island

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Urine test for free

Go to a tree trunk and take a piss.

If it attracts a lot of ants you have high glucose.

If it dry too fast you have high sodium.

If it smells like meat, you have high cholesterol.

Forgot to open your pants to pee, Alzheimer’s.

Had trouble aiming at the tr...

I'm 50, and I have the cholesterol of a teenager.

It's amazing what you can find on eBay.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An eighty-five year old couple, married for almost sixty years, died in a car crash and went to the Pearly Gates.

They had been in good health for the last ten years, mainly as a result of the wife's interest in healthy diets and exercise.

St. Peter welcomed them into Heaven and took them to their small palace in heaven- complete with a large bedroom, Jacuzzi, full kitchen, and billiards table. "How much...

Google knows!

Subject: Today's Reality


CALLER: Is this Gordon's Pizza?


GOOGLE: No sir, it's Google Pizza.


CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.


GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.


CALLER: OK. I would like to order a ...

I have high cholesterol, so my doctor has me on the "period" diet

One egg a month

A cholesterol patient went to the doctor..

A cholesterol patient went to the doctor to check on his cholesterol levels.

Doctor: I have good news for you. You cholesterol has stayed the same. But, the bad news is, the research findings have changed..

Pizza Google

A man calls Pizza Hut:

--Hello, Pizza Hut?

--No, sir. Pizza Google

--Oh, sorry. Wrong number..

--No sir, it's the correct number, it's just that Google bought Pizza Hut

--Oh... okay, so... take my order, please

--Same as always?

--And how do you know ...

Did you guys hear about Jared Fogle from Subways transformation?

He used to have mild cholesterol problems, but they turned into child molestoral problems.

An 85 year old couple is going on holiday, when they suddenly die in a plane crash...

They had been married for 60 years, and kept in good health due to their healthy diet and regular exercise.

When they reached heaven, St. Peter took them to their mansion, decked out with a fully stocked kitchen, master bath suite, and their very own jacuzzi. As his wife 'oohed' and 'aahed' a...

My submission for a new drug name was rejected by big pharma. I don't know why.

'Dyquickr' is a perfectly good name for a cholesterol lowering medication.

how time flys

A group of 15 year old boys discussed where they should meet for dinner. It was agreed they would meet at the McDonald’s next to Captain Jack’s Seafood Grille because they only had six dollars among them, they could ride their bikes there, and Jennie Webster, that cute girl in Social Studies, lives ...

Instead of "Who's your daddy?" I accidentally said "How's your daddy?"

And we put our clothes back on and discussed her father's cholesterol.

Thinking out of the box!

A cannibal and his son lay an ambush in the jungle and wait for some human to pass by. After a while, an obese woman comes around. The son looks at her excitedly and says 'Father let's spring the trap and eat her'. The father examines her closely and says 'No son, we wait. This one is so fat she wil...

High or High Blood? :D

The Attorney tells the accused, "I have some good news and some bad news."

"What's the bad news?" asks the accused.

"The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it."

"What's the good news?"

"Your cholesterol is 130."

The good news is . . .

I got up this morning and took my blood pressure and cholesterol medicine but later found out they were the wrong medicines. The good news is I don't have to worry about worms or fleas for the next three months.

How to get there faster

The couple was 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.

One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their pl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is in the hospital recovering from a heart attack.

The wife excuses herself to go and talk to the Dr.. She sits down with the Dr. and asks what life after the heart attack is going to be like.

The doctor tells her "Ma'am, your husband's heart is weak, it needs to be cared for."

The wife responds "Sir, I already work full time so he ca...

Bacon has a special place within my heart.

I call it cholesterol.

What do you call a fat alien?

An extra-cholesterol.

...I'm so sorry.

What's the most dangerous thing about Steven Seagal?

his Cholesterol level

Visit to the doctor

Yesterday I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. My blood pressure was high, my cholesterol was high, I'd gained some weight, and I didn't feel so hot. 
My doctor said eating right doesn't have to be complicated and it would solve my physical problems. He said just think in colors; Fill you...

I walked into a PETA adoption center and the receptionist asked me what kind of dog I wanted

Apparently "Whatever's low in cholesterol" was not the right answer.

Lawyer goes to jail to confer with his client. Lawyer says: "Joe, I've got some good news and some bad news."

Lawyer: The bad news is that they did a DNA analysis of the blood found at the crime scene and you're going to charged with triple homicide.

Prisoner Joe: What's the good news?

Lawyer: Your cholesterol is down to 200.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Magic Cheese

"Your blood pressure and cholesterol are too high for a 30 year old." The Doctor said to David. "You need to lose some weight and soon. You are sweating too much and your stool samples look a little too loose. In fact, you have the early stages of dysentery due to the terrible things you eat. I'm go...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.