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What do you call a spicy pizza haunted by Japanese demons?

A pepper oni pizza

How do demons get to the brothel?

Via the succu-bus.

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John, Paul and Frank go to heaven (flagging it NSFW just in case)

When they arrive at the gate, St. Peter checks the list and tells them a bit about heaven: "It's a great place. The fountains are full of the best wine, we have the best food that appears when you think of it. Your housing will be the most beautiful and luxurious villa you couldn't even dream of on ...

The reason there are so many demons out during lockdown

is because priests are only allowed to exorcize for 1 hour

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One time a demon showed her daughter how to use a tampon

It was an excellent demonstruation

Why are demons fat.

Because they hate exorcising.

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Shaggy and the gang are out there trying to discredit demons all while hanging out with a talking dog.

My dudes— that IS a demon!

What do Demons store human souls in?

Sufferware

I'm done dating demons.

They're too possessive.

Why do demons avoid nuns’ clothing?

They’re repelled by force of habit.

How do you get rid of fat demons?

With a treadmill. You exercise them.

Why don't demons steal hairpieces?

Because if they did, there'd be Hell toupee.

Why do demons always win in court?

Because possession is nine-tenths of the law.

Why do demons hate fitness?

They don't like being exorcised.

Told my girl to fight her demons and she took a swing at me.

Hol up

What type of jackets do demons wear?

Blazers

Credit to my son for coming up with this joke.

Why are there no demons in Africa?

Cause someone already blessed the rains down there.

How do you change wine to urine and lemons to demons?

Cursive

What do you call it when two unspeakably awful demons compete to see which is the most evil?

The 2016 election.

Why do demons love apostrophes?

They show possession.

Ever heard of the priest who moonlights as a fitness instructor?

He exercises demons.

A Brazilian Man just died and went to hell

Satan looks at the man and says: “You’re not in hell just yet. Because you’re from Brazil, I’m going to let you choose a hell of your own desires.”

The Brazilian Man said: “I hate Brazil. Let’s try the American Hell.”

He went to the American Hell, was stabbed by 2 Pitch Forks by demon...

I stretch daily to squeeze the demons out of my blood.

It's the only way I know how to exorcise.

Why dont Demons fear oxidation?

Because there's no rust for the wicked

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What do you get when you combine two Japanese demons?

A two-eyed onion.

Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?

Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.

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Two Scotsmen go to Hell

[I know this joke has been shared a few times before but I thought I would share my Scottish cultural adaptation of it]

A demon approaches the devil and says "Dark lord! Two men from Glasgow in Scotland have been sent here. What should be done with them?"

The devil says "Glaswegians? T...

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The Transreligious Dinner Party

Six people are planning a dinner party: a Jew, a Christian, a Muslim, a Pagan, a Hindu, and an Atheist. The Atheist suggests pork chops as the main course. The Jew says, “No, we can’t have pork, YHWH strictly forbids the consumption of pork.”

The Christian says in response, “No He doesn’t! Je...

A pious woman was possessed by a demon

She went to her priest, desperate to relieve herself of this burden. After a few silent rituals, she was rid of the demon. As she was exiting though, the priest extended his hand, signifying he was due payment. The woman replied, "Oh, but father, I have no money!"

She was repossessed.

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A man shows up in Hell

Satan himself is there to meet him. He asks tells the man he is going to give him a choice between three eternities.


The first eternity, every sinner there is standing on their head on broken glass, forever being sliced open and bled out.


The second eternity, every sinner is...

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Late last night I was trying to summon a demon.

After many hours in my basement drawing pentagrams, chanting voodoo and performing spiritual dance I had failed to conjure any demons from the dark depths of Hades.

Defeat was in my mind and I had no choice but to admit the ways of old no longer held any sway with the dark lord. I reluctantly...

An EA developer dies and gets do decide if wheather he wants to go to heaven or to hell.

First, he checks out heaven and sees that it's pretty standard stuff, angels, clouds, peace, but nothing really interesting.

Then he checks out hell. Really cool parties going on all over the place, infinite amount of drinks and drugs, beautiful women everywhere.

Obviously, he chooses ...

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A man who abuses women goes to hell.

When he gets there, there's a row of giant demons with 18 inch dicks. A voice says "please proceed forward. Stop at every demon. When you get to the end you will be judged." So he goes to the first demon who proceeds to fuck him in the ass. The demon punches him in the face when it's over. He proce...

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