UPJOKE
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Voldemort is like a teenage girl.

He has a diary, a tiara, a special cup, a pet he adores, and an obsession with a famous teenage boy.
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How come Voldemort hates the sun?

Because his sunglasses won’t stay up
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Did you hear that Voldemort went to the doctor's?

\- Did you hear that Voldemort went to the doctor's?

\- No, what did they tell him?

\- That he's lacks\-nose\-intolerant.
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What type of shoes does Voldemort wear?

Horcrocs
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Why does voldemort have flat face?

He ran into wrong wall at train station
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Gotta admire Voldemort’s work on horcruxes.

He really put his soul into it.

Credit to u/cpt_hamster, great joke man!
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Voldemort: So you‘re saying that I’ll just have to lie?

Pinocchio: Yes.
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Where did Voldemort write down all his feelings and thoughts?

In his die-harry.
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Why does Voldemort use Twitter but not Facebook?

He only has followers, not friends.
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How can you tell Voldemort used the bathroom before you?

He leaves a dark mark
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Why does Voldemort use Twitter and not Facebookm

Because he has followers, not friends.

Courtesy of my 10 year old son.
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A tasty dish made by Voldemort

Avada - KEBAB- ra...
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What is one game the Voldemort always loses at?

Nose Goes
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Voldemort:so I just have to lie?

Pinocchio: yep.
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Which are Voldemort's favourite shoes?

His horro*crocs*.
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What was Voldemort after he lost some of his tongue?

A partial tongue
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Why is Voldemort so good with computers?

He's fluent in Python
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What did Voldemort say about his misproportioned lasagna?

ALOTTA RICOTTA!
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My wife said I'm a great lover like Voldemort...

Terrible, yes...

but great.
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Voldemort: Knock Knock

James: Who’s there?

Voldemort: You Know

James: You Know who?

Voldemort: Exactly.

James: Aw, Dang!
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Why is Voldemort barefoot?

Because Harry stole his horcrocs.
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How many Voldemorts does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Well, you see, this is why he's called the Dark Lord.
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An old Harry Potter joke

Voldemort goes and knocks on Snape’s door.

“Who is it?”

Voldemort: “THE DARK LORD!!”

Snape: “Sauron?”

Voldemort: “No no, the other one”

Snape: “Vader?”

Voldemort, irritated, thunders: “THE ONE YOU FEAR THE MOST!!”

Snape, confused: “Hermione??”
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What do you call a bad riddle?

Voldemort
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It's a good thing Voldemort didn't attack America first

American muggles would be no-maj for him.
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30 years ago my uncle stole my nose, and he hasn’t given it back.

-Lord Voldemort
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Can someone please tell me Voldemorts last name

My friends talk in riddles
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Voldemort tried to kill my grandpa twice during the war!

That's why his helmet has two lighting bolts.
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A little Harry Potter humour...

How did the witches and wizards in the Alzheimer's ward refer to Voldemort?










You-knew-who
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How does Lord Voldemort like his pussy?

(whisper)
HHAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYY

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