UPJOKE
devastationbreakravagespoilshipwreckdesolationdevastateruinationdestroydestructiondecaydilapidationdownfallbankruptdespoil

Ruins Jokes

Because it ruins the joke.

Why should you never put the punchline in the title?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sitting on the examination table, a man says “D-D-Doctor I have a t-terrible st-t-utter and it ruins my p-p-professional and p-p-personal life.”

The doctor checks him out almost everywhere but sees no problem.

He says “take off your pants for me”.

The man hesitates but abides.

The doctor inspects him and says “I see! Your penis is about 6 inches too long, it’s pulling on your vocal chords and causing you to stutter”. ...

Nothing ruins a Friday more...

...than realizing that today is Tuesday.

The expiry date printed on food always ruins the surprise,

there should be a spoiler alert

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Called my wife the other day from work: “BABE MY LIFE IS IN RUINS”

Her: For the last time you are an archeologist and this shit is getting old

People say gambling ruins lives, but it brought our family closer.

We now live in a one bedroom unit.

My dad left his job

He wanted to pursue archeology. His career is now in ruins.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What food ruins sex?

Wedding cake

What is white, loud, and ruins your scrambled egg?

An avalanche.

Which game ruins the most relationships??

Russian Roulette

Not proof-reading ruins lives

A husband wrote the following to his wife: "I'm having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."

An archaeologist goes to search for some ancient ruins.

He trekked through the desert for 5 hours, but at last he found them.

Looking at the wall, he saw a stone engraving indicating there was fresh water only a short walk away.

The archaeologist then said "That's a relief!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nothing ruins sex with a monkey faster than...

Remembering you work in an AIDS research lab.

You know what really ruins my day?

Waking up in the morning.

"Adam Ruins Everything"

...including quality television programming

One psychic ruins the joke

Two psychics walk into a bar.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Porn ruins sex

They say porn ruins sex cause men always try to act out what they are on the screen.. it's true everytime a plumber comes to my flat I suck his dick...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They say pineapples make your semen taste better

I find that it just ruins the pineapple

What kind of STD ruins a dogs ability to smell?

*Sniffilis*

What do you call an old, grumpy Avatar that comes back and ruins the economy every time you send him away?

A Boomer Aang.



P.S. I'm so sorry.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jesus invited prostitutes to dine with him, and he's the light of the world,

I do it, and it ruins Thanksgiving.

If smoking weed ruins your short term memory...

...then what does smoking weed do?

An archaeologist was preparing to take a flight to some ancient Norse ruins.

Right as he left his house, he was mugged.

His cab was stolen.

His girlfriend called and said that they should see other people.

On his way to the airport, there was a terrible accident that caused him to miss his flight.

When he made it to the airport, he was selected fo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Every time I'm excited for sex, my boyfriend ruins the mood by urinating on me

He really pisses me off.

Ever since I became an archeologist

My career has been in ruins

A politician running for office was asked about his policy on liquor.

He answered, “If you mean the demon drink that poisons the body, ruins the mind, destroys the family, and creates criminals, then I’m against it!

But if you mean the beautiful drink used for a wedding toast, the foundation of a fun Friday night and the biggest source of tax revenue to fund ne...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.