What did the teenage tornado say to his parents?

Nothing. He just stormed off.

Why do Redditors get excited when a tornado rips down miles of fences?

Because there is a lot of reposting to do.

What do a tornado, a hurricane, and a redneck divorce have in common?

Somebody's gonna lose their trailer.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One day a giant tornado went through Austria...

...but luckily all the children were already in the basement.

If there's a tornado, you should go to the Cowboy's Stadium.

Because there's no chance of a touchdown there!

Did you hear about the tornado that tore through a cemetery?

Hundreds turned up dead!

What makes a blonde and a Tornado similar? (Sorry blondes)

What makes a Blonde and a Tornado similar?

At first it’s sucking and blowing and next thing you know, YOUR HOUSE AND CAR ARE GONE! xD thank you! I’ll be here all year!

Whats the same about tornados and divorce in the south?

Both situations someone is losing a trailer

A Blonde, a Brunette and a Redhead are against a wall to be executed by a firing line.

Each is given an opportunity for last words. The Redhead is up first: she points and screams "Tornado!" Everyone freaks out and in the commotion she gets away. The Brunette is second and catches on the the plan: she points and screams "Tsunami," fleeing in the confusion. The Blonde has worked out a ...

What’s the difference between a tornado in the south and a southern divorce?

Nothing, somebody’s losing the trailer.

- Robin Williams

A Republican, a Democrat, and Bill Clinton are traveling in a car when a tornado picks up the car and tosses them miles into the air.

When the car finally comes back down, the three men realize they’ve been transported to Oz.

​

“I’m going to ask the Wizard for a brain,” says the Democrat.

​

“I’m going to ask him for a heart,” says the Republican.

​

Bill Cli...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call it when a tornado hit's a cattle feed lot?

A shit storm.

What do you call a tornado that never touches down?

A tornadon't

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Chuck Norris gave a blowjob to a tornado once...

The tornado was blown away.

So a tornado tore through a trailor park, and caused 1000s of dollars of...

...improvements.

How are tornadoes and marriage alike?

They both begin with a lot of blowing and sucking, and in the end you lose your house.

Did you hear about the tornado that hit the trailer court in Little Rock?

It destroyed the Governor's mansion.

Why did the tornado cross the road?

To get the road to the other side.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How are a black man and a tornado similar

It only takes one to ruin a good neighbourhood

I don’t know why everyone is afraid of an F5 tornado...

It’s just a refreshing breeze!

The Old Couple and the Tornado

Not sure if this one's been posted or not, but here goes.

An old couple were driving down a street in their neighborhood during a freak storm. Suddenly a tornado crosses the road and lifts their car. They're thrown about for several seconds before landing upside down in someone's yard. They'r...

Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!"

Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!"

Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes.

The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!"

Suddenly th...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Did you hear about the tornado that blew through the strip club?

It was a real titty-twister!

What's the difference between me and a tornado?

A tornado can pick up girls

What do a Woman and a Tornado have in Common?

They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.

Four U.S. presidents are caught in a horrible tornado...

Four U.S. presidents are caught in a horrible tornado, that hits a state funeral they’re all attending in Kansas.

Suddenly, all of them are blown off to Oz.

They finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great and Powerful Oz.


“What brings you before the great...

What do you call a windmill that's been swallowed by a tornado?

A wind meal

Did you hear about the tornado who got arrested?

They got him for shoplifting.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My parents taught me well

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE . "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't stra...

How are a tornado and an Arkansas divorce alike?

Whichever one happens, somebody's going to lose a trailer.

A powerful tornado tore through our town last night. So far, eight bodies have been found.

Plot twister. It only damaged the graveyard.

How does a tornado tell the time?

It checks the tornado watch.

My ex-wife is like a tornado

First she blows, then she sucks, then she took my house and dog.

A farmer in Nebraska just had his fence destroyed by a tornado, and he's asking for our help

He heard we have a lot of experts in re-posting

What's the safest place in Dallas during a tornado?

The Cowboys stadium, the only place there'll never be a touchdown

The tornado warning siren has just stopped going off

That's either good or terrible

An F5 tornado went through Arkansas last week...

It did $150 million worth of improvements.

What's the similarity between a blonde and a tornado?

In the beginning there's a lot of sucking and blowing but then she takes half your house

What is the most offensive coffee to tornado victims?

House blend.

Tornado warnings are active for Cleveland, Ohio.

Residents are invited to seek shelter in Cleveland Browns Stadium where there is no chance of a touchdown.

High Noon

An old west dime novel writer is out looking for a good story when he wanders into a saloon. He sees a group of rough rider lookin' scoundrels playing poker and he musters up enough courage to sit down with 'em (thinkin' he might get a story out if he was lucky). "Mind if I play?"

The others ...

Why did the mad scientist deliberately create a huge fire tornado?

Some people just want to watch the whirled burn.

Some pig!

I'm new here so I apologize if someone else has shared this one before, but here goes.

A couple have their pastor over for dinner on Sunday. He christened their baby a few months before, so they wanted to thank him with a nice dinner.

As they're finishing up, a pig with three legs walk...

What do you call a tornado holding a spork?

The Mersenne Twister.

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are all running from these police officers.

They find a shack that has 3 potato sacks in it and decide to hide there in the sacks. The police officers find the shack and see the sacks.

They kick the first one with the brunette in it. She says "Meow, meow!". So they think it's a cat in there.

They move on and kick the second one ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Someone told me that when there is a tornado, to hide in a location without windows.

Such as a bathroom or basement. Replied that an Apple store would work as well.

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde were to be executed during a dictatorship.

Method of execution: Firing squad

The brunette was up, the gunmen readied their weapons, the captain started the countdown ... 3...2...1

The brunette exclaimed : "EARTHQUAKE!!!"

The gunmen were terrified! Fearing their impending doom at the face of such a natural phenomenon, the...

Days after a massive F5 tornado hits Mississippi..

...financial experts estimate it did over 50 million dollars worth of good.

Upstanding bulls

A herd of cows and two bulls are eating grass out in the pasture.
Suddenly, a great gust of wind comes ripping across the prairie and knocks all the cows to the ground. But, the bulls just sway in the wind and continue eating.
When the wind quiets down, the cows stand up, brush off the dirt, a...

One day this old couple were at a carnival...

The man said to his wife:
“Honey, can we go on the helicopter ride?”
The wife says:”no, it says to be quiet so the pilot can focus, but you always shout. Even though, it says it’s $10 and I didn’t bring my money.”
The man keeps asking his wife until the pilot came up to them:
“Hey, I hea...

A classic one

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Swede are all captured and need to be killed by a firing squad.

The Englishman is the first to go up, and the countdown is given. “3... 2...”but before they can fire, the Englishman yells, “Avalanche!” and all of the firing squad is distracted and then the E...

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A farmer was selling his peaches door to door.

A farmer was selling his peaches door to door.
He knocked on a door and a shapely 30-something woman dressed in a very sheer negligee answered the door. He raised his basket to show her the peaches and asked, "Would you like to buy some peaches?"
She pulled the top of the negligee to one s...

A brunette, redhead, and blonde got sentenced to execution in front of a firing squad.

The brunette went first. Seeing that the soldiers were a little naive, she waited until they raised their rifles and yelled "TORNADO!". The soldiers panicked and ran and in the ensuing confusion the brunette escaped.

They then beought out the redhead. She waited until the soldiers raised thei...

3 criminals are about to be executed by firing squad

The first one is told to get in front and the marshal count down. 3! 2! 1! The prisoner shouts TORNADO and points behind the soldiers. When the soldiers turn around the prisoner runs away.

The marshal isn’t pleased and orders the second prisoner to the line. He counts down 3! 2! 1! The priso...

The three Paddys are running from the Russian army...

They find a shed, in side they hide in three sacks.
A few soldiers enter and start looking for them.
They come to the first sack which paddy English man is in.
One of the soldiers gives it a kick and paddy barks.
The soldier says "it's only a bag of dogs"
They come to the second sack...

Three men are sentenced to death.

Each of the three prisoners were brought up one at a time in front of the firing squad.

The first man was up and the captain began to shout " ready... aim...." and the prisoner yelled "Tornado!!!". Everyone ran for cover and the first prisoner got away.

The second man was brought for...

Never thought I would hear an actual funny joke in church

Heard this joke from my priest at church (I live in Kansas City).

A man who lived a lifetime of trouble died and was sentenced to smash rocks in hell to suffer for his sins. One day the devil walked up to the man who was breaking the rocks with ease and asked him how he was doing it so effort...

God was creating the countries when it became Brazil’s turn

God: This land will be a land filled with natural resources, the women will be beautiful, there will be no hurricanes or tornados, they will also have a lot of forests.

The angels were thinking this was a little too much and asked God, “Isn’t this a little too good?”

God calmly answer...

Trump, Pence, and Paul Ryan and traveling together

President Trump, Vice President Pence, and Speaker of the House Paul Ryan are traveling together in a presidential convoy. A tornado comes along, sweeps up their vehicle and launches them hundreds of yards away.


When they regain consciousness they realize they've been transported to the m...

A blonde and a redhead are taken hostage by terrorists.

The women are taken to a remote island and put before a firing squad.

Just before the squad fires, the redhead points and yells, "Tornado!" The terrorists run in all different directions, and the redhead escapes.

When they realize what has happened, the terrorists come back to where th...

Three soldiers are captured when their plane goes down...

Three soldiers are captured when their plane goes down behind enemy lines. They are taken to the enemy's headquarters and informed that the POW camp is full so they will be executed immediately, by firing squad. They are taken out to an open space and sat down. Then, one by one, they are to be lined...

A man runs out of gas while driving through rural Iowa...

His cell phone dead, he walks along the highway until he finds a farmhouse. He knocks on the door, and an old farmer offers to fuel up his car after they finish dinner, which he kindly invites him to.

While enjoying his meatloaf and company of the farmer and his wife, the man looks out the wi...

A brunette, redhead, and blonde got sentenced to execution in front of a firing squad.

The brunette was dragged, kicking and screaming, to the wall and blindfolded. In desperation, she screamed "TORNADO!". The soldiers, caught by surprise, dropped their guns and covered their heads. The brunette tore off her blindfold and bolted to freedom out of the encampment.

By and by, the ...

A bunch of cows and bulls are standing in a field..

A bunch of cows and bulls are standing in a field. A huge gust of wind comes along and all the cows fall over, but the bulls just stand there, bracing themselves against the gale.

All the cows stand up and go back to their chewing.

Pretty soon, an even stronger wind blows through and a...

3 criminals are about to be executed by a firing squad...

The first criminal is brought out. The captain yells "Arm!" then "Aim!" The criminal thinks quickly and shouts "Tsunami!" Being near a tsunami-prone area, the captain and his men look around. The criminal escapes.

The second criminal is then brought out. The captain orders his men the same as...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

PREGNANCY Q & A

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
<...

Two older businessmen bump into each other in Florida

Two older businessmen bump into each other in florida. "Marvin what are you doing here? I thought you were running that clothing store in queens." One says to the other. "Well, I did have that store for almost 25 years, but then one day a fire burnt the store completely. I thought to myself: do I re...

Three guys are lined up to be executed by handgun.

The executioner ask the first one, "Any last words?"

"Tornado!" He exclaims, pointing behind the executioner, who turns around in terror. While the executioner is distracted, he runs away.

So the executioner moves on the the next guy. "Any last words?"

"Tsunami!" He yelled, poin...

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are in a Mexican prison.

They committed a crime and have been sentenced to death. The women are instructed to say when they are ready for the firing squad to shoot and kill them. The brunette is called up. She says, "Ready, aim, tornado!" Afraid of an approaching funnel cloud, the police quickly turn around and the brunette...

Three women- a blond, a brunette, and a red head, are all about to be executed by ISIS

The red head was up first. Right before she was going to be executed she yelled, “TORNADO!” All of the ISIS members took cover and she escaped. The brunette was the next in line. He followed in the red-head’s footprints and this time screamed “SANDSTORM!” The gullible ISIS members again ducked for c...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A collection of jokes I created when I was 11. Prepare for the wittiest jokes you will ever hear.

Patient: Doctor, Doctor! I've had an accident!
Doctor: The restrooms are down the hall.

What did the old tornado use to walk?
A hurri-cane!

What's the strongest shellfish?
A mussel!

What kind of fish do you find in a mine?
A goldfish!

Why did the puck ...

3 prisoners are to be executed by a firing squad

The first one thinking of ways to escape shouted "EARTHQUAKE!" which caused everyone to panic and allowed the prisoner to escape.
The second prisoner seeing what the first one did shouted "TORNADO!" which caused everyone to panic again and also allowed him to escape
The third prisoner, knowing...