They’ve written a sequel to The Martian where a hundred rescuers attempt to rescue a stranded man on mars, only to fail.
101 Dull Martians
A sailor is stranded on a desert island with nothing but palm fronds and sea anemones to live off. Finally when he was recused the rescuers asked why was he covered in anemones with a ring of palm fronds in arms reach. He replies, 'I keep my fronds close but my anemones closer'.
'With fronds like that, who needs anemones?'
A man was stranded on an island and was visited by a genie who gave him one wish.
3 weeks later rescuers found a corpse with a 3 foot dong.
Retired Preacher man Sits on his sofa....
And he sees on the news channel there's a massive storm and flash floods coming.. news channel says to evacuate but he's stays put... The Rain begins and so the flood waters rise.. his sofa starts to float .. so he climbs out onto the window ledge and a rescue boat comes along..
" *Jump ...
Praying for salvation...
One rainy day, a very religious woman was standing on her front porch watching as the river across the street started to rise up its banks. A policeman drove down the road and saw her, pulled his cruiser up her drive, and got out.
"Excuse me miss," he called over to the woman, "but the rains ...
Why don’t black women wear panties when flying?
They know the first thing rescuers will look for is the black box
Fire at the Pub
A firehouse got a call about a pub. The firemen rushed there to see the place ablaze. They could hear someone calling for help from inside. Two of them ran in to see an Irishman trapped under debris. They were able to pull him out as the rest of them fought the fire. One of his rescuers asked how th...
My uncle drowned in a vat of whisky
He bravely fought off his rescuers for hour befor he finally circummed.
He was then cremated and the fire lasted 3 days
A Christian man ends up on a deserted island...
He is stranded there for a few years until a rescue boat finds him. When the rescuers get onto the island, they are amazed to see what the man has built to survive. The man had built three different structures out of bamboo and leaves. They asked the man what the first structure was. The man said,”T...
The Genie and the Demon
Three men are out walking in the woods one day, when they stumble upon an old bronze lamp. Naturally, having spent much of their lives reading internet jokes, their first inclination is to rub the lamp and excitedly greet the genie that emerges.
"You have freed me from my near-eternal captivi...
A helicopter carrying passengers suddenly loses engine power and the aircraft begins to descend
The pilot safely performs an emergency landing in water, and tells the passengers to remain seated and to keep the doors closed, stating that in emergency situations, the aircraft is designed t...
Did you hear about the Ethiopian who fell into a crocodile pit?
He ate 6 crocodiles before the rescuers could get him out.
Newsflash! A small, 2-seat aircraft crashed in a graveyard in Poland.
Rescuers have found 115 dead so far and expect to find hundreds more as they continue digging.
A man got lost on a camping trip
A man got lost on a camping trip. Rescuers scoured the wilderness until a medical emergency team finally spotted a solitary figure across a wide chasm.
“Charlie Smith,” someone shouted, “is that you?”
“Yes, it is,” came the reply. “Who are you?”
“We're from the Red Cross.” ...
I heard the last two kids rescued raced eachother to the end of the cave...
Rescuers reported the race ended in a Thai.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
The resuce expedition
The rescue expedition have been sent to find a plane which crashed somewhere deep within the jungle.
There was no success, but members of the expedition haven't lost faith until the end. When they finally found the place of the disaster, they saw a horrific picture. Burnt-out trees, parts of ...
So a man who had been stranded on an island 7 years was finally rescued...
as the ship was pulling away from the island one of his rescuers was looking back at the island and noticed three huts on the beach. Curious, he asked the castaway what they were for. "Well" he replied "the first one there was my house and that one over there is my church" "and the other?" asked the...
Cessna 172 crashes into Newfoundland cemetery.
Rescuers have recovered hundreds of dead so far.
A rescue team arrives at the site of a crashed airplane to find only a single survivor. The rather haggard-looking man is found while chewing on a bone, with a rather large pile of human bones next to him. The rescuers are shocked.
"You can't judge me for this," the man says defensively. "I ...