Drug Dealer Jokes - 43 Hilarious Drug Dealer Jokes

My local drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovah's Witness so he wouldn't arouse suspicion.

He got arrested after the police saw people actually letting him in.

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?

A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.

My parents used to tell me that drug dealers would offer me free drugs until i got addicted to them, then they would charge me extremly high prices for it once i got addicted.

Looking at games in the App Store, I think all those drug dealers turned to game developers.

upvote

downvote

report

Medusa is the best drug dealer

One look and I'm stoned

upvote

downvote

report

Drug Dealers.

Two drug dealers talking,

One says, “how’s your girlfriend.?

The second one says, “she’s dead.”

The first one says, “I’m sorry to hear that, what did she die of.?”

The second one says, “Chlamydia.”

The first one says, “you don’t die from Chlamydia”

The sec...

upvote

downvote

report

I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer

I have no idea what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

upvote

downvote

report

Thoughtful Drug dealer.

A man gets pulled over by a police officer, and the cop pulls him out of the car and asks "Do you have anything I should know about before I look in there?". The guy shrugs his shoulders and the cop begins looking in the car. He pops the trunk and finds a kilo of coke. He holds it up and turns back ...

upvote

downvote

report

I think my girlfriend's a secret drug dealer

I just answered her phone, and this man said "is that dope still there?"

upvote

downvote

report

My grandfather was an African drug dealer...

He used to work in the 1970s in Johannesburg as a pharmacist.

upvote

downvote

report

I was asked " why did you marry a drug dealer"

Because my parents told me to marry someone with substance.

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?

A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again....

To Generiquai and everybody reading this, I would just like you to know I obviously didn't make this up. Just remembered it from a few years back and thought it was funny. Whoever made it up I give you all the credit....

My FedEx delivery guy is also my drug dealer.

He just doesn't know it.

RIP Mitch.

upvote

downvote

report

What do you call an Italian drug dealer in Asia?

Narco Polo

upvote

downvote

report

What's the difference between a drug dealer and Bill Cosby?

When you meet a dealer in a secluded area, you have to pay for the drugs.

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My close friend is a drug dealer and he won't give me any in his stash.

What a lame ass pharmacist. :(

I think I've found the local drug dealer.

He's always standing around with these big sunglasses on.

I just feel sorry that his dog always has to witness that life too.

upvote

downvote

report

Being a drug dealer is a tough job.

But it has plenty of percs to make up for it.

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four prisoners are killed in a prison bus accident

A drug dealer, a car thief, a bank robber and a rapist all die and are sent immediately to hell. Once there Satan begins checking his documents and says he isn’t ready for them. He says “you died a little too soon. So we don’t have anywhere to put you. I will be clearing out a few places for you but...

How do good drug dealers avoid getting caught?

They know high people in places.

upvote

downvote

report

My drug test came back negative.

My drug dealer has some explaining to do.

upvote

downvote

report

"We're looking for a drug dealer," said the police officer, "and you fit the description we've been given."

I said, "That was easy then. What can I get you fellas?"

upvote

downvote

report

My first and last day as a drug dealer.

Car pulls up. Guy rolls the window down. "You got any coke?" Me: "Is Pepsi OK?" Dude shot me in the leg.

upvote

downvote

report

I feel the same way about lawyers as I do drug dealers

They’re all scumbags except mine.

upvote

downvote

report

What does a drug dealer says at the end of the year?

Merry cryst meth!

upvote

downvote

report

What do you call a group of drug dealers with superpowers?

The Powder Rangers.

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What are the drug dealers of the animal kingdom?

Monkeys because they are slinging shit all day

My mom embarassed me me today when one of my black friends came over..she just kept saying "Is he a drug dealer? He looks like a drug dealer"

I said "No mom that's racist...and put your money away"

upvote

downvote

report

Why did the duck go to drug dealer

Quack

(Yea I know it’s terrible but I’m at the park and I just saw some ducks, so yea)

upvote

downvote

report

Knew a drug dealer who was a Satanist

He used to sell me penta grams.

upvote

downvote

report

Man goes to meet his drug dealer,

He asks him if he has anything to fix his stiff joints.

The dealer gives him his usual baggie of weed and says " Don't roll them so hard next time"

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a drug dealer is being raided..

The police storm in, securing all the rooms in the house. One kicks open the bathroom door and catches a guy standing next to the toilet with a baggie full of cocaine.

"Freeze, asshole!" The cop shouts, aiming his gun at the guy.

"Ok, ok. You got me" the guy says, "but you need to li...

If I were to become a drug dealer, I'd partner up with Mike Tyson.

That guy can really make a meth.

upvote

downvote

report

What subject do drug dealers excel at?

Methematics

upvote

downvote

report

Living with your drug dealer isn't all that bad

It has its percs.

upvote

downvote

report

A drug dealer once dressed up as a mailman

He got caught immediately because he rung the doorbell once.

upvote

downvote

report

What is do tech companies and drug dealers have in common?

They are the only 2 industries that refer to their customers as ‘users’.

upvote

downvote

report

My Drug Dealer

I don't even care that my drug dealer's a woman.

She's a real heroine.

upvote

downvote

report

Did you hear about the drug dealer's ghost?

He was arrested for *possession.*

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My drug dealer has a great sense of humor

He really cracks me up

Credit to u/fukhed69

Mr Richard's kid was a drug dealer. So, he kick him out.

Finally, he got rid of his Adickson

upvote

downvote

report

I got my drug dealer arrested today.

Maybe next time remember to wish me Happy Birthday, mom!

upvote

downvote

report

a drugaddict was going to buy some drugs from a drug dealer

when they finally met, the drug dealer asked: so... what do want?

client: I want some uh... Coke.

drug dealer: is pepsi ok?

upvote

downvote

report

A barber in my area got arrested for being a drug dealer.

I was his client for many years, and I had no clue that he was a barber.

upvote

downvote

report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.