Current Events Jokes - 20 Hilarious Current Events Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A gold one

Man walks into a pet shop and sees a parrot for only $50. Standing next to the cage the man asks, "I wonder why he is so cheap?" "Because I am defective," came the reply. "I've got no legs." A little surprised the man asked, "Well how do you stay on your perch?" The parrot draws him closer and whisp...

What do you call a lycanthrope who stays informed about politics & current events?

An Awarewolf

upvote

downvote

report

What do you call a jungle where animals talk about current events?

A topical rainforest.

upvote

downvote

report

A group of people gather in the Caribbean just so they can discuss current events...

It's like they're on a Topical Island

upvote

downvote

report

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out.

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time." Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?" ...

upvote

downvote

report

Why should oceanographers be the Ones that report the news?

They’re always on top of current events!

upvote

downvote

report

If corals get stressed they die.

What do corals even get stressed about?

Current events.

upvote

downvote

report

Three of a kind

Coral turns white when it gets stressed. What could coral be stressed about you ask? Current events.

Eletrical engineers make mistakes when they get stressed. What could an eletrical engineer be stressed about you ask? Current events.

Berry farmers are seeing a drop in productivity du...

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A kid shows up to class with $2,467...

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Suzie led off: “I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,” she said proudly, “My sales approach was to appeal to the custo...

Recently, Scientists have shown that Earth’s magnetic field is weakening.

It’s true. Current events have made it less attractive.

upvote

downvote

report

Why are sea shanties so popular right now?

They’re about current events.

upvote

downvote

report

What’s electricity’s favorite topic?

Current events

upvote

downvote

report

Instead of watching the news, my friend goes body surfing at the beach every morning.

She says it keeps her abreast of current events.

upvote

downvote

report

Why do sea creatures read the news?

To keep up with current events!

upvote

downvote

report

A man is explaining the concepts of time travel.

He speaks of how you must not manipulate what happened before, because that is how the current events occurred. However, it may be possible to change what will happen, due to quantum uncertainty.

In summary, he passed the past, presented the present and featured the future.

upvote

downvote

report

Why did the electrician become a news anchor?

He's always had a knack for current events.

upvote

downvote

report

What news does an underwater welder pay the most attention to?

Current events.

upvote

downvote

report

Something light in light of Hurricane Florence

Q: What do corals get stressed about?
A: Current events

upvote

downvote

report

What goes "clop clop bang bang clop clop?"

Amish drive-by.

*An old groaner brought to mind by [current events](http://www.opposingviews.com/i/society/guns/horse-pulling-amish-buggy-shot-dead-pennsylvania-drive). As always, I'm so very sorry.*

upvote

downvote

report

The problem majoring in Electrical Engineering...

is keeping up with Current Events.

upvote

downvote

report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.