Confucius say, he who wear mask alone in car

also wear condom alone in bed.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Confucius say...

...man with itchy asshole have stinky fingers.


...man who fish in other man's pond often catch crabs.


...baseball wrong. Man with 4 balls not walk.


...man who fart in church sit in own pew.


(Feel free to add more)

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Confucius say:

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Confucius Say

Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind bus get exhausted.
Man who run against the breeze get winded.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

CONFUCIUS DID NOT SAY...

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.



Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.



Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.



Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.



Man who leaps off cliff jumps to ...

Confucius says...

β€œit takes many nails to build a crib but one screw to fill it.”

"Confucius" Says....

He who walk through airport door sideways, going to Bangkok!

Confucius say: Man who hurts another gets charged with battery.

Man who kills another gets charged with electricity.

Confucius say it's better to be knocked down and held up...

... than held down and knocked up.

Confucius say...

...naked man running through revolving door at airport very likely going to Bangkok.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Confucius say. . .

. . . anal beads make crappy necklace.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Confucius say, virginity like bubble.

One prick - all gone

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Confucius say...

Man who stick dick in biscuit tin is fucking crackers

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Man asks Confucius: If a man washes his ass, is he gay?

Confucius say: A man who cleans his house clearly expects a visitor.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Confucius Says

Baseball is wrong. Man with 4 balls cannot walk

Confucius said there are three type of men.

Those who can count and those who can't.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Confucius Say

It is only when a mosquito lands on your testicles that you realize there is always a way to solve a problem without violence.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Confucius says..

"Man who put dick in peanut butter..



\- is fucking nuts!"

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Confucius say, man who fall over book case...

...gets the sore arse.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Three men came to visit Confucius

They asked him:''Oh wisest of them all, is a men who shaves his butt gay?''

He responded: "Well, he who cleans his house must be expecting visitors."

Confucius says...

It is good to meet girl in park
but BETTER to park meat in girl

Confucius say...

Difference between camping and being homeless is intent.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Confucius say man who drops watch in toilet...

...has shitty time

Confucius say

Confucius say: go to bed with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Confucius say....

"One who farts in church, sits in own pew"

"Learn to masturbate, it come in handy"

"Man who mix Viagra with Laxative, Not know when he coming or going"

"Man who make mistake in elevator, wrong on many levels"

"It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it"...

Confucius say...

Man who goes to bed with stiff problem wakes up with solution in hand

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

A summary of the world's religions

Catholicism: Shit happens.
Protestantism: Let this shit happen to someone else.
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
Confucianism: Confucius says "Shit happens"
Rastafarianism: Let's roll up this shit and smoke...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Confucius say, masturbation is very useful;

may come in handy.

What would Confucius say about errors made in elevators?

He who makes a mistake in an elevator is wrong on many levels.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Confucius says... (maybe slightly nsfw)

...man who take woman camping have one in-tent.

...man who puts rooster in freezer gets stiff cock.

...man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

...man who makes love to exhaust pipe have hot rod.

My dad and brothers(and uncles) are to blame for most of these horrib...

Let's hear some Confucius Jokes

I'll start

Confucius says woman that keeps soap on top shelf will jump for joy.

What is your best "Confucius says" joke?

Confucius say, man who fart in church soon sit alone in own pew.

Confucius say.....

Confucius say man drunk in cemetery make grave mistakes

Confucius day....

Man who farts in church sits in own pew.

Confucius say...

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

Why didn't Confucius wear condoms

Because he who has a hot iron, melts rubber

Confucius say: Man who jump off bridge in Paris

is in-Seine.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Confucius say...

...sex on beach is like American beer, very near water.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Confucius says - He who goes to bed with itchy butt

Wake up with stinky fingers.

Just remembered this from when I was 13

Confucius say, many hand make for light work,

But one hand make for quick job.

Confucius says: Woman who sleeps with judge.....

receives honorable discharge

Confucius say to quiet the herd

One must shut the flock up

Confucius say, piano falls down mineshaft...

Get tone of A Flat Miner.

confucius say when you take old hooker to all you can eat seafood

you walk away with a big bag of crabs

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Confucius he say

Man who wank into till

Come into money.

Source: My mate Dave at uni circa 1998.

A store for wisdom

Dr. Who was traveling through time and space, when he came upon a cache of the universe's best wise sayings. He loaded them into the Tardis and decided to set up a shop on a nice little corner just outside of reality to sell the sayings to the great thinkers and writers of all time. He advertised hi...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Some Religious Truths

TAOISM: Shit happens

ZEN BUDDHISM: What is the sound of shit happening?

PROTESTANTISM: Let shit happen to someone else

ATHEISTS: Shit happens for no apparent reason

HARE KRISHNA: Shit happens/ Shit happens/ Happens, happens/ Shit happens

CONFUCIANISM: Confucius say...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.