Confucius Jokes - 33 Hilarious Confucius Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Confucius say...

...man with itchy have stinky fingers.

...man who fish in other man's pond often catch crabs.

...baseball wrong. Man with 4 balls not walk.

...man who fart in church sit in own pew.

(Feel free to add more)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Confucius Say

It is only when a mosquito lands on your testicles that you realize there is always a way to solve a problem without violence.

Confucius say, he who wear mask alone in car

also wear condom alone in bed.

Confucius say

Confucius say,

Man who run behind car get exhausted

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Confucius says, man who stand on toilet

High on pot

Confucius say…..

Man who go through airport turnstile sideways is going to Bangkok

Confucius say: Man who fart in church...

Confucius say:

Man who fart in church, sit in his own pew.

Confucius say...

Difference between camping and being homeless is intent.

Confucius says...

“it takes many nails to build a crib but one screw to fill it.”

Let's hear some Confucius Jokes

I'll start

Confucius says woman that keeps soap on top shelf will jump for joy.

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Man ask Confucius: If a man shaves his , is he gay?

Confucius say: Man who cleans house expects a visitor.

Confucius say...

Man who goes to bed with stiff problem wakes up with solution in hand

A disciple asked Confucius how many people it takes to change a light bulb.

Confucius said "many hands make light work"

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Muhammed, Confucius, and Buddha walk into a bar

The bartender spots them and says "aw, Christ!"

Muhammed says, "nah, it's Saturday, Jesus don't drink on the Sabbath."

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Confucius Says

Baseball is wrong. Man with 4 balls cannot walk

Confucius say it's better to be knocked down and held up...

... than held down and knocked up.

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Confucius say...

Man who stick in biscuit tin is crackers

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Confucius say: There is no half-empty beer bottle...

...only half-full piss bottle

Confucius say: Man who hurts another gets charged with battery.

Man who kills another gets charged with electricity.

Confucius say

Confucius say: go to bed with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger.

Confucius said there are three type of men.

Those who can count and those who can't.

Confucius say...

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

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Confucius say...

... on beach is like American beer, very near water.

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Confucius say, man who fall over book case...

...gets the sore .

Confucius say.....

Confucius say man drunk in cemetery make grave mistakes

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Confucius says... (maybe slightly )

...man who take woman camping have one in-tent.

...man who puts rooster in freezer gets stiff .

...man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

...man who makes love to exhaust pipe have hot rod.

My dad and brothers(and uncles) are to blame for most of these horrib...

Confucius say...

Man who walks everyday barefoot will have a tough sole

Confucius say . . . .

Man who wrong on elevator, wrong on many levels.

Confucius says: Woman who sleeps with judge.....

receives honorable discharge

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Confucius says - He who goes to bed with itchy

Wake up with stinky fingers.

Just remembered this from when I was 13

Why didn't Confucius wear condoms

Because he who has a hot iron, melts rubber

Confucius say to quiet the herd

One must shut the flock up

Confucius say, piano falls down mineshaft...

Get tone of A Flat Miner.

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