Pharaoh's were buried with their hands across their chest...

....because of an ancient belief that there would be countless water slides in the after life.

How did the pharaoh get so rich?

He was running a huge pyramid scheme.

There was once an Egyptian Pharaoh rumored to have never passed gas...

His name was Toot-Uncommon.

What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?

Tootin' car man.

When Cleopatra is aroused, she produces pharaoh-moans.

Unless it’s that time of the month that she’s on her pyramid.

Why did the Pharaoh visit the dentist?

Because Egypt his tooth...

What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?

Tootin' car man. (My friend swears she made up this joke so I'm pretty sure this is actual OC)

What did the Ancient Egyptians call the pharaoh who farted oddly?

Toot Uncommon

What’s the similarity between a man with an upset stomach and a list of ancient Egyptian pharaohs?

>!They both have a toot in common!<

I fart just like the ancient pharaohs did…

I guess you could say we have a Tutankhamun.

What is the deal with Egyptian pharaohs and people that eat beans?

I hear they have a Tutankhamon

King Pharaoh: I have a great business opportunity for you...

Israelites: Umm, is this not a pyramid scheme?

What do you call an Eygptian Pharaoh that farts the same way as you?

Toot in Common!!

They've unearthed a sarcophagus in Egypt filled with chocolate and nuts

The mummy was wrapped in gold foil, so they believe it is the legendary Pharaoh Rocher

Why did the pharaohs marriage fall apart?

Pyramid Scheme

Pharaoh, surrounded by family and advisors, tells everyone that he can jump in the river and not get wet at all

They say that they would love to see his godly powers, and encourage him to do it.

He then jumps into the river and, as you would expect, gets soaked.

Despite this, he stands up and shouts "look everyone! I am completely dry!"

And it was clear to everyone around him that he was...

What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?

"Aw *hail* naw!"

What operating system did the ancient Egyptian Pharaohs use?

Ubuntutankhamun

If two pharaoh's farts sound the same...

Do they have a Tutankhamun?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once saw an Egyptian pharaoh honk his horn and put his bum cheeks up to the window of his vehicle.

It was a toot and car moon.

What do drug addicts and pharaohs have in common?

De Nile

So a wealthy ancient Egyptian was approached by the Pharaoh's messenger asking for funding for their rulers tomb. He replied,

"it seems likes its just a pyramid scheme"

Waddaya get when you cross a cowboy with an Egyptian Pharaoh?

Darn Tutankhamun!

What vehicle do you give a Pharaoh as a gift?

A new bus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny comes home from Sunday school.

His father asks him what they were talking about. "Exodus" he answers. "Oh, and what did you learn?" inquires father. "Well, you see Moses was leading his people out of Egypt and they came to the Red Sea. To get across Moses picks up his radio and calls for engineers. They quickly build pontoon brid...

All these people getting emails from the Prince of Nigeria, I got one from an Egyptian Pharaoh...

But it turned out to just be a pyramid scheme.

Who does a pharaoh talk to when he is sad?

His Mummy.

Archaeologists have discovered the tomb of a previously unknown pharaoh.

When they opened it, the mummy was covered in chocolate and nuts. The hieroglyphics identified him as Pharaoh Roche.

Moses walks up the the Pharaoh and says "Let my people go!"

The Pharaoh replies, "no way!"

Moses says, "Yahweh!"

Hello, can I reserve a table for Pharaoh Hotepsekhemwy?

Could you spell by letters, please?


Yes, sure. A bird, two triangles, a wavy line, the sun, again a bird, a dog's head, a scarab

Ancient Egyptians who worked to preserve the Pharaoh for the afterlife are known for having being very good businessmen. In fact, they even invented what we know today as the "return policy."

It was know back then as the "mummy back guarantee..."

The CIA, The Mossad and The KGB.

A mummy was found in Egypt, and to determine its age and whatnot, three best forensic teams of the world decided to start a competition.

The CIA went first. They studied the mummy for a year, and then came up with a result: the person lived around 1000 years BC, plus or minus 200 years.
...

Who was the Pharaoh's favourite chef?

Gordon Ramesses

A descendant of a pharaoh

A descendant of a pharaoh learned he was going to die and called his pastor, his doctor and his lawyer to his room. He told the three that he wanted to be buried in the style of his ancestors and to be buried with some of his wealth. He hands them each an envelope and says “In this envelope is $30,...

Scans of a newly discovered sarcophagus have revealed that the mummy inside was coated in nuts and chocolate

It’s believed to have been body of Pharaoh Roche.

Cleaning up the heavens

God finally gets around to clean up the heavens and finds the commandments. What to do with the old junk? He looks down onto the earth, maybe someone could have a use for them.

He asks the Egyptians. The Pharaoh looks up and says "Dude, sorry, we're busy with our pyramids, no can do."

...

What was the name of that thing that really attracted ancient Egyptian women?

Pharaoh moans.

Why was the pharaoh startled by his wife's loud fart?

It was a toot uncommon to him.

How does a mother call her son, a pharaoh, to dinner?

Tutan come on!

Why did the Pharaoh Build a Statue of Himself?

Because he Sphinx he's the best.

TIL: They found an unopened tomb in Egypt and a new Pharaoh last month

The strange thing was he was wrapped in foil - his name is Pharaoh Rocher

Moses and the Pharaoh.

A long, long time ago in Egypt the Israelites were held as slaves. One day the evil Pharaoh passed a decree that no Israelite could cut the grass outside their house.

The grass grew and grew, covering the houses and making it quite an ordeal for the Israelites to go to work in the morning, wh...

Who was the most opinionated, arrogant, offputting pharaoh ever to rule Egypt?

Imhotep

Who was the heaviest of the Pharaohs?

King Two-ton-khamen.

There are two great financial geniuses in the Bible

One was Noah, who floated his stock while everyone else had to go into liquidation.

The other one was pharaoh's daughter, who went to the bank of the Nile and drew out a prophet.

'One day, in ancient Egypt, Bastet went to her temple for a meal, but found that her priests were late.'

'She was quite annoyed, but they had served her well for many years, so when one of her priests arrived, she gave him the opportunity to explain himself.

'"Oh, great Bastet, please show mercy on us, your humble servants! A stranger with a strange god has come and is making demands of the Pha...

An old Egyptian pharaoh drowned himself when he learned the new, younger pharaoh was taking over...

He was in denial.

When people around me complain about my flatulence I explain to them that it puts me on the same level as the great Pharaohs of old....

Because we have a Tutanhkhamun.

Why didn't the Pharaoh believe he was drowning?

Because he was in deNile

Archaeologists recently discovered a tomb

When they dug the remains up they saw that the skeleton had a fine layer of chocolate on it and after months of intense research they discovered that it was the remains of the famous Pharaoh Rocher.

Heard about the Egyptian tomb stuffed full of wafer, nuts & chocolate?

Archaeologists think it was Pharaoh Rocher.

Why did Egyptian royalty have an easy time getting married?

They had great Pharaoh-mones

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men are walking through the desert and stumble across a big rock

- Hey, what a weird rock!

- Yes, it looks like a pyramid!

They both dig and discover a huge pyramid.

- Shit! It's a giant pyramid!

- What do we do with this?

- We should notify the American archaeological team. These people are professional and I'm sure they'l...

How do mummies attract mates?

Pharaoh-mones!

Anyone who reads this joke will suffer the eternal curse of Pharaoh

Phuck you

Archaeologists in Egypt have unearthed a tomb containing a mummy covered in chocolate & nuts.

Excited they believe it is the remains of the long lost Pharaoh Roche.

Sometimes I wonder how many Egyptians...

Sometimes I wonder how many Egyptians you could fit in a pyramid...

It's probably a pharaoh mount!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you know when the king of Egypt is horny?

...From all the Pharaoh moans.

I’m surprised there are not a lot of Jewish tennis players.

After all, Moses served in Pharaoh’s court.

So I was brushing up on Egyptian history the other day...

and I was reading about King Tut. Apparently he suffered from IBS, which caused him to pass the most ungodly smelling gas (reminiscent of rotting animal carcasses seasoned with rotted potatoes). Due to this, it was hard to find servants willing to happily serve him, but one day, Tut's parents encoun...

Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?

The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"

A new discovery is made pertaining to the ethnicity of Ancient Egyptian Kings

Archaeologists have discovered that the kings of Ancient Egypt were in fact black. Upon unwrapping the gold sarcophagus they found the body of a dark chocolate skinned man. The legendary Pharaoh Rocher.

The captain has good news and bad news.

The Egyptian royal barge returns to harbour after a long day ferrying the pharaoh up and down the Nile. The captain says to the tired oarsmen 'Right, lads, I've got good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?'

The oarsmen consult among themselves and decide they fancy some good n...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A tomb raider goes into a pyramid

She enters the pyramid after hearing that the pharaoh holds a great artifact. She hops and dodges all kinds of traps until she gets caught by a zombie slave.

Slave says: I'm going to make you a slave.

He forces the raider into the slave room where he jumps on her in sexual intent. She ...

I just found out that Archeologist were recently digging in the Pyramids of Egypt and found a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts.

Experts on site identified the mummy as Pharaoh Roche.

Why do Egyptians shave their heads?

To make them more pharaoh-dynamic

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Splitting the Red Sea

Moses was leading the Jews while being chased by the Pharaoh and his men. In a moment of foolishness, he walked right up to the Red Sea. They were trapped.
"God dammit," said Moses.

So God did.

I once played chess with an Egyptian King...

...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.

Moses was commiserating with the Hebrews in Egypt

Things were terrible. Pharaoh wouldn't even speak to him. The rest of the Israelites were mad at him and making the overseers even more irritable than usual, etc. He was about ready to give up.

Suddenly a booming, sonorous voice spoke from above:

"You, Moses, heed me ! I have good ...

Archaeologists have been searching around ..

Archaeologists have been searching around The Great Pyramids, and have come across a mummy covered in hazelnuts and chocolate. After more research it has been discovered it was the late Pharaoh Roche

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