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Lamppost Jokes

What happens when a lamppost breaks?

Sorry, repost

I walked into a lamppost the other day.

It was an enlightening experience.

What do you call a sheep tied to lamppost in Wales?

A leisure centre.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Taxi driver, fresh on the scene, picks up his first passenger

The driver started to head to the location requested by the passenger. 10 whole minutes had passed with complete silence. The radio wasn't even turned on. A fitting comedown from the hectic workday the passenger had.

He then notices a Denver Broncos bobble head toy on the drivers dashboard, ...

Bill was a clerk in a small drugstore,

...........but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted. Dave, the owner, had had about enough and warned Bill that the next sale he missed would be his last. Just then a man came in coughing and asked Bill for their best cough syrup. Try as he might, Bill coul...

I robbed a lamppost with words printed on it.

It's ok, I didn't get in trouble though.

You don't get karma from text posts.

2 blondes are walking down the street...

When they pass by a lamppost that had a "for sale" sign hanging off it. The first blonde start banging at the lamppost, so the second blonde exclaims "What the hell are you doing!"

Blonde1: "It says "For Sale" so im knocking but no one is answering the door"

Blonde2: "That's weird. Th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pimp is breaking in his new bitch.

Pimp: Listen. If you wanna be my woman, your gonna have to make me some money.

Hoe: But I've never done anything like this before.

Pimp: Don't worry. You go and put on your sexiest dress and stand under that lamppost. I'll be back here. Any problems. Just come back and tell me, and and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Terrifying Story

A guy in a taxi wanted to speak to the driver so he leaned forward and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, jumped up in the air and yanked the wheel over. The car mounted the curb, demolished a lamppost and came to a stop inches from a shop window. The startled passenger said "I didn't ...

I'm not saying I hated my late wife...

But after she died in a car crash, I kept in touch with the lamppost.

It's so hot today

That I saw two lamppost fight over a dog.

A tourist wandering through the back alleys of San Francisco’s Chinatown finds his way into an antique store

A bronze statue of a rat catches his eye, and he asks for its price.


“The rat costs twelve dollars,” the shopkeeper says, “and it will be a thousand dollars more for the story behind it.”


The tourist, being a shrewd American, pays for the rat, telling the old man he can keep hi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a Nun Walks into a Liquor Store...

...and shyly asks for a bottle of their finest Vodka. The Store own replys, "I'm sorry mam, but your mother superior has already informed me that you are not to buy any alcohol from me."

'But sir!" she replied, "It is for the mother superior. She's....constipated..." and she hands the store o...

Two guys are walking down the street

One of them sees a "For Sale" sign hanging on a lamppost, and starts knocking on it.

The other one says, "What are you doing?"

"I wanna buy it so I need to see how much the owner wants for it, but he won't open up."

"Weird. The lights are on."

Three hawks had a hunting contest

The first one went and came back with blood on its beak. They asked him what happened. He said "Do you see that tree over there?". They said "yeah". He said "I hunted a rabbit near it".


The second one went and came back with even more blood on its beak. They asked him what happened. He sa...

Two vampires...

Two vampires are sitting on a bench. On a given moment, one of them says "I gotta go! Time to get some blood!"

Only 30 seconds later he's back with blood hanging all over his lips and teeth so his friend asks "That was fast! What'd you do?"

"Well, do you see that lamppost over there?"<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Convent Girl

A young man, with a promising career ahead of him, decided to marry a respectable convent girl, untarnished with the sins of contemporary society.

After the wedding service, the bridal couple had to drive through the more unsavory areas of the city on the way to the reception.

"William...

Once in a small town lived a guy, who dreamt of having a car

He was fascinated by their speed and beauty, yet his parents wouldn't agree to fulfil his dream and buy it for him. So he changed various jobs, worked part-time and ran errands, anything just to get a bit closer to saving up for that final trophy. But as time came by his bank account didn't seem to ...

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