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Stoplight Jokes

I was sitting at a stoplight yesterday, minding my own business...

...when a carload of gun toting, young and very loud tea partiers, shouting anti-Obama, anti-Muslim slogans, with a Gadsden flag duct taped on the trunk and a confederate flag taped to the hood, "All I need to know about Islam, I learned on 9/11" spray painted to the side, pulled up and stopped next...

A guy driving a Kia.

A guy driving a Kia pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce...

The driver of the Kia rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, "Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. You got Wi-Fi in your Rolls? I’ve got Wi-Fi in my Kia!"

The driver of the Rolls looks over and says s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It’s Christmas Day

A little girl was riding her new bike and pulled up to a stoplight. A police officer on horseback pulled up to the same stop and looked at the girl

Cop: nice bike, did Santa give it to you?

Girl: he sure did!

Cop: *writes a $20 citation* okay, next year tell Santa that the bike ...

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I was working in an ice cream shop and we ran out of vanilla ice cream

About 10 minutes later a lady comes in and asks for a gallon of vanilla. So I have to break the news too her.
“Sorry ma’am, we are all out of vanilla today.”
“Oh, no bother” she says, “I’ll just take a pint of vanilla then”
Slightly confused, I say “No ma’am, it’s not just the gallon size, ...

Why did the stoplight turn red?

Well, wouldn't you turn red if you were caught changing in the middle of the street?

Why did the stoplight turn red?

Well, you would too, if you had to change in front of that many people!

What did one stoplight say to the other stoplight?

Don't look! I'm changing!

One day a man is at a stoplight and sees a car with penguins in the backseat next to him.

The man asks the driver of the car where the penguins were from.

'I don't know. At the last stop light these penguins just jumped in my car. I don't know what to do with them.

The man thinks for a moment and then says 'You should take them to the zoo.'

'That's a great idea!' s...

I was sitting at the stoplight when a drop dead gorgeous woman pulled up next to me and rolled her window down. I rolled my window down and smiled at her . . .

She said, “What? Did you fart too?”

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through.

The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself: “I must be losing it, I could have sw...

How can we beat an AI invasion

we wear stoplights

20 Tons of Canaries

There was a man driving down the road behind an 18 wheeler; at every stoplight the trucker would get out of the cab, run back and bang on the trailer door.
After seeing this at several intersections in a row the motorist followed him until he pulled into a parking lot.

When they both had...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jokes to play with someone's car

Not sure if this is the right subreddit, but story time. Yesterday, my friend and I were driving to a party (I was following him in my car). At a stoplight, I got the idea to get out of my car and flip his window wipers up. It worked exactly as I planned. He turned them on in an attempt to fix it, b...

My girlfriend is a real go-getter...

Nothing’s gonna stop her. Not blindness, not stoplights...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Ferrari and the Moped

A man saves up his entire life to buy a ferrari. He goes to the dealership and chooses a red one. As he pulls out of the parking lot he comes to a red light. As he is waiting for the light to change he sees a fat kid pull up next to him on a moped. The kid grins at him showing his puffy cheeks and s...

A priest is giving a nun a ride home after mass one day...

As they come to a stoplight the priest rests his hand on the nuns knee. The nun says "Father remember Luke 14:10", and the priest removes his hand from her knee. A little while later they come to a stop again and he places his hand on her thigh, she again says "Father remember Luke 14:10", he quickl...

A rich man buys a new Lamborghini.

It's the most expensive car in the world, and he wants to show it off, so he takes it out for a spin.

At the first stoplight, an ancient Moped pulls up next to him. The elderly cyclist stares at the sleek, shiny surface of the automobile and asks, "What kinda wheels ya got there, sonny?"
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