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Escalator Jokes

My first time on an escalator...

...was quite uplifting, the second time though was a letdown

What happened when the escalator broke down?

Everyone stopped and staired! 🥁

I always hesitate before stepping on an escalator.

It's either up to something or it's going to let me down.

I saw an escalator for the first time today

Just stopped and staired.

What happens when an escalator stops moving?

Everyone stops and stairs.

I've developed an irrational fear of escalators.

I always find myself taking steps to avoid them.

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates.

St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer — you're assigned to hell."

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of accommodations and starts designing and building improvements.

After a wh...

lost my balance on an escalator today

I fell down the stairs for two hours.

Yo mama so fat

she outta breath from taking the escalator.

Did you hear about the man who invented the escalator?

He was mechanically inclined

What do you say when a lousy comedian performs on an escalator?

These jokes are bad on so many levels

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bill Clinton and the Pope die at the same time.

There's an administrative mix up in purgatory and the Pope is sent to Hell and Clinton to Heaven.

After 20 minutes the mistake is discovered and the mistake rectified. As they're heading down the escalator Clinton down, the Pope up, the pope says to Clinton "I'm really looking forward to meet...

What's the best thing about escalator jokes

The short delivery.

Escalators can never break...

They can only become stairs.

-MH

Escalator Literature.

a step by step guide to reaching new levels

Mitch Hedberg Joke - Escalators

"I like an escalator because an escalator can never break; it can only become stairs. There would never be an 'escalator temporarily out of order' sign, only 'escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.'"
-Mitch Hedberg

A blonde was going up an escalator when it broke down.

She was stuck there for three hours.

Saw a janitor wiping the handrail on an ascending escalator

He was cleaning up

Hey stepdad, can you tell me how an elevator is different from an escalator?

No stepson

I don't like escalators

They're too stairy for me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once tripped down an escalator.

I was there for 3 fucking days

A criminal talked down to me on an escalator today.

He was a condescending con descending.

I prefer escalators but my wife prefers elevators...

I think it’s because we were raised differently

What did the escalator say to the elevator?

Nothing, he just staired.

I get really emotional whenever I see escalators...

Last time I was on one, I found it moving.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An engineer goes to hell

A professional engineer dies and because of some misfiled paperwork, ends up in hell. Trudging through the sweltering heat, eventually he comes across Satan and says, "You know, with a little work, we can probably cool this place off..." At first, Satan is enraged and prepares to unleash fury on thi...

How do you keep a blonde busy for years?

Tell her to count the stairs on an escalator.

I can see a woman sneezing on the escalator.

I think she's coming down with something.

Murphy in London

Murphy found himself in the London underground subway station, at four o’clock in the morning. He walked along to the escalator, on the escalator it is written, “Dogs must be carried on the escalator.” he thought, “God, where am I going to find a dog at this hour of the night?”

Simon met up with Tim for coffee

Simon Said: „Wasn‘t yesterday‘s power cut a nightmare! I was stuck in a lift for 4 hours!“

„Oh, you had it easy,“ said Tim. „I was left standing on an escalator for 5 hours!“

I’m getting really tired of escalators...

Time to start taking the necessary steps to avoid them.

A man comes home to his wife with two black eyes

The wife freaks out but calms down enough to ask what happened. The man says “well i was in the mall today on the escalator and there was this cute girl in front of me and she had her skirt tucked into her but. I pulled it out for her and she turned around and punched me in the eye.” The wife says “...

TIL that the first escalators had people who were payed to ride them.

sounds like a job with a lot of ups and downs

There was this engineer who died and went to Hell.

He disliked Hell, so pretty soon he went to work improving it. He installed air conditioning, elevators, bathroom air fresheners, escalators, and all sorts of gadgetry. One day God calls Satan:

"So, how are things down there?" asks God.

"Great!" Satan replies, "we now have air conditio...

Three men go to heaven

St. Peter looks in the book and says to the first man, “You spent your whole life trying to get drunk. You even married a woman named Ginny,” and he points him to the down escalator.

To the next man he says, “You spent your whole life trying to get rich. You even married a woman named Penny...

There was a power cut at the supermarket today....

2 blondes were stuck on the escalator for hours.

Three blondes were on an escalator at the shopping mall when the power suddenly went out.

The were stranded for two hours.

The Engineer in Hell

An engineer dies and goes to Hell.

He’s talking with Satan and says, “What a terrible place! It’s very hot, dark, smoky and extremely bad!”

Satan said, “Well, what did you expect? After all, this IS Hell!”

The engineer said, “Do you have a compressor, some tubing, and wire?
<...

Batman: Hey, you wanna watch a movie?

Superman: Cape Fear?

Batman: Only when I’m riding an escalator. Want to watch a movie or not?

JCPenney just moved the women's Plus Size department downstairs. Is this yet another example of fat acceptance?

Or are they just tired of the escalator breaking?

The battle between God and Satan.

An engineer dies and is accidentally sent to hell

Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.

After a while, they’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty p...

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