I saw an escalator for the first time today

Just stopped and staired.

I'm going into therapy to deal with my fear of escalators, but it shouldn't take long ...

It's only a one step program.

I always hesitate before stepping on an escalator.

It's either up to something or it's going to let me down.

A man is standing backwards on an escalator

“Ahh this takes me back” he says to himself

My first time on an escalator...

...was quite uplifting, the second time though was a letdown

I get really emotional whenever I see escalators...

Last time I was on one, I found it moving.

I prefer escalators but my wife prefers elevators...

I think it’s because we were raised differently

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer — you're assigned to hell."

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of accommodations and starts designing and building improvements.

After a while, they’ve got air-conditioning and flush toilets, escalators, elevators and so on ... and the e...

I've developed an irrational fear of escalators.

I always find myself taking steps to avoid them.

Did you hear about the man who invented the escalator?

He was mechanically inclined

I lost my balance once and fell down an up escalator.

It was the most embarrassing two hours of my life.

Escalators can never break...

They can only become stairs.

-MH

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once tripped down an escalator.

I was there for 3 fucking days

Saw a janitor wiping the handrail on an ascending escalator

He was cleaning up

A blonde was going up an escalator when it broke down.

She was stuck there for three hours.

I don't like escalators

They're too stairy for me

I’m getting really tired of escalators...

Time to start taking the necessary steps to avoid them.

TIL that the first escalators had people who were payed to ride them.

sounds like a job with a lot of ups and downs

What do you say when a lousy comedian performs on an escalator?

These jokes are bad on so many levels

Mitch Hedberg Joke - Escalators

"I like an escalator because an escalator can never break; it can only become stairs. There would never be an 'escalator temporarily out of order' sign, only 'escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.'"
-Mitch Hedberg

Hey stepdad, can you tell me how an elevator is different from an escalator?

No stepson

A criminal talked down to me on an escalator today.

He was a condescending con descending.

I just took an escalator that sent me to the 5th floor of the building in 5 seconds.

That escalated quickly.

Have you ever heard the technical term for a broken escalator?

Stairs.

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The Pope and R. Kelly die on the same day

Due to a minor mix up, the Pope is sent to hell and R. Kelly is sent to heaven.

Unfortunately, St. Peter tells the men he won't be able to get the issue sorted out until the next day, meaning that both men have to spend the night in their respective places.

The next day after the issu...

What's the best thing about escalator jokes

The short delivery.

What did the escalator say to the elevator?

Nothing, he just staired.

Escalator Literature.

a step by step guide to reaching new levels

There was a power cut at the supermarket today....

2 blondes were stuck on the escalator for hours.

Three blondes were on an escalator at the shopping mall when the power suddenly went out.

The were stranded for two hours.

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A man named Melvin works for a toothbrush company.

Year after year, he can repeatedly sell the most toothbrushes out of everyone who works for the company, at least tripling the the amount of sales the guy trailing him has made. No one knows how he does it.

One day, Melvin's boss calls him into his office.

"What is it, boss?" Melvin as...

I can see a woman sneezing on the escalator.

I think she's coming down with something.

Did you hear about the blackout in Florida?

People were stuck on the escalators for 4 hrs

Why Engineers go to Heaven

An engineer died and was mistakenly sent to hell.  Fairly quickly, he had redesigned the place. Hell cooled down considerably thanks to the air conditioning he built and installed. The escalators and elevators worked just fine. Manual labor was quickly becoming a thing of the past.

God looked...

The Engineer in Hell

An engineer dies and goes to Hell.

He’s talking with Satan and says, “What a terrible place! It’s very hot, dark, smoky and extremely bad!”

Satan said, “Well, what did you expect? After all, this IS Hell!”

The engineer said, “Do you have a compressor, some tubing, and wire?
<...

One day a talented engineer was inspecting some work on top of a new high rise building when he slipped and fell to his death.

He goes to Heaven and walks up to the pearly gates. Saint Peter says “sorry, we aren’t letting anyone in today, you’ll have to go somewhere else.” Dismayed at his other prospects, the man goes to limbo for a while, but finds it incredibly boring. So he leaves and goes down to Hell.

There he ...

There was this engineer who died and went to Hell.

He disliked Hell, so pretty soon he went to work improving it. He installed air conditioning, elevators, bathroom air fresheners, escalators, and all sorts of gadgetry. One day God calls Satan:

"So, how are things down there?" asks God.

"Great!" Satan replies, "we now have air conditio...

Civil engineer goes to Hell

A civil engineer dies and goes to Hell by accident. According to policy, all civil engineers go to Heaven but a mistake was made this time. The engineer descends to Hell and he finds the situation miserable. Too much heat, fires, lava, vapor, and everyone is in panic mode. So he goes to have a littl...

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Bill Clinton and the Pope die at the same time.

There's an administrative mix up in purgatory and the Pope is sent to Hell and Clinton to Heaven.

After 20 minutes the mistake is discovered and the mistake rectified. As they're heading down the escalator Clinton down, the Pope up, the pope says to Clinton "I'm really looking forward to meet...

I had an argument with my girlfriend in an elevator.

I have never been wrong on so many levels.

So we tried using the escalator and I saw how quickly it escalated.

An engineer dies and goes to Hell.

An engineer dies and goes to Hell.

"Welcome to my domain!" Satan says, with a malicious grin and a nod to the lava pools and torture devices. "I hope it's to your liking."

"It's alright," the engineer says. "But it could do with some improvements. I'd be happy to help if you give me go...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Engineer Goes to Hell

One day a civil engineer dies and goes before St Peter. St Peter gravely tells him that he must go to Hell.

So the engineer goes to Hell, looks around and thinks: 'What a shithole. Who designed this place?' So he says 'Hey! Satan...'

A few years later, God discovers that the engineer w...

How do you keep a blonde busy for years?

Tell her to count the stairs on an escalator.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Engineer Goes To Hell (repost from r/AskReddit, all credit to armaha)

A professional engineer dies and because of some misfiled paperwork, ends up in hell. Trudging through the sweltering heat, eventually he comes across Satan and says, "You know, with a little work, we can probably cool this place off..."
At first, Satan is enraged and prepares to unleash fury on ...

Three men go to heaven

St. Peter looks in the book and says to the first man, “You spent your whole life trying to get drunk. You even married a woman named Ginny,” and he points him to the down escalator.

To the next man he says, “You spent your whole life trying to get rich. You even married a woman named Penny...

A property manager for an apartment complex dies and soon finds himself standing in front of St. Peter.

St. Peter tells him "You have a choice of going to heaven or to hell and I suggest you check them both out before deciding."

So he chooses to check out hell first. He goes down to hell and finds himself in the middle of the biggest party he has ever seen. People are dancing and drinking and ...

Batman: Hey, you wanna watch a movie?

Superman: Cape Fear?

Batman: Only when I’m riding an escalator. Want to watch a movie or not?

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An engineer goes to hell...

Upset with the conditions in hell, the engineer decides to do something about it. The engineer adds running water to help keep the fires at down, creates an escalator and elevator system to help deal with all the stairs, adds central cooling to reduce the heat, and always continued to improve on the...

When the electricity runs out

Those on the escalators will be the first to fall.

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