UPJOKE
elevatorstairwaystaircaseelectric motorpedestriandepartment storeshopping mallstairwellgangplankstairsturnstileoverpasschairliftwalkwayhandrail

I saw an escalator for the first time today

Just stopped and staired.

My first time on an escalator...

...was quite uplifting, the second time though was a letdown

I always hesitate before stepping on an escalator.

It's either up to something or it's going to let me down.

A man is standing backwards on an escalator

“Ahh this takes me back” he says to himself

What happens when an escalator stops moving?

Everyone stops and stairs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bill Clinton and the Pope die at the same time.

There's an administrative mix up in purgatory and the Pope is sent to Hell and Clinton to Heaven.


After 20 minutes the mistake is discovered and the mistake rectified. As they're heading down the escalator Clinton down, the Pope up, the pope says to Clinton "I'm really looking forward t...

Did you hear about the man who invented the escalator?

He was mechanically inclined

I lost my balance once and fell down an up escalator.

It was the most embarrassing two hours of my life.

What do you say when a lousy comedian performs on an escalator?

These jokes are bad on so many levels

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once tripped down an escalator.

I was there for 3 fucking days

A blonde was going up an escalator when it broke down.

She was stuck there for three hours.

Saw a janitor wiping the handrail on an ascending escalator

He was cleaning up

A criminal talked down to me on an escalator today.

He was a condescending con descending.

I've developed an irrational fear of escalators.

I always find myself taking steps to avoid them.

Hey stepdad, can you tell me how an elevator is different from an escalator?

No stepson

I just took an escalator that sent me to the 5th floor of the building in 5 seconds.

That escalated quickly.

I prefer escalators but my wife prefers elevators...

I think it’s because we were raised differently

I get really emotional whenever I see escalators...

Last time I was on one, I found it moving.

Have you ever heard the technical term for a broken escalator?

Stairs.

What's the best thing about escalator jokes

The short delivery.

Murphy in London

Murphy found himself in the London underground subway station, at four o’clock in the morning. He walked along to the escalator, on the escalator it is written, “Dogs must be carried on the escalator.” he thought, “God, where am I going to find a dog at this hour of the night?”

A farmer man had never left his area

So, he decides to take a week vacation on the nearest big city.



When he comes back, his fellow farmers, start asking how it was and what did he thought of the big city and he answers that he was very impressed by the very big buildings, the huge amount of people and cars all buzzing ...

What did the escalator say to the elevator?

Nothing, he just staired.

Escalators can never break...

They can only become stairs.

-MH

Three blondes were on an escalator at the shopping mall when the power suddenly went out.

The were stranded for two hours.

TIL that the first escalators had people who were payed to ride them.

sounds like a job with a lot of ups and downs

Mitch Hedberg Joke - Escalators

"I like an escalator because an escalator can never break; it can only become stairs. There would never be an 'escalator temporarily out of order' sign, only 'escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.'"
-Mitch Hedberg

There was a power cut at the supermarket today....

2 blondes were stuck on the escalator for hours.

I can see a woman sneezing on the escalator.

I think she's coming down with something.

Escalator Literature.

a step by step guide to reaching new levels

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer — you're assigned to hell."

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of accommodations and starts designing and building improvements.

After a while, they’ve got air-conditioning and flush toilets, escalators, elevators and so on ... and the e...

How do you keep a blonde busy for years?

Tell her to count the stairs on an escalator.

I’m getting really tired of escalators...

Time to start taking the necessary steps to avoid them.

Did you hear about the blackout in Florida?

People were stuck on the escalators for 4 hrs

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man named Melvin works for a toothbrush company.

Year after year, he can repeatedly sell the most toothbrushes out of everyone who works for the company, at least tripling the the amount of sales the guy trailing him has made. No one knows how he does it.

One day, Melvin's boss calls him into his office.

"What is it, boss?" Melvin as...

Three men go to heaven

St. Peter looks in the book and says to the first man, “You spent your whole life trying to get drunk. You even married a woman named Ginny,” and he points him to the down escalator.

To the next man he says, “You spent your whole life trying to get rich. You even married a woman named Penny...

I had an argument with my girlfriend in an elevator.

I have never been wrong on so many levels.

So we tried using the escalator and I saw how quickly it escalated.

A property manager for an apartment complex dies and soon finds himself standing in front of St. Peter.

St. Peter tells him "You have a choice of going to heaven or to hell and I suggest you check them both out before deciding."

So he chooses to check out hell first. He goes down to hell and finds himself in the middle of the biggest party he has ever seen. People are dancing and drinking and ...

Why Engineers go to Heaven

An engineer died and was mistakenly sent to hell.  Fairly quickly, he had redesigned the place. Hell cooled down considerably thanks to the air conditioning he built and installed. The escalators and elevators worked just fine. Manual labor was quickly becoming a thing of the past.

God looked...

There was this engineer who died and went to Hell.

He disliked Hell, so pretty soon he went to work improving it. He installed air conditioning, elevators, bathroom air fresheners, escalators, and all sorts of gadgetry. One day God calls Satan:

"So, how are things down there?" asks God.

"Great!" Satan replies, "we now have air conditio...

When the electricity runs out

Those on the escalators will be the first to fall.

A man comes home to his wife with two black eyes

The wife freaks out but calms down enough to ask what happened. The man says “well i was in the mall today on the escalator and there was this cute girl in front of me and she had her skirt tucked into her but. I pulled it out for her and she turned around and punched me in the eye.” The wife says “...

Batman: Hey, you wanna watch a movie?

Superman: Cape Fear?

Batman: Only when I’m riding an escalator. Want to watch a movie or not?

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