I'm going into therapy to deal with my fear of escalators, but it shouldn't take long ...

It's only a one step program.

I always hesitate before stepping on an escalator.

It's either up to something or it's going to let me down.

I saw an escalator for the first time today

Just stopped and staired.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bill Clinton and the Pope die at the same time.

There's an administrative mix up in purgatory and the Pope is sent to Hell and Clinton to Heaven.

After 20 minutes the mistake is discovered and the mistake rectified. As they're heading down the escalator Clinton down, the Pope up, the pope says to Clinton "I'm really looking forward to m...

A man is standing backwards on an escalator

“Ahh this takes me back” he says to himself

My first time on an escalator...

...was quite uplifting, the second time though was a letdown

I get really emotional whenever I see escalators...

Last time I was on one, I found it moving.

I prefer escalators but my wife prefers elevators...

I think it’s because we were raised differently

I've developed an irrational fear of escalators.

I always find myself taking steps to avoid them.

Murphy in London

Murphy found himself in the London underground subway station, at four o’clock in the morning. He walked along to the escalator, on the escalator it is written, “Dogs must be carried on the escalator.” he thought, “God, where am I going to find a dog at this hour of the night?”

An Engineer Dies And Goes to Hell…

An Engineer dies and goes to Hell. Dissatisfied with the level of comfort, he starts designing and building improvements. After a while, Hell has air conditioning, ice water, flush toilets, and escalators, and the Engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God calls and asks Satan, “So, how are thing...

Did you hear about the man who invented the escalator?

He was mechanically inclined

Escalators can never break...

They can only become stairs.

-MH

I lost my balance once and fell down an up escalator.

It was the most embarrassing two hours of my life.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once tripped down an escalator.

I was there for 3 fucking days

A blonde was going up an escalator when it broke down.

She was stuck there for three hours.

Saw a janitor wiping the handrail on an ascending escalator

He was cleaning up

I don't like escalators

They're too stairy for me

TIL that the first escalators had people who were payed to ride them.

sounds like a job with a lot of ups and downs

What do you say when a lousy comedian performs on an escalator?

These jokes are bad on so many levels

Mitch Hedberg Joke - Escalators

"I like an escalator because an escalator can never break; it can only become stairs. There would never be an 'escalator temporarily out of order' sign, only 'escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.'"
-Mitch Hedberg

Hey stepdad, can you tell me how an elevator is different from an escalator?

No stepson

I’m getting really tired of escalators...

Time to start taking the necessary steps to avoid them.

A criminal talked down to me on an escalator today.

He was a condescending con descending.

Have you ever heard the technical term for a broken escalator?

Stairs.

I just took an escalator that sent me to the 5th floor of the building in 5 seconds.

That escalated quickly.

What's the best thing about escalator jokes

The short delivery.

What did the escalator say to the elevator?

Nothing, he just staired.

Escalator Literature.

a step by step guide to reaching new levels

Three blondes were on an escalator at the shopping mall when the power suddenly went out.

The were stranded for two hours.

There was a power cut at the supermarket today....

2 blondes were stuck on the escalator for hours.

Why Engineers go to Heaven

An engineer died and was mistakenly sent to hell.  Fairly quickly, he had redesigned the place. Hell cooled down considerably thanks to the air conditioning he built and installed. The escalators and elevators worked just fine. Manual labor was quickly becoming a thing of the past.

God looked...

Did you hear about the blackout in Florida?

People were stuck on the escalators for 4 hrs

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man named Melvin works for a toothbrush company.

Year after year, he can repeatedly sell the most toothbrushes out of everyone who works for the company, at least tripling the the amount of sales the guy trailing him has made. No one knows how he does it.

One day, Melvin's boss calls him into his office.

"What is it, boss?" Melvin as...

Civil engineer goes to Hell

A civil engineer dies and goes to Hell by accident. According to policy, all civil engineers go to Heaven but a mistake was made this time. The engineer descends to Hell and he finds the situation miserable. Too much heat, fires, lava, vapor, and everyone is in panic mode. So he goes to have a littl...

I can see a woman sneezing on the escalator.

I think she's coming down with something.

There was this engineer who died and went to Hell.

He disliked Hell, so pretty soon he went to work improving it. He installed air conditioning, elevators, bathroom air fresheners, escalators, and all sorts of gadgetry. One day God calls Satan:

"So, how are things down there?" asks God.

"Great!" Satan replies, "we now have air conditio...

One day a talented engineer was inspecting some work on top of a new high rise building when he slipped and fell to his death.

He goes to Heaven and walks up to the pearly gates. Saint Peter says “sorry, we aren’t letting anyone in today, you’ll have to go somewhere else.” Dismayed at his other prospects, the man goes to limbo for a while, but finds it incredibly boring. So he leaves and goes down to Hell.

There he ...

An engineer dies and goes to Hell.

An engineer dies and goes to Hell.

"Welcome to my domain!" Satan says, with a malicious grin and a nod to the lava pools and torture devices. "I hope it's to your liking."

"It's alright," the engineer says. "But it could do with some improvements. I'd be happy to help if you give me go...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Engineer Goes to Hell

One day a civil engineer dies and goes before St Peter. St Peter gravely tells him that he must go to Hell.

So the engineer goes to Hell, looks around and thinks: 'What a shithole. Who designed this place?' So he says 'Hey! Satan...'

A few years later, God discovers that the engineer w...

How do you keep a blonde busy for years?

Tell her to count the stairs on an escalator.

I had an argument with my girlfriend in an elevator.

I have never been wrong on so many levels.

So we tried using the escalator and I saw how quickly it escalated.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Engineer Goes To Hell (repost from r/AskReddit, all credit to armaha)

A professional engineer dies and because of some misfiled paperwork, ends up in hell. Trudging through the sweltering heat, eventually he comes across Satan and says, "You know, with a little work, we can probably cool this place off..."
At first, Satan is enraged and prepares to unleash fury on ...

A property manager for an apartment complex dies and soon finds himself standing in front of St. Peter.

St. Peter tells him "You have a choice of going to heaven or to hell and I suggest you check them both out before deciding."

So he chooses to check out hell first. He goes down to hell and finds himself in the middle of the biggest party he has ever seen. People are dancing and drinking and ...

Three men go to heaven

St. Peter looks in the book and says to the first man, “You spent your whole life trying to get drunk. You even married a woman named Ginny,” and he points him to the down escalator.

To the next man he says, “You spent your whole life trying to get rich. You even married a woman named Penny...

Batman: Hey, you wanna watch a movie?

Superman: Cape Fear?

Batman: Only when I’m riding an escalator. Want to watch a movie or not?

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