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Croissants Jokes

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A Canadian was having a coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him.

The Canadian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless started up a conversation.

The American snapped his gum and said, "You Canadian folk eat the whole bread?"

The Canadian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, "Of course".

The American...

A Frenchman sees a poster in front of a bakery: Croissant €1. Handjob €5

He enters the shop and sees a gorgeous young lady behind the counter. He then asks:

"Mademoiselle, are you the one that delivers the handjobs?"

Very shy, the girl looks down, blushes and replies with a giggle:

"O-Oui monsieur, I am the one that gives the handjobs".

The F...

What do you call a depressed pair of croissants?

Pain au pain.

Why did the Croissants take the Donuts and Bagels to Disneyland?

They thought it would be fun for the hole family.

What’s Austrian and took over France?

Croissants

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked the French baker what he makes?

He said “Croissants are my bread and butter.”

Three construction workers were on their lunch break, sitting on the edge of a cliff next to the site they were working on.

One of the workers was Italian. He yelled, "I'm sick of pasta! If my wife packs me pasta one more time I will jump off this cliff!". The second worker was French. He screamed, "I'm sick of these damn croissants! If my wife packs me a croissant one more time, I'll jump off this cliff as well!". The t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A French, a British and an american naval engineer brag about their submarines.

All three of them are standing in a harbour, arguing.
The french engineer says:

"Ahh, le french submarine can stay submerged for five weeks and and we do not run out of croissants or red wine, they are magnefique!"

The Brit responds:

"Oh my dear chap, that is nothing. Her ...

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Three salesmen, an Englishman, a French man, and an American, meet in an airport...

and eventually the topic turns to sex.


The Englishman says, "Before I left for this trip, I made love to my wife 3 times. The next morning she woke up and made me a big breakfast of fried bacon, potatoes and eggs. As I went out the door she gave me a passionate kiss and told me last night...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Here's one for the mothers out there: the three bears retold

A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning....



Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table.
He looks into his small bowl. It is empty.. 'Who's been eating my porridge?' he squeaks.





Daddy Bear arrives at the big table...

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