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Wolf Jokes

Wolf down this joke fellows

-Knock knock
"Who's there"
-"Howl"
"Howl who ?"
-"Howl you know unless you open the door ?"

What do you get when you cross a wolf and a climate activist?

aware wolf

I taught a wolf to meditate

Now he’s aware wolf

My five year old's joke: What do you call a sausage in a room with a hungry wolf?

A wolf.

"I heard there was a recent Wolf sighting."

"Where?"

"No, a regular one."

me: omg! there's a wolf!

Wife: where?

Me: no, the regular kind!

What do you call a meditating wolf?

Aware wolf.

What do you call a wolf in sheep's clothing?

Woolf

What do you call a wolf who reads philosophy?

AWAREWOLF

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little red riding hood was told to look out for the wolf

So she’s really vigilant; she walks through the forest and she spots an eye through the bush and she says: “I see you mr wolf!” The wolf runs away. She goes deeper in the forest and she spots the wolf’s ears: “I see you Mr. Wolf!” The wolf runs away, little red riding hood goes deeper in the forest ...

A man was walking in the woods when he was attacked by a wolf

The man miraculously managed to escape from the wolf with just a deep bite on the arm.


While he was being treated by the doctor, he confided that he thought it might have been a werewolf, so the doctor, humoring him, decided to run some tests.


"Good news," said the doctor...

Did you hear about the cow that cried wolf?

Fake Moos!

The bear the moose and the wolf.

A bear, a wolf, and a moose fall into a trapping pit
After a couple days with no food, the moose sees the wolf and bear whispering to each other.

The wolf turns to the moose and says "Look, the bear and I are both carnivores. It's been a couple days without food. You understand, right?"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fly is buzzing around a wolf hound

Fly: What kind of dog are you?

Dog: I'm a wolf hound.

Fly: A wolf hound? Strange name . Why do they call you like that?

Dog: Well, it's quite obvious. My mother was a hound and my father was a wolf.

Fly: I see...

Dog: So, what kind of fly are you?

Fly: I'm a...

What did the taxi driver say to the wolf?

Werewolf

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wolf and a rabbit hated each other...

One day, the pair were walking through an enchanted forest when they discovered a magical frog trapped in a hole. The frog promised to grant them each three wishes if they helped him escape. The two rescued the frog, and after they set him safely on the ground, the frog croaked, "thank you! Now I wi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Six Lessons of Life

**Lesson 1:**

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give y...

A fox, a wolf and a weasel all go to a restaurant.

The waitress comes over and asks what they want to drink.
"Water" says the Fox,
"Coffee" growls the Wolf,
And "Pop!" Goes the Weasel!

What’s a wolf’s favorite leafy green?

awoooooogula

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Red riding hood is walking through the forest when she sees a wolf squatting by a tree..

She says "my what big eyes you have!"
The wolf responds, "would you fuck off, I'm trying to take a shit "

Ladies....Fcuk Prince Charming. Go for the wolf.

He can see you better . Hear you better and Eat you better.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was just reading that Martin Scorsese's film "The Wolf of Wall Street" broke a record by using the word "Fuck" or "Fucking" 506 times.

That actually beats a record set by me in 2003, trying to put an Ikea wardrobe together.

if a were-wolf doesn't know that he is a were-wolf,

He is unaware-wolf!

What do you call a wolf that is woke?

Awarewolf



(credit goes to my GF, who's apparently practicing her dad humor. *sigh* please, don't wreck my karma)

Did you hear about the Russian wolf that wandered into Ukraine and got in a trap?

It chewed off three of it's legs and was still caught in the trap.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Red Riding Hood was on her way to see her grandmother in the forest. Her mother warned her "Don't walk through the forest, take the path, or else the Big Bad Wolf will catch you and suck your tits dry!"

Little Red started towards her grandmother's house but decided to take the shortcut through the forest anyway. A turtle stopped Little Red and warned her "Turn back and use the path, because if the Big Bad Wolf finds you, he'll suck your tits dry!" Little Red was almost there, so she kept going thro...

The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?" A goat shouted, "The big bad wolf is meditating!"

"So? Isn't that a good thing?" questioned the bear.

"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"

What do you call a werewolf who doesn’t know they’re a werewolf?

A un-aware wolf

Rumour got round that the bear kept a list of all the animals he plans to kill.

Scared and confused, the wolf went to confront the bear.

"Bear," said wolf. "Do you really keep a list of all the animals you plan to kill?"

"I do." said the bear.

"And... Is my name on it?" asked the wolf.

"It is." the bear growled. And the following morning, the wol...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is chased by a wolf

Billy comes running towards his father with sweat dripping down from his face. He tells them that he was lucky to outrun the wolf chasing him because the wolf tripped 3 times. His father tells Billy: "You are very brave Billy, if it was me, I would have shit myself. To which Billy responds: How do y...

I thought I saw a Direwolf, but it turns out it was just a regular wolf.

I can't believe I got the two confused, the differences are Stark.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wolf, a rabbit and a tortoise needed a drink.

They drew sticks and the tortoise came up short and had to go to the shop to get a bottle of Vodka.

An hour passed and the wolf and the rabbit got pretty pissed.

"This is too slow even for a slowpoke like him", said the wolf. "If I went, we would already be on our second bottle by now...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you guys heard of the swear-wolf?

it goes "FUCK YYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Three Blondes on a Hike

3 Blondes were walking on a hike just outside of their town when one of them stops abruptly and lets out a gasp! The other two quickly look.

Blonde one- look at those Bear tracks!

Blonde two- those aren't Bear tracks. Those are Moose tracks

Blonde three- those aren't Bear or Moo...

So the “Wolf of Wall Street” has the f word used 569 times making almost 3 times a minute

That record was broken by my dad this afternoon while trying to assemble an ikea tv stand

My granddad had my sides busting with this one over Christmas!

A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.

One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfe...

What did the shepherd say to his dog when he saw a wolf?

Let’s get the flock out of here

The lion decided to invite everyone to his birthday party. But, him being the king, he ordered everybody to bring him meat as a present, or else he will hit them with his massive dong. And soon, the day came and all the animals lined up infront of the lion's cave with their presents.

The Wolf wanted to gift the King lamb, the fox had a chicken, the leopard an antilope, and so on...The lion greeted all of his guests and welcomed them to the party. Suddenly, the rabbit stood infront of him with a carrot. All guests went silent. The lion looked him in the eyes and said: " You know...

What mythical creature always gets lost?

A where-wolf

I joined a naked wolf hunting group.

But it turns out only the wolf is naked.

Three blondes are walking around. They suddenly stumble apron some tracks. The first blonde says "those are deer tracks" the send blonde says "those are wolf tracks!" The third blonde says" no, those are bear tracks!"

And then the train hit them

Why is a van the best defense against the wolf man?

If he is behind you he’ll get exhausted, if he’s in front he’ll get tired.

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