I taught a wolf to meditate

Now he’s aware wolf

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Little red riding hood was told to look out for the wolf

So she’s really vigilant; she walks through the forest and she spots an eye through the bush and she says: “I see you mr wolf!” The wolf runs away. She goes deeper in the forest and she spots the wolf’s ears: “I see you Mr. Wolf!” The wolf runs away, little red riding hood goes deeper in the forest ...

Did you hear about the cow that cried wolf?

Fake Moos!

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What's the world coming to? I'm now under investigation just for wolf-whistling at attractive girls who walk past the building site....

Fuck knows who's going to fix that schools roof now.

Me: Omg I saw a wolf

Her: Where?
Me: No a normal one

Wolf sighting

Husband: Honey I think I just saw a wolf!

Wife: where?

Husband: No, a regular one.

Why did Red Riding Hood stop running from the Big Bad Wolf?

She was tired of being chaste.

What do you get when you try to breed a dog and a wolf?

2 counts of animal abuse and the ending of Old Yeller

Two guys are walking in the woods when

Two guys are walking in the woods when a wolf attacks them. They suffer a few bites, but they get patched up and go about their lives. The next month, on the next full moon, they suddenly change into wolves and run in the woods and kill a deer and do other wolf stuff.

In the morning they wake...

You've heard of "boy who cried wolf", but what about "man who cried pig"?

I heard the rest of the blind date was pretty awkward!

What does the Big Bad Wolf do to get high?

He huffs and he puffs.

Imagine the disappointment when if a wolf knew it's descendant would be a pug

That's how your grandpa feels when he sees your man bun

So the “Wolf of Wall Street” has the f word used 569 times making almost 3 times a minute

That record was broken by my dad this afternoon while trying to assemble an ikea tv stand

I think there's nothing cooler than being a lone wolf.

Except at wolf picnics when you don't have a partner for the wolf wheelbarrow races.

What do you call a werewolf that doesn't know he's a werewolf?

An unawarewolf.

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I was just reading that Martin Scorsese's film "The Wolf of Wall Street" broke a record by using the word "Fuck" or "Fucking" 506 times.

That actually beats a record set by me in 2003, trying to put an Ikea wardrobe together.

A wolf, a lion and a little pig are having a discussion

The wolf proudly says : I am the scariest animal of the woods. When I howl, you can hear me from miles away and it will send a shiver down your spine.

The lion smirks and says : do you think THAT is scary, little wolf? I am the true king of the jungle ánd the most scary. When I roar, all the ...

What do you call a house that turns into a wolf during a full moon?

A warehouse.

Dick Wolf, the creator of the Law & Order franchise ordered a T-bone steak for dinner last night.

He prefers them well Done-Done.

So a wolf comes to a village with three awfully farmilar houses

“Shalom” Says the Wolf

“Phew” Says the three little pigs

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A wolf and a rabbit hated each other...

One day, the pair were walking through an enchanted forest when they discovered a magical frog trapped in a hole. The frog promised to grant them each three wishes if they helped him escape. The two rescued the frog, and after they set him safely on the ground, the frog croaked, "thank you! Now I wi...

There is a wolf in the woods with a notebook.

(Translated from Russian)

There is a wolf in the woods with a notebook.

He approaches the squirrel.

"Squirrel, what are you doing tomorrow morning?"

-It seems nothing ...

"All right, then I'll write you down for breakfast." Come - I'll eat you!

Squirrel nods...

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Six Lessons of Life

**Lesson 1:**

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give y...

A fox, a wolf and a weasel all go to a restaurant.

The waitress comes over and asks what they want to drink.
"Water" says the Fox,
"Coffee" growls the Wolf,
And "Pop!" Goes the Weasel!

What do you call a wolf whose whereabouts you don't know?

You call him by his name.

You are at one side of a bridge, with a bear, a wolf, a goat, and a big bundle of grass. You have to cross the bridge, but can only hold one at a time. If left alone, the bear will kick the wolf off the cliff, the wolf will eat the sheep, and the sheep will eat the grass. How do you do it?

Just juggle them.

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After a long winter, a mountain lion, a wolf, and a fox...

After a long winter, a mountain lion, a wolf, and a fox get together and each tells how they spent the winter.

The mountain lion says, "I spent my winter in a pigpen, and each day I ate a pig. The owner counted the pigs, saw that some were missing, and set a trap from which I barely escaped."...

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A fly is buzzing around a wolf hound.

Fly: What kind of dog are you?

Dog: I'm a wolf hound.

Fly: A wolf hound? Strange name . Why do they call you like that?

Dog: Well, it's quite obvious. My mother was a hound and my father was a wolf.

Fly: I see...

Dog: So, what kind of fly are you?

Fly: I'm a...

What did the taxi driver say to the wolf?

Where-wolf.

What is a wolfs favorite puzzle?

AWOOObix cube!

If the Wolf from "Three Little Pigs" attended Hogwarts, which house would he be placed in?

Huffnpuff

What do you call a wolf with Stockholm Syndrome?

A Dog.

A wolf is walking through the forest...

A wolf is walking through the forest and sees a beaver.

"Come here" he says.

The Beaver comes over and the wolf, looking at a list in his hand, says "Ah here you are. Mr. Beaver. You'll come to the big field tomorrow at 8am and I'll eat you for breakfast. Any questions?"

"No" sa...

There was a guy on a road trip who stopped at a rest stop at an Indian reservation

While paying for his items he asked that clerk about a strange man standing out front. The cashier said that's Running Wolf, he remembers everything. On his way out the man deciding to try out the Indians memory asks him what he had for breakfast. The Indian replies "Eggs". The man is slightly impre...

A bear, a wolf, and a moose fall into a trapping pit

After a couple days with no food, the moose sees the wolf and bear whispering to each other.

The wolf turns to the moose and says "Look, the bear and I are both carnivores. It's been a couple days without food. You understand, right?"

The moose says "Yeah, I guess you're right. But...

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Little Red Riding Hood is walking through the woods, and the Big Bad Wolf leaps from the bushes...

He growls, "Take off your top, and let me suck your tits!"
She replies, "Nice try" and she takes off her skirt.
"The book says that you have to eat me."

A bear, a wolf, and a rabbit.

A bear, a wolf and a rabbit were traveling through the forest together.In order to survive more easily, they maintained a strategy by which everyone would contribute a little something to the group.The bear, being the strongest, hunted the for the most part, the wolf chased the ones who would try to...

Cold War Dog Fight

During the Cold War, the Soviets and the Americans decided that nuclear brinkmanship was not sustainable. So they agreed to settle the question of world hegemony once and for all with a good old-fashioned dog fight - the parties had one year to prepare.

The top scientist of both nations worke...

I was cured of lycanthropy.

Now I'm a were-wolf.

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A lion waa doing the cocaine

Once upon a time, a bear was smoking the weed. The rat see this.

Rat : why are you wasting your life in this, come with me. Jungle is so pretty.

So the bear and the rat start touring the jungle. They see a wolf doing the meth.

Rat : why are you wasting your life in this, come wi...

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The Turtle & The Wolf

A turtle and a wolf were great friends. One day, the wolf got trapped in a cave due to an avalanche, and he couldn't get out. He cried out for his friend turtle to help him. "Go get help!" he said, and then he waited. After a long time without any sign of help coming, the wolf started getting frustr...

What monster are miners scared of?

The canary wolf.

What does a wolf cough up after eating a rabbit?

A hare ball

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Forest Incident

The animals of the forest are having a meeting. For months on end, there was one big party and the forest lookes like the end of spring break. Vomit everywhere, empty bottles and trash on every clearing.

They agreed that this can't go on and voted to go teatotal. The bear was elected sheriff...

2 people walk across a street.

One guy is called Cookie. He is determined to do every good deed he can do, and finish it when he starts.
The other guy is called Candy. He helps cookie with the good deeds, big or small.

Suddenly, Cookie finds a sock on the street. “ look, a sock! We need to get it back to it’s original o...

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A bear is celebrating his birthday

He invites every animal in the forest. He made a rule for gifts :" who will not give me a good gift, will get punished and beaten with my dick on his back".

So the party has started.

The first one, who gave him a gift was a fox.
Fox had a tv for the gift and the bear was happy and s...

How was your job interview yesterday?

Well, I entered the office, found a man sitting on a large black leather chair with feet resting foron the table....

He pointed towards his laptop, asked me to take it and go outside, then come back and try to sell him the laptop...

He thought himself as actor Leonardo Di Caprio of "Th...

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Animals in the forest have a meeting. The bear as the chief of the forest decides to create an outhouse and they immediatelly built it.

The next day the outhouse has broken window.

So the Bear called everyone and said:

Who knows something about that?

A squirel put her arm up and says:

"I know something about that.."

"I was jumping from a branch to a branch and suddenly the wolf took me, clean his a...

Three blondes girls were walking in the woods and came upon tracks.

Three blonde girls were walking in the woods and came upon tracks. Intrigued, they go to investigate.

The first one says: “I’m pretty sure those are bear tracks.”

The second one says: “No, I’m pretty sure they’re wolf tracks.”

The third one thinks for a while, then says “Actuall...

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Three cowboys

Three cowboys sit around a campfire.
One starts to brag about himself.
"I'm so tough, one time one of my bulls got crazy but I quickly realized that I was out of ammo so I fought him with my bare hands!"

The cowboy next to him laughs.
"That's nothing! This one time I fought a pack...

The Fantastic Pig

John is travelling one day and sees a sign on the side of the road saying, "30 miles until the fantastic pig." He is curious but doesn't think anymore of it until he sees another sign 10 miles up the road declaring the fantastic pig only 20 miles away. This continues up until 5 miles away from the s...

In another news, a terrorist attack has blown away two houses, One made of straws and one made of wood.

Police believe that the suspect is a lone wolf.

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Little red ridding hood was walking through the forrest...

So little red ridding hood was walking through the forrest on the way to grandma's house. She see's some nice flowers and goes to pick them. There she see's the wolf's feet.

"oh my Mr. wolf, what big feet you have"

Wolf just grumbles something and walks away.

Little red just k...

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A man burst into the Elder's tent, saying that his son had spotted a werewolf and it wished to speak to him.

The Elder had the boy lead them all to where he saw it and when they all get there, all they see is a regular wolf, standing patiently at the line of stones that marked the border of the village.

The Elder approached it carefully, eyeing the wolf. "You." He spoke, "Wished to speak to me?"
...

I was trying to find out where my local pelt-merchant was hosting a “Lupine Designs” fashion gala for his fellow lycanthropes this year

So I asked “Where is the werewolf’s wolf-wares warehouse where werewolves wear wolves’ wares?”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A bear is walking in the woods...

And he saw a big cave. Hoping there was food, he walked in and after a few steps a Giant grabs him and yells:
-Why are you in my cave?
-I taught there was food?
-There is no food, why are you here? Do you want me to fuck you or to kill you?
-No, I just...
-Fuck you or kill you?
-Ok...

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A young tribal boy asks the village chief:

“How did Howling Moon receive her name?”

*Ah,* answers the chief. “As her mother went into labor there was a lone wolf howling into the moon!”

The boy ponders and asks, “What about Jumping Brook? How was he named?”

“Oh yes,” answered the Chief. “On the morning of his birth we wa...

[LONG] A little bird fell out of the nest...

A little bird fell out of the nest and went to explore the surrounding world.

Soon he meets a large, hairy animal and asks:

– "Hello, I'm a little bird. Who are you?"

– "Hello. I'm the Wolf\-dog"

– "A wolf\-dog? That's weird! How can you be a wolf\-dog? You can either be ...

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Never Trust An Indian

Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of American Indians. After a tour of a reservation they were on, she asked why the difference in the number of feathers in the headdresses. She asked a brave who had only one feather in his headdress. His reply was, "Me have only one squaw, me h...

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There was once a shag everything bunny

This bunny had the reputation of screwing all the animals that he came across.
So one day, this snake moves in in the vicinity. As soon as the other animals find out, the warn him
-Mr snake, best stay away from the bunny as he will surely shag you.
-Nonse! says the snake.
-No really, sa...

So I got here by train, the whole journey there was a child opposite me screaming.

I could even hear him through my wolf mask.

A rabbit town hall meeting was held to discuss recent events...

A wolf had been coming to the meadow at night, and had killed and eaten a rabbit every night for the past week. They decided to put a watchrabbit on watch. When the wolf came, the watchrabbit would shout "wolf", and they would all hide. Naturally, they chose Roger, who the best eyesight.

Unfo...

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Why did the little pig go wee wee wee all the way home?

Because the wolf told him to piss off!

The majestic lion

Lions, as everyone knows, are the kings of the animal kingdom. Apex predators of the Serengiti, there are few who can stand steady in the face of their mighty roar.

Unfortunately for lions, however, they are rather limited in their mobility. When it comes to such places as ice, water, and air...

The Superiority of Rabbits

One sunny day a rabbit came out of her hole in the ground to enjoy the fine weather. The day was so nice that she became careless and a fox snuck up behind her and caught her.

"I am going to eat you for lunch," said the fox.

"Wait," replied the rabbit, "You should at least wait a few d...

Two blondes were walking through the woods

when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks."
The other blonde looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks."
"No. Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train.

Three blondes were hiking in the woods when they came upon some tracks...

The first blonde said "We'd better be careful, I think these are bear tracks!"

The second blonde says "No, I'm almost certain these are mountain lion tracks!"

The third blonde says "Your both wrong, these are wolf tracks!"

They were still arguing 20 minutes later when the train ...

A lycanthrope transforms in front of his friend for the first time.

A lycanthrope transforms in front of his friend for the first time.

His friend says "oh my god, you just turned into a wolf!"

He replies: "yes. I am a were."

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The three pigs.

The first pig, Straw Pig, looked out his front window of his straw house as a big, bad wolf appeared in his driveway. At the top of his lungs, the wolf yelled “LITTLE PIG, LITTLE PIG, LET ME IN OR I’LL HUFF AND PUFF AND BLOW YOUR HOUSE IN”. Straw pig wasn’t worried, so he gave the wolf the finger an...

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There's a group of animals in a forest, and not enough food.

Faced with dire consequences, the animals gather together and decide on a solution: they will tell jokes to one another, and if every animal laughs at a joke then whoever told it may stay. Otherwise, they are banished from the forest.

First up is the wolf. He tells a great joke. Man, was it g...

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Prince charming wants to get married.

Prince charming want to get married, finds Snow White and asks:

Will you marry me?

"Of course, Majesty."

Prince charming shows his penis and asks:

Do you know what this is?

"Your beautiful penis, Prince.

I'm leaving. I want an innocent woman.

The Prin...

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A bear and a rabbit uncover a magic lamp.

A bear is looking for honey in a big, old tree when he spots something mysterious down in a hole. After a whole lot of struggling he finally asks a rabbit if he could help retrieve the thing.

So with a little wiggling and waggling the rabbit drags out from the tree a tarnished and weathered o...

Three squirrels were sitting on animal hides...

The first squirrel was sitting on a rabbit hide and weighed one pound. The second squirrel was sitting on a wolf hide and weighed two pounds. And the third squirrel was sitting on a hippopotamus hide and weighed three pounds. This proves that the squirrel on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of t...

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Little Red Riding Hood is traveling to her grandmother's house...

... as she went skipping through the woods, she saw a big bad wolf hiding behind a tree, she yelled, "hey big bad wolf, I see you there!". The wolf ran away.

A little while later, she was skipping across the bridge crossing the river, and she saw a big bad wolf hiding under the bridge, she ye...

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Red Riding Hood from Chernobyl with 3 boobs walks through the forest...

Wolf is checking her out from the bushes and thinks about raping her.
Wolf jumps out of the bush, tackles her and starts to undress her.

He sees three boobs and says: "Oh my God, you have three boobs!"
She replies to him: "If you don't like it, you can suck my dick!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping

happily down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.

“My what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf!” says Little Red Riding Hood. The wolf jumps up and runs away!!!

Further down the road, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again. This time, he is crouched behind a ...

So Jesus, Moses and an old man go golfing

The first to play is Jesus. After his swing, the ball land in the lake. He runs towards it, walks on the water and grabs the ball. Then it's Moses' turn. Bad luck, the same thing happens to him. He walks to the lake, spreads the water into two parts and grabs the ball on the dry ground. Finally, it'...

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A kid in a tracksuit called to my door last night and said “Trick or treat”

“Its not Halloween till Tuesday. What are you even supposed to be?”

“I’m a ware wolf” he said with a cheeky grin.

“But you’re not even wearing a costume”

“Well it’s not a fucking full moon yet dickhead” he said before kicking me in the shins and running away laughing.
...