My wife says she coughs up a bunch of phlegm every morning.

I told her that's snot, ladylike.

I make a living selling dehydrated body fluids, especially blood, yellow bile, black bile and phlegm.

I'm well renouned for my dry humors.

Did you hear about that fancy, new, lightweight mucus that scientists discovered?

It’s rather phlegm-buoyant!

What's the worst part about having a lung transplant?

Coughing up someone else's phlegm

Once in a village named Conclusion

there lived a farmer called Jump. He was very hardworking and honest farmer.

But there was a problem he faced he his line of work. He was allergic to hay. He would always get cold due to it. But as it was not avoidable, he had no choice but to work with it.

Things changed when he got ...

Why did Alexander Fleming had to invent the penicillin?

Because Alexander was phlegming!

(Eh. I. tried.)

What's the difference between a French kiss and a Belgian kiss?

...Belgian kisses have more phlegm

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nun walks into a bar looking like she'd just been in a dog fight.

Her clothes are all torn and raggedy and covered in crap. She sits down and orders a beer.

He pours her a pint and watches as she downs it in one, burps, then hawks up some phlegm and spits it on the floor. She follows this up by lifting her ass to the side and letting out a humongous resona...

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