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Phlegm Jokes

What do you call it when you sell Phlegm at a pawn shop?

Hawking a loogie

When the singer from DragonForce came down with a cold...

He was hit with inspiration for their new hit song.

Through the Fire and Phlegm

My wife says she coughs up a bunch of phlegm every morning.

I told her that's snot, ladylike.

Did you hear about that fancy, new, lightweight mucus that scientists discovered?

It’s rather phlegm-buoyant!

What's the worst part about having a lung transplant?

Coughing up someone else's phlegm

Why did Alexander Fleming had to invent the penicillin?

Because Alexander was phlegming!

(Eh. I. tried.)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nun walks into a bar looking like she'd just been in a dog fight.

Her clothes are all torn and raggedy and covered in crap. She sits down and orders a beer.

He pours her a pint and watches as she downs it in one, burps, then hawks up some phlegm and spits it on the floor. She follows this up by lifting her ass to the side and letting out a humongous resona...

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