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Costumes Jokes

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Two guys are getting ready for a costume party...

But there's a catch: The host said they have to get dressed up as 'emotions.'

So the first guy goes home and sticks his dick in a pear.

The second guy goes home and sticks his dick in a big bowl of custard.

They show up at the party together and knock on the door. The host opens...

I went to a costume party where crime was the theme

The host looked at my crow costume with a disappointed frown.

“I thought I told everyone to dress like a crime!” He said, gesturing at his blood soaked butcher’s apron, and severed human hand.

“I get yours, manslaughter! But I did indeed wear an appropriate costume. Now watch this; ‘C...

In 2023 we're not calling them Halloween costumes anymore...

It's *occultural appropriation*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mohammad Atta opens his eyes a second after flying his plane into the WTC

He finds himself inside a chamber, filled with a large group of angry men wearing wigs and weird costumes.

“Who, who are you?” He asked in great confusion.

A tall man strode forward and smacked his hand across his face with a vicious back hand. “I’m George Washington. This here are my...

A journalist was tasked to interview the best costume maker in the world...

So the journalist asked for an appointment with the costume maker, and luckily, he accepted.

Now this costume maker might be famous, but no one but himself and a few people know his real name. His identity was shrouded in mystery. The name he goes by is Mr. D.D., which are his initials. The j...

A guy and his girlfriend go to a Halloween party and neither of them are wearing costumes

The guy is carrying his gf on his back, piggyback-style, when the host approaches them.

He says "Hey, great to see you and all, but you know this is a Halloween party. Where are your costumes?"

The guy says "We have costumes. I'm a turtle and this is Michelle."

TIFU by taking my girlfriend to a food themed costume orgy.

Obligatory didn't happen today, but a few weeks ago, me and my girlfriend decided to spice up our relationship by going to an orgy. A mutual friend of ours gave us the adress, and told us to wear costumes. I was broccoli, my girlfriend was a tomato.

When we arrived, the door was unlocked. Th...

My wife finally had enough of my "childish" hobbies and made me choose between my collection of plastic blocks and my fantasy costumes.

After making a hard decision, I'm now a legoless Legolas.

My friend told me he is attracted to Christmas trees and people in animal costumes

He identifies as a douglas furry

I read that the three most popular Halloween costumes this year are clown, pumpkin, and dinosaur.

I'm capitalizing on this trend by selling costumes of Trump.

Not sure how it'll be received now. Something from back when their costumes were different

Q: Who's smarter? Batman or Superman?
A: >!Batman. They both wear their underwear outside of their pants but Batman covers his face.!<

Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are planning a costume party

and the theme is composers. Bruce tells the other stars, "I'll dress up as Mozart". Sylvester responds, "I'd be a great Beethoven". As the two are planning their costumes, Arnold checks the time and notices he's late for an appointment. As he hurries out the door, Bruce and Stallone ask "Hey, Arnol...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At your next helloween party expect to see the typical costumes.

The sexy nurse, the sexy nun and the sexist judge.

I once had a job at a burlesque club helping the girls in and out of their costumes for $100 a week.

I know it's not much but it's all I could afford.

This year in Heaven the Christmas celebration was also a costume party. Everyone dressed up.

Many people came as movie characters, from Gandalf the Grey (and White) to Jason Bourne to Black Widow to Harry Potter. Alan Rickman went as Hans Gruber, which made St. Peter exclaim "See, Die Hard IS a Christmas movie!" St. Peter was dressed as the "Fragile" lamp from A Christmas Story. Moses showe...

What do you call snowmen who like to dress in animal costumes?

Flurries.

I hosted a costume party a while back

I understood most of the costumes, but there was one guy with a rainbow clown wig, a captain America shield, an invisible dog, and a kimono. I must've sat there for 20 minutes trying to figure it out, but nothing made sense. So I went up to ask him directly.

Me: "Hey, nice costume"

Him...

I was watching my wife try on costumes; I said, you know what you looked best in?

1996

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a pornstar entering a barber shop, sitting next to a nun

the nun is currently getting her hair done.. meanwhile the pornstar is talking dirty shit about how he would like to have sex with the nun

the nun tries to ignore those words, when her hair is finished, she says she cant do such unspeakable things as a nun, an leaves

the barber then te...

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