Decorations Jokes

They don’t hang themselves.

Happy Halloween

Sorry, no reef funds.

One of my neighbor's fireworks landed in my yard and almost lit my Christmas decorations on fire.

Aisle B, Home for Christmas.

Shame, as the kids would have loved that puppy.

when husband offers to hang the wreath. “But sweetums, you are inept and you have no tools,” says the wife. Husband shrugs and goes to Lowe’s to buy a hammer. He walks past a display for the new, Elf Steam Multi-Tool. The marketing was brilliant and it had a drill, three saws, and a sander - all wor... read more

IT's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

Christmas is 364 days away, can’t they wait?

Can I just ask everyone for a big favor? Those of you who are planning to place Christmas lights/decorations in your yards, can you please avoid anything that is red or blue and flashing? Every time I drive by, I think it's the police and have a panic attack. I have to take my foot off the accelerat... read more

Now I'm at the hospital getting them removed.

We already have a skeleton crew.

It was absolutely delighted.

Both can fu k off in January.

He wanted the party to be extravagant, but wanted to spend as little money as possible. He had finished all of the other decorations, and he was left to work on the cake.

"Why not get it ordered from an upscale bakery?" his wife said.

So the father visited a ton of different bakeri... read more

They got their bunnies for nothing and their chicks for free.

He spends all night thinking about it, and eventually decides on a Christmas tree. He spends hours putting the tree up, adding tinsel, baubles, and finally the star on top. He takes a step back, and looks proudly at his work. But when he comes back to it later, he finds it torn down.

The next... read more

and is surprised to see the bar decorated for Christmas. "What's with the Christmas decorations?" the guy asks the bartender. "I thought this was supposed to be a spooky Halloween party." "Oh, these decorations are very scary for a lot of people," the bartender replies. "We're gonna terrify people w... read more

I don’t know what all the fuss is about. They’re just beading a dead horse.

Stores start putting out their Christmas decorations.

They don't have to spend a single kopeika on props and decorations

Just thought I'd nip over to my Nan's, and fair play to her, at 96, she had all the Halloween decorations up, cobwebs and insects in the windows and a skeleton on the couch.

She always makes a big effort, but there was no answer...I'll pop back next year.

I was at Home Depot and my girlfriend and I were looking at their halloween decorations. One of the workers accidentally ran over one of the skeleton decorations and I helped pick it up. He said "I didnt even know I was hitting him" so I replied "dont worry he is already dead". This motherfu, didnt ... read more

They both walk a long time but couldn't find a good one. Hour by hour passes but still none of them are good enough. It's already getting pitch dark. It's already midnight and finally one of them suddenly says "ugh, let's just pick one without decorations"

After learning about different ways to celebrate Christmas, the children were eager to learn more about the subject. Knowing that one of the teachers at their school was from the UK and maybe had an angel on top of the tree instead of the classic star, they went to ask him about it.

It's a lo... read more

All the little blue signs that say Trump-Pence on them