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Comparisons Jokes

After only a week of dating, my girlfriend broke up with me because she doesn't like my comparisons...

I feel worst than a turkey sandwich on a yacht.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The comparisons between Trump and Hitler are a bit unfair...

...Hitler actually achieved his goals.

Comparisons

Q. What's the difference between Shakespeare and Panic At The Disco?

A. Shakespeare writes Tragedies not Sins.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some good tips for your English class.

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
4. Employ the vernacular.
5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7. It...

A man is taking his family to his father's funeral...

.. He is talking with his wife as his two children sit in the backseat, the daughter fiddles with her phone charger while the son listens in.

"Honey, I don't know what I'm going to say in his eulogy."

"Well, you could make comparisons, say he was as strong as an ox."

"Yeah, that...

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