UPJOKE
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Standup Comedian Jokes

Everybody laughed at me when I said I was going to be a standup comedian.

They're not laughing now.

Which goddess did standup comedians worship in Ancient Greece?

Amirite.

One time a standup comedian started telling direction puns.

They were downright disgraceful; the audience up and left.

The standup comedian

As a standup comedian, I am prohibited from telling any jokes involving chairs.

My friend wanted to be a standup comedian

But couldn't, because his legs are paralyzed

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to watch a standup comedian who kept making stereotypical Jew jokes towards me...

I was so upset I demanded a double refund

Why didn’t anyone offer the comedian a seat in the bus?

Because he was a standup comedian.

Lie Down Comedian

Two wives meet for coffee. Says one wife about her comedian husband: "He really sucks as a standup comedian but he's awesome as a lie down comedian" Asks the other wife: "What do you mean?" Says the first wife: "He's a real joke in bed."

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