Everyone has heard of the historical figure, Karl Marx

But no one remembers his sister, Onya, She invented the starting pistol.

Communist puns are great and all, but too many of them are just replacing the word "marks" with "Marx."

If you want to be original, you should really approach them from some different Engels.

The reason why Marx never finished college

There was a class conflict

Why did Karl marx dislike earl grey tea?

Because all proper-tea is theft

Why was Karl Marx buried at Highgate Cemetery?

Because he was dead.

Two old men sat in a library and one asked the other have you read Marx?

I think it comes from sitting on these wicker chairs for too long he replied

Two nudist philosophers are sitting by the pool and one says, "Have you read Marx?

The other replies, "Yes, I believe it's from the cane chairs."

In University I was doing a 'Degree In Communism' . . . but had to drop out after the first year . . .

. . . lousy Marx

Why does Marx like geometry so much?

Because of all the ENGELS

Groucho Marx joke

“We’re gonna build an eye and ear hospital. It’ll be a site for sore eyes”

A rich man visits Karl Marx as he's writing the Communist manifesto.

He asks: "So what's in that book of yours, Mr. Marx?"

Marx replies: "None of your business."

What does Karl Marx, a bus driver and a sous chef at a 5-star restaurant have in common?

Everything, if Marx had his way.

Why did Karl Marx only write in lowercase?

Because he hated capitalism.

What do you call a communist doing yoga?

Stretch Marx

With all the systematic problems in the US, was Karl Marx right?

No, he was left.

Why did karl marx always spell his name in lowercase letters?

Because he wanted to abolish all forms of capital

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Shinto Priest was walking by a member of the Japanese Communist Party holding a copy of the Marx's Manifesto

He pointed at the guy and shouted: "What are you, a kami?"

Why Don't Communists Like School?

Because they have always get bad Marx.

Communists make the best snipers

They're natural Marx men.

An old Groucho Marx Joke

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Hey girl is your name Karl Marx?

Cuz you're starting an uprising in my lower classes

Apparently, Marx was right about religion being the opiate of the masses.

I just heard someone on the radio talking about mainlining Protestant churches.

I'm a big fan of Karl Marx's books, and if that makes me a communist;

Then So vie It

Karl Marx as a student

In University, Karl Marx's Political Economics professor noted that every day, the young man would get up halfway through class and walk out, which caused a good deal of disruption. The professor quickly grew tired of the daily distraction, and so one day, as Marx stood up and prepared to leave, the...

What’s Karl Marx’s favorite measurement of time?


I scored extremely well on my socialist exam last week.

I got top Marx.

Karl Marx dies and stands trial before St. Peter.

St. Peter: "The ideas you preach have brought misery to billions. I send you to the deepest pits of Hell!"

After a few months Satan calls God:

Satan: "God, please remove Marx from my realm as soon as possible."

God: "Why would I do that? He is a sinner, his fate is to burn in H...

I took a communism test today.

I got full Marx

Why was Marx bad at dating?

He only talked about seizing the means of production.

A store for wisdom

Dr. Who was traveling through time and space, when he came upon a cache of the universe's best wise sayings. He loaded them into the Tardis and decided to set up a shop on a nice little corner just outside of reality to sell the sayings to the great thinkers and writers of all time. He advertised hi...

Carl Marx grave attacked with a hammer.

Makes me sickle

What do you call a Soviet sniper?

A Marx man

Groucho Marx is on TV, interviewing a woman with 14 children

— My god, that’s a lot of children! How can you do this?

— I love my husband a lot…

— Lady, I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while!

A communist, like Karl Marx, says to seize the means of production...

Capitalist Donald Trump however, prefers to seize the means of reproduction.

My pet was reading Carl Marx

It's a commyleon

Why does Marx's toilet play a sonata when flushed?

Because of the violins inherent in the cistern.

What are Communists born with?


Why did Lenin mark the names of traitors with ? at the end

Because they question Marx

Groucho Marx once said:

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.

Back in the 1980s the soviets had their own version of the American toy Stretch Armstrong. They modeled it after their hero, Karl.

The toy was called Stretch Marx.

Why was Karl Marx against Chinese mutes?

Because he hated the Bù shuō!

Karl Marx passed away and went to hell...

After some days, Lucifer, caretaker of the hell met with Angel, who take care of Heaven. Yes, they meet sometimes in the corridors of heavenly worlds! Today Lucifer was gloomy. When Angel asked about his sadness, Lucifer replied. "There is a new guy in hell named Karl Marx. He created all kinds of t...

Why is the stoner communist always top of his class?

Because he gets high Marx

What did the person who found Stalin dead after suffering from a stroke say?

That’s gonna leave a Marx

Ya'll seem to like puns, so:

• Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

• How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.

• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

• I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

• They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a typo.

• I changed my iPod’s name to Tita...

Hello welcome to today’s Communist marathon...

On your Marx....

Communist puns aren't funny

Unless everyone get them.

(I need full Marx for this one)

How do you tell how good a Soviet soldier can shoot?

...his marxmanship.

What do you give a stoned communist who did well on a test?

High Marx

A pirate walks into a bar and sees a civil rights activist, a communist, and a dog sitting around a table.

The pirate says, “It’s my lucky day. X. Marx. The Spot.”

Why did Stalin fail out of school?

He didn't get high enough Marx.

Why doesn’t the philosopher like to do archery?

Because he Kant hit the Marx.

Why did everyone hate communism?

I'd give it full Marx

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How five Jews changed the way we see the world:

Moses: "The Law is everything"

Jesus: "Love is everything"

Marx: "Money is everything"

Freud: "Sex is everything"

Einstein: "Everything is relative"

I did really well on my essay about communism.

People think they're funny by asking "did you get high Marx?" Actually, I did well because I approached the topic from all Engels.

I used to go to communism classes.

I never really got good Marx.

Why did the political theory class think their teacher was being unfair?

He gave the whole class the same Marx

What do you get when you discover a communist smoking marijuana?

High Marx.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bit of history

In the Victorian era the rich people drank tea from bone china cups while the poorer classes had to use earthen-ware mugs. Bone china can stand the shock of having boiling water poured directly into it but earthen-ware can't. So the upper classes would pour their teas and then add the milk but the l...

Why did communism fail the exam?

Because it lost Marx.

Why doesn't communism work in a school enviroment?

Because everyone would get the same Marx.

A joke my Dad made up (says lots bout Dad): A philosopher and a nudist are at a beach resort...

The philosopher asks the nudist, "have you read marx? And the nudist replies, "why, yes! But I think it's the wicker chairs."

completely possible my Dad heard it somewhere else, or perhaps it came to him originally like the many other examples posted. Gotta trust yo pops tho.

Yesterday we had a communist party...

We enjoyed it to the marx.

What grades did Fidel Castro get at school?

Full Marx

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