UPJOKE
marxismcomiccomedianmarx brothersphilosopherfriedrich engelsproletariatsocialismclass strugglehegelcommunist leagueeconomistbruno bauerprussiagroucho

Marx Jokes

Communist puns are great and all, but too many of them are just replacing the word "marks" with "Marx."

If you want to be original, you should really approach them from some different Engels.

Karl Marx is a historically famous philosopher and political theorist,

but very few people know about his sister,

Onya, the inventor of the starter pistol.

An interesting fact about karl marx and Olympics

Karl Marx had a sister named Onya that was an Olympic athlete. She is still honored today, her name is invoked at the start of every foot race.

Everyone has heard of the historical figure, Karl Marx.

But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.

Why does Karl Marx hate Earl Grey?

Because all proper tea is theft.

Why did Karl Marx only write in lowercase?

Because he hated capitalism.

Hey girl is your name Karl Marx?

Cuz you're starting an uprising in my lower classes

Why did Karl Marx’s toilet play music?

Because of the violins inherent in the cistern

Karl Marx as a student

In University, Karl Marx's Political Economics professor noted that every day, the young man would get up halfway through class and walk out, which caused a good deal of disruption. The professor quickly grew tired of the daily distraction, and so one day, as Marx stood up and prepared to leave, the...

Groucho Marx

I would not belong to any club that would have me as a member

Two communists are sitting together at a nudist colony.

One turns to the other and asks “Have you read Marx?” The second replies “yes, it’s these damn wicker chairs!”

Communists make the best snipers

They're natural Marx men.

The reason why Marx never finished college

There was a class conflict

Why was Karl Marx buried at Highgate Cemetery?

Because he was dead.

Karl Marx dies and stands trial before St. Peter.

St. Peter: "The ideas you preach have brought misery to billions. I send you to the deepest pits of Hell!"

After a few months Satan calls God:

Satan: "God, please remove Marx from my realm as soon as possible."

God: "Why would I do that? He is a sinner, his fate is to burn in H...

A rich man visits Karl Marx as he's writing the Communist manifesto.

He asks: "So what's in that book of yours, Mr. Marx?"

Marx replies: "None of your business."

Have you heard about Marx's tomb?

They say it's a Communist plot

What do you call a communist sniper?

A Marx-man

Groucho Marx joke

“We’re gonna build an eye and ear hospital. It’ll be a site for sore eyes”

Why does Marx like geometry so much?

Because of all the ENGELS

Groucho Marx once said:

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.

Karl Marx hated snow days.

It meant class was cancelled.

An old Groucho Marx Joke

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

I wrote an essay on communism

Teacher gave me good Marx.

Why was Marx bad at dating?

He only talked about seizing the means of production.

Carl Marx grave attacked with a hammer.

Makes me sickle

What’s Karl Marx’s favorite measurement of time?

Hours

Why did karl marx always spell his name in lowercase letters?

Because he wanted to abolish all forms of capital

What do you call a communist british shop?

Marx and Spencers.

The first student walks into the room, where he will take an oral history test.

The teacher asked, "Who is the father of communism?"

The first student replied, "Karl Marx."

The teacher asked, "In what year?"

The first student replied, "1848."

The teacher asked, "Are ghosts real?"

The first student replied, "The Party says no, the people say ye...

Groucho Marx is on TV, interviewing a woman with 14 children

— My god, that’s a lot of children! How can you do this?

— I love my husband a lot…

— Lady, I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while!

My pet was reading Carl Marx

It's a commyleon

Apparently, Marx was right about religion being the opiate of the masses.

I just heard someone on the radio talking about mainlining Protestant churches.

I see Trump as a modern Karl Marx

Have you heard him talk about seizing the means of reproduction?

I'm a big fan of Karl Marx's books, and if that makes me a communist;

Then So vie It

What does Karl Marx, a bus driver and a sous chef at a 5-star restaurant have in common?

Everything, if Marx had his way.

In University I was doing a 'Degree In Communism' . . . but had to drop out after the first year . . .

. . . lousy Marx

When Karl Marx was a young philosophy student, he took it upon himself to travel across the country to see the wide world and learn all that he could to develop his theories.

Hither and thither he would ride across the German countryside, in his little pony-cart pulled by a pair of strong, hardy donkeys, meeting people, studying their lives and professions, and seeking to understand the world.

A time came when he was high in the German mountains. Snow was thick ...

A communist, like Karl Marx, says to seize the means of production...

Capitalist Donald Trump however, prefers to seize the means of reproduction.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Karl Marx had a lesser known brother in the scat porn industry. His name?

Skid Marx.

Why was Karl Marx against Chinese mutes?

Because he hated the Bù shuō!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Shinto Priest was walking by a member of the Japanese Communist Party holding a copy of the Marx's Manifesto

He pointed at the guy and shouted: "What are you, a kami?"

I went to a Soviet drycleaners but didn't have the right money

They said they'd do it cheaper but I'd have to wait a while.

I had to ask them to quit Stalin, Putin a few Roubles and get these Marx off my Lenin.

How do you tell how good a Soviet soldier can shoot?

...his marxmanship.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How five Jews changed the way we see the world:

Moses: "The Law is everything"

Jesus: "Love is everything"

Marx: "Money is everything"

Freud: "Sex is everything"

Einstein: "Everything is relative"

In communist Yugoslavia a worker is in prison

An inmate asks him: “How did you end up here?”

Well, at my workplace, I put up pictures of Marx, Engels, Tito and Lennon.

Oh I see, and that’s why they put you in prison.

No.

It was when comrade director came and asked me: “Why is there a picture of that fool on the wall...

a kindly but unsophisticated trash friend of mine appreciated a midlife introduction to marx, commenting "religion the opiate of the masses?...

'pretty sure opioids are a solid lock on the opiate of them masses."

A joke my Dad made up (says lots bout Dad): A philosopher and a nudist are at a beach resort...

The philosopher asks the nudist, "have you read marx? And the nudist replies, "why, yes! But I think it's the wicker chairs."

Edit:
completely possible my Dad heard it somewhere else, or perhaps it came to him originally like the many other examples posted. Gotta trust yo pops tho.

What are Communists born with?

BirthMarx

Karl Marx passed away and went to hell...

After some days, Lucifer, caretaker of the hell met with Angel, who take care of Heaven. Yes, they meet sometimes in the corridors of heavenly worlds! Today Lucifer was gloomy. When Angel asked about his sadness, Lucifer replied. "There is a new guy in hell named Karl Marx. He created all kinds of t...

Two guys walk into a bar

A philosopher and a physician walk into a fabulous tiki beach bar in Florida and both order drinks. After a while the philosopher addresses the physician, "Have you read Marx?" The physician replies, "Yes, I blame these wicker bar stools."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a Communist race-car driver who shits his pants when he crashes?

Skid Marx

Why did everyone hate communism?

I'd give it full Marx

I scored extremely well on my socialist exam last week.

I got top Marx.

Why did Lenin mark the names of traitors with ? at the end

Because they question Marx

Hello welcome to today’s Communist marathon...

On your Marx....

I studied communism at school

Got nice Marx

Why is the stoner communist always top of his class?

Because he gets high Marx

Communist puns aren't funny

Unless everyone get them.

(I need full Marx for this one)

What grades did Fidel Castro get at school?

Full Marx

What did the person who found Stalin dead after suffering from a stroke say?

That’s gonna leave a Marx

Why Don't Communists Like School?

Because they have always get bad Marx.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.