Marx Jokes

If you want to be original, you should really approach them from some different Engels.

but very few people know about his sister,

Onya, the inventor of the starter pistol.

Karl Marx had a sister named Onya that was an Olympic athlete. She is still honored today, her name is invoked at the start of every foot race.

But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.

Because all proper tea is theft.

Because he hated capitalism.

Cuz you're starting an uprising in my lower classes

Because of the violins inherent in the cistern

In University, Karl Marx's Political Economics professor noted that every day, the young man would get up halfway through class and walk out, which caused a good deal of disruption. The professor quickly grew tired of the daily distraction, and so one day, as Marx stood up and prepared to leave, the... read more

I would not belong to any club that would have me as a member

One turns to the other and asks “Have you read Marx?” The second replies “yes, it’s these damn wicker chairs!”

They're natural Marx men.

There was a class conflict

Because he was dead.

St. Peter: "The ideas you preach have brought misery to billions. I send you to the deepest pits of Hell!"

After a few months Satan calls God:

Satan: "God, please remove Marx from my realm as soon as possible."

God: "Why would I do that? He is a sinner, his fate is to burn in H... read more

He asks: "So what's in that book of yours, Mr. Marx?"

Marx replies: "None of your business."

They say it's a Communist plot

A Marx-man

“We’re gonna build an eye and ear hospital. It’ll be a site for sore eyes”

Because of all the ENGELS

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.

It meant class was cancelled.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Teacher gave me good Marx.

He only talked about seizing the means of production.

Makes me sickle

Hours

Because he wanted to abolish all forms of capital

Marx and Spencers.

The teacher asked, "Who is the father of communism?"

The first student replied, "Karl Marx."

The teacher asked, "In what year?"

The first student replied, "1848."

The teacher asked, "Are ghosts real?"

The first student replied, "The Party says no, the people say ye... read more

— My god, that’s a lot of children! How can you do this?

— I love my husband a lot…

— Lady, I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while!

It's a commyleon

I just heard someone on the radio talking about mainlining Protestant churches.

Have you heard him talk about seizing the means of reproduction?

Then So vie It

Everything, if Marx had his way.

. . . lousy Marx

Hither and thither he would ride across the German countryside, in his little pony-cart pulled by a pair of strong, hardy donkeys, meeting people, studying their lives and professions, and seeking to understand the world.

A time came when he was high in the German mountains. Snow was thick ... read more

Capitalist Donald Trump however, prefers to seize the means of reproduction.

Because he hated the Bù shuō!

They said they'd do it cheaper but I'd have to wait a while.

I had to ask them to quit Stalin, Putin a few Roubles and get these Marx off my Lenin.

...his marxmanship.

An inmate asks him: “How did you end up here?”

Well, at my workplace, I put up pictures of Marx, Engels, Tito and Lennon.

Oh I see, and that’s why they put you in prison.

No.

It was when comrade director came and asked me: “Why is there a picture of that fool on the wall... read more

'pretty sure opioids are a solid lock on the opiate of them masses."

The philosopher asks the nudist, "have you read marx? And the nudist replies, "why, yes! But I think it's the wicker chairs."

Edit:
completely possible my Dad heard it somewhere else, or perhaps it came to him originally like the many other examples posted. Gotta trust yo pops tho.

BirthMarx

After some days, Lucifer, caretaker of the hell met with Angel, who take care of Heaven. Yes, they meet sometimes in the corridors of heavenly worlds! Today Lucifer was gloomy. When Angel asked about his sadness, Lucifer replied. "There is a new guy in hell named Karl Marx. He created all kinds of t... read more

A philosopher and a physician walk into a fabulous tiki beach bar in Florida and both order drinks. After a while the philosopher addresses the physician, "Have you read Marx?" The physician replies, "Yes, I blame these wicker bar stools."

I'd give it full Marx

I got top Marx.

Because they question Marx

On your Marx....

Got nice Marx

Because he gets high Marx

Unless everyone get them.

(I need full Marx for this one)

Full Marx

That’s gonna leave a Marx

Because they have always get bad Marx.