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Comedians Jokes

What's a comedians least favorite drink?

Booze

I used to steal comedians' jokes and not credit them.

I still do, but I used to, too.

I used to rip off famous comedians' jokes to post on Reddit for easy karma.

I still do, but I used to, too.

Did you hear about the dating app for comedians?

It's called FunnyBones

What pronouns do comedians use?

He/he/he

Why do late night comedians skew left wing?

Because the right wing viewers have to work in the morning.

Why do mountain ranges make such good comedians?

Because they're HILL-AREAS!

Where do all Finnish comedians live?

Hehelsinki

Vladimir Zelenski is a backwards politician.

Most politicians act like heroes to get elected and comedians while in office.

Why do Amazon Prime drivers make terrible comedians?

Because their delivery takes two days.

Why do bullfrogs love terrible comedians?

----------?






*crickets*

Which goddess did standup comedians worship in Ancient Greece?

Amirite.

How many bad comedians does it take to change a lightbulb?

One.

Three comedians walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What'll it be, guys?"

The observational comic replies, "Isn't this just typical!" The slapstick comedian slips and bangs his head on the bar. Then the absurdist comedian says, "This joke is well-structured in a formal sense but not particularly funny."

What do comedians eat for breakfast?

Pun-cakes.

Why do people with no arms make bad comedians?

Because they haven't got a funny bone in their body.

Why don't comedians like being quarantined?

They can only make inside jokes.

What's a comedians favorite wrestling move??¿?

The Knee Slapper

How do you tell the difference between good Comedians and bad ones?

The Bad ones Punch up the screwline.

What do chiropractors and comedians have in common?

They both crack people up.

Why do computers love comedians?

Because they like processing their bits.

I simmered ten comedians in water for 6 hours.

and made a laughing stock.

Were your parents comedians?

Because you're a joke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a group of senior Japanese comedians?

Comic Sans

Nowadays, comedians tell the news,

And, the media tells the joke.

3 comedians

Three comedians are shooting the breeze at the back of a nightclub after a late gig. They’ve heard one another’s material so much, they’ve reached the point where they don’t need to say the jokes anymore to amuse each other, they just need to refer to each joke by a number. “Number 37!” cracks the f...

Politically correct people are great comedians

Even when they say something's not funny people keep laughing

Teacher asks students for their favourite stand up comedians

Students start naming their favourite comedians.

Then one kid says : Joe Biden.

Another kid follows with : Donald Trump.

Political debate starts. When the teacher finaly quiets down the class there is only the person who didn't say who their favourite is, is the quiet kid.
...

All tiktoker's should be comedians

They should know what unemployment feels like

A lot of comedians these days have a major issue with 'woke' people

Bill Cosby, for instance...

A rookie comedian asks an experienced comedian how he manages to cater his jokes toward his audience.

The comedian gives the newcomer a slip of paper with a website url. “This is a forum for comedians where they trade jokes. It’s perfect to find the right joke for the right occasion.”

So just before his first gig at a tailors convention, he looks up “jokes for tailors” on the forum. He manage...

What disease do all comedians have?

Sillyacts

I was shipping comedians across the countr but it took to long

They said it was bad timing but great delivery

I wanna become a musical comedian

Sadly, none of my jokes are noteworthy...

Why do muslim comedians always get tons of laughs?

Cause nobody wants them to bomb the show.

How do chickens become comedians?

By having more than one good yolk.

Comedians tell better jokes when they’ve taken drugs.

It’s always funnier when they crack themselves up.

Comedians are often sad clowns

Like their jokes, they tend to be tearable.

Comedians have decided to take covid 19 more seriously

From now on they’ll only be telling inside jokes

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