The 78+ Best Dye Jokes - ↑UPJOKE↑

What do you call a blonde girl that dyes her hair dark

Artificial intelligence

My friend was going to dye her hair to spite her ex, but I stopped her.

I didn't want her to be blonded by her hatred.

Why did Rudolph run away from Santa, get a tattoo and dye his tail purple?

He was a rebel without a Claus

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I emptied a bottle of leftover hair-dye down the toilet.

Shit got dark pretty fast.

A blonde who was tired of all the blonde jokes going around and decided to dye her hair brown.

She then went for a drive in the country and came upon a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.

"Hey, shepherd! If I guess how many sheep there are here, can I keep one?" The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. Out of the blue, she blurts out "352!" He is stunned but keeps his word and allow...

Blonde dyes her hair brown, because she's tired of all the blonde jokes

this blonde girl dies her hair brown because she's tired of all the jokes she decides to take a ride one day in her convertible. She's got the top down and she's cruising up an Old country road.And comes across this sheep herder. So she stops and pokes her head over the convertible and says excuse m...

James Bond is laid off

James Bond is laid off and at the job center, there are only two jobs available, one in a call center and the other in a fabric coloring plant

"Huh, " said Bond, "you expect me to talk?"

"No Mr Bond, " replied the interviewer, "I expect you to dye. "

What did the chameleon say when he walked across a tie-dye shirt?

Whoa, that last bug must have been laced with something!

[OC] Why are hairdressers suicidal

They just want to dye.

(My first oc please don’t hurt me)

A nun decides to dye her worn out clothes

A nun decided that it was much cheaper to just dye the colour back into her worn out clothes instead of buying new clothes. Every year, the nun would go to a nearby dye shop to dye her clothes and hang them to dry.

When she returned to the store for the 10th time, she dyed and hung her clot...

My girlfriend wanted to dye her hair red...

But she spilled it all over the bathroom.

It looks like someone dyed in there.

I was at a barber shop in Bangkok and I asked to get my hair dyed, and for the barber to surprise me. I noticed that it was taking a bit longer than hair dyeing normally would, and when I looked at the finished job in the mirror, I noticed that they were in rainbow swirls.

When I asked the barber, "What is this?" he told me,"Well, it's a Thai dye."

How can you tell when a brunette is actually a blonde who dyes her hair?

When she trips over the cordless phone.

A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his paperwork.

The poor man dyed a loan.

All of the heroes of Overwatch have natural hair colors...

Because heroes never dye.

The youth of today don't know how to make those 90s rainbow tie-dye t-shirts...

..I guess it's a dying art.

A blonde goes to buy a TV

A blonde goes to buy a TV and asks for the manager at the electronics store

She asks “How much is that TV?”

The manager responds “I’m sorry but I don’t sell to blondes”

She gets mad and leaves the store. When she gets home she gets an idea. She decides to dye her hair red and th...

I accidentally ate some red dye today.

Doctor says I’m OK, but I feel like I dyed a little inside.

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Old habits dye hard ..

(reposting a joke I mean... )

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip o...

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Guy goes to Doc because his dick is orange.

A guy goes to the doctor because his dick is orange;

Doctor looks at it and say, “yep, it’s orange alright”

Guy says, “why is it orange doc? What could it be?”

Doc thinks for a minute… then asks the guy, “do you work around dyes or paints or anything like that?”

Guy says,...

A blonde dyes her hair brown and goes for a drive in the countryside

While she is driving, she stops for a shepherd who is crossing with some sheep.
She asks,"If I can guess the amount of sheep you have, can I keep one?"
The shepherd replies,"Sure, why not"
So the blonde (now brunette) thinks for a while and says,"261"
The number is right, so the shepherd...

I sell dyes at my dye shop but everyone is scared of me

I only ask my customers "Hey, wanna dye?"

I WILL colour my clothes

Or dye trying!

I went to make my own James Bond clothing, but came back with a plain, white T-shirt

I had No Time To Dye.

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On the sixth day

**ON THE SIXTH DAY... **

**God Creating Spiders**

God: Make it have 8 legs

Angel: Seems excessive but OK

God: And 8 eyes

Angel: You need to calm down a li-

God: Give it a bum rope

**God Creating Kittens**

God: make them fluffy & adorable li...

A doctor was addressing a large audience in Oxford "The materials we put into our stomach should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.

. Red meat is full of steroids and dye. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High transfat diets can be disastrous and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But... There is one thing that is the more dangerous to all us...

Why did Worf change his hair color?

It was a good day to dye.

CDC announces a new dye that turns coronavirus black

so police will kill it for us.

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What’s the difference between this joke and a nudist soaked in food coloring?

One is nude in dye and the other died in new.

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A blonde woman wants to prove she is smart.

So she dyes her hair brunette and goes out for a challenge.
She finds a shepherd with a big herd,
and asks him if she can guess the number of sheep in the first try and if she guesses right she could keep one of the sheep.
The shepherd agrees. After a good look at the herd she thinks and te...

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So there's a guy born without a body...

He was born as a head, nothing else. The doctors said he would never live, but somehow, he did. He had a rough childhood, but he learned to get around, rolling where he needed to, putting up with the teasing and looks. He just tried to fit in as best he could.

By the time he's in high schoo...

A blonde walks into an appliance store.

She asks the clerk " Hi, how much is that pink Television?" the clerk replies "Sorry, but we don't sell to blondes". She screams discrimination but eventually accepts defeat and walks out.She dyes her hair black, wears sunglasses and goes back the next day, "What's the price for that pink Television...

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What do you call a clever, socially awkward, bisexual hippie with fancy neckwear who streams Star-Trek?

A shy, wry, bi guy in a fly tie and tie dye watching sci-fi on wifi.

Credits: my bud

As a school project, we wanted to perform a Jesus play

but the only guy who had the traditional famous Jesus look had blonde hair.

We begged him to dye it black, but he refused.

After explaining it to his parents, they agreed to let their son dye for our scenes.

Did you hear the tragic story about the man who sat in food coloring?

He dyes in the end.

A blonde is tired of being teased, so she dies her hair brown and moves to the countryside...

A blonde is tired of being teased, so she dyes her hair brown and moves to the countryside. As she’s driving home one day she spots a farmer leaning on a fence chewing a piece of straw.

“Ha, I’m going to put one over on that dumb farmer!”, she says to herself, pulling over.

“Greetings,...

A blonde moves out to the country....

A blonde moves out to the countryside because she's tired of people in the city assuming she's dumb because of her hair color. She dyes her hair brown, packs up, and moves out. On her way to her new house she passes a shepherd with a herd of sheep. Eager to start her new life, she pulls over and pos...

A blonde walks into an electronics store

She looks around and eventually calls a worker over and says “I’d like to buy this tv”

The worker tells her kindly, “I apologize miss, but store policy is that we don’t sell things to blondes”.

Very angry, she leaves and goes to a salon and dyes her hair black. Then she goes back the n...

A blonde walked into an electronics store and said to the salesman, "I want that TV."

The salesperson shook his head and said, "I am sorry, but we don't sell to blondes."

The blonde left, dyed her hair brown, came back and asked, "I want that TV."

Again the salesperson said, "I am really sorry, but we don't sell to blondes."

The blonde leaves, dyes her hair red a...

A lesson from my life as a monk

I learned a lot during my years at the monastery. One thing I still remember is that our vow of poverty meant that we were expected to go to great lengths to look after our one robe, including mending and from time to time dying them to their regulation dark hue.

One thing that surprised me ...

What is the worst name for a hair salon?

Cut and dye

Today my wife gave birth to our son and unfortunately he was born with a very rare skin condition.

My wife told me it is called a “pre-natal sun burn”. Apparently it can be caused by too much time in tanning beds or long exposure to the sun on the beach.

Essentially all it does is dye the pigments of the child’s skin dark brown but he shouldn’t feel any pain.

She told me that there...

A cosmonaut crash lands

A Russian cosmonaut has an emergency during his reentry into earth's atmosphere and his space craft crash lands in the Australian bush, way out in the middle of nowhere. After what seems like an eternity, he wakes up in a bush hospital clinic, very rustic, dirty, with foul smells and he is really ba...

There was a jungle tribe of people who lived entirely off the land...

They hunted and foraged, and built structures with wildgrasses and leaves. Most of the tribe was kind and giving, except for the one greedy old coot. He did not live modestly: full feasts when others were hungry, 2-story hut when the rest were 1, and the rarest dyes on all of his clothes. This old c...

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A Dyre Predicament

"So kind of you to cruise by, Superman. How are the kryptonite shackles treating you?"

"You won't get away with this! Who are you anyway? I've never fought you."

"Oh, that's because I'm not a villain. And I intend to keep it that way, which brings me to the nature of today's exercise...

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Two old men are about to get in the sauna at the health club

One of them says, “I’ve gotten so fat I can’t even see my dick anymore.” The other asks, “Why don’t you diet?” The first guy exclaims, “Dye it? Shit what color is it now?!”

Marvel Studios is now against hair coloring

In fact, their next film is about a group of people that never dye

"Honey, let's just a couple of sheep so we don't have to mow the lawn." -- "Oh, but what would we do with the wool?" -- "Well, we could-"

shear it

wash it

dry it

pick it

card it

bag it

store it

sell it

process it

clean it

buy it

keep it

pack it

send it

mail

insulate it

mulch it

fertilise it

toss it

compo...

How did I get rich?

Well I was working on my sheep farm. We had just sheared the flock and spun the wool into yarn. As I was dying one skein of yarn green, a lamb wandered over and fell into the tub of dye. By the time I rescued the poor thing, he'd already managed to turn himself completely green.

Well, a littl...

When you want to change your hairstyle, there are two choices:

'Do or dye.

Bought a new camera today…

and wanted to test it out. I was looking for a good subject and found a salon where a guy was cutting a woman’s hair. I went in and asked him if I could take some pictures. He said she wanted a rainbow look, and it would be great to get some before and after pics to capture the coloring process.
...

A blonde girl goes to an appliance store

She spots the t.v. she's been saving up for, picks it up and goes to the cashier
The cashier says "Sorry ma'am, we don't serve blondes"
Disgruntled she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she goes into the appliance store, picks out the same t.v. and once again goes to...

What did Lieutenant Worf say when he made rainbow T-shirts with his son?

“Today *is* a good day to dye!”

James Bond hits upon hard times and finds himself facing a job seeker interview...

James Bond hits upon hard times and finds himself facing a job seeker interview,

"Well Mr Bond we have two positions we can offer you, one is giving lectures to children on the benefits of a career in military intelligence, and the other is in the fabric staining department of a yarn mill. "<...

The nun's old outfit

A nun noticed that the outfit she had worn for twenty years was faded, so she got some plants and chemicals and tried to change the color, but no matter how many times she tried, the color stayed the same.

Old habits dye hard.

What do you call allies who color things in rainbows to show support for Pride?

Dye-er Straights!

I used to have a friend with the most beautiful blonde hair

I haven't seen them in so long and I really hope they didn't dye

Rudy Giuliani house was searched

So federal investigators searched Giuliano's house today. I thought they would find hair dye, but they didn't. I guess it ran.

What did the police say about the hair stylist turned super villain?

Their evil plans were dye-a-follicle.

After watching Rudy Giuliani press conference it's safe to say....

He is definitely Donald Trump's ride or dye.

The day I found my first gray hairs...

I thought I'd dye!

Went to the doctor the other day after drinking a gallon of food coloring

I was peeing all these funny colors. He diagnosed me with a case of "dye urea".

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A blonde woman goes appliance shopping...

... and upon arrival at the department store, she decides to take advantage of a sale that she sees. She calls over an employee and points to the marked-down price.

"I'd like to buy this television," she says, batting her eyelashes.

"I'm truly very sorry, miss," the employee tells her,...

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I work for company that paints lawns green in dry climates. Someday I will own my own upholstery business. I want to make car seats out of animal hides...

...but, I dye grass.

A woman goes to buy a tv

She goes to the salesman and says, “I’d like to buy this tv good sir.”
He says, “I’m sorry ma’am but I cannot sell to blondes.” Upset the woman leaves

It is the next day and she wears a different outfit with a wig. The woman is sure the salesman won’t recognize her. She says, “I’d like to ...

Three inmates at the insane asylum gather around the lunch table to plot how they can break out and regain their freedom.

Rudy, the longest standing resident explains they should all meet along the Southern wall at precisely midnight, whereupon he will use his recently illegally acquired hospital issue flashlight to vault them over the wall. Then it’s a short walk across the border into Mexico.

Upon hearing the ...

How many sheep?

A blonde woman is tired of people assuming she's stupid and dyes her hair red. Feeling empowered, she goes for a car ride down a country road. Soon she sees a farm with hundreds of sheep. She walks up to the owner of the farm and makes this proposal: "These sheep are adorable, if I guess how many th...

I'm a 50 y/o woman and without a hair saloon I'm turning grey. This deprives me of my dignity.

I think I'll have to dye alone.

A blonde walks into an appliance store...

A blonde walks into an appliance store. After looking around for a bit, she calls a salesman over. "How much for this TV?" She asks, the salesman replies "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes." The blonde leaves the store, goes home, and dyes her hair red.

She comes back to the store the next day...

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I was talking to a landscaper about his work the other day.

He told me: “Most of my work involves painting people’s lawns a different color. It’s some kind of new trend. I, personally, don’t get the appeal of having a pink lawn. Doesn’t make sense to me. But, I dye grass.”

Doctor told me to eat more greens

Doctor: Well you should eat more greens
Me: ok

(Gets home)

Well time to dye all my burgers green

(Next check up)

Doctor: what the hell happened
Me: I went on a dye-it

Paintball is a very violent sport

It involves a lot of dyeing

What did the actress do when she saw her first strands of grey hair?

She thought she would dye.

When I looked at the state of my hair, I despaired.

I just wanted to curl up and dye now.

A blonde in a shop .

A blonde entered a shop and had a look around . She pointed towards a television and told the salesman she wanted it . The salesman said : sadly I dont sell stuff to blondes . So the blonde walked away angrily. But she still wanted the TV so she dyed her hair red and entered the same shop . Once a...

A blond is done with all the blond jokes.

A blond is done with all the blond jokes. So she makes a plan....

She sells her house, dyes her hair and packs her stuff in her small car. She heads in a random direction to find a place to start her new life as a brunette. After some time driving she finds herself in a hilly landscape. She i...

A new hairdressers for angry gamers opened up in my town.

It's called 'Dye Dye Dye!'

My Moms friend recently passed away when I was young..

She was a beekeeper and used to eat the honey maybe a bit too regularly.

My mom told me that she had inhaled the chemicals that Bee's use to color their t-shirts, She ended up passing away a few hours later due to dye of bee tees.

(Edit: I forgot to take out the word "recently"...

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