How can you tell when a brunette is actually a blonde who dyes her hair?

When she trips over the cordless phone.

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I emptied a bottle of leftover hair-dye down the toilet.

Shit got dark pretty fast.

What do you call a blonde that dyes her hair red?

Artificial intelligence.

Why did Rudolph run away from Santa, get a tattoo and dye his tail purple?

He was a rebel without a Claus

Tired of constant blonde jokes, a blonde dyes her hair brown. She then goes for a drive in the country and sees a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.

"Hey, shepherd, if I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?"

The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. She blurts out "352!"

He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick a sheep.

"I'll take this one," she says proudly. "It's the cutest!"

"Hey lady," says the ...

I was at a barber shop in Bangkok and I asked to get my hair dyed, and for the barber to surprise me. I noticed that it was taking a bit longer than hair dyeing normally would, and when I looked at the finished job in the mirror, I noticed that they were in rainbow swirls.

When I asked the barber, "What is this?" he told me,"Well, it's a Thai dye."

A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his paperwork.

The poor man dyed a loan.

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Old habits dye hard ..

(reposting a joke I mean... )

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip o...

What did the police say about the hair stylist turned super villain?

Their evil plans were dye-a-follicle.

My girlfriend wanted to dye her hair red...

But she spilled it all over the bathroom.

It looks like someone dyed in there.

I accidentally ate some red dye today.

Doctor says I’m OK, but I feel like I dyed a little inside.

A blonde is tired of being teased, so she dies her hair brown and moves to the countryside...

A blonde is tired of being teased, so she dyes her hair brown and moves to the countryside. As she’s driving home one day she spots a farmer leaning on a fence chewing a piece of straw.

“Ha, I’m going to put one over on that dumb farmer!”, she says to herself, pulling over.

“Greetings,...

What did Lieutenant Worf say when he made rainbow T-shirts with his son?

“Today *is* a good day to dye!”

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I work for company that paints lawns green in dry climates. Someday I will own my own upholstery business. I want to make car seats out of animal hides...

...but, I dye grass.

I used to have a friend with the most beautiful blonde hair

I haven't seen them in so long and I really hope they didn't dye

A nun decides to dye her worn out clothes

A nun decided that it was much cheaper to just dye the colour back into her worn out clothes instead of buying new clothes. Every year, the nun would go to a nearby dye shop to dye her clothes and hang them to dry.

When she returned to the store for the 10th time, she dyed and hung her clot...

[OC] Why are hairdressers suicidal

They just want to dye.

(My first oc please don’t hurt me)

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What’s the difference between this joke and a nudist soaked in food coloring?

One is nude in dye and the other died in new.

Three inmates at the insane asylum gather around the lunch table to plot how they can break out and regain their freedom.

Rudy, the longest standing resident explains they should all meet along the Southern wall at precisely midnight, whereupon he will use his recently illegally acquired hospital issue flashlight to vault them over the wall. Then it’s a short walk across the border into Mexico.

Upon hearing the ...

After watching Rudy Giuliani press conference it's safe to say....

He is definitely Donald Trump's ride or dye.

A blonde goes to buy a TV

A blonde goes to buy a TV and asks for the manager at the electronics store

She asks “How much is that TV?”

The manager responds “I’m sorry but I don’t sell to blondes”

She gets mad and leaves the store. When she gets home she gets an idea. She decides to dye her hair red and th...

As a school project, we wanted to perform a Jesus play

but the only guy who had the traditional famous Jesus look had blonde hair.

We begged him to dye it black, but he refused.

After explaining it to his parents, they agreed to let their son dye for our scenes.

The youth of today don't know how to make those 90s rainbow tie-dye t-shirts...

..I guess it's a dying art.

A blonde dyes her hair brown and goes for a drive in the countryside

While she is driving, she stops for a shepherd who is crossing with some sheep.
She asks,"If I can guess the amount of sheep you have, can I keep one?"
The shepherd replies,"Sure, why not"
So the blonde (now brunette) thinks for a while and says,"261"
The number is right, so the shepherd...

There is a reason why Daniel Craig has grey hair in the new James Bond film.

It's because he's got 'No Time to Dye'.

Every time I drink food coloring,

I dye a little on the inside.

Went to the doctor the other day after drinking a gallon of food coloring

I was peeing all these funny colors. He diagnosed me with a case of "dye urea".

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A blonde woman wants to prove she is smart.

So she dyes her hair brunette and goes out for a challenge.
She finds a shepherd with a big herd,
and asks him if she can guess the number of sheep in the first try and if she guesses right she could keep one of the sheep.
The shepherd agrees. After a good look at the herd she thinks and te...

How did I get rich?

Well I was working on my sheep farm. We had just sheared the flock and spun the wool into yarn. As I was dying one skein of yarn green, a lamb wandered over and fell into the tub of dye. By the time I rescued the poor thing, he'd already managed to turn himself completely green.

Well, a littl...

CDC announces a new dye that turns coronavirus black

so police will kill it for us.

A blonde walks into an appliance store...

A blonde walks into an appliance store. After looking around for a bit, she calls a salesman over. "How much for this TV?" She asks, the salesman replies "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes." The blonde leaves the store, goes home, and dyes her hair red.

She comes back to the store the next day...

A woman goes to buy a tv

She goes to the salesman and says, “I’d like to buy this tv good sir.”
He says, “I’m sorry ma’am but I cannot sell to blondes.” Upset the woman leaves

It is the next day and she wears a different outfit with a wig. The woman is sure the salesman won’t recognize her. She says, “I’d like to ...

A blonde in a shop .

A blonde entered a shop and had a look around . She pointed towards a television and told the salesman she wanted it . The salesman said : sadly I dont sell stuff to blondes . So the blonde walked away angrily. But she still wanted the TV so she dyed her hair red and entered the same shop . Once a...

All of the heroes of Overwatch have natural hair colors...

Because heroes never dye.

The Nuns robes

The Nun had tried ever so hard to change the colour of her old robes but to no avail. I guess old habits dye hard.

I'm a 50 y/o woman and without a hair saloon I'm turning grey. This deprives me of my dignity.

I think I'll have to dye alone.

James Bond is laid off

James Bond is laid off and at the job center, there are only two jobs available, one in a call center and the other in a fabric coloring plant

"Huh, " said Bond, "you expect me to talk?"

"No Mr Bond, " replied the interviewer, "I expect you to dye. "

Paintball is a very violent sport

It involves a lot of dyeing

Why is Easter the most popular Klingon Holiday?

Because it is a good day to dye.

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I was talking to a landscaper about his work the other day.

He told me: “Most of my work involves painting people’s lawns a different color. It’s some kind of new trend. I, personally, don’t get the appeal of having a pink lawn. Doesn’t make sense to me. But, I dye grass.”

My neighbour used to sell Ukranian eggs.

If you don't know what those are, it's when you draw on eggs with wax and then soak them in coloured dyes to create special designs. It's an art form called Pysanky - you should look it up.


He used to sell them out of a little stall in his front garden. I never really saw many people bu...

Blonde walks into an Electronics store

She walks up to one of the Items and taps the nearest sales person on the shoulder “excuse me sir, how much for that TV??”
The sales person looked her up and down and said “I’m sorry ma’am but we don’t sell TV’s to blondes”
The blonde gets upset and leaves the store.
She goes home furious...

What did the actress do when she saw her first strands of grey hair?

She thought she would dye.

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What do you call a clever, socially awkward, bisexual hippie with fancy neckwear who streams Star-Trek?

A shy, wry, bi guy in a fly tie and tie dye watching sci-fi on wifi.

Credits: my bud

Fewer people are decorating eggs these days ...

It’s a dyeing art.

Doctor told me to eat more greens

Doctor: Well you should eat more greens
Me: ok

(Gets home)

Well time to dye all my burgers green

(Next check up)

Doctor: what the hell happened
Me: I went on a dye-it

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So there's a guy born without a body...

He was born as a head, nothing else. The doctors said he would never live, but somehow, he did. He had a rough childhood, but he learned to get around, rolling where he needed to, putting up with the teasing and looks. He just tried to fit in as best he could.

By the time he's in high schoo...

A new hairdressers for angry gamers opened up in my town.

It's called 'Dye Dye Dye!'

A blonde walks into a small store and picks an item to buy. [Long]

A blonde walks into a small store and picks an item to she wants to buy. She goes to the only cashier (who is also the manager of the place) and tells him:

"How much is this hair dryer?"

The cashier replies: "This is not for sale".

The blonde returns the item and leaves. Next da...

A blonde walks into an appliance store.

She asks the clerk " Hi, how much is that pink Television?" the clerk replies "Sorry, but we don't sell to blondes". She screams discrimination but eventually accepts defeat and walks out.She dyes her hair black, wears sunglasses and goes back the next day, "What's the price for that pink Television...

I shot a man...

... with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye

Three men, exhausted from selling colored automobile wheels all day, decided to enter in a competition

Three men, exhausted from selling colored automobile wheels all day, decided to enter in a competition: who could render a knot out of a multi-colored suit-tie the fastest. They went on, waited in line, and eventually competed against each other, however in the end they all had the same time.
...

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Salon and Fast food

The hair salon near where I live, has a special offer where you get free McDonalds whilst you wait for your color to set. . .

It's called "Eat crap & dye".

There used to be more blondes in our neighborhood.

I think they're dyeing out.

A blonde girl goes to an appliance store

She spots the t.v. she's been saving up for, picks it up and goes to the cashier
The cashier says "Sorry ma'am, we don't serve blondes"
Disgruntled she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she goes into the appliance store, picks out the same t.v. and once again goes to...

I started a job today at the local cemetery...

The boss wanted me to start 3 graves for some upcoming burials. I went to the maintenance shed to get the backhoe. I didn't see it inside. I found the head of maintenance. A hippie looking guy straight out of the 60's. Long hair, tie dye shirt, peace symbol necklace, bandanna. The whole nine yards. ...

They said swallowing food colouring is dangerous.

That’s because it might make you dye.

A blonde Australian tourist walks into a hairdresser's in England.

"Did you come here to dye?" the hairdresser asks her. After a little pause she replies "No, I already came here yesterday."

My little brother told me this one

“Why do ducks have feathers?” He says grinning through his teeth

“Why?”


“To cover there But-Quacks!” He says absolutely dyeing

A blonde enters an electronics store...

She goes to the store owner and asks him to sell her the TV she picked.

He refuses, telling her that he can't sell the TV to a Blonde.

She comes back the next day, after dyeing her hair black, and asks him the same question. He again tells her that he can't sell the tv to a Blonde.
...

How does the Grim Reaper keep his cloak so black?

He uses dye!







Cheesy joke I came up with last night, enjoy.

The day I found my first gray hairs...

I thought I'd dye!

Why are hair stylists the best psychopaths?

Because they want everybody to dye.

A university has been accused of not having enough people of colour on their competitive speech recital team.

To tackle the problem they took a bunch of students and covered them in body paint.

They now claim they have achieved their dye varsity quoters.

So a blonde wants to buy a new tv

So she gets to the store and picks the tv she likes but then a member of staff stops her and says: "sorry we dont sell to blondes", more confused than offended she walks out the store.

When she got home she thought of a plan that will allow her to buy a tv: to dye her hair black.
So the ne...

My hairdresser answered life's most important question for me..

Now I know what happens when you dye.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde woman goes appliance shopping...

... and upon arrival at the department store, she decides to take advantage of a sale that she sees. She calls over an employee and points to the marked-down price.

"I'd like to buy this television," she says, batting her eyelashes.

"I'm truly very sorry, miss," the employee tells her,...

A blond is done with all the blond jokes.

A blond is done with all the blond jokes. So she makes a plan....

She sells her house, dyes her hair and packs her stuff in her small car. She heads in a random direction to find a place to start her new life as a brunette. After some time driving she finds herself in a hilly landscape. She i...

James Bond hits upon hard times and finds himself facing a job seeker interview...

James Bond hits upon hard times and finds himself facing a job seeker interview,

"Well Mr Bond we have two positions we can offer you, one is giving lectures to children on the benefits of a career in military intelligence, and the other is in the fabric staining department of a yarn mill. "<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's The Difference Between Donald Trump & a Bag of Cheetos?

One is a cheesy sack of toxic crap that's pumped up with orange dye and hot air, and is sold to ignorant masses with no taste.

The other is a corn-based snack food.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[blond] A blond walks into an electronic's shop.

She points to the special offer (50% off!) and says "I want to buy that TV."

The cashier replies "I'm sorry, but we don't serve blonds here."

So, the blond goes home. The next day, she dyes her hair a fabulous brunette, and goes back into the same store, points at the same special, and...

If I drank a whole bottle of food coloring...

I would dye.

A blonde walks into a store

She sees a TV within her price range and tells the salesperson "I'd like to buy this TV"

"I'm sorry, we don't serve blondes."

She decides to go home and dye her hair black and returns the next day to buy the TV.

Once again.. "I'm sorry, we don't serve blondes."

Desperate ...

Why is ink an unwise investment?

Because it's a dyeing industry.



- This is too obvious a joke to be original, but it came to me during my econ class, and so it's original to me!

Man went to see a wise doctor about his toe

As his little toe on his right foot is turning purple. The doctor examine it and then took a sip of his tea and said: "I have over 50 years of experience as a doctor yet I've never seen a case as severe as yours. We must remove your toe immediately before it spreads to the rest of your foot." So the...

A blonde from the city is tired of being teased.

She just can't take the blonde jokes anymore.
So, she dyes her hair red and moves to the country.

She is sitting along a country road looking at a field full of sheep.

She counts all the sheep and comes up with an idea to get a sheep of her own.

She drives to the farm house...

How many sheep?

A blonde woman is tired of people assuming she's stupid and dyes her hair red. Feeling empowered, she goes for a car ride down a country road. Soon she sees a farm with hundreds of sheep. She walks up to the owner of the farm and makes this proposal: "These sheep are adorable, if I guess how many th...

A blonde walks into an appliance store...

She goes up to a salesperson and says, gesturing to a product: "I would like to buy this T.V."

Salesperson replies: "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes"

Outraged, the blonde leaves the store, dyes her hair red and returns the next day.

The blonde attempts yet again to buy the TV....

I was so excited. My wife said she wanted to live the life of “50 Shades of Grey”...

Then she stopped dyeing her hair.

What Reaper says when he is going to hair dresser?

DYE DYE DYE!

James Bond gets called into M's office

M: I have a job for you. You will have to disguise yourself as a blond businessman called John Smith.

Bond: But I have dark hair! Do you expect me to wear a wig or something?!

M: No mister Bond, I expect you to dye.

I was talking to a painter once

I asked him why did he insist on old styles, he told me that old habits dye hard

A blonde walks into an electronics store...

and asks the manager, "How much is this TV?"

The manager says to her, "We don't sell to blondes". Furious, the blonde storms back to her home, where she threw on a black wig. She then goes back to the same store and asks the same manager, "How much is this TV?"

Once again, the manager ...

A brunette walks into the doctors office

She is complaining that her entire body hurts. So the doctor asks her to touch her elbow.
The brunette winces in pain
The doctor asks for her to touch her knee
The brunette shutters in pain
The doctor asks her to touch her chin
The brunette screams in agony
Then the doctor says “m...

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