UPJOKE
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A lesson from my life as a monk

I learned a lot during my years at the monastery. One thing I still remember is that our vow of poverty meant that we were expected to go to great lengths to look after our one robe, including mending and from time to time dying them to their regulation dark hue.

One thing that surprised me ...

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What is poop with a greenish-yellow hue?

shartreuse

So I guess there was this rancher who was growing a really weird breed of cattle.

They were a really vivid blue green color.ย  No one could believe it... They thought he was airbrushing them or painting them or using Instagram filters or photoshop.

Finally an fda inspector--Neal Beal was his name--wanted to go out to the ranch and see for himself whether these cows were re...

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Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors.

There to greet them is none other than Satan, who tells them a secret method to getting into Heaven: Each man must spend 1,000 years in a room with their greatest vice. If he does so, he will be allowed to enter Heaven. The catch? At the end of the 1,000 year period, if the man asks to be let out of...

I'm a chameleon. Somehow wedged myself between a brick and a tree trunk.

Brown to the left of me. Ochre to the right. Here I am stuck in a middle-ish hue.

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Back when Pope John Paul II died, the Vatican College of Cardinals were faced with the responsibility of choosing a new pope for the Catholic Church...

... At first, they favored a British Cardinal by the name of Cardinal Nigel Mason.

Card. Mason had been a pilot in WWII, fighting Germany's Luftwaffe. He was decorated for his service, during which he shot down 12 Nazi fighter planes.

He himself was finally shot down and made a rough l...

What did the color say to the other color?

I love hue.

Genghis Khan stumbles across a great palace in Northern China

It was a magnificent golden palace, with beautiful ornaments covering every surface as it towered over the surrounding landscape with its size. The steps leading up to the front entrance were crafted from the finest marble, the pillars holding up the ceiling sculpted with the rarest jade. It was tru...

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Violets are green, roses are blue...

Alright you bastards, who fucked with the hue?

An archaeologist is visiting a small town in Nevada. He's just ambling around, enjoying the play of the autumn light on the terracotta and adobe-colored buildings. He rounds a corner and is surprised to see the most, bar none, stunningly beautiful alley he's ever come across...

It may sound like he's a bit nerdy, but we all have our things we love and he's a lover of old streets.


The ground of the alley is a light orange in hue, with a soft almost nutty sheen and texture.

His feet feel refreshed!

The street has gorgeous slopes and embankments, li...

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A duck walks into a bar and grill.

The moment he sits down, the bartender comes up and asks, "Well shit, I've never seen you here before. How's things?"

The duck is already drunk and starts rambling. "The name's Huey. Day's almost over, just thought I'd come here and get a burger and beer."

"You look wiped out. Long day...

How do colors laugh?

Hue Hue Hue

Have you heard of the new color changing super hero?

Yea, people call him the Hue-Man

Knock knock!

Who's there?

Hue

Hue who?

Ah, never mind! It was a pigment of my imagination.

So, a bunch of church friars realize the church is losing money...

"we have to figure out a way to keep the doors open!"
So the friars think and think and finally come up with the idea to sell "Jesus flowers." And lo and behold, it's a huge success. People are buying Jesus flowers almost as quickly as the friars can grow them!

Unfortunately, it has the ad...

I picked out a color of grey paint the other day, I guess the salesman didn't like it.

He just said "Oh, the hue manatee."

I wore neon green to a funeral.

It was a hue mistake.

Scientists have created a type of brightly coloured sea creatures...

When i found out about this I yelled, "oh the hue-manatee!"

What do you call a magician wearing a rainbow colored suit?

Hue-dini

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When's the worst time to meet a nun?

Coming out of the sex shop.
--
>Hue, you *or the nun*?
--

Yes.
--

If you think colours aren't funny

then you lack a sense of hue-mour

What does a colour's laugh sound like?

Hue hue hue

I saw a multicolored sea cow get hit by a boat

Oh the Hue Manatee!

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The church in my town fell on hard times recently...

There wasn't hardly enough money coming in to keep the lights on. So, with the approval of the priests, the friars began selling flowers from the Church's magnificent garden. They were a hit, and soon the flower money was rolling in in droves. A few days after they start, however, Tony, the local fl...

What did Donald Trump say when he learnt black and white werenโ€™t real colours?

Fake hues

Two Monks

Two Monks attempted to sell flowers outside the Playboy mansion yesterday. Despite the best attempts of the mansions security, the monks could not be forced from the grounds. It wasn't until the owner of the mansion himself arrived, that the friars left. It just goes to show:

that only Hue c...

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Browns Anthrax Scare

Cleveland, OH Monday, September 3, 2018 โ€“ Anthrax Scare At FirstEnergy Stadium

Cleveland Browns football practice was delayed nearly two hours today after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field.

Coach Hue Jackson immediately suspended practic...

Which is the smartest tall mountain?

Mt. Cleverest

Hue hue

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Crayola is now doing its color testing on manatees and peta is pissed.

Oh The Hue Manatee!

There once was a humble florist living in a small town...

He would sell his beautiful flowers to the townspeople every day. One day, some friars moved into the nearby, previously empty abbey. These friars, however, grew their own beautiful flowers to sell to pay for their expenses, and these flowers were grown in such abundance and sold so much that the fl...

What do you call a galaxy full of Brazilians?

The Milky Hue.

What did the lighter color shade tell to its dark lover?

I want hue.

I don't understand how people of color can be discriminated against

Aren't we all hue, man?

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I was sexually assaulted by a colourful Rodent today!!!

His name was 'Hue Mongoose'

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