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Look Alike Jokes

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Up the mountain, a japanese asked the wise man: "Master Akira, why every western man thinks that we, japanese, all look alike?"

"I am not Master Akira."

My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer

Wait. Never mind. That wasn’t my waiter.

I know we're all supposed to be tolerant of people from other cultures, but is it too much to ask that Asian waiters learn that all Caucasians don't look alike? My waiter just served my food to some other customer!

Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Japanese ascended a tall mountain to seek wisdom from a sage. He asks: “Master Akira, why do people all think Japanese look alike?”

“I’m not master Akira!”

A Chinese kid approaches his father and asks him: "Daddy, why do they say we all look alike?"

The man replies: "Actually your father is the one over there"

Why do all hotdogs look alike?

Because they are in bread...

Did you hear about the Quasimodo look alike contest?

The police had to break it up when the crowd turned ugly.

What do you call two squids that look alike

itentacle

Why do all North Koreans look alike?

Because they have a supreme breeder.

On the way to a conference, a revered scientist is talking to his chauffeur

The driver asks him:

"–Boss, I've driven you around the country for over 10 years. I've listened to your talks, hundreds of times. I am pretty sure I know everything by heart now. Would you like to make a bet?

—What kind of bet?

—We look alike. You've never talked in this city. ...

I went to a Charlie Chaplin look alike contest,

the guy who won was some German chap,
the judges gave him perfect neins

Twins!

A very ugly woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids. The Wal-Mart greeter asks, "Are they twins?" The ugly woman says, "No, he's 9 and she's 7. Why? Do you think they really look alike?"

"No," replies the greeter. "I just can't believe you got laid twice."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman walks into Walmart

She's dragging her two children behind her and turns to yell at them, "hurry up! Get your ass moving". The Walmart greeter can tell she's not having s good day, so he politely says "Good morning, what a lovely day!" She rudely responds by telling the greeter to fuck off. The greeter is surprised,...

Two redneck guys were sitting on a dock in Georgia, drinking beer and fishing with their feet dangling in the water.

One guy said, "Oh no. An alligator just bit one of my feet off." The other guy said, "Which one?" And the first guy said, "How should I know? All the alligators look alike."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is walking out of the store after grocery shopping...

The bag boy offers to help her to her car with the many bags she has. As they're walking through the parking lot, she drops a bag and a tube of Vagisil falls out. Embarrassed and red-faced, she explains "Um...I have an itchy coochee..."

The bag boy says "Look lady, you'll have to point your c...

My dad told me this one so i thought i might share

In a zen monastery far inside China, a conflicted discipule has his mind shrouded by a doubt that he's sure his master, Zhi, knows the answer.

He finds him, and asks:

– "Master Zhi, why does everybody say that we, chinese people, all look alike?"

He pauses for a second, looks a...

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Itchipussy

A cougar had just finished purchasing groceries. The clerk asks if she would like any help out. The woman, seeing the bag boy was an attractive young man, she says she would. In the parking lot she sees her chance to make a move, and does:

Woman: (whispers) Hey cutie, I've got an itchipussy.<...

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What Color Is It?

A good looking soccer mom was shopping at the grocery store feeling lonely and horny.
In the check out stand she noticed a young bagger and thought she might approach him.
When he asked if he could take her groceries to her car she excitedly said, "Yes."
As they headed to the door sh...

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A horny old woman...

was leaving the supermarket with a teenage boy carrying her bags. As she eyes the firm young boy with lust, she says "I thought you might want to know that I have an itchy pussy". The boy replies "just point to it lady, all those Japanese cars look alike to me".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So, a really, really, REALLY ugly woman, ugliest you will ever see, with a terrible attitude to boot, walks into a department store...

...with her two kids in tow. The manager of the store gets close to her and asks:
"Twins?"
The mother makes a huge, contorted face, and, incredible as it might seem, looks even uglier.
"No, you imbecilic twat. Bruce, that's the oldest, is nine, and Miranda is seven. What sort of questio...

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