My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer

Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter.

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A Japanese man in a monastery atop a sacred mountain asks the wise man: "Master Ayumu, why do all Westerners think that Japanese people look alike?"

"I am not Master Ayumu."

A Chinese kid asks his father, "Dad, why do they say, that all Chinese people look alike ?"

He replies, "I'm not your dad."

Did you hear about the Quasimodo look alike contest?

The police had to break it up when the crowd turned ugly.

If animals and owners look alike, which one belongs to nymphos?

The swallow

What do you call two squids that look alike

itentacle

I went to a Charlie Chaplin look alike contest,

the guy who won was some German chap,
the judges gave him perfect neins

Twins!

A very ugly woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids. The Wal-Mart greeter asks, "Are they twins?" The ugly woman says, "No, he's 9 and she's 7. Why? Do you think they really look alike?"

"No," replies the greeter. "I just can't believe you got laid twice."

My dad told me this one so i thought i might share

In a zen monastery far inside China, a conflicted discipule has his mind shrouded by a doubt that he's sure his master, Zhi, knows the answer.

He finds him, and asks:

– "Master Zhi, why does everybody say that we, chinese people, all look alike?"

He pauses for a second, looks a...

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A woman walks into Walmart

She's dragging her two children behind her and turns to yell at them, "hurry up! Get your ass moving". The Walmart greeter can tell she's not having s good day, so he politely says "Good morning, what a lovely day!" She rudely responds by telling the greeter to fuck off. The greeter is surprised,...

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Kim Jong-un has unfortunately died and the North Korean subordinates gathered for a serious meeting.

After hours of discussion, they decided it'd be best to replace him with a look alike to fool the foreign leaders. A Kim Jong-un look alike contest was organised and the winner was to be selected to rule Korea.

Fliers and posters of the contest was all over North Korea and a majority of the...

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A cougar....

A cougar is feeling a little frisky and decides that young Johnny at the store who bags her groceries will be her next conquest.

After she pays for her groceries, Johnny is wheeling the basket out to her car. She leans over to him and says in a low voice, "I have an itchy pussy!"

John...

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A woman is walking out of the store after grocery shopping...

The bag boy offers to help her to her car with the many bags she has. As they're walking through the parking lot, she drops a bag and a tube of Vagisil falls out. Embarrassed and red-faced, she explains "Um...I have an itchy coochee..."

The bag boy says "Look lady, you'll have to point your c...

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What Color Is It?

A good looking soccer mom was shopping at the grocery store feeling lonely and horny.
In the check out stand she noticed a young bagger and thought she might approach him.
When he asked if he could take her groceries to her car she excitedly said, "Yes."
As they headed to the door sh...

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Itchipussy

A cougar had just finished purchasing groceries. The clerk asks if she would like any help out. The woman, seeing the bag boy was an attractive young man, she says she would. In the parking lot she sees her chance to make a move, and does:

Woman: (whispers) Hey cutie, I've got an itchipussy.<...

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A horny old woman...

was leaving the supermarket with a teenage boy carrying her bags. As she eyes the firm young boy with lust, she says "I thought you might want to know that I have an itchy pussy". The boy replies "just point to it lady, all those Japanese cars look alike to me".

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So, a really, really, REALLY ugly woman, ugliest you will ever see, with a terrible attitude to boot, walks into a department store...

...with her two kids in tow. The manager of the store gets close to her and asks:
"Twins?"
The mother makes a huge, contorted face, and, incredible as it might seem, looks even uglier.
"No, you imbecilic twat. Bruce, that's the oldest, is nine, and Miranda is seven. What sort of questio...

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