This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes into a street of Moscow and yells: "I am tired of this guy with a silly mustache and stupid rules being a leader".

A soldier heard him, so he goes and catches him. Later he brings the man to Stalin. The soldier explained to Stalin what happened and Stalin asks the man: "Who were you thinking about when you yelled in the street?" The man says: "I was thinking about Hitler of course". Stalin lets the man go but st...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A newly wed deaf couple are setting ground rules on their honeymoon.

The bride says, “If you want to have sex with me massage my breasts. If you don’t tap my belly.”

The groom says, “That’s a great idea! If you want to have sex with me tug my penis, if you don’t tug it a 100 times.”

Apparently there are two rules to win in life...

1. Never be poor.
2. Never be ugly.

Well, the joke's on me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There are 2 unwritten rules for having sex

1) 2)

I can't believe people have no compliance with traffic rules these days

When I was on highway, everyone was driving in wrong direction.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The 4 rules of plumbing

Payday is Friday

Shit flows downhill

The boss is an ass

Don't chew your fingernails

What do you call a bully who rules the playground with an iron fist?

A dictator-tot.

There are only two rules you need to follow to become extremely succesful in life.

1. Not revealing everything you know.

Finally Wheel of Fortune is modernizing to reach more millennials with new rules.

Instead of buying a vowel they have to rent it.

So, This is a very famous joke from my country ,I hope to see the response

A conference for who the best actor in the world was held, Actors from all around the world came to take part in the competition.There were many qualifier rounds but then only 5 actors remained in the finals.

The final contest was decided to be a manual cow milking competition. The rules were...

The 5 rules for Soviet intellectuals

Don't think.

If you think, don't speak.

If you think and speak, don't write.

If you think, speak and write, don't sign.

If you think, speak, write and sign, well, don't be surprised.

While walking down the street one day, a senator is tragically hit by a truck and killed.

His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.


"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."


"No problem, just let ...

The Nudist Club

(Long)

A man joins an extremely exclusive nudist club. The first day in the camp he undresses and starts walking around a bit uncomfortably. The first person he meets is an extremely beautiful busty blonde and the man gets an erection immediately. The woman notices his erection, comes up to h...

The animals were bored.

Finally the lion had an idea. He tells the other animals how he's seen the humans play a game called American football. He proceeded to tell them how it's played and explained its rules. This got them excited.

They chose their teams and went out to an open field. The lion's team received, and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a Mr Potato Head who rules a country with a violent autocracy?

A Dick-Tater.

So a politician dies...

And ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

‟So, you’re a politician...”
‟Well, yes, is that a problem?”
‟Oh no, no problem. But we have recently adopted a new system for people in your line of wo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hilarious, subversive memo sent to 20,000 federal employees early in computer mass-messaging age

This memo was sent out to 20,000 federal employees in my agency in the early 1990s, when federal computer systems first got mass messaging. The first incarnation of this system allowed *any employee* to mass message. Some low-level employee sent this to all. Needless to say, the agency immediatel...

What do you call a writer who doesn't follow the rules of sentence structure?

A rebel without a clause

My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.

It's my way or the Huawei.

This one is a little bit political,I hope that doesn’t break any rules

Taiwan:I am China

China:No I am China

Taiwan:Ok then I am Taiwan

China:No you are China

Apparently the police have been going to a load of house parties as lockdown rules are getting implemented.

Ridiculous, one rule for us and another for them.

After seven years and half a million karma I will share the 5 unwritten rules of posting on this site:

1.


2.


3.


4.


5.

What are the unspoken rules of sign language?

All of them.

Rules to learning english

Their our know rules

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW John had married Eileen, as she was a rules girl, she'd kept herself pure until her wedding night.

As Eileen took off her wedding dress, John undid his shoe laces. Eileen noticed for the first time John's size 10 shoes were padded with foam he pulled his feet out of the shoes and they looked like baby feet. She said "My, haven't you got tiny feet?" John looked embarrassed, he said "I had toe-sill...

Gentlemen, there are three simple rules to winning an argument with your wife.

Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

Customary tipping rules

For food and beverage service individuals, it’s customary to tip 18% of the bill.

For valet drivers, a fiver.

For singers, a tenor.

New lockdown rules in England...

New lockdown rules in England mean from Monday groups of up to six can meet. Six of the Seven Dwarves are arranging to meet up.

One of them isn’t Happy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Pub Game

A guy walks into a pub in the middle of the countryside and orders a pint. While the barman is pouring his drink he notices a jar behind the bar that's stuffed with cash, must be close to £5000 in there. Curious, he asks the barman, "what's this about?"

"Ah, it's a little game we got 'ere" sa...

I was late for my first meeting of Fight Club last night and I missed the rules.

Anyway I enjoyed Fight Club, and I really recommend Fight Club.

On her first day at the senior complex, the new manager addressed all the seniors pointing out some of her rules:

On her first day at the senior complex, the new manager addressed all the seniors pointing out some of her rules:"The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males, and the male dormitory to the females. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."

She...

Mario is in a court trial for not following traffic rules.

Judge : This is the 10th time you’ve sped at a red light this week. As a punishment you need to pay $ 1000.
Its a fine that you’ve to pay.

Mario : No, itssa not.

Why does Rule #2 say "Behave like you would in real life"

But all the other rules prohibit that? :D

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW A typical MACHO man married a good looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules.

"I'll be home when I want, if I want, what time I want, and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table, unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card playing when I want with my old buddies, and don't you give me a ...

I broke lockdown rules and went to a games night yesterday

There was a lot of risk

Alot of reddits ‘rules’ are things my parents taught me.

I guess I didn’t need them after all.

Two Dogs talking.

Dog one: Why are all of the humans wearing muzzles?


Dog two: Because they broke the rules and didn't sit and stay....

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.