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Chestnut Jokes

What does a Chestnut tree and an asylum have in common

They're both full of nuts

A doctor gets a chestnut dacquiri every day after work at the bar across the street.

He's been doing this for a couple of years at this point, and so the bartender, Jim, knows him. He forgot the man's name so at this point he just calls him "doc". In fact the doctor has been doing this for so long at the same time every day that the bartender prepares the dacquiri before he gets the...

A blind man received a silver chestnut grater for Christmas

He said it was the most violent thing he had ever read.

What’s the difference between a walnut and a chestnut?

How long you edged.

"Grandpa, tell us that story again about grandma's pearl necklace."

"Really? That old chestnut?

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What is the sexiest type of tree in the world?

The chestnut.

Winter- Pros: Chestnuts roasting.

Cons: Deez nuts freezing.

I was just eating cashews and one of them fell into my bra.

Is it still a cashew or is it a chestnut now?

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What do you call nuts on the wall? Walnuts. What do you call nuts on your chest? Chestnuts. What do you call nuts on your chin?

A dick in your mouth.

What's the difference between a chickpea and a chestnut

Trump never had a chestnut on his face

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I've always liked chestnuts.

But I'd rather cum on her arse.

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What do you call someone crazy about boobs?

A chestnut

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The Farmer's New Addition

There once was a farmer who owned luscious pastures. He proudly looked over them everyday. He always took care of all of his animals.

Though one day he had brought in a new foal, a chestnut coloured one, that he thought was adorable.

He got him on the farm but the foal looked nervous ...

A man goes to buy his kid a pet for Christmas.

Once he gets to the store the shopkeeper shows him the usual puppies, kittens and fish. But the man says, "These are all nice, but I want something special for my son."

"Well then," replies the owner, "Do I have the pet for you. Here is a parrot that sings holiday classics."

"How do I...

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What do you call it when a male squirrel ejaculates onto a female squirrel's stomach?

Chestnut

A guy walks into a pet shop looking to get his girl a bird for Christmas.

The shop owner tells him that he’s in luck and a rare singing parrot just came in. He explains that the parrot is trained to sing when exposed to heat. The shop owner then flicks a lighter and puts the flame underneath the bird’s left foot. The parrot begins to sing: “Jingle bells, jingle bells, jin...

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Nuts!

What do you call a nut in Brazil?
A Brazil nut.

What do you call a nut on a wall?
A walnut

What do you call nuts on your chest?
Chestnuts

What do you call a nut on a horses chest?
A horse chestnut

What do you call nuts in your pee?
Peanuts

What do yo...

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What can be both a sex position and a fruit?

A chestnut.

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Stealing this one from charlie murphy.

My daughter walks into my room and says "daddy if I have a nut on my chest, does that make it a chestnut?"

I think about it for a second and say "yeah baby girl you're pretty smart".

She asks "well if i put a nut on the wall does that make it a walnut?"

And I tell her "yes it do...

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What's a bisexual's favourite food item?

Chestnuts

What is Easter?

Three men all die in an accident and met Saint Peter in front of the pearly gates.

"Welcome to heaven gentlemen. I would love to let you in but before I can do that I need to prove that you're devout Christians. If you can tell me what Easter is I can let you through."

The first man st...

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A man was talking to his stepdaughter when the stepdaughter asked...

"What do you call nuts on the wall?"

The stepfather replied "well my dear that would be Walnuts."

The stepdaughter then asks "well what would nuts on your chest be called?"

The stepfather replies "well my dear those would be called chestnuts."

The stepdaughter finally ask...

A woman walks into a pet shop

She sees a beautiful parrot, and asks the shop keeper if he says any words. The shop keeper says, "If you hold a match under his left foot he sings Highway to hell."

The lady is sceptical at first, but she tries it and the parrot sings Highway to hell. Amazed, she asks the shop keeper what e...

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