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Pussy Willow

One morning, old man Speller is sitting on his front porch, when the neighbors’ young son walks by dragging a whole mess of fencing behind him.

“Hey boy! Where you goin’ with all that fencin’?”, asks the old man.

“This here mister? Well this here’s chicken wire, I’m going to catch me s...

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Damon Albarn sold his apartment and built a gigantic tree house in a pussy willow.

He lives in a house, a very big house in the cunt tree.

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What do you get when you cross pussy-willows with dick-weed?

Kumquats.

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The farmer and the neighbor boy (sorry for the mobile format)

This lonely farmer likes to sit on his porch his every mourning. One mourning, as he’s sitting there, a boy comes walking down the road carrying a giant roll of duct tape.

The farmer asks “what are you doing with so much tape?” The boy replies “this isn’t just any tape this is duck tape. I’...

Smart neighbour

Chris is sitting on his front porch sees his neighbour walking down the street with 22 rolls of duct tape, so he asks him, "What you doing with all that duct tape?" And his neighbour replies, "I'm going to catch me some ducks". Confused, Chris tells him, "that's not how duct tape works, but okay" an...

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An old man was sitting on his front porch....

He watches a boy walk by with chicken wire.

Old man: “hey boy, what are you doing with that chicken wire”

Boy: “I’m going to catch some chickens!”

Old man “that’s not how that works, but have fun”

An hour later the boy comes back with a stringer of chickens

Next d...

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A pretty good joke told to me by a coworker

One day little Billy approached Mr. Johnson's house and knocked on the door. After they exchanged a few pleasantries, little Billy asked Mr. Johnson, "Sir, I noticed ya got some milkweed growing in your backyard, mind if go back there and get some milk?" Amused by the request, Mr. Johnson replied, "...

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Off in the English countryside, back behind the church, there lay a secluded stretch of river, set amidst the willows, which was reserved for clergymen who wished to bathe in the nude.

Prominent signs warned against trespassing, and barriers prevented boats and punts containing females from approaching this discreet section of the river.

One fateful Sunday afternoon, as the holy men laid on the bank, the river rose up. It washed away the signs and weakened the barriers, and...

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[NSFW] [Long] A man is sitting on his front porch when he notices two guys walking down the street holding duct tape.

He calls out to the men, "Hey what are you doing with that duct tape?" They respond, "Catching ducks." The old man rolls his eyes thinking there is no way they will catch anything. Later that afternoon the two men come by again with a couple of ducks.

The next day the old man sees the two guy...

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A little boy walked past an old mans house.

The boy had a roll of duct tape in his hands.
The old man asked him “What are you going to do with that duct tape?” The little boy replied “I’m going to catch some ducks.” “You can’t catch ducks with duct tape.” The old man replied. “Sure I can”, and the little boy walked away. Later that da...

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A man is sitting on his porch, enjoying the morning...

When a young boy walks by dragging some Chicken wire.

“Hold on a minute, boy, whatcha doing with that chicken wire?”

“Gonna go catch me some chickens” says the boy.

“Well that’s not the way that works, but you go have fun.” He replies.

A few hours later he sees the boy r...

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A retiree is sitting on his porch one afternoon, when little Johnny walks by...

...pulling his little red wagon, loaded with a whole bunch of wire, behind him.

"Hey Johnny, " calls the retiree. "Whatcha got in the wagon?"

"Chicken wire, " says little Johnny.

"Whatcha gonna do with that, Johnny?" asks the retiree.

"I'm gonna catch me some chickens!" s...

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Old Man

An old man in Mississippi was sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there? Boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire." Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" Boy says "Gonna catch ...

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Playing golf and sliced into a field of buttercups.

As I was ready to hit I heard a voice that said “don’t hurt any buttercups”

I asked “who are you?”

“I’m Mother Nature, if you can chip out of this field of buttercups without harming a single one, I will guarantee you have butter everyday for the rest of your life”

I responded “...

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Old man sees a little boy walk by with duct tape in his hand...

An old man sitting on his porch sees a little boy walk by with duct (duck) tape in his hand. He says to the little boy "Where are you going with that duct tape?"
Little boy responds "I'm going to catch me some duck"
Old man says "no no no, that's not how it works"
Later on he sees the littl...

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[NSFW] - A blind man interviews for a job....

...As a quality controller at the local wood mill.


The manager calls the blind man into his office and asks him how he expected to do this job since he was blind.


The blind man replied he would do it by smell. The manager decides to test him and places a piece of wood in front ...

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Little Johnny was sent to his grandparents farm to spend the summer.

The first morning, grandpa was having coffee and reading his paper when he saw Johnny walking by him with a roll of chicken wire.

“What are you doing with that chicken wire?”

“I’m going to catch some chickens!” Johnny replied.

“You can’t catch no chickens with that chicken wir...

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A man was out golfing

He shanked his ball off the tee,

When he found it, it was sitting in a patch of butter cups.

He lines up to take a swing and hears "don't hit the buttercups" he looks around but see nothing

Sets up for another swing " don't hit the buttercups" looks around, he see no one.
...

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An old man saw little Jonny walking down the street.

An old man saw little Johnny walking down the street with some chicken wire. The old man said "Jonny what are you doing with that chicken wire." Johnny replied "I'm going to catch some chickens.” ”You can't catch chicken with chicken wire” replied the old man. Later that afternoon Johnny came by wit...

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(Long) An elderly man was sitting on his porch one day..

..when Tommy, the 9 year old neighborhood troublemaker, came walking up the street dragging some metal fencing behind him.

The man yelled "Tommy, what are you doing this time?
Tommy: This is chicken wire, I'm gonna catch me some chickens.
Man: "Tommy you fool, you can't catch chickens w...

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Boy and a farmer.

One day, as a farmer sat on his porch, a young boy walked down the dirt road carrying a 2 gallon pale. The boy approached the farmer and said, I passed your field the other day and saw some milk weed out there, do you mind if I fill my pale? The farmer chuckled and agreed. After a while, the boy cam...

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An old man was sitting on his front porch, when a kid walks by with some chicken wire.

He decides to give the little boy a hard time and says

"Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

"Chicken wire, mister."

"What do you plan on doing with that?"

"Well, I'm going to catch some chickens."

"You idiot, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire"

The boy shru...

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Son, you ain't catchin' nothin'

One morning, as the old man is sitting on his porch, sippin' shine and smoking his pipe he sees the young boy from up the road carrying a huge roll of wire, walking down the road.

>Hey, boy! Where you goin with all that wire there?

>This ain't just wire, mister. This here's chic...

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Dave and Fred

Toward the end of the golf course, Dave hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.

All of a sudden, in a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appea...

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An old man is sitting on his porch...

When a young man comes walking by with a sack full of duct tape. "What are you gonna do with all that duct tape?" The old man asks.

"I'm going to go get me some ducks."

The old man laughs, "You stupid kids these days, that's not gonna to work!" He laughs and laughs as the young man wal...

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Boudreaux & Thibodeaux

One morning Thibodeaux was sitting on his dock enjoying the sunrise when Boudreaux pulls up in his boat filled with duct tape. Thibodeaux looks at him, and asks "what you doing with a boat full of duct tape?" Boudreaux replies "I'm going duck hunting! You wanna come?" "You can't hunt ducks with duc...

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A farmer is sitting in his front porch when a kid with a wagon walks by

Kid: Hey old man I seen some buttercups out in one of your fields. Mind if I go down there and make some butter?

Farmer: You can't get butter out of a butter cup ya dumb shit. But knock yer self out.

Hour later kid comes back with his wagon half full of butter and shows the farmer. ...

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Bob and Frank are out golfing one day

And Bob hits his ball straight into the woods. Bob goes looking for it and finds it nestled in a patch of buttercups. Bob decides "Heck, I'm just going to play on through." After a few swings, Bob finally hits the ball back on the fairway but he has destroyed the buttercups. As he is walking away, a...

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Old man sitting on his porch

When three young men walk by carrying chicken wire. Curious, the old man asks "where are you boys going with that chicken wire?" The young men reply "we're going to catch some chickens!" The old man smiles, remembering his young and foolish years, and shakes his head. A couple hours later, the same ...

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A young man was walking along the roadside one day...

A young man was walking along the roadside one day trying to think of a birthday present for his girlfriend. He knew she liked flowers and just then he noticed a field of buttercups, which happened to be her favorite. So he started picking the buttercups, got a little carried away and picked the w...

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A golfer hits a ball off the fairway...

On the seventh hole, a golfer hits a ball off the fairway and it lands in a big field of flowers. He figures it's a playable lie, so he's winding up for a shot and he hears a voice behind him say, "Please don't hurt my buttercups."

The golfer turns around and he sees a woman in a flowing robe...

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An old man see a little boy walking down the street with some chicken wire in his hand.

An old man see a little boy walking down the street with some chicken wire in his hand. The old man yells out to the little boy "Hey little boy, what are you fixin' to do with that there chicken wire?" The little boy looks at the old man, thinks for a second and says "Well old man, I reckon I'm gonn...

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A farmer gets on a wagon with chicken wire...

"Why does your wagon have chicken wire?", a man asks.

The farmer replies "I'm hunting chickens, so chicken wire will attract them".

The man gives him a look and says "that's not how it works."

The farmer leaves anyway.

He comes back with a wagon full of chickens.

T...

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[NSFW][Long] The girl from facebook.

So, when I was 18 I met this girl online, we chatted for quite a bit before she eventually invited me over, now being an 18 year old male, there was only one outcome, I knew I was going to get some ass. I drove over to her house and had this pit in my stomach, I was nervous for some reason, somethin...

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A farmer's sitting on his porch...

He sees an 8 year old kid walk by with some duct-tape and yells, "Hey kid! What you doin with that duct-tape?"

The kid answers, "I'm gonna go catch some ducks!"

The farmer thinks to himself, "well that's not really what duct-tape is for but let's let the kid have some fun."

A co...

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The old man and the boy

There once was an old man who sat on his porch all day and watched life go by. It was relaxing and interesting for him. One day, he saw a neighbourhood boy walk past with some chicken wire.

He shouted "Why you got all that chicken wire boy?" to which they reply was "Gonna catch me some chick...

A friend of mine said he likes metal.

A friend of mine said he likes metal, so I asked him to tell me 3 blacksmiths. He said, "Will, Jaden, and Willow."

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An old farmer is sitting on his porch...

when a young man pulls up in a car and says, "Excuse me, sir. I notice you have milkweed growing in your field, may I get some milk?" The old fellow chuckles to himself and says "You can't get milk from milkweed young man." The young man says, "I think I can sir, if you'll let me try." The farmer...

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The farmer

This is one of my favorites. Told to me by my grandfather years ago.

An old farmer was sitting on his porch one morning having a cup of coffee. He notices a young boy skipping down the road. The boy is holding a big roll of tape. The farmer asks the boy, "what you gonna do with that roll of t...

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So this old farmer is sitting on his front porch one morning...

...with his cup of coffee and reading his daily newspaper. After a little bit, he notices young little Timmy walking down the road carring a roll of chicken wire. The farmer stands up and shouts

"Boy! Whatchu fixin' to do with that chicken wire???"

Young Timmy stops and shouts back "...

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What you got there!? (Sorry probably horrible editing, from phone)

A young boy is walking down the street carrying chicken wire, there's an old man sitting in his porch watching him. "Hey, boy, what you got there?"

"chicken wire". Replys the boy.

"What you gunna do with that chicken wire?" Asks the old man.

"Catch me some chickens."

"Yo...

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An old man is sitting on his porch....

As a young boy strolls by holding a spool of chicken wire.
''What're ye fixin to do with that chicken wire son?'', he asks.
''I'm gonna catch me some chickens sir!'', the boy proudly states.
Half amused, the old man laughs.''Ye don't use chicken wire to catch chickens boy!?!'' But the young...

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An Old Family Secret

A man is driving down a country road when his car breaks down. He gets out and walks about a mile until he finds a driveway. He follows the driveway up to a farmhouse. On the porch was an old farmer lounging in his rocking chair. He says to the man, "Well, how you doing son?"
The man says, "Sorry...

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Jim and Bob go golfing...

They're on the 18th hole and the score is close. Bob tees off.
Bob hooks the ball way off to the left where it settles in the rough.
Then Jim tees off and his is a wild slice near some shrubs. They both wander off to find their balls but Jim's is furthest from the pin.

Jim finds his ba...

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A farmer was working in his field one morning.....

When a young lad walked by along the road carrying a roll of wire over his shoulder.

"What you got there sonny?" asks the farmer.

"Chicken wire." replies the boy.

"what ya gonna do with that chicken wire boy?" the farmer asks.

"Catch me some chickens sir." says the boy....

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An old man is sitting on his porch

An old man is sitting on his porch when he sees a group of teenaged boys walking down the street. As the boys get closer he notices that have something rolled up under their arms. "Hey, what you boys got there?" "Don't worry about it old man," say the boys. "What is that under your arms!?" he asks a...

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Edgar is sitting in his rocking chair on his back porch...

... watching the river flow, when he notices an old man down by the dock loading up his boat with rolls of tape.
Edgar yells down to the old man,
"Hey old man! Where you going with all that tape?"
The old man replies,
"This here is duck tape. I'm gonna catch me some ducks. You ...

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Duct tape and Chicken wire.

An old man is sitting on his front porch one morning, enjoying the weather and having a cup of coffee.

Suddenly he sees a young boy walking down the road carrying several rolls of duct tape. This obviously makes him curious so he calls out, "hey son, what are you doing with all that duct tap...

What do you call Will Smith's crying daughter?

A weeping Willow.

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An old man is sitting on his porch drinking a beer...

**NOTE: The second part of this joke works better verbally.**

An old man is sitting on his porch drinking some beer when the neighbor's kid walks by carrying a length of chicken wire. Curious, the old man asks, "Whatcha got there sonny?"

"Some chicken wire." says the boy.

"Well...

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The Princess and The Frog

Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess who lived in a grand castle. On a hot spring evening, she decided to go for a walk in the big castle gardens to get some fresh air. She went to sit under her favorite willow tree with her bare feet dangling in a pond, humming a quiet song. After a shor...