Carpenter bees used to swarm our exposed cedar beams outside
Carpenter bees dig into wood and bore out entry holes as well as a labyrinth of tunnels.
My aunt came to visit once and was on the phone with her husband. She was complaining about the swarm of “boring bees” because she couldn’t find the term “Carpenter”. Although mostly mostly harmless, th...
I heard about people using cedar instead of silicon for breast implants, but think about if it happened to you, it'd be super weird,
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A wood expert.
A drunk man in a bar began bragging that he could identify any type of wood by its smell only.
The bartender and patrons decided to test him. The man was blindfolded and presented with several pieces of wood.
First they put a pencil infront of his nose. He smelled it and said, "That's...
At the Pearly Gates in Heaven
The first applicant of the day at the Pearly Gates explains that his last day was not a good one... “I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She claimed she had just got out of the shower. Well, her hair was dry and I checked the shower and it was completely dry too. I knew she w...
A Canadian logging company needed to hire another lumberjack.
The first guy to apply was a short little skinny fellow, who was laughed at by the manager and told to leave.
"Just give me a chance," the little guy pleaded.
"Okay," the manager replied, "Grab your axe and cut down that cedar over there."
Two minutes later he was back at the ma...
A man goes into a lumberyard for a Job interview.
The manager was impessed with his application, and called him in for an interview. The manager decides to put a blindfold on the man to test his knowledge...
The manager places a length of pine on the table, lets the applicant touch and smell it. Correctly the applicant calls it pine.
Doctor: now normally we replace it with a glass ball, but for you we have one made out of cedar. Would you like that instead? Patient: wood eye? Of course!
How do you get a tree-hugger pregnant?
A couple of trees were shopping for a car...
They bought a two-cedar.
A Blind man applies for a job in a lumber yard
... and the owner says, "I'd love to hire you but how the heck do I know you'll be able to get the right wood or not get cheated by unscrupulous customers? "
The applicant says, "I worked in mt family's lumber business for years and I now want to make it on my own. I can tell the exact typ...
My grandpa has a house on the edge of the woods
He's living on his own and, based on our last couple of conversations I suspect he is getting dementia. Wanting to spend some time with him before it gets worse, I decide to visit him over the summer.
The woods next to his house are barren but he insists there is wildlife. We went for a walk ...
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A lumber yard joke.
The owner of a lumber yard is interviewing people for a job in his lumber yard. He has several applicants that day and none of them are particularly noteworthy until a blind man walks in. Obviously confused the owner says " um, sir how do you propose you are to work in my lumber yard if you can't se...
Two male trees are sitting at the bar...
One tree says to the other, "Hey man, see her over there? I wonder what kind of wood she has under that bark."
His friend responds, "Hmm, I don't know, Cedar?"
To which the first tree replies, "Cedar? I don't even know her!
What do you call an Anorexic with a yeast infection?
A quarter pounder with cheese! -From *Cedar Rapids* the movie