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Cedar Jokes

I’ve got an allergy to Pine, Fir, and Cedar. …

All I want for Xmas is Yew.

Carpenter bees used to swarm our exposed cedar beams outside

Carpenter bees dig into wood and bore out entry holes as well as a labyrinth of tunnels.

My aunt came to visit once and was on the phone with her husband. She was complaining about the swarm of “boring bees” because she couldn’t find the term “Carpenter”. Although mostly mostly harmless, th...

What did the Cedar Tree say to the Maple Tree?

What's Sap

I heard about people using cedar instead of silicon for breast implants, but think about if it happened to you, it'd be super weird,

Wooden tit

How do you get a tree-hugger pregnant?

Cedar

A couple of trees were shopping for a car...

They bought a two-cedar.

At the Pearly Gates in Heaven

The first applicant of the day at the Pearly Gates explains that his last day was not a good one...
“I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She claimed she had just got out of the shower. Well, her hair was dry and I checked the shower and it was completely dry too. I knew she w...

A man goes into a lumberyard for a Job interview.

The manager was impessed with his application, and called him in for an interview. The manager decides to put a blindfold on the man to test his knowledge...

The manager places a length of pine on the table, lets the applicant touch and smell it. Correctly the applicant calls it pine.
...

Surgery

Doctor: now normally we replace it with a glass ball, but for you we have one made out of cedar. Would you like that instead?
Patient: wood eye? Of course!

A Canadian logging company needed to hire another lumberjack.

The first guy to apply was a short little skinny fellow, who was laughed at by the manager and told to leave.

"Just give me a chance," the little guy pleaded.

"Okay," the manager replied, "Grab your axe and cut down that cedar over there."

Two minutes later he was back at the ma...

Two male trees are sitting at the bar...

One tree says to the other, "Hey man, see her over there? I wonder what kind of wood she has under that bark."

His friend responds, "Hmm, I don't know, Cedar?"

To which the first tree replies, "Cedar? I don't even know her!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wood expert.

A drunk man in a bar began bragging that he could identify any type of wood by its smell only.

The bartender and patrons decided to test him. The man was blindfolded and presented with several pieces of wood.

First they put a pencil infront of his nose. He smelled it and said, "That's...

My grandpa has a house on the edge of the woods

He's living on his own and, based on our last couple of conversations I suspect he is getting dementia. Wanting to spend some time with him before it gets worse, I decide to visit him over the summer.

The woods next to his house are barren but he insists there is wildlife. We went for a walk ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lumber yard joke.

The owner of a lumber yard is interviewing people for a job in his lumber yard. He has several applicants that day and none of them are particularly noteworthy until a blind man walks in. Obviously confused the owner says " um, sir how do you propose you are to work in my lumber yard if you can't se...

What do you call an Anorexic with a yeast infection?

A quarter pounder with cheese!
-From *Cedar Rapids* the movie

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