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Chestnuts Jokes

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I've always liked chestnuts.

But I'd rather cum on her arse.

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My Christmas chestnuts joke...

This one's kind of corny, but it's always been a good one for me that's safe with family.

A man walks into a pet shop to buy a parrot, and he's sees several beautiful varieties for sale. One of the parrots looks fairly bedraggled, and is not nearly as colorful as the rest, but it's price is ...

Winter- Pros: Chestnuts roasting.

Cons: Deez nuts freezing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call nuts on the wall? Walnuts. What do you call nuts on your chest? Chestnuts. What do you call nuts on your chin?

A dick in your mouth.

A doctor gets a chestnut dacquiri every day after work at the bar across the street.

He's been doing this for a couple of years at this point, and so the bartender, Jim, knows him. He forgot the man's name so at this point he just calls him "doc". In fact the doctor has been doing this for so long at the same time every day that the bartender prepares the dacquiri before he gets the...

A guy walks into a pet shop looking to get his girl a bird for Christmas.

The shop owner tells him that he’s in luck and a rare singing parrot just came in. He explains that the parrot is trained to sing when exposed to heat. The shop owner then flicks a lighter and puts the flame underneath the bird’s left foot. The parrot begins to sing: “Jingle bells, jingle bells, jin...

A man goes to buy his kid a pet for Christmas.

Once he gets to the store the shopkeeper shows him the usual puppies, kittens and fish. But the man says, "These are all nice, but I want something special for my son."

"Well then," replies the owner, "Do I have the pet for you. Here is a parrot that sings holiday classics."

"How do I...

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Nuts!

What do you call a nut in Brazil?
A Brazil nut.

What do you call a nut on a wall?
A walnut

What do you call nuts on your chest?
Chestnuts

What do you call a nut on a horses chest?
A horse chestnut

What do you call nuts in your pee?
Peanuts

What do yo...

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A man was talking to his stepdaughter when the stepdaughter asked...

"What do you call nuts on the wall?"

The stepfather replied "well my dear that would be Walnuts."

The stepdaughter then asks "well what would nuts on your chest be called?"

The stepfather replies "well my dear those would be called chestnuts."

The stepdaughter finally ask...

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What's a bisexual's favourite food item?

Chestnuts

A woman walks into a pet shop

She sees a beautiful parrot, and asks the shop keeper if he says any words. The shop keeper says, "If you hold a match under his left foot he sings Highway to hell."

The lady is sceptical at first, but she tries it and the parrot sings Highway to hell. Amazed, she asks the shop keeper what e...

What is Easter?

Three men all die in an accident and met Saint Peter in front of the pearly gates.

"Welcome to heaven gentlemen. I would love to let you in but before I can do that I need to prove that you're devout Christians. If you can tell me what Easter is I can let you through."

The first man st...

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