My family is putting an electrical plug in our elm tree.
They were going to put it in the bushes, but I convinced them that a tree-prong outlet would be better for the ground.
"Tree-prong outlet" stolen from an engineer I was talking to today, but joke format is all mine.
It was career day in Elm Park Elementary School...
and each student had to write about their dad's profession. Ruby wrote about her dad being a doctor and David wrote about his dad being a construction work.
When the teacher asked Johnny he said, "My dad is a pimp and a drug fiend."
"What?!?! Johnny, be honest. I know that's not what ...
Why was Freddy Krueger late for work?
Cause traffic is a nightmare on Elm Street.
Sentimental Young Lady: Ah, professor, what would this old oak say if it could talk?
Professor: It would say, "I am an elm!"
\- Fliegende Blätter magazine
What did my wondering eyes behold.
After a brutal late Autumn wind storm I noticed that my young Elm tree had finally lost all of its leaves in preparation for the cold snowy winter ahead. I smiled to my self realizing how nature helps all creatures prepare for the coming seasonal changes. But then my gaze was drawn to a red shotgu...
A police dispatcher is taking a call from the scene of a domestic disturbance...
Officer on scene: We're at 1120 Elm Street. A woman has just shot her husband for walking on her freshly mopped floor.
Dispatch: Have you apprehended the suspect?
Officer: Negative; the floor is still wet.
A Kirby guy on a hot day…
A door to door salesman was walking down a street in a very hot day, when he came across a pair of little girls selling lemonade.
Taking a break, he buys a big glass and goes to sit under a large elm tree.
Suddenly, he hears a guy yell “Nice suit buddy, did you buy it at the goodwill s...
A farmer was walking into town to do some errands
He picked up the pail he'd left at the blacksmith for repairs, a brick he needed to repair a wall, and two chickens and a duck he'd ordered to increase his stock. Carrying all this, as he was walking home, he encountered the schoolmistress, a thin, plain middle-aged lady. "Sir," she said. "I need to...
Son of a beech or a son of a birch
An Elm and an Oak tree in a forest are debating what type of tree the new sapling growing between them is.
The Elm says that is a son of a beech, oh no the Oak says that is a son of a birch. The debate goes on until one day a woodpecker fly's over and lands near by. The Oak says hey Mr Woodp...