My family is putting an electrical plug in our elm tree.
They were going to put it in the bushes, but I convinced them that a tree-prong outlet would be better for the ground.
"Tree-prong outlet" stolen from an engineer I was talking to today, but joke format is all mine.
A police dispatcher is taking a call from the scene of a domestic disturbance...
Officer on scene: We're at 1120 Elm Street. A woman has just shot her husband for walking on her freshly mopped floor.
Dispatch: Have you apprehended the suspect?
Officer: Negative; the floor is still wet.
It was career day in Elm Park Elementary School...
and each student had to write about their dad's profession. Ruby wrote about her dad being a doctor and David wrote about his dad being a construction work.
When the teacher asked Johnny he said, "My dad is a pimp and a drug fiend."
"What?!?! Johnny, be honest. I know that's not what ...
A farmer was walking into town to do some errands
He picked up the pail he'd left at the blacksmith for repairs, a brick he needed to repair a wall, and two chickens and a duck he'd ordered to increase his stock. Carrying all this, as he was walking home, he encountered the schoolmistress, a thin, plain middle-aged lady. "Sir," she said. "I need to...
Son of a beech or a son of a birch
An Elm and an Oak tree in a forest are debating what type of tree the new sapling growing between them is.
The Elm says that is a son of a beech, oh no the Oak says that is a son of a birch. The debate goes on until one day a woodpecker fly's over and lands near by. The Oak says hey Mr Woodp...