A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman... he's a guy who did everything right all the
time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like
that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not ...

A man rented an uber and and the cabbie arrived exactly on time

The passenger said: "wow you are so punctual just like frank"
Cabbie: excuse me?

Passenger: frank is a great guy, always on time, knows the best restaurants, wear the best clothes, always keeps his promises and never ever treat his family badly.

Cabbie: so is frank your friend or......

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A cabbie is waiting outside a Vegas casino when a smartly-dressed man runs out in a state of extreme distress.

He comes up to the cab and says "You've got to get me to the airport straight away! I'm needed in New York as soon as possible, there's millions at stake!" and the cabbie says "Sure, no problem, fella, just fifty bucks for the fare and we're good to go".

The smartly-dressed man says "This is ...

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Fifteen Bucks

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. All he needed to do was somehow get to the airport, and then he'd be home-free.

So he went out to the front of the...

A tipsy man staggered out of Melbourne Hotel and entered a taxi. "Take me to Melbourne Hotel," he told the cabbie. The cabbie was momentarily confused. They sat in silence for minutes. The cab never moved. Then the cabbie got out, opened the back door and told the guy: "Look. (Pointing)"

"The Melbourne Hotel." "How much for the fare?" "No charge," replied the cabbie. "Thanks. Next time, don't drive so fast!"

A cabbie picks up a nun.

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, ''I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.


She answers, 'My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and ha...

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A man arrives home at his local airport...

He hails the first taxi off the rank and says "how much out to the suburbs?"

"Sixty bucks" comes the reply.

"I've only got twenty in my pocket. When we get to my house, I'll give you the difference plus a big tip." says the traveller

"Nope" Says the cabbie firmly.

The nex...

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A cab driver picks up a Nun...

The driver looks in the rear view mirror and says, "Excuse me sister, I've always fantasised about having sex with a nun."

The nun replies, "Yeah, you and everyone else. Tell me are you a Catholic?"

"Actually I am" says the cabbie.

The nun then climbs into the front seat and giv...

I took a cab and told the cabbie I was in a hurry...

The cabbie said no problem and starting speeding through the streets. We came up on a yellow light and instead of slowing down, he sped up and shot through the intersection.

I asked "Hey, should you slow down a bit?"

"Don't worry about it. All of my buddies drive this way."

We ...

I hopped in a cab after work and said to the cabbie

"My wife won't put out any more. Take me somewhere I can get an easy chick that won't say no"

10 minutes later he dropped me off at my house and said

"Just tell her Larry sent you"

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A clearly inebriated, stark naked, woman jumps into the back of a NYC taxi cab...

The old cab driver, opened his eyes wide & began to state at her but made no attempt to start the cab.

The woman glared back & said 'what's wrong, honey? Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?"

The old cabbie says" let me tell you something lady, I wasn't staring at you ...

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Money-minded Cabbie!!

A guy is on a date with a girl, so he takes her to Lovers' Lane.
When they get up there, she says, ''I have to be honest with you -- I'm a hooker.'' The guy thinks about this for a short time and says it's okay. He agrees to pay her $25, and they start having sex.
After they finish, the guy sa...

After a night out on the town, a Jewish couple is taking a cab home.

When they arrive, the cabbie says, "That'll be $46, please."

The husband gives him a $50 bill and waits.

"I'm sorry, but I don't have change to give you." says the cabbie.

The husband says, "No worries, you can take us for a spin around the block a couple of times."

Two drunks stumble out of a hotel...

...and manage to get into one of the cabs. After a bit of a process getting seated, one of them tells the cabbie.

"To the Grand Hotel please."

The cabbie turns around and says, "But we're already at the Grand Hotel."

One of the drunks gives the cabbie a bill, and says, "Next tim...

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Cabby revenge

Late at night, I had a bit to drink and asked the cabby if he could tell me how much to my place. I had only about half this amount and could he help me out. He said no in the rudest way possible.

Next week I see the same cabby in the front of the queue. so I go to the last cab in the rank a...

Cabbie and the priest

A Priest dies and is waiting in line at Heaven's Door.

Ahead of him is a guy, fashionably dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans.

God to the guy : Who are you?

Guy : I am a cab driver in Rome

God : Take this Gold robe and enter kingdom of H...

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A guy named Danny walks into a bar...

A guy named Danny walks into a bar, tells the bartender to get him four shots of the highest proof he has, and says, “I need to forget.”

A pretty girl next to him gets curious and asks, “What do you need to forget?” And Danny replies with, “I’ll tell you but you won’t like it.” “I’ve been wit...

A cabbie and a priest are at the gates of Heaven...

St. Peter invites the cabbie and the priest into his golf cart, to show them to their new residences. Although the cab driver had spent his life speeding, drinking and scamming, he was dropped off at a beautiful lakefront mansion.

Seeing this, the priest thought to himself: "if that's where ...

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Last night a cabbie asks me

Question 1: Lets say, If you were to wake up all alone in the middle of the night out in the woods with your butt covered in Vaseline; do you think you'd tell anyone?

Question 2: Do you want to camping with me this weekend?

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A cabbie picks up a prostitute

When she reaches her destination the cabbie leans back and says '£2O'. The prostitute opens her legs and says 'can i pay with this ?' The cabbie replies 'you got anything smaller ?'

Taxi driver picks up a hooker. They arrive at her destination & she confesses she doesn’t have any money. She says “Will this do?”

Cabbie looks in his rear view mirror & sees the hooker spreading her legs with no panties on & he says “Got anything smaller?”

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John and the cab driver

One cold, winter evening John finished his office job in London Victoria and went straight to the pub. He had few drinks too many that night and decided to take a cab home, but when he looked in his wallet he only had last £20 inside. He approached a black cab outside the pub and asked how much woul...

A cabbie and a priest die at the same time

... and arrive at the gates of heaven. St. peter looks at the cabbie's records and exclaims, "welcome to heaven good sir!" before giving him a golden silk robe and keys to a villa.

Looking at the spectacle in front of him, the priest thinks he's set. When he arrives, St. Peter looks at his c...

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A nun...

A nun gets into a cab in New York. She demurely says in a small, high voice,”Could you please take me to Times Square?”

In a thick Brooklyn accent the cab driver initiates conversation,”Hey, sista, that’s kinda a long drive. You mind if we, like, chat?”

The nun says,”Why no, my son, wh...

A Scary Midnight Story

A taxi driver is going home at midnight when he decides to take a shortcut through a cemetery. He's driving slowly through the dark when he suddenly stops in shock. In front of his headlights is a lady in white hailing him down.

Before he has time to think, the woman climbs in and says in a ...

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A Muslim hailed a London cab.

He asked the cab driver to turn off the radio because as decreed by his religious teaching he must not listen to music because in the time of the prophet there was no Western style music or radios. The cab driver turned off the radio, stopped the cab and opened the door. The Muslim asked him "What a...

A priest dies and goes to heaven....

He greets Saint Peter at the pearly gates and Saint Peter gives him a cotton robe and a wooden staff.

As he walks through he sees a cab driver and stops for a second. And Saint Peter gives the cabbie a gold staff and a gold robe.

The priest goes to saint peter and says "why does he ge...

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I had a rough time in Vegas last year and ended up losing all my money.

It was time to get back home, but I'd lost so much money, I couldn't afford to pay for a cab to the airport.

When I asked the only cabbie on the strip for a little mercy, and vowed to pay wire him the cash, or to give him the rolex on my wrist, he laughed, and spat in my face.

I did...

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a taxi driver in New York picks up a nun...

after a while of driving the nun notices the driver staring intensely at her through the mirror. Curiosity took hold and she asked him why he was looking so intently at her.
"you see," says the driver "I have always fantasized about kissing a nun."
"Are you married?" asked the nun "and are yo...

A london cabbie is driving down an unlit street in heavy fog he sees a figure in the distance hailing him...

...he opens the door and turns around to see a beautiful naked woman.

"Where to love?"

"5 Kings road please"

She's so gorgeous and curvy in all the right places that he can't keep his eyes of her. She catches him in a longer lingering stare and says

"What do you think you...

A businessman arrives in Boston and hails a cab at the airport.

Being a great lover of fish and hoping to try out a local speciality for dinner, he says to the driver, "Say, could you tell me please, where's the best place in town to get scrod?"

The cabbie says, "Well, sir, I must get asked that question ten thousand times a year, but never before in the ...

A man traveling on business lands in Dublin.

He hails a cab and is on his way. As the cab is approaching a red traffic light it isn’t slowing down. The cabbie runs the red light, and the man says

“You know you just ran a red light”?

The cabbie replies “I don’t believe in red lights and neither do any of my 10 taxi driving brothe...

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taxi cab

A businessman takes a vacation in Vegas. He has a horrible run of luck, and spends his life savings and maxes out his credit cards. All he has left is his airline ticket home.

Getting into a taxi, he explains his plight to the cabbie. He offers to leave his drivers license or anything else u...

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A priest dies and goes to heaven.

At the gate St. Peter gives him a small silver harp and says “Congratulations! You made it.” The priest heads on in and sees a cabbie with a giant gold harp. Outraged he goes to St. Peter and is like “What the fuck dude?! I’m a priest and I’ve only got this dinky silver harp? Why’s that cabbie get ...

Took a Grab taxi this evening

Upon getting to the intersection, I told the cabbie “Take the left, it’s much faster”.

The cabbie suddenly bolted upright. I thought he just dozed off or got tensed from caffeine.

Then he shared it was his 1st day with Grab.

He used to be a funeral service driver.

Two Irishmen are traveling to Australia.

Before they leave home, one of their dads gives them both a bit of advice: "You watch them Aussie cab drivers. They'll rob you blind. Don't you go paying them what they ask. You haggle." At the Sydney airport, the Irishmen catch a cab to their hotel. When they reach their destination, the cabbie say...

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A Priest Dies and Goes to Heaven...

A priest dies and meets St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says to him, "Welcome to Heaven; for your devout service to God, we have your accommodations ready."

It was a one room shack. His neighbor, a cab driver, had a stately mansion.

Weeks go by, and the priest seeks out St. ...

Drunk..

THREE guys get into a taxi. The driver notices they are drunk and, thinking they won’t notice, turns off the ignition and says, “We are here.” The 1st drunk says “thank you.” The 2nd pays the cabbie, and the 3rd slaps the driver on the back of the head and says, “Next time don’t drive so fast.” ..

I get no respect, I tell ya

The other day I tell the cabbie "To the hospital!"

So he backed over me.

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A priest is taking a cab home from church

A priest is taking a cab home from church after a long day of services. It's night and it's raining heavily. Suddenly the taxi hits a pothole. The driver mutters under his breath "Fuck!" Seconds later, they hit another pothole and the driver says "Shit!" The priest has finally had enough,

"So...

Posh & Becks were in a cab in NY

Posh & Becks caught a cab outside JFK airport after a long flight from London and the cabbie was delighted when he realised who it was.
"You're David Beckham!" he exclaimed "Nice to meet you!"
"Thanks" said David "nice to meet you too".
During the ride the converstation turned to ...

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A man is taking a taxi to the airport ...

when he realized he left his passport at home and must go back to get it. He reaches through the partition and gently taps the driver on his shoulder to get his attention.

The driver screams and losses control of the cab, jumping a curb, nearly hitting a tree and several pedestrians, finally...

A Nun has to take a cab

She gets into the cab and gives the driver the address she needs to go to.

About half way through the drive the cabbie looks at the Nun through the rearview mirror and says, “You know, I’ve always wanted to kiss a Nun.”

The Nun looks thoughtful for a moment before responding, “Are you...

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Passenger taps his taxi driver on the shoulder

The driver shits himself, swerves and narrowly misses a bus, stopping inches from a shop window.

"Fuck me, you're jumpy aren't you? I only tapped your shoulder."

"Sorry," said the cabbie, "It's my first day. I've been driving a fuckin hearse for the last 20 years"

A lawyer is parking his BMW...

A lawyer is parking his BMW outside a store in Manhattan, and as he opens his door to get out a taxi sides wipes his car taking the whole door off.

The lawyer hops out and starts screaming at the cab driver, "You idiot, you hit my brand new BMW, you ripped the whole door off! Do you have any...

A nun hails a taxi cab...

...as she settles into her seat she notices the taxi driver sneaking peaks at her through the rear-view mirror. She says, "my son, can I help you with something?" He says, "sister, I have to admit, I've had this fantasy of...kissing a nun". She replies, "Oh, my son, I can help you with that as long ...

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A nun gets into a cab

As she's riding along, she notices the cabbie keeps eyeing her in the mirror. "Is something the matter?" She asks. Embarrassed the cabbie answers, " Well sister, I only have a few months left to live, and I've always fantasized about having sex with a nun. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be forward, but ...

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A guy from Nebraska goes to New York for the first time.

He's so excited, he's never been outside of Nebraska. He gets to La Guardia, and immediately tells a cabbie to take him to the Empire State Building (as he's always wanted to see it in real life). So they pull up to and he goes inside and gets on the elevator to the top of the building. He goes u...

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A man goes to the psychiatrist and tells him that every day he passes a delicatessen.

In the window of the deli is a pickle slicer, slicing pickles. He tells the doctor that he has this urge, every time he passes, to put his
penis in the pickle slicer.

The shrink calms him down and asks him a little more about himself, trying to talk him out of it. He suggests he take a ...

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This tourist from Japan comes to India.

For sightseeing purposes, he got on a cab. The cab driver took him to The Taj Mahal and proudly said, "This is the Taj Mahal. It took 6000 people 6 years to be built."
The tourist, unimpressed, says "6 fucking years? We can build something like this in 6 months."
The cab driver got a bit upset...

One rainy spring night in Belfast, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley.

Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door. Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat.


"Where to?" he stammered.


"Vale Road," answered the wo...

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An American man and his son went on vacation to Finland.

When they arrived, a cab driver greeted them at the airport. "What should we do on our first day here," the father asked his son, excitedly. The driver interjected, "Well, if you're not natives, I'd suggest the roller coaster that teaches your or language." Confused, the father and son look at one a...

Old man enters a bar and starts knocking back vodka shots, one after the other, until his lights slowly start to dim.

The bartender, who was also a friend, tells him to take it easy, go home, that he's had enough. Refusing, he goes on until eventually the friend convinced him.

'I'm going home!'

As expected, as soon as he leaves from the bartop, he falls flat on his face, eventually dragging himself hi...

The cab

A Jewish guy in New York City is in a cab. The cab is going down the street when the cabbie sees a guy on the sidewalk mugging a woman. The guy is hitting her and trying to grab her purse. The cabbie zooms to the side of the road and jumps out to go help the woman.

The Jewish guy rolls down t...

Pouring rain, New York City. A drunk hails a cab.

Cabbie rolls down the windo, the drunk man says "hey mister, do you gave room for half a chicken and a six-pack in here"?

Annoyed, the cabbie says "sure"

the drunk says BLUGHHHHHH

FACTS OF LIFE

A mother, accompanied by her small daughter, was in the big city. The mother was trying to hail a cab, when her daughter noticed several scantily dressed women loitering on a nearby street corner. The mother finally hailed her cab and they both climbed in, at which point the daughter asks her mother...

A man walks out of his office during a thundershower...

and, lo and behold, there's an empty taxi right there! He hops in and remarks to the driver how lucky he is to get a taxi in such weather. The cabbie turns to him and says, "You obviously have perfect timing...just like Sheldon."
"Who?"
"Sheldon Schwartz. Now that guy was a guy who did everyth...

A joke from my great uncle

A nun is walking through the city and hails a taxi cab. The nun gets in a cab, and after a few minutes the cabbie says "It's been a while since I've passionately kissed a woman, would you be willing to kiss me, sister?" The nun asks "Are you single and catholic? If you are there shouldn't be a probl...

Naked cab ride

Driving down the street a cabbie spots a naked woman flagging him down.He stops and picks her up. Where to? he asks and she gives him an address across town. They head off. After a couple of minutes he has to ask, Lady you ain't got no clothes on so you ain't got no money. How you gonna pay for the...

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An English man visits America, hoping to hear a joke...

He spends a week in New York, going to comedy shows, asking people on the street, spending hours and hours in bars waiting for someone interesting to walk in, but never manages to hear one he's never heard before.

He gets a cab to go to the airport and the cabbie asks him, "Why the long face...

How many times is this guy going to fall down the stairs?

Until he sticks the landing. Full story---> I could hardly sleep last night because two of my tenants were up all night drinking and taking their medicine. As he was trying to take a cab to his doctors appointment, he fell down the stairs. I didnt want to move him in case his head or neck was ...

3 drunk men

Three men hail a taxi. The driver—seeing that they’re drunk—decides to pull a fast one. So he switches the engine on, then quickly switches it off and announces, “We’re here!”
The first guy hands him the fare, the second guy says, “Thanks,” but the third guy angrily smacks the
cabbie’s head....

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Twist at the end (NSFW)

A guy visits a strange town on a business trip and is very horny. He decides to ask his cab driver where he can find a prostitute so his cabbie drives him to what he calls the "best hooker in town". The guys goes up the the hooker and asks, "How much for a hand job?" The hooker replies, "$1000." The...

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