I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised that I'd pick up a stranger. He asked, "Thanks but why would you pick me up? How would you know I'm not a serial killer?".

I told him the chances of two serial killers in a car would be astronomical.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A hitchhiker gets picked up by a trucker with a bullfrog on his dashboard.

The hitchhiker guy stares at the bullfrog for a while, fascinated by the animal, while the truck driver just grins. After a while, the truck driver decides to show him what's what. He pulls over by the side of the road.

"Watch this!"

He takes the bullfrog by the legs and SLAMS its head...

I picked up a hitchhiker the other day...

After he got all of his stuff in the trunk, he hopped in, and we started our journey.

He told me : I’m so glad someone finally stopped to pick me up. But aren’t you scared that I might be a serial killer?

I replied : To be honest, the odds of having two serial killers in the same car a...

I picked up a hitchhiker the other day.

He asked me "Aren't you a little wary of picking up hitch hikers? What if I'm a serial killer?"
To which I replied "What's the chance of two serial killers being in the same car at the same time?"

They are going to start taxing hitchhikers.

They are calling it a ThumbTax.

I took a hitchhiker.

After some time, he asked me:
"Do you take hitchhikers often?"
I nodded my head.
Then he asked: "Aren't you afraid, that one of them will be a serial killer?"
"No, I am not afraid," I answered, "There's only a very small probability, that two serial killers meet in one car."

What do Beethoven's Ninth Symphony and the hitchhiker in my car have in common?

They are both in an advanced state of D composition.

A lonely young guy driving cross-country picked up a stunning female hitchhiker.

A lonely young guy driving cross-country picked up a stunning female hitchhiker.


Out in the middle of the desert, she started coming on to him. When she offered him some oral pleasure, he pulled over to the side of the road.


But once his pants were around his ankles, she pu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So This Hitchhiker is walking down the Highway.....

He has long dark hair, a big parka, a giant backpack, and a hat on. As each car approaches he sticks out his thumb. Eventually a semi truck pulls over and says, “do you need a lift?” The hitchhiker says, “yes thank you” and gets in the truck. They drive a mile down the road in complete silence. Even...

A woman is driving late at night on a back road when she suddenly sees a hitchhiker wave her over...

The woman stops and let's the man in.

The hitchhiker says, "Wow! I'm really surprised you stopped for me! I could be a serial killer for all you know."

The woman giggles and says, "Nah, I figured you were probably an alright guy. After all, what are the chances of two serial killers en...

A man was driving across country, when suddenly he saw a hitchhiker.

He picked her up and while they were driving the two of them got talking.
"What do you do?", asked the man.
"I'm a witch", said the hitchhiker.
"One of those, spells, potions and turn people into frogs kind of witches?"
"That's the one".
"Oh yeah? Can you show me?"
She started stro...

A man is on a cross-country trip when he picks up a hitchhiker.

During a lull in the conversation, the hitchhiker notices a brown paper bag resting in the center console. The driver notices his glance and says, “That’s a bottle of wine. I got it for my wife.”

The hitchhiker replies, “That’s a pretty good trade.”

(NSFW) A truck driver picks up a hitchhiker

This truck driver is going down the highway and he sees a hitchhiker on the road. He stops and asks, "You need a ride?" The hitchhiker is ecstatic and agrees, thankful that he can cover more ground quickly.

After a couple hours he is getting restless and asks, "Man I'm bored, how do you get ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hitchhiker

So I picked up a hitchhiker today, pulled over and asked where he was headed and it was in the same direction I was going so I told him to hop in. Now this man had a bag and was acting kinda weird so I asked him politely what was in his bag. He turned to me and with a dead stare said “None of your f...

What do you say to a one-legged hitchhiker?

Hop in.

I've never picked up a hitchhiker

but not for lack of trying.

One of my black friends told me this, and I didn't know if I should laugh: What do you call a black hitchhiker?

Stranded

A native american hitchhiker was picked up by a slick city man who was driving past the reservation.

As they were driving along, the native american noticed a brown paper bag on the dashboard and inquired as to its contents. The city man replied: "It's a bottle of wine, I got it for my wife".

The native american looked forward at the road, nodded his head solemnly, and said: "Good trade".

A hitchhiker with 3 eyes, no arms and one leg was standing on the side of the road

An Irish man pulls up and says " eye,eye eye you look armless, why don't you hop on in?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy pulls over to pick up this smoking hot hitchhiker..

...when some dude jumps out of the woods, puts a gun to his head & yells: "Start jerking off!" He does.

"Jerk off again!" He does.

"Once more!" He does.

Thank you sir. Can you please give my beautiful sister here a ride into town? "

Hitchhiking

*Ted stopped on the side of the road after seeing a hitchhiker.*

* **Hitchhiker:** Hello there. Is the city far?
* **Ted:** No.
* **Hitchhiker:** May I get in your car?
* **Ted:** Yes.

*After a couple of hours of driving in silence...*

* **Hitchhiker:** Is the city far?...

I saw a hitchhiker holding a sign that read "HEAVEN"...

...So I ran him over.

The Hitchhiker.

A man is driving across the state to see his wife when he sees a Native American hitchhiker on the side of the road. Thinking he could do with some company, he pulls over and lets the man in, offering him a ride home.

The Native man is grateful, but our driver notices that he keeps eyeing the...

What do you call a black hitchhiker?

Stranded.

When someone asks if anyone has recommended Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy to me

Reddit already.

AZ Hitchhiker

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.
As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman g...

A Mercedes picks up a Hungarian hitchhiker...

This being Hungary, the hitchhiker isn't used to seeing Mercedes on the road, and asks what [that thing on the front of the car](http://www.automotive-stock-images.com/photos/hood-ornament-1928-mercedes-benz-680s.jpg) is. The driver, somewhat amused, jokes:

"Why, that's the car's sights. Like...

The Native American Hitchhiker

A man is driving home from work one night when he sees an Indian Chief hitchhiking.
Feeling sorry for the old man, he pulls over to pick him up.
The Native says nothing for a good five minutes. He then, noticing a bottle of Jack Daniel’s on the passenger floor, grunts “mmmm, good whiskey”....

A traveler was walking along the side of the road hitchhiking on a dark night in the middle of a thunderstorm

Time passed slowly and no cars went by. It was raining so hard he could barely see his hand in front of his face.

Suddenly he saw a car approaching, moving slowly and appearing ghost-like in the rain. It slowly and silently crept toward him and stopped.

Wanting a ride very badly, the g...

A hitchiker is taken by an elderly couple in an RV. During the trip, the husband, driving the vehicle, says "152", and the couple laughs. Then the wife says "365" and they also laugh.

The hitchhiker then asks "What's the deal with these numbers?"

The old man replies: "We've been telling each other jokes for such a long time that we memorized and numbered them all, and now only refer to them by numbers."

A few minutes after hearing that, the hitchhiker says "984", an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Scary Tale of a Hitchhiker

There was this traveler who was hitchhiking on a dark night with rain and thunderstorm. He was out of the city limit waiting for a ride. Time passed but there was no car in sight on this ghostly night. The wind was blowing hard and rain was lashing his face. He was tired, hungry and miserable and co...

Sam, 80, went to the cafe

when he saw his old friend Marty, 82, with a bandage on his head and two black eyes. "Goodness Marty", he exclaimed, "what happened to you?"
"Well", said Marty, "I was driving down route 4 and I saw this hitchhiker. Nice looking fellow, obviously a working guy, even had one of those mechanics uni...

What did Douglas Adams say after he finished writing the first chapter of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy?

Ah, I've finally put a dent in that book.

Some people are dog people, some are cat people. I'm a people person.

Just ask the hitchhikers I keep in the kennel out back.

A lad was on his way to visit his friend. Whilst driving, his car broke down and it began to rain so heavily, he couldn’t see his own hands in front of him. (Halloween super scary story)

**this super scary story as told me to be last night by an Irish dude**

He walked for as long as he could, but the rain became too much to bear. He found a tree and stood beneath it, waiting for a car.
Hours went by, and he was beginning to give up hope. It was a quiet road indeed that ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jesus is bored in heaven and decides to take a vacation to Earth

He thinks hitchhiking could be fun, so he disguises himself as an average looking American and flies down from heaven onto a highway in Nebraska. He sticks his thumb out and after a little while, an 18-wheeler pulls over to offer a ride. He climbs in the cab, tells the driver he's headed west and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rather effeminate looking man is hitchhiking near the interstate

when he is finally picked up by a big burly truck driver. The man gets in the truck and chats with the driver for a few miles. Finally, wanting to get the inevitable question out of the way, the hitchhiker says "Well, aren't you going to ask me?"

"Ask you what?" responds the truck driver....

A man in a Mercedes-Benz picks a hitchiker up.

After a while, the hitchiker points at the Mercedes emblem and asks "What is that?"

The driver says "It's an optical sight. Every time I put someone in the crosshairs, I run them over. Here, look at this pedestrian". The driver pointed his car at the pedestrian, but turned away in the last mo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

No fuck no ride

So this lonely trucker is on a long haul with his parrot when he comes across a sexy hitchhiker so he pulls over and says to the girl hey how ya doing? Need a ride? She smiles and says yes to which he asks wanna fuck? She replies hell no so he tells her no fuck no ride. The parrot goes off screechi...

Levels of stress.

1) You pick up a hitchhiker, A beautiful young girl. Suddenly she faints inside your car. You take her to the hospital.

-Stressful

2) But hospital says she is pregnant and you are going to be a father. You swiftly say that you are not the father, but the girl says you are!!

-Ver...

A guy’s driving down the highway one day...

...when he sees a hitchhiker ahead. There’s hardly any traffic on the highway, and he figures that the poor guy will never get a ride, so he decides to help him out. After about 5 miles, the hitchhiker pulls a gun, and tells the driver that he won’t get hurt as long as he follows orders and doesn’t ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A longhaul trucker with a trailer full of chickens is driving to Chicago...

A long haul trucker with a trailer full chickens is driving to Chicago with a parrot on the dashboard. As he's driving, he sees a woman at the side of the road with her thumb out. He pulls over to the side, and the woman gets in.

Trucker: Do you have money?

Woman: No.

Truck: Su...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Haunted Car

The hour is late, the streetlights have gone out, and it isn't the safest part of town on the best of nights. Jim the hitchhiker wants nothing more than to get out of there as soon as possible.

Suddenly, a pair of headlights appears through the misty gloom, and begin approaching him, silently...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Another Racist Trucker Joke

A racist trucker is driving down the highway and sees a black man, thumb out, walking along the shoulder. He grins to himself before easing his truck to the right, pressing in on the gas, and WHAM, he takes out the black man.

A couple miles down the road, he spots another black man, trying to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke to tell your friends.

Hey guys, I'm not sure if this is the correct place to post this, or the right format, but I've got an amazing joke for you all that will almost definitely draw everyone you are with in, as long as they do not know it is a joke.

Firstly, you need to turn the conversation towards hitchhiking,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cowboy and a Priest

So a redneck cowboy is driving down the road in his truck, in a rush to get to his girlfriends house. All of a sudden he sees a priest on the side of the road hitchhiking. "Ahh shit!" says the cowboy, "no matter how big of a rush Im in, i can't leave a priest out here hitchhiking" So the Cowboy pu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A County Sheriff is driving down a desolate highway, through the woods in Georgia.

He sees a man, completely naked, tied up to a pine tree - arms completely around it, bent down on his knees, with his ass facing the road. The Sheriff pulls over - removes a balled up sock out of the guy's mouth, and asks him what happened.

The guy says, "I picked up a hitchhiker in town 20 ...

Policeman stops car on highway...

Only to see dog behind the wheel with man sitting next to him.
"You can't just let your dog drive your car!" says policeman
"I can't really say anything sir, I'm just an hitchhiker"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is on the side of the road hitchhiking

Two truckers stop and pick him up.
They're driving along and the trucker driving farts. It's completely silent. Then the trucker sitting next to him farts, and it makes no sound at all. The hitchhiker farts, and it's loud enough to shake the whole cab.

Both the truckers turn and yell "vi...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.