After jacking myself off to logical deduction, i realized that im really weird.

This is the conclusion that i came to.

Why was CNN legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin jacking off on a Zoom call?

Because last month they switched over from WebEx.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to the doctor…

… and tells him that his dick is red and swollen and hurts.

Doctor: "I see you are married - how often do you have sex with your wife?"

Patient: "Well, on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday - in fact, every day.''

Doctor: "Hm…"

Patient: "And I ...

I had high expectations for doing great things in 2020. Instead I'm stuck at home jacking off and playing Nintendo.

The old 'bate and Switch.

I've been jacking it all day and boy are my arms tired.

Being a car mechanic sure is rough.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is jacking off on a plane

There are no other people in his row as the plane is relatively empty. So he's been going at it for a couple of minutes now, but suddenly an air hostess catches him red handed.
"Sir! This is not appropriate behaviour! Please stop this act immediately!"
"No way woman! I'm right about to ejacula...

My dad told me if I kept jacking off I'd go blind.

I said dad, I'm over here

When I was in School this emo girl was caught jacking off her boyfriend. Whether it be in the lunchroom, the classroom, the bathroom, etc. She always was jacking him off.

Last I heard the girl got expelled and the guy got off.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mom takes her 3 sons to the dr.

Dr gives them the yearly physical. Results come in, low iron. Dr prescribes iron tablets.

A week later the youngest son comes up to his mom with a problem. She asks what it is. The son says he's peeing bb's. Mom says thats fine, I put more iron in your diet.

Two weeks later the middle ...

There are two types of men when it comes to jacking off..

Those that do, and liars.

I always get bored and frustrated jacking off three bus drivers at once.

You're going at it for ages then suddenly...

I started jacking off to my mind.

But eventually i came to my senses.

I was involved in a car jacking

I just hope none got on the upholstery

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I visited Australia this summer, I saw a a guy fucking a kangaroo and a one legged man jacking off in a bar.....

I asked the bartender, what's wrong with this place?

He said, "What do you mean what's wrong with this place?"

I said, "On the way over here I saw a guy fucking a kangaroo, and that one legged man is jacking off over there!"

The bartender said, "That man in the corner, poor fell...

When did pinochio discover he was made of wood?

He tried jacking off and set himself on fire.

I went to the doctor today and he told me I needed to stop jacking off

Said it was "ruining his rectal exam".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between hanging with friends and jacking it on the toilet?

One means you're taking a load off and shooting the shit, the other is taking a shit and shooting a load off.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One guy jacking off on a Tuesday isn't gay,

But Tuesgay

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