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Jacking Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is jacking off on a plane

There are no other people in his row as the plane is relatively empty. So he's been going at it for a couple of minutes now, but suddenly an air hostess catches him red handed.
"Sir! This is not appropriate behaviour! Please stop this act immediately!"
"No way woman! I'm right about to ejacula...

My dad told me if I kept jacking off I'd go blind.

I said dad, I'm over here

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you masturbate after smoking marijuana....

Is it high-jacking or weed-whacking?










Edit: Front and Gold. Thank you.

Edit 2: if this is in fact a repost, I apologise. I honestly am not sure if somebody else posted this before.

Why was CNN legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin jacking off on a Zoom call?

Because last month they switched over from WebEx.

How do pro-lifers clean up after jacking off?

By using baby wipes.

Jacking off and being a pig

Kinda go Ham in hand

After jacking myself off to logical deduction, i realized that im really weird.

This is the conclusion that i came to.

I started jacking off to my mind.

But eventually i came to my senses.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the man caught masturbating on a plane get charged with?

High Jacking

People think Jacking off is all pleasure...

but it has its ups and downs.

I was involved in a car jacking

I just hope none got on the upholstery

When I was in School this emo girl was caught jacking off her boyfriend. Whether it be in the lunchroom, the classroom, the bathroom, etc. She always was jacking him off.

Last I heard the girl got expelled and the guy got off.

I've been jacking it all day and boy are my arms tired.

Being a car mechanic sure is rough.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I visited Australia this summer, I saw a a guy fucking a kangaroo and a one legged man jacking off in a bar.....

I asked the bartender, what's wrong with this place?

He said, "What do you mean what's wrong with this place?"

I said, "On the way over here I saw a guy fucking a kangaroo, and that one legged man is jacking off over there!"

The bartender said, "That man in the corner, poor fell...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you masturbate after smoking pot...

Is it high-jacking or weed-whacking?

There are two types of men when it comes to jacking off..

Those that do, and liars.

I had high expectations for doing great things in 2020. Instead I'm stuck at home jacking off and playing Nintendo.

The old 'bate and Switch.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between hanging with friends and jacking it on the toilet?

One means you're taking a load off and shooting the shit, the other is taking a shit and shooting a load off.

I heard my roommate jacking off once

It wouldn't have been so awkward if he hadn't been standing right behind me.

I went to the doctor today and he told me I needed to stop jacking off

Said it was "ruining his rectal exam".

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