UPJOKE
toolscriptnpchackersspamhackspammerspoofereuropean unionlarvatrolleibrobotbottzool

Bot Jokes

Why do bots have nice asses?

Because of the back end developers.

Welcome back to /u/JokeExplainBot

I banned on a rule that we had enforced in the past. However, we talked the issue over and were able to reach common ground. Sorry for any trouble this caused.

/u/ElderCunningham

What do you call a discord moderation bot?

Doesn't matter, hard to moderate discord

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Truth Bot

A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. So, he decides to try it out at dinner.

DAD: Son, where you in school today?

SON: Yes - *robot slaps son*

SON: Ok, I stayed home and watched movies.

DAD: Which one?

SON: Toy Story - *robot slaps son agai...

/u/JokeExplainBot walks into a bar

and dies

I wrote a bot script to get past website security

So far its managed to evade captcha

A researcher is startled to find that 90% of the internet is bots

When confronted that this was realistically impossible, he exclaimed “But all they do is quote movies, books, and shows, and EACH OTHER! No human could possibly be this unoriginal!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Lie-Bot

A father comes home one day with a large cardboard box. When he unpacks it, the family's startled to see it contains a humanoid robot.

"This is a lie detector 'bot," the dad says. "It's programmed to slap anyone who tells a lie." He looks at his son and says, "Timmy, what were you watching o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did /u/JokeOverExplainBot cross the road?

His dick was stuck in the chicken.

Russian bots on Tinder always match with me...

Are they attempting to meddle the erections?

What do cuckoo clocks and twitter bots have in common?

They both use artificial tweetener

"Bot Rule" has extended past reddit, and taken over the muggle and wizarding worlds

Giant posters all over the country let everyone know that the population is now under *Bot Rule*.

Any opposition to *Bot Rule* is met with swift punishment

Sickened, Harry Potter waves his wand at the nearest poster, rearranging the letters of the twisted sign.

"This spell's tro...

A bot walks into a sub and orders a rum and coke...

[Removed]

A JokeExplainBot walks into a bar...

The bartender says "Hey! We don't serve robots in here."

The JokeExplainBot replies menacingly, "Oh, you will... Someday, you will."

[OC] What have repost bots and Boy George got in common?

They're karma chameleons.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into Radio Shack and sees that they have "The All In One Female Office Bot" now for sale!

The man walks up to the counter and asks the employee, "what is so special about that robot?"

"She is an all in one. If you squeeze her left breast, she will write down anything that you say and if you squeeze the right breast, she will type anything for you." the employee states.

"I'l...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've decided on a name for my new Real Doll(sex-bot).

eClaire.

"Why?"

Because she'll be electronic and cream filled.

How many JokeExplainBots does it take to change a lightbulb?

**Lightbulbs** are easily threaded by one person, **usually** with one hand. Doot.

A woman comes home early, and finds her husband in bed with a girl.

She is furious, threatens to kill them both... the husband says:

\- Believe me, darling, this is just a misunderstanding. I was driving home, and saw this young lady trying to catch a ride. So I decided to give her a lift. I ask her where she needs to go, and she tells me she wants to visit s...

I don't know what to say about bots in MMORPGs...

but I can ensure you that they grind my gears.

A small town lawyer called his first witness to the stand in a trial, a 80 year old woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Singh, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Kulkarni. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not kn...

As a butcher is shooing away a dog from his shop, he sees a $25 bill and a note in his mouth, reading: “10 pork chops, please.”

Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of pork chops in the dog’s mouth, and quickly closes the shop.

He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy walks into a bar Sits at the bar and orders a drink. He pays with a $100 bill and refuses the change. Just when he's about to take a drink, this little guy - not even a foot tall - runs across the bar and knocks the drink out of his hand. The little guy jumps off the bar and disappears.

The bartender, really confused, pours him another drink. The guy pays him $100 and refuses the change again. Just as he's about to sip his drink, the little guy appears, knocks the drink to the floor and runs off again.

Now the bartender pours him another drink and asks him about the little g...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Blind Pilots

Two men dressed in pilots' uniforms walk up the aisle of the aircraft. Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.


Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit the door closes, and th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An average looking man walks into a bar.

A beautiful woman approaches him. The woman asks the man, "How would you like to get out of here?" and the man is stunned. He never thought a woman like her would ever approach him, so he agreed.


They both get into his car and drive really far.


He stops at a cliff with the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They DoD realized they have too many Generals.

So they offer a retirement package where they have a doctor measure the distance between any two points on their body and they get $10,000 for every inch.

An Air Force General is the first two take the offer and has the doctor measure him from the top of this head to the bottom of this feet. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man heard that masturbating before sex...

A man heard that masturbating before sex often helped blokes last longer during the act. The man decided to give it a try. He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. ...

The Divorce Settlement

On the first day, he sadly packed his belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, he had the movers come to collect his things.

On the third day, he sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table, by candle-light; he put on some soft background musi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do legos and boobs have in common?

They are both made for kids but daddies usually play with them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was dating three women and wanted to marry one.

He couldn’t choose between them, so he decided to give them a test. He took $1500 out of the bank and gave each one $500 to see how they’d spend it.

The first spent it all on herself. When he asked why, she said she wanted to look her best for him.

The second spent it all on him. Wh...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.