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Ie Jokes

Microsoft Edge is a big improvement over IE...

It downloads Chrome twice as fast!

I hate it when you get a Cranberries song stuck in your head...

.. In your head

In your head.

In your head.

A woman says to her husband "Whomst'd've'ly'yaint'nt'ed'ies's'y'es"

Husband: "The contractions are getting closer together, time to go to the hospital."

Credit to /u/Mr_Wilcox

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband and Wife

A woman woke up and told her husband about a dream she'd just had. "I was at an auction for Peni$es. The big ones sold for $1000 and the tiny ones for $10."

Husband: "What about one my size?"

Wife: "Didn't get a bid!"

Pissed off and wanting revenge, the next morning he told his ...

The Difference Between Republicans and Democrats

A woman in a hot-air balloon is lost, so she shouts to a man below, "Excuse me. I promised a friend I would meet him, but I don’t know where I am."

"You’re at 31 degrees, 14.57 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude," he replies.

"You must be a Democrat."<...

What do you call it if you put an IED on an Italian?

Rigatoni!

A few weeks ago I wrote happy Eid to the Muslims and autocorrect changed it to Happy IED.

It almost blew up in my face.

Three grizzled veterans eyed the new recruit with contempt

“Son, I served multiple tours as a Marine in Afghanistan and killed 40 men!”

“That’s nothing! My hummer hit an IED, and I still have pieces of it in my leg!”

The third smiled and simply said “I was a member of SEAL team six.”

“What have you, in your eighteen years accomplish tha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

We everyone, I wish a of you ovey people a happy christmas, ive ife to the fu est, and make merry with a your fami ies.

crap sorry, noel.

What happens when you get a sunburn at the beach?

You become Bernie Sanders.

My daughter came home from her first day at school and announced that she "learned how to make babies"

You drop the "y" and add "ies".

Two monkeys are in bath

The first monkey says: Oe-aa-ie-aa-oe.
The second monkey says: Shall I add some cold water?

A pessimist and and an optimist fall off the top of a 100 story building......

The pessimist was heard screaming and cursing as he past the 20th floor. As the optimist fell past he quietly whispered "so far, so good"!

What do you call a waffle that's been buried in sand?

Sandiego


(The first joke I ever made as a kid)

I just got fired for making a typo. It’s unreal. Like IT’S A TYPO! It’s not a big deal.

Firstly, “ie” and “y” are often interchangeable. Secondly a neon sign saying “Comedy Here” is way less eye-catching. And thirdly, the client said it themselves, they’d never had so many people walk in their door.

What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and acne?

Acne doesn't come on your face until you're 13.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the most verbally abusive mushroom?

Shit-talk-ie!

Why is it generally a bad idea to marry chess pieces?

Well many would think of it as a Rook-ie mistake

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A student, a pirate, and a Redditor are in class.

Teacher: Who wants to learn Roman numerals?
Student: I, for one.
Pirate: Aye aye!
Ie ie ie, goes the redditor, knowing how many times this joke has been reposted.

Don’t you just hate people who take drugs...

Ie the police and customs etc.

Looking back on 10 years of marriage

Wanted to save this story for one of my favorite subs.

When I first met my wife we went on our first date and I was pretty nervous. I wanted to take her somewhere different to break the monotonous “first date” vibe of coffee or drinks so we decided to go to a local apiary to help transpla...

Where does a king keep his armies?

In his sleeve-ies

Happy New Year 2010!!

Sent from IE browser

What is Lizzo's favorite time of day?

Truth hurt-ie

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do they decide which cows to use for beef jerky

They pick the bull.ies. (Joke my 11 year old son made up)

Two Canadians in Kentucky

So these two Canadians are driving into Louisville, Kentucky and are arguing about how to pronounce the name of the city.

“Its pronounced Lou-is-vill…obviously” The oilman from Alberta says

“No, you see, it is French! It is pronounced Loo-ie-vee!” The guy from Quebec retorts.

Th...

My highschool teacher just became a grandfather

True story, a little background I had a teacher in highschool that I kept up with after graduation, he is also a little Aspergery.

So I just found out that he became a grandfather so I asked him What are you gonna have the kid call you ie grandad, grandpa, gramps etc... And in complete seriou...

At the community swimming pool I met a fellow swimming that had no arms or legs.

I said, " Excuse me sir, but I think it's amazing what you're doing there! Do you mind telling me how you lost all your limbs?"

He said, "Oh, I lost them in the war. I was a Sergeant and I jumped on an IED to save my squad. My body armor saved my life but it didn't cover everything."
...

Brazilian Soldiers

An aide walks into the oval office. George W. Bush is currently president, and the Iraq war is dragging out into a long and grueling occupation. The aide presents the numbers from yesterday to the President.

"Mr. President, yesterday the US coalition forces killed a confirmed 36 insurgents....

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Government Job

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.

Interviewer: “Do you have any allergies?”

Applicant: “Yes, I’m allergic to caffeine so I don’t drink coffee.”

Interviewer: “Ok. Are you a veteran?”

Applicant: “Yes, I was in Iraq for 3 years.”

Interviewer: “Ok,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Veteran reintegrating into civilian life

A military veteran is assimilating back to civilian life and begins applying for jobs. He puts in an application with the state hoping for a 9-5 office job with decent benefits. They call him in for an interview. The interviewer is looking over his application and asks him about his military service...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Job Interview

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him "Are you allergic to anything?"

He says "Yes, just caffeine."

"Have you ever been in the service?" the interviewer asks.

"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for two years."

The interviewer says...

There was a deep sea fisherman

That accidentally caught an eagle porpoise - a rare species of porpoise (though not endangered) that inhabits the waters off Southern Mexico to Peru (ie, the Pacific coast). This species has a down-turned snout ideal for catching bottom-dwelling mollusks (octopi and squid) that inhabit the reefs and...

A man was going for a holiday to Acapulco, Mexico...

But since he does not speak any Spanish, he is a bit worried if he will be alright.

He talks to an old friend about his worries and the friend tells him "Don't worry! Spanish is not so hard to speak. Many words are similar to english, so if you just speak slowly enough, I'm sure they will und...

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems..

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems
when his teacher picked him to answer a question,
"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and
you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the an...

Einstein married his cousin elsa.

even his marriage was relative.

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