UPJOKE
musclestrongmanjudgemusclebuilderhuman bodybodybuildingoiltriathletephysiquestuntmanpowerlifterskateboarderwrestlerpugilistboxer

4 guys meet in hell. A Bodybuilder, a Muslim, a Buddhist monk, and an American.

Satan comes over, whip in hand, and says:


-Those who endure 10 whiplashes can go to Heaven, the rest will stay here in Hell!


The American glances at the bodybuilder and is about to argue when Satan interrupts him,


-Everyone can choose 1 thing to place at your back a...

What do undead bodybuilders crave?

*"gaaaaains...."*

Where do bodybuilders buy groceries?

Swole Foods

Two dead bodybuilders meet each other in hell

Dude 1: Hey there man, you know where I can get a protein shake around here?


Dude 2: There’s no whey in hell

A vampire asks for a glass of bodybuilder’s blood.

After taking a swig, he exclaims, “That’s some strong stuff!”

A bodybuilder takes off his shirt and starts flexing in front of a blonde woman. She exclaims...

"Wow, what a great chest you have!"

"He says, "Solid dynamite, babe."

He then takes off his pants and the blonde says, "Wow, what massive calves you have!"

He flexes his leg muscles and says, "Like I said, pure dynamite, sweetheart."

Then he removes his underwear and the ...

A beautiful blonde goes out with a bodybuilder.

Things go well and by their 4th date, she wants to take it to the 'next level'.

They reach her apartment and, after a nice dinner, begin to kiss and take their clothes off. The blonde says,

"Wow, what a great chest you have!"

He says, "100lbs of dynamite, babe!"

He ta...

Bodybuilders agree on most methods of building muscle...

but they can never agree on which is the best whey.

What laundry detergent do bodybuilders use?

Gainz

Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?

He was dead lifting

My bodybuilder friends are getting a divorce

They clearly weren't working out.

What did the bodybuilder say when he saw the store had sold out of protein powder?

No whey!

What do you call a Mexican bodybuilder who’s run out of protein?

No whey Jose.

Imagine dating a bodybuilder and...

It doesn't work out. :)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bodybuilder takes public transport to work..

Bus conductor ask him to buy a ticket

Bodybuilder "I never buy ticket!"

Bus conductor was a thin fella so he couldn't argue much with him.

Next day Bodybuilder again takes the same Bus to work.

Same story he again denies to buy the ticket.

Conductor was very frust...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does the butthole have in common with the bodybuilder?

Roids

Why do all bodybuilders train their Abs?

It's practically oblique-atory

A bodybuilder meets a woman at a bar, ...

and after a number of drinks, they agreed to go back to his place.

As they are making out in the bedroom, ready for the act, he stands up and starts to undress.

After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, "See there, baby? That's 1000 pounds of Dynamite!"
...

What do you call an unemployed bodybuilder?

Big guns for hire. :-D

Oki oki I’ll see myself out.

Why did the bodybuilder borrow a dictionary?

Because he wanted to know how to define muscle.

Italian Bodybuilder

Did you hear about the Italian Bodybuilder? He loves astrophysics! He even said:
"I love-a steroids"

The Bodybuilder Bee left his wife.

She called a friend for a shoulder to cry on, and she rushed over with chocolate and two bottles of wine.
As they were sitting there, talking and drinking, the now-ex wife said „I still don’t understand it. He said the reason was because he wanted to be a pastor?!“
Her friend replied „Well, he...

Why did the bodybuilder go to jail?

He was caught shoplifting

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bodybuilder marries a pretty woman.

"All right, there are going to be some rules in my house. I want the toilet seat to always be up, the TV always on ESPN, and if I'm not going out with my friends, I want a good, hot meal by six o'clock."
"Ok," replied his wife. "But just know that every day at seven there will be sex in this hous...

You know who my favorite bodybuilder is?

Dr. Victor Frankenstein

A bodybuilder just knocked on my door

When he moved to the neighborhood the courts ordered him to tell everyone he is a flex offender.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If wrestlers have biceps, and bodybuilders have triceps, what do surgeons have?

Forceps
(I hate my shit life)

A bodybuilder was killed when a fire broke out in my gym.

Staff tried to escort him out, but he wanted to feel the burn.

A blind man gets into a blondes only bar

He approaches the bar, asks for a beer, and tells her:

- Do you want to hear a very funny joke on blondes?

- Ohh man, you got into the wrong place with this joke! I am 200 pounds blonde barwoman, at your right there is a blonde bodybuilder, at the right there is a blond black belt on k...

How do bodybuilders combat coronavirus?

Whey Isolate

Two bodybuilders walk into a bar.

"Ouch," says the bar.

There's nothing worse than a bunch of demanding bodybuilders

They always have to get their whey

What would Theodore Roosevelt be called if he was a professional bodybuilder?

Teddy Swolevelt.








Yes, I know it's awful, Just had to get it out of my head.

What do zombie bodybuilders want more than anything?

GaaAAAiiNnns!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman bodybuilder goes to the doctor and says "I've taken that many steroids I've grown a penis"

Doctor says "anabolic?"

Bodybuilder replies "no just a penis"

Does anyone believe the bodybuilder who claims he never used protein suppliments?

No whey.

What did one bodybuilder ask the other?

How much do you whey bro?

How would you describe a bodybuilder who doesn't have six packs

Abnormal.

Why didn't the dyslexic bodybuilder workout when his stomach hurt?

He felt it was an Abd Omen

A bodybuilder drops his protein shake

Everyone in the gym shouts "Wheyyyyy"

I can’t stand bodybuilders who smoke weed.

They always act so high and mighty.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[OC] Did you hear the one about the douchebag bodybuilder with the anal fissure?

He's one ripped asshole.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man has sex with a woman bodybuilder

After a while, he leaves the bedroom and joins his friend, who never thought he could manage a bodybuilder, in the living room:

"Dude, my dick is like Sonic"

"Is it fast?!"

"No, it's blue"

How do you congratulate a Jewish bodybuilder?

Muscle Tov!

What's a bodybuilder's favorite movie?

Fifty Shakes of Whey.

What does a bodybuilder do while waiting in a long line?

Weights

What is a Mexican bodybuilder's favorite supplement?

Güey protein.

Why do bodybuilders get huge when they consume protein?

Because they eat whey too much

What is a bodybuilder's favorite type of cheese?

CheddarJACKED

What is every bodybuilder's favorite city?

Gainsboro.

Blonde joke walks into a bar.

A guy is having a drink in a very dark bar. He leans over to the big woman next to him and says; “Do you wanna hear a funny blonde joke?” The big woman replies; “Well, before you tell me that joke, you should know something. I’m blond, six feet tall, 210 pounds, and I’m a professional triathlete and...

Frank went to the gym

As he wants to loose weight to get a girlfriend.

The receptionist gave him some promotion pack options of “lose 1kg guaranteed”, “lose 3 kg guaranteed”, “lose 5kg guaranteed” and “lose 10kg guaranteed”. However you must do 1 then 3 then 5 then 10.

He accepted the offer and the receptio...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A drunk walks into a bar he's never been in before...

He sees an enormous pickle jar on the top shelf that is overflowing with $100 bills. He asks the bartender for a beer and a shot, and decides to ignore it. Six drinks in, curiosity gets the best of him.
"Wuz, uh... what's wilth the jar o' money?"
The bartender replies that there is a $100 buy ...

I don't believe you can become a successful bodybuilder without the use of supplements.

There's just no whey.

How many bodybuilders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

It takes four. One to screw in the bulb, and three others to watch and say, "Really dude, you look huge!"

What do really jacked guys and moms have in common?

They are both bodybuilders.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm gonna try to translate an Albanian joke

It's hard to translate but I'll try:

Michael and the parrot

Michael had an talking parrot and wants to sell him and make some money. But the parrot had a problem that he offended anyone that he didn't like.
First comes a man with weird teeth and wants to buy him. Then the parrot say...

[Long] A body builder was showing off in the mirror at his gym.

Able to lift twice the weight of anyone else around, he routinely boasted about how he was the greatest and everyone else was beneath him while drinking his huge container of protein shake.

One day, after seeing a new extremely attractive woman at the gym, he decided to show off some more by...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Zeus is offering a seat in his Pantheon for the first person to complete his trials of strength.

An esteemed hero of all men approaches Olympus and thinks hey, why the hell not. If I lose I may be disappointed, but if I win I will join the legendary Gods of the Pantheon!

So he makes his way to Zeus, excited to see what is in store for him in order to prove his worth to the Gods. Along th...

An old man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of wrinkly, dried up lemon rinds...

An old man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of wrinkly, dried up lemon rinds. He sits down and orders a beer from one hell of a beefy, muscled bartender. He takes a shakey sip from his dark, dark beer, puts it back down, and asks about the lemons as old and shriveled as he is.

"We have a ...

A bar owner puts out a challenge

He puts an ad in the paper saying that if anyone can beat his bartender in a feat of strength, then he will give them 10,000$. So people come from all over trying to win the money, bodybuilders, construction workers, boxers, but nobody can beat him. In order to win, they must squeeze just one drop o...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.