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Did you hear the one about the guy who fell into a lens grinder?

He made a spectacle of himself.

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An organ grinder and his capuchin monkey are hired to perform at a local pub

The organ grinder is happily taking requests from the patrons, but his monkey is in rare form on this particular evening. The monkey is dancing around on tables, stealing food, lifting cigarettes, and getting into various other shenanigans. At one point, the monkey hops up on the bar and starts pick...

What happened to the butcher who backed into the meat grinder?

He got a little behind in his work.

Found a rusty propane tank like thing burried in my backyard today. As I open it with an angle grinder

My mind was blown

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NSFW: On a dare, I stuck my dick in the meat grinder at work and and then I got fired...

...And she got fired too

Downloaded that ap where you post your location when you're drinking a good cup of coffee, I think it's called Grinder.

The real plus is that I haven't paid for a single cup yet!

The fellas around here are just so friendly.

A Russian coma patient wakes up after 6 months ...

... and asks for the news.

"Well, we're fighting in Ukraine - defending our motherland from NATO, and deciding the future of the world"

"How is it going?"

"Well, we lost over 15.000 soldiers, hundreds of tanks, hundreds of aircraft, it's a grinder"

"And NATO?"

"NAT...

I sued a department store for selling me a broken coffee grinder.

I lost the case; the courts told me I had no grounds.

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The organ grinder

On a hot day an organ grinder comes into a bar with his monkey and orders a beer. As the organ grinder is sipping his beer, the monkey runs down the bar, squats over a martini, and dips his balls in to cool off.

The guy with the martini shoos the monkey away and orders another martini.
...

What do you get when you throw ungrateful kids in to a meat grinder?

Bratwurst

Why'd the apple jump in the grinder?

He was suicider.

Did anyone catch the full story on that woman who got murdered in a meat grinder?

I only heard bits and pieces.

After an hour long fight, my wife burst into tears when I grabbed her fancy new underwear from the dresser and threw it in the coffee grinder.

There's no use crying over milled silk.

Have you heard about the man who recently died working at the glasses factory?

Apparently he fell right into the glass grinder, making a spectacle of himself.

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What do you call a stripper who works with amputees?

A stump grinder

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A man was released from prison after a 40-year sentence.

After he checked into his economy hotel, he called an escort service and told them he wanted 2 of their best girls. He immediately went down to the pharmacy and asked for a bottle of Viagra and the pharmacist told him to only take one pill. To the pharmacist's dismay, he immediately opened the bottl...

Pepper

I bought a womble pepper grinder for my mum today, but she keeps complaining that the pepper is either underground or overground.

A woman walks into a butcher shop...

"Excuse me," she says. "But I bought these sausages here yesterday and, well, the middle is fine, but both ends are made of sawdust."

The butcher shrugs. "Sometimes it's hard to make ends meat."

\----------------------

The very next day, the butcher is feeling overwhelmed. He a...

I downloaded an app that I thought would help me find great sandwiches...

Turns out that's not what Grinder is for. I still got a footlong, though.

Two identical twins that were separated at birth were asked how they reunited

Well, one said, “we met online and immediately noticed many physical similarities”

The other chimed in “ we both mentioned in our bio how we never actually met our parents”

“It was quite a strange coincidence that we met, huh”

“Yeah, grinder is a wonder, isn’t it?”

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This guy walks into a Mercedes agency and asks for the top executive model.

Money is not an issue, but the car has to have everything installed. And he means EVERYTHING he is not joking. The company goes and install usb sockets for each passenger, a blue tooth operated coffee machine (with proper grinder, not that bullshit with capsules), a GPS tracking got each wheel and t...

What did the farmer say to the chocolate cow?

Get to the back of the meat grinder!

The butcher

Once there was a man in a small town who decided that he wanted to be a butcher, so he bought a small store and started his own butcher shop. It was a very modest store, consisting of only a couple display cabinets, a meat grinder, and a few shelves in the refrigerator. This man quickly became known...

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