Appliance Jokes - 69 Hilarious Appliance Jokes

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The appliances in a sexy woman's bathroom start arguing...

It all started when the bathtub was bragging he gets to see her naked everyday.
The sink piped up, "That's nothing. Daily oral. What guy could ask for more?"
The toilet flushed, "Amateur. I get both holes. Anal multiple times a day."
The tub, feeling like he shouldn't be beat by the toile...

Wanna hear about my appliances?

My fan blows me away, the fridge is pretty cool, the vacuum sucks and the air ventilator just sits there and collects dust

My girlfriend says I’m hopeless at fixing appliances.

Well she’s in for a shock.

A blonde walks into an appliance store...

A blonde walks into an appliance store. After looking around for a bit, she calls a salesman over. "How much for this TV?" She asks, the salesman replies "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes." The blonde leaves the store, goes home, and dyes her hair red.

She comes back to the store the next day...

A man and his corroded dental appliance..

A man returned for the third time to the dentist to get his dental appliance replaced due to corrosion.

The dentist asked if he ate a highly acid diet, or was fond of citrus, etc.

The man replied that his wife made an excellent holllandaise sauce that was so good he put it on just abou...

A blonde walks into an appliance store.

She asks the clerk " Hi, how much is that pink Television?" the clerk replies "Sorry, but we don't sell to blondes". She screams discrimination but eventually accepts defeat and walks out.She dyes her hair black, wears sunglasses and goes back the next day, "What's the price for that pink Television...

A blonde girl goes to an appliance store

She spots the t.v. she's been saving up for, picks it up and goes to the cashier
The cashier says "Sorry ma'am, we don't serve blondes"
Disgruntled she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she goes into the appliance store, picks out the same t.v. and once again goes to...

Holland’s kitchen appliance manufacturers are the real heroes

Imagine how hard it must be to sell someone a Dutch oven.

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A blonde woman goes appliance shopping...

... and upon arrival at the department store, she decides to take advantage of a sale that she sees. She calls over an employee and points to the marked-down price.

"I'd like to buy this television," she says, batting her eyelashes.

"I'm truly very sorry, miss," the employee tells her,...

What’s the fittest appliance in your house?

The fridge, because it’s always running

A guy walks into an appliance store...

Manager: Can I help you?

Guy: Yes. I'm looking for one of those bath bomb thingies that burns bread.

Manager: Do you mean a Toaster?

Guy: That's what they're called??

There is a kitchen appliance at your door

Let that sink in

A guy walks in to an appliance store

And the salesman immediately approaches him saying:

"Sir, would you be interested in a 4K Super smart tv with a voice remote, connection to youtube,netflix and social sites and instant access to thousands of channels around the world"

"Okay... For how much?"

"ONLY 5 dollars" - S...

What do you get when you cross Australia with a kitchen appliance?

A frigeridoo

Three wives

Three women are chatting, a French, an American and a Russian.

The French says: "After we got married, I told my husband right away that I was not going to cook, do dishes and laundry or clean the house. He disappeared, I didn't see him for a day, two, three, then he came back with a housemai...

How does Thor power his appliances?

With a lightning Adapter

What do you call an appliance that brainwashes the atmosphere?

An air conditioner.

Some people can't even fit kitchen appliances through their front door.

Just let that sink in.

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain

"I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."

"Darn, he recognized ...

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A recent scam has popped up involving a prostitute, a bit of cocaine and a kitchen appliance

People have been falling for it, hooker, line and sink.

I have Apple appliances in every room of my home.

In addition everyone in my household owns an iPhone, iPad or both. We are pretty diligent about keeping all of the devices synchronized with each other. All, except for some reason, the kitchen.

I guess you could say, everything but the kitchen’s synch’d.

Which kitchen appliance do surfers dislike most?

The micro wave.

A blonde walks into an appliance store...

She goes up to a salesperson and says, gesturing to a product: "I would like to buy this T.V."

Salesperson replies: "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes"

Outraged, the blonde leaves the store, dyes her hair red and returns the next day.

The blonde attempts yet again to buy the TV....

What do you call a party that's in a kitchen appliance?

A microrave

How do kitchen appliances greet each other?

They micro-wave.

Today I realized my most enlightening appliance is my alarm clock.

Everytime it goes off, I get woke.

A stoner walks into an appliance store and asks the owner,

"How much for that TV set in the window?"

The owner looks at the TV set, then looks at the stoner, and says, "I don't sell stuff to potheads."

So the stoner tells the owner that he'll quit smoking pot and will come back the next week to buy the TV.

A week later, the stoner come...

A blonde walks into an appliance store...

She goes to the clerk and points behind him.

"I'd like to buy that television there." she declares to the clerk. The clerk turns around, glances back at the lady and says "We don't sell TVs to blondes." discouraged she walks out of the store.

The next day she comes back in hopes a ne...

Appliances

My wife has made me buy an electric bread maker, electric stove, electric blender, electric toaster and other appliances. Now she's complaining that we have too many appliances and nowhere to sit down. So I bought her an electric chair.

My wife said she wanted new kitchen appliances or some new bath bombs for our anniversary.

I compromised and bought her a toaster.

What is Chris Brown's favorite cooking appliance?

A Black and Decker

Most appliances use a Linux based OS

But washing machines have windows

Circa 1994: A blonde walks into an appliance store and says to the salesman.

"excuse me sir, I would like to buy that television over there"

"Sorry ma'am we don't sell to blondes" the salesman replies

Appalled the blonde scoffs and storms out the door

She comes back with a red wig on and tries again only to have the man tell her

"Sorry ma'am we...

People are always worried about their cell phones or microwaves spying on them. Truth is, those are not the appliances you need to be concerned about.

It's your Vacuum Cleaner that you need to be worried about....

....it's been collecting dirt on you for years.

What did the wall outlet say to the appliance?

"You're grounded."

As a home appliance salesman, a customer once told me, "I thought my grandma was crazy when she talked to her fridge. Maybe she was just ahead of her time!"

He was looking at our Samsung fridge with an Android screen.

This was 4 years ago when I worked at Sears (RIP) but I still think about it sometimes and laugh.

What is it called when kitchen appliances get together for a meeting?

A cabinet.

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When it comes to most appliances, we put them through some shit...

But when it comes to toilets, we put some shit through them.

My kids just got a puppy that is scared of every appliance in the house, but one in particular. I suggested they name it “Nature.”

Because nature abhors a vacuum.

I needed a new washer and dryer

So the guy at the appliance store sold me those units that have Wi-Fi. I’ve bern walking around with damp underwear for two weeks because I can’t remember my password.

(Credit: Jay Leno)

White wedding dresses

Two old men were sitting in a restaurant having a cup of coffee when one of them looks at the other and asks, “Why are wedding dresses always white?” The other man thinks for a moment and says, “Well, you know, I think it means the bride’s love is pure.”

The first old man does not seem convi...

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I am currently renting a really crappy furnished apartment.

All the appliances suck.

Except the vacuum cleaner.

Dropping a load on the washer

Has a totally different meaning if you have an appliance fetish.

Why do women get married in white?

To match the kitchen appliances.

After dinner I started to pack the dirty dishes into the dishwasher, when it suddenly started talking!

In a really dejected, pitiful voice it told me, "Don't bother pal, I'm useless. I'll never get that crusty lasagne off that pan. I'm terrible. The glassware will all have water spots by the time I'm done. I'm the worst appliance in this house!!"

I said, "What's wrong with you?!"

"Nothi...

Amazing times

We live in a time where household fixtures and appliances can be delivered right to your front door with but a click...

Let that sink in.

A son asked his mother, "Why are wedding dresses white?"

She replied, "It shows your friends and relatives that the bride is pure."

Then the son went and asked the same question to his father.

"All household appliances come in white," said his father.

Why does a bride wear white?

So the dishwasher matches the rest of the appliances.

Studies show that more Americans watch television...

than any other household appliance.

we don't sell to blondes

A blonde goes to an electronic store and asks the salesperson, pointing at the appliance "how much is this microwave for?" The salesperson replies "Sorry we don't sell to blondes." The blonde is angry and changes her attire and goes to the store the next day with brunette hair, she points to the app...

Why do brides always dress in white?

Because home appliances usually come that way.

The new dishwasher I bought was made with water-soluble parts.

That's the last time I buy something from a store called "Appliance Solutions".

My wife has an iron deficiency.

In fact, she’s deficient with most household appliances.

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I hate guys who don't respect women

They're more than just a vagina, they're all of your household appliances in one handy package as well

What do you call a rogue toaster?

A rebel appliance.

A man had a problem, he couldn't stop heating meat

Whenever he saw cold meat, he sought out the nearest oven or microwave and heated it.

His wife took him to multiple doctors, who sad there was nothing wrong with him.

Eventually they go to a psychologist, who recommends they remove all the cold meat and heating appliances from the hous...

GF: I'm leaving you!

Me: Is it because I create gf nicknames out of names of kitchen appliances?

GF: No, it's because you're always making fun of my height

Me: You know I love you microbabe!

There was a lad named John

There was a lad named John who was dealt a bad hand since he was born. He was an orphan who was brought up in a for profit orphanage, leading him to suffer mental trauma amongst other issues. After turning 16, he was kicked out of the orphanage with no support whatsoever. Not knowing what to do, he ...

Al Sharpton goes to Best Buy

Al Sharpton heads into best buy and is browsing the appliance section. He calls over a young white male employee.

Al: Hey young man, I'd like to register a complaint.
Best Buy Guy: What seems to be the issue sir?
Al: Well you see son, all of these washers are white! This is outrageous...

Old joke time, Why are wedding dresses white?

To match the other appliances in the kitchen.

Why do women wear white on their wedding day?

All good kitchen appliances come in white. (Don't hurt me)

A store manager is doing the rounds one day when he comes upon a new employee talking to a customer

The customer wants a TV, but the employee says they don't have any so the customer walks away.

The manager, annoyed, calls the employee to his office and tells him "We never say no to a customer. Next time, tell him you need to fetch it from the back. Then go buy it from the store next door a...

IS YOUR REFRIGERATOR RUNNING?

If you answered no, you need to have that repaired as soon as possible. Many of your perishables that depend on the cold to stay fresh may expire and become unusable. This can become costly, having a faulty refrigeration system and continuing to throw away food as the appliance goes in and out of us...

I heard this one from a friend...

A blonde enters a parallel universe where the Aryan's are considered a minority. She walks into an appliance store, approaches the man behind the counter, and says "I'd like that TV please." The cashier replies "Sorry, we don't serve blondes."

The next day, she woke up, filled her hair with c...

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4 jokes you shouldn't laugh at but you still do ..... NSFW I guess

Reddit give me your worst most racist/sexist/dirtiest joke that you know you shouldn't laugh at but you still do. I'll start off with a few of my favorites:

Q: what do you call 5 black men hanging in a tree?
A: Mississippi wind chime

Q: why do women wear white on their wedding day?<...

There was once a friendly mute ghost, ironically named sound.

Sound was a very social ghost so he showed up to several seances, but every time he couldn’t talk to the people who had summoned him because he was mute, but he tried desperately to communicate anyways. He would slam doors and knock over lamps and turn on and off random appliances. After all of that...

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One day a husband comes home early from work...

And see’s his wife’s clothes sprawled all over the living room, surprised and confused, he rushes for his bedroom and see’s her butt naked on their bed with a suspicious look on her face. Alright, where is he? He asks. Furious, he starts throwing a fit and searches every nook and crack to no avail....

Three engineers were trying to make smarthome devices (from a friend)

Three engineers and a manager are sitting around some appliances to help make them smarthome compatible.

The first engineer turns his attention to the refrigerator, "We should connect this fridge to the internet and make it tell you when food is going bad, I will need an Intel i7 if we want t...

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A widow, Claire, was looking to move away from the city, and looked for a small town to live her final years in.

She drove a few hours out into the countryside to find a good place to move into. Eventually she came by Barkstown, and this peculiar name piqued her curiosity.

She drove in and was amazed by the amount of dogs there were in this town, but she was getting hungry from not eating all day.
...

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