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Appliance Jokes

A blonde walks into an appliance store...

A blonde walks into an appliance store. After looking around for a bit, she calls a salesman over. "How much for this TV?" She asks, the salesman replies "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes." The blonde leaves the store, goes home, and dyes her hair red.

She comes back to the store the next day...

Wanna hear about my appliances?

My fan blows me away, the fridge is pretty cool, the vacuum sucks and the air ventilator just sits there and collects dust

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The appliances in a sexy woman's bathroom start arguing...

It all started when the bathtub was bragging he gets to see her naked everyday.
The sink piped up, "That's nothing. Daily oral. What guy could ask for more?"
The toilet flushed, "Amateur. I get both holes. Anal multiple times a day."
The tub, feeling like he shouldn't be beat by the toile...

There’s a kitchen appliance knocking at my door…

I’ll let that sink in.

My girlfriend says I’m hopeless at fixing appliances

Well, she’s in for a shock

Holland’s kitchen appliance manufacturers are the real heroes

Imagine how hard it must be to sell someone a Dutch oven.

A man and his corroded dental appliance..

A man returned for the third time to the dentist to get his dental appliance replaced due to corrosion.

The dentist asked if he ate a highly acid diet, or was fond of citrus, etc.

The man replied that his wife made an excellent holllandaise sauce that was so good he put it on just abou...

People are always worried about their cell phones or microwaves spying on them. Truth is, those are not the appliances you need to be concerned about.

It's your Vacuum Cleaner that you need to be worried about....



....it's been collecting dirt on you for years.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I am currently renting a really crappy furnished apartment.

All the appliances suck.

Except the vacuum cleaner.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A recent scam has popped up involving a prostitute, a bit of cocaine and a kitchen appliance

People have been falling for it, hooker, line and sink.

A blonde walks into an appliance store.

She asks the clerk " Hi, how much is that pink Television?" the clerk replies "Sorry, but we don't sell to blondes". She screams discrimination but eventually accepts defeat and walks out.She dyes her hair black, wears sunglasses and goes back the next day, "What's the price for that pink Television...

Tonight I am going to reveal my new kitchen appliance

It'll be a blender reveal party

What’s the fittest appliance in your house?

The fridge, because it’s always running

What do you get when you cross Australia with a kitchen appliance?

A frigeridoo

A blonde girl goes to an appliance store

She spots the t.v. she's been saving up for, picks it up and goes to the cashier
The cashier says "Sorry ma'am, we don't serve blondes"
Disgruntled she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she goes into the appliance store, picks out the same t.v. and once again goes to...

What appliance is favored by Furries?

The Furnace

A guy walks into an appliance store...

Manager: Can I help you?

Guy: Yes. I'm looking for one of those bath bomb thingies that burns bread.

Manager: Do you mean a Toaster?

Guy: That's what they're called??

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. “I’d like to buy this TV,” she told the salesman. “Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, “I’d like to buy this TV.”

“Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied again.

She went home and got a haircut and new color, a new outfit, big sunglasses and a big hat. She then waited a few days before s...

I have Apple appliances in every room of my home.

In addition everyone in my household owns an iPhone, iPad or both. We are pretty diligent about keeping all of the devices synchronized with each other. All, except for some reason, the kitchen.

I guess you could say, everything but the kitchen’s synch’d.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde woman goes appliance shopping...

... and upon arrival at the department store, she decides to take advantage of a sale that she sees. She calls over an employee and points to the marked-down price.

"I'd like to buy this television," she says, batting her eyelashes.

"I'm truly very sorry, miss," the employee tells her,...

A guy walks in to an appliance store

And the salesman immediately approaches him saying:

"Sir, would you be interested in a 4K Super smart tv with a voice remote, connection to youtube,netflix and social sites and instant access to thousands of channels around the world"

"Okay... For how much?"

"ONLY 5 dollars" - S...

My kids just got a puppy that is scared of every appliance in the house, but one in particular. I suggested they name it “Nature.”

Because nature abhors a vacuum.

Which kitchen appliance do surfers dislike most?

The micro wave.

How does Thor power his appliances?

With a lightning Adapter

What do you call an appliance that brainwashes the atmosphere?

An air conditioner.

Some people can't even fit kitchen appliances through their front door.

Just let that sink in.

Today I realized my most enlightening appliance is my alarm clock.

Everytime it goes off, I get woke.

Circa 1994: A blonde walks into an appliance store and says to the salesman.

"excuse me sir, I would like to buy that television over there"

"Sorry ma'am we don't sell to blondes" the salesman replies

Appalled the blonde scoffs and storms out the door

She comes back with a red wig on and tries again only to have the man tell her

"Sorry ma'am we...

A stoner walks into an appliance store and asks the owner

“How much for that TV set in the window?”
The owner looks at the TV set, then looks at the stoner, and says, “I don’t sell stuff to potheads.” So the stoner tells the owner that he’ll quit smoking and will come back the next week to buy the TV. A week later, the stoner comes back and says, “I qui...

How do small kitchen appliances say hello to each other?

They microwave

A blonde walks into an appliance store...

She goes up to a salesperson and says, gesturing to a product: "I would like to buy this T.V."

Salesperson replies: "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes"

Outraged, the blonde leaves the store, dyes her hair red and returns the next day.

The blonde attempts yet again to buy the TV....

What is de most enjoyable household appliance?

De light.

My wife said she wanted new kitchen appliances or some new bath bombs for our anniversary.

I compromised and bought her a toaster.

What is Chris Brown's favorite cooking appliance?

A Black and Decker

My grandfather made a fortune manufacturing kitchen appliances

He was a fridge magnate.

Credit: Hot Fuzz

What did the wall outlet say to the appliance?

"You're grounded."

A blonde walks into an appliance store...

She goes to the clerk and points behind him.

"I'd like to buy that television there." she declares to the clerk. The clerk turns around, glances back at the lady and says "We don't sell TVs to blondes." discouraged she walks out of the store.

The next day she comes back in hopes a ne...

What is it called when kitchen appliances get together for a meeting?

A cabinet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When it comes to most appliances, we put them through some shit...

But when it comes to toilets, we put some shit through them.

Amazing times

We live in a time where household fixtures and appliances can be delivered right to your front door with but a click...

Let that sink in.

Three wives

Three women are chatting, a French, an American and a Russian.

The French says: "After we got married, I told my husband right away that I was not going to cook, do dishes and laundry or clean the house. He disappeared, I didn't see him for a day, two, three, then he came back with a housemai...

Appliances

My wife has made me buy an electric bread maker, electric stove, electric blender, electric toaster and other appliances. Now she's complaining that we have too many appliances and nowhere to sit down. So I bought her an electric chair.

Dropping a load on the washer

Has a totally different meaning if you have an appliance fetish.

A store manager is doing the rounds one day when he comes upon a new employee talking to a customer

The customer wants a TV, but the employee says they don't have any so the customer walks away.

The manager, annoyed, calls the employee to his office and tells him "We never say no to a customer. Next time, tell him you need to fetch it from the back. Then go buy it from the store next door a...

There was a lad named John

There was a lad named John who was dealt a bad hand since he was born. He was an orphan who was brought up in a for profit orphanage, leading him to suffer mental trauma amongst other issues. After turning 16, he was kicked out of the orphanage with no support whatsoever. Not knowing what to do, he ...

After dinner I started to pack the dirty dishes into the dishwasher, when it suddenly started talking!

In a really dejected, pitiful voice it told me, "Don't bother pal, I'm useless. I'll never get that crusty lasagne off that pan. I'm terrible. The glassware will all have water spots by the time I'm done. I'm the worst appliance in this house!!"

I said, "What's wrong with you?!"

"Nothi...

Why do women get married in white?

To match the kitchen appliances.

A son asked his mother, "Why are wedding dresses white?"

She replied, "It shows your friends and relatives that the bride is pure."

Then the son went and asked the same question to his father.

"All household appliances come in white," said his father.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A widow, Claire, was looking to move away from the city, and looked for a small town to live her final years in.

She drove a few hours out into the countryside to find a good place to move into. Eventually she came by Barkstown, and this peculiar name piqued her curiosity.

She drove in and was amazed by the amount of dogs there were in this town, but she was getting hungry from not eating all day.
...

Why does a bride wear white?

So the dishwasher matches the rest of the appliances.

Studies show that more Americans watch television...

than any other household appliance.

Why do brides always dress in white?

Because home appliances usually come that way.

White wedding dresses

Two old men were sitting in a restaurant having a cup of coffee when one of them looks at the other and asks, “Why are wedding dresses always white?” The other man thinks for a moment and says, “Well, you know, I think it means the bride’s love is pure.”

The first old man does not seem convi...

Al Sharpton goes to Best Buy

Al Sharpton heads into best buy and is browsing the appliance section. He calls over a young white male employee.

Al: Hey young man, I'd like to register a complaint.
Best Buy Guy: What seems to be the issue sir?
Al: Well you see son, all of these washers are white! This is outrageous...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate guys who don't respect women

They're more than just a vagina, they're all of your household appliances in one handy package as well

My wife has an iron deficiency.

In fact, she’s deficient with most household appliances.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day a husband comes home early from work...

And see’s his wife’s clothes sprawled all over the living room, surprised and confused, he rushes for his bedroom and see’s her butt naked on their bed with a suspicious look on her face. Alright, where is he? He asks. Furious, he starts throwing a fit and searches every nook and crack to no avail....

we don't sell to blondes

A blonde goes to an electronic store and asks the salesperson, pointing at the appliance "how much is this microwave for?" The salesperson replies "Sorry we don't sell to blondes." The blonde is angry and changes her attire and goes to the store the next day with brunette hair, she points to the app...

The new dishwasher I bought was made with water-soluble parts.

That's the last time I buy something from a store called "Appliance Solutions".

There was once a friendly mute ghost, ironically named sound.

Sound was a very social ghost so he showed up to several seances, but every time he couldn’t talk to the people who had summoned him because he was mute, but he tried desperately to communicate anyways. He would slam doors and knock over lamps and turn on and off random appliances. After all of that...

Old joke time, Why are wedding dresses white?

To match the other appliances in the kitchen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

4 jokes you shouldn't laugh at but you still do ..... NSFW I guess

Reddit give me your worst most racist/sexist/dirtiest joke that you know you shouldn't laugh at but you still do. I'll start off with a few of my favorites:

Q: what do you call 5 black men hanging in a tree?
A: Mississippi wind chime

Q: why do women wear white on their wedding day?<...

GF: I'm leaving you!

Me: Is it because I create gf nicknames out of names of kitchen appliances?

GF: No, it's because you're always making fun of my height

Me: You know I love you microbabe!

What do you call a rogue toaster?

A rebel appliance.

Why do women wear white on their wedding day?

All good kitchen appliances come in white. (Don't hurt me)

I was minding my own business, singing in the shower.

When my boss appeared and fired me from the bathroom appliances shop.

IS YOUR REFRIGERATOR RUNNING?

If you answered no, you need to have that repaired as soon as possible. Many of your perishables that depend on the cold to stay fresh may expire and become unusable. This can become costly, having a faulty refrigeration system and continuing to throw away food as the appliance goes in and out of us...

What's the difference between a duck and a curling iron?

A duck is a carbon-based life form while a curling iron is an inanimate appliance

I heard this one from a friend...

A blonde enters a parallel universe where the Aryan's are considered a minority. She walks into an appliance store, approaches the man behind the counter, and says "I'd like that TV please." The cashier replies "Sorry, we don't serve blondes."

The next day, she woke up, filled her hair with c...

Three engineers were trying to make smarthome devices (from a friend)

Three engineers and a manager are sitting around some appliances to help make them smarthome compatible.

The first engineer turns his attention to the refrigerator, "We should connect this fridge to the internet and make it tell you when food is going bad, I will need an Intel i7 if we want t...

Recently reconciled with my brother after a long conflict.

I apologised for slashing his tires, and he regretted breaking some of my home appliances.

But hey, it's all water under the fridge now.

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