UPJOKE
terrorizefrightenterrorisescarestartleintimidatehorrifyappallpetrifyterroraffrightfrightpanicloatheappal

Terrifying Jokes

What’s the most terrifying word in experimental nuclear physics?

Oops!

(Shameless karma farming on cake day)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Terrifying Story

A guy in a taxi wanted to speak to the driver so he leaned forward and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, jumped up in the air and yanked the wheel over. The car mounted the curb, demolished a lamppost and came to a stop inches from a shop window. The startled passenger said "I didn't ...

What is more terrifying than a mechanic with a laptop?

What is more terrifying than a mechanic with a laptop?

A programmer with a screwdriver.

A tree's first winter must be terrifying.

Imagine the releaf they feel in spring.

What's the most terrifying thing to read in Braille?

DO NOT TOUCH

What unit of measurement do you use to weigh bones?

Skele tons!
Stay spooky my dudes

Why is rabbit farming a terrifying profession?

Every day is a hare-raising experience.

The alphabet is terrifying.

A bee sea? No thank you

Why is it terrifying to get a Mohawk?

Because it's a hair raising experience

(I'll let myself out)

The most terrifying horror story... ever

Nester absolutely loves horror stories. From ghost and apparitions, to science-fiction, he enjoys reading all of them. One day while he visits a newly-opened bookstore, he got a glimpse on a rather unusual-looking book. A thin, hard-covered novel with no title.

As he examined the book, the o...

A Glasgow woman has reported terrifying multiple sightings of a puma in her local park

Similar events were reported in England, as when the nightclubs reopened, people saw a huge number of prowling cougars.

What would be a terrifying game show for flat-earthers?

Sphere Factor

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

America: "It's terrifying so many of us are dying to something we can't even see."

The Middle East: "We fucking know"

The drone pilot: “lol"

What's the only thing more terrifying than Thanos wearing the Infinity Gauntlet?

Thanos wearing the Infinity Gauntlet while playing a Jet in a production of West Side Story

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's a little-known legend about Attila the Hun...

The story goes that Attila used to collect exotic animals that he found during his conquests. He particularly liked dangerous or fearsome animals, and his favourite was a giant snake. He was so fond of it, it was said that he brought it with him on every campaign.


But his snake lost its a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

COVID-19 is like a check engine light, at first you're like, "fuck, this is terrifying"

But after a while you'll be like, "fuck, I need to get to work!"

You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"

Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base ...

what's black, white, orange and terrifying?

My voters pamphlet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It was Friday night. Frank, Jim and Ed were at the game ready to watch 26 infected zombie girls tear each other to pieces.

Tied around the inside of the arena, the infected girls are labelled A-Z, with fresh meat tied to their backs to entice them to fight. The winner is the last one standing.

Over 50,000 spectators watch from the stands behind a wire fence, betting slips in hand and eager for the fight to begin....

To the thief who broke into my costume shop and stole the most terrifying mask I had for sale:

I don't know how you can look at yourself in the mirror.

Pluto, king of the Underworld, may be terrifying, but deep down he’s just depressed.

He’s trying to cope with it, but Charon took the kids.

It would be terrifying if Elizabeth I were alive today...

... Because she's dead.


Note: Credit goes to my dryly-sarcastic history professor.

For Halloween, my neighbor put up a Wolverine themed scarecrow. And it's terrifying my daughter.

I guess she is claw-straw-phobic...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.