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I told my taylor his prices were outrageous

He told me to suit myself.

"Craig, I caught your son playing 'doctor' with my daughter!"

"Oh lord, that kid. My boy didn't do anything inappropriate, did he?"

"I'll say! The co-pay he charged was outrageous!"

Outrageous!

A married couple is travelling by car from Victoria to Prince George .
Being seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, they were too tired to continue and decided to take a room. But, they only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they checked out fou...

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The family's sitting at dinner when little Billy asks an outrageous question,

"Momma," asks Billy, "can you really suck the chrome off a trailer hitch?"

Both parents go completely silent, but the mother replies "No, Billy. That's just an urban myth. Nobody can remove chrome with their mouth."

"Oh." says Billy, thinking for a moment.

"Well, Uncle Steve say...

it's not great, but not terrible either.

Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation.

They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.

As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

The next morni...

For every dollar a man makes, a woman makes 80 cents. That is outrageous.

Why is the man only left with 20 cents?

My daughter wanted a bouncy castle for her birthday. The guy said the rental was $50 and the set-up fee was $1000 dollars. I said, “That’s outrageous!”

He just shrugged and said, “That’s inflation for you.”

What do you call an outrageous father?

Papa-sterous.

I'll see myself out.

The world's leading expert on European wasps walks into a record shop.

He asks the assistant “Do you have ‘European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week.”

“Certainly,” replies the assistant. “Would you like to listen before you buy it?”

"That would be wonderful," says the expert, and puts on a pair of headphones.

He list...

My electricity bill is outrageous for the shoddy service I’m getting...

...I’m just not happy with my current provider.

I just don't understand how conspiracy theorists make outrageous claims

5G must have really fried their brains.

After seven years of medical training and hard work, my very good friend has been struck off after one minor indiscretion and I think it's outrageous . He slept with one of his patients and now can no longer work in the profession that he loves

What a waste of time, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.

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A king was speaking to a journalist, who was exploring his nation.

Sadly, the king did not speak english, so he used his translator to help him decipher her words.

The Journalist said “I must go and deliver these discoveries I have made.”

The king whispered to his translator, who then said, “The king enjoys your company!”

The journalist said, “...

A woman gets on a bus carrying her baby. The driver says 'Oh my, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen' The woman goes to her seat with an angry rage building. The man sat next her asks 'What's the matter?' To which the woman says the driver was so rude to her she might lose it...

'That's outrageous' says the man 'You should go and tell him off for whatever he said. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you whilst you do'

So a blonde goes to a lying competition

The goal of the competition is to tell the most convincing, outrageous lie. The blonde thinks for days and days over what lie she is going to tell but she is never able to come up with a good one.

On the day of the competition, she walks up on stage, still lacking a good lie. She reaches for ...

A priest begins to wonder if his religion is really the only ‘true’ religion. In his search he finds an Internet forum with like mined faith/spiritual seekers, and quickly befriends a Jewish Rabbi, and a Buddhist monk.

The three debate for months, with no real progression as such, until a post appears from a new user, claiming to be the purest, living descendant of Adam & Eve. He further claims, that to those who truly believe, he will grant the secret to human evolution.
All but the monk immediately dismi...

The governor of Florida had enough

The governor of Florida had enough of the Florida jokes. It was affecting their tourism and he was always made fun of at the annual governor softball tournament. He sat in his office all day and thought of ways how to change this.

One day, the governor of Alabama called. It was a social call...

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A woman is having an affair...

... with a man.

One day, her 14-year-old son hides in the closet to watch what they do.Surprisingly, the husband comes home and the wife hides her lover in the closet without realizing that her son is already in there.

Son: " Kinda dark in here."Man: "Yes."Son: "I have a baseball."Man:...

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. 'Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.'

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, 'I want to hang out with God.'

St. Peter took Ar...

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An arab was wrongfully taken into custody at the airport..

After feeling humiliated by the incident he decided to hire a lawyer to sue the TSA

The lawyer tells him “I’m sorry this happened to you. Ever since 9/11, your people have been forced to live in fear. This needs to stop! Now tell me exactly what happened?”

The arab goes on to explain h...

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Governor Abbot wants to build a border wall with Mexico...

So, after a period of bidding, his team shortlists a few contractors and bring them for an interview with the Governor...


First, a Mexican contractor shows up:

\- Hi, I'm going to charge 1 million dollars for each mile of wall.
\- And how come it's going to be so cheap? ...

Late night at Imperial Hotel reception, the phone rings...

- Imperial Hotel, good night.
At the other side a very upset lady.
- This is outrageous! I thought this was a respectful hotel, but I have a naked man in front of my room!
- I'll send someone to check it out, madam.
The employee arrives at the room:
- I see a naked man in a window far...

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Am i gay?

While watching movies with my girlfriend i sometimes compliment male actors on their good, and sometimes outrageous good looks. My girlfriend often asks me, since i do this alot, ”are you gay?” and that she’s worried i will leave her for a man. So, am i gay? Or am i just comfortable enough with my s...

A weird disease

An old women visits a doctor and says, " Doctor, I have a weird disease, I FART... But for some reason there is no smell or sound. I just farted now but as you can see... no sound.. no smell..nothing".


So doctor gives some medicines and asks her to visit after a week.


After a w...

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A rich single man is having a drink by himself in a bar

when a gorgeous woman enters. Everyone is staring at her. The guy thinks to himself, "there's no way in hell I have a chance with her." But, lo and behold, she sits down next to him and has a drink. The two get to talking, and the man learns that she is a hooker. A few drinks in, the man says, "I'm ...

My mom recently had to have an amputation done. The doctors said I could watch, but would have to pay an outrageous fee!

Really, it would've costed an arm and a leg!

Geoffrey, a middle aged British tourist on his first visit to Germany finds the red light district and enters a large brothel. The madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain him.

They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she gasps and runs away! Seeing this, the madam sends over a more experienced lady to entertain the gentleman.

They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and ...

A Man arrives at his small business first thing on Monday morning. He is met by the local Sheriff and his deputies, armed with a warrant for his arrest and a full search and Seizure of his business and assets.

After he is placed in handcuff and read his rights, a Slim mild mannered man in a suit approaches him and identifies himself as an IRS agent.

IRS Agent: “Are you Mr Jones who resides at 188 Boardwalk Rd?”

Mr Jones: “Yes I am”

IRS Agent: “Do you own and run ‘Jones: Fun house...

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I live about a four miles from my favorite pub - The Horse Brass.

It’s a 10 minute drive. I had a couple pints with my buddies and walked out to the car, and realized I needed to take a piss. Walk back? Nah, just get home, it’s 10 minutes.

About halfway home I realized the beer pee was filling fast so I pulled in behind the Walgreens where the dumpsters ar...

The guy at the bar

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. 

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just...

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Little Johnny

Teacher gets mad at Little Johnny because he missed the class.

Why did you missed the class Johnny? You knew we had very important test today.

Well, it’s the mating season and I had to take our bull to the neighbors cow for mating.

This is outrageous, yells the teacher. You a...

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A hooker walks into a bar...

A hooker is sitting at the bar when a date walks up.

“How much for a handjob?”he asks the hooker

$500

$500?!?!? That’s outrageous!

Hooker points out the window to a Ferrari
“Honey, see that Ferrari out there? I bought that car by giving the best handjobs.”

They...

A tourist is at the Sea of Galilee and is looking for a boat trip

A tourist is at the Sea of Galilee and is looking for a boat trip. He asks the boatman how much would it cost.

The boatman: 100 dollar.

The tourist: That's outrageous, it can't cost this much

The boatman: But Jesus himself walked on these waters!

The tourist: Yah,no w...

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Two rednecks are at work, digging a trench

Two rednecks, Billy and Bob, are at work digging a trench. The sun is beating down on them, sweat is dripping off their faces, and their hands are blistered from the shovels.

After slogging away at this for days, they start to grumble at the misery of their lot. Eventually Billy says to Bob,...

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A woman is speeding down the highway

while driving her convertible sports car. She flies past a billboard, behind which is parked a highway patrol officer. Startled by her outrageous velocity, the cop flicks on his lights and siren and pulls out from his hiding spot, tearing up asphalt to close the gap.

She notices his approach...

Eric is looking for a new desk for his office...

...and he spots one that looks perfect in an antique shop.
"That desk is going for £2000," says the shopkeeper.
"£2000 for an old desk? That's outrageous!" exclaims Eric.
"Ah", says the shopkeeper, "but this is a magic desk." He turns to the desk and asks, "Desk, how much money do I have i...

Costume Party

The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the
party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued
and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there
was no need for his good time to be spoiled by her not going. So he
took his costume ...

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