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Horrifying Jokes

It was on this day in 1978 that cult leader Jim Jones carried out a mass murder/suicide of over 900 of his followers in Jonestown, Guyana. Horrifying. There's a joke about it but it's wildly innappriopriate.

And anyway, the punchline's too long.

Satan Appears in a Church

A few minutes before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon...

Must be horrifying to have a shower when you're a magician

You never know if your bathroom is still going to be there when you pull back the shower curtain.

Apparently 25% of women are on some form of medication for mental illness. 25%! That's horrifying.

It means 75% of them are running around untreated!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s more horrifying than finding a stack of dad’s playboys in the basement?

Realising one of them’s still breathing.

A flock of crows flew beak-first into window at horrifying speeds.

Experts suggest it was a murder suicide.

What do you call a rapper who says inappropriate things after horrifying events?

Too Soon

Jesus loves you.

A wonderful thing to hear in a church

A horrifying thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I met a girl who loved to eat ass

It was horrifying to watch her enthusiasm but the donkey loved it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just created a machine that turns any woman into a prostitute.

It's horrifying.

I had this horrible nightmare last night!

It was just horrifying, I was on a boat in a lake, when suddenly my boat tipped over! As I fell into the lake I realized it was orange, orange crush infact! Tasted delicious, but after a minute I started sinking, I was going to drown in a lake of orange crush!

That's when I woke up and realiz...

How many Lithuanians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one, unless their arms got ripped off in some sort of horrifying accident, in which case it still only takes one, just a different one.

What do the Hindenberg, the Titanic and Hillary Clinton have in common?

Going down on any of them would be horrifying.

So I had a one night stand with C-major.

The next morning, I woke up to the horrifying realization that she's A-minor.

An accordion player is getting sleepy at the wheel of his '93 Geo Metro hatchback, on his way home from playing at a bar mitzvah. His accordion lays on the passenger seat next to him...

... The accordion player decides to pull over at a small pub with a sign reading "$1 Beer Night." He takes some change out of his car's cup holder -- enough for a couple $1 beers.

Inside, he stacks his change on the bar (mostly nickels and pennies) and pretends not to notice the bartender's e...

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