This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man says to his doctor "Doctor, I have an embarrassing sexual problem"

The doctor says "Tell me about your sex life,"

The man says "Well, first thing in the morning, the wife and I have a quick 'morning glory'. Then I go to work and about eleven o'clock my secretary gives me a BJ at my desk. I nip home at lunchtime and do the wife over the kitchen table, then af...

It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop. She confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it..???

Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed:
He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the Meat each week, came into the shop and said. "I'll be 16 tomorrow."
"I know." Said the Butcher with a smi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man invites some of his fetish club over for breakfast....

They are catching up on life and swapping stories about work, their grandkids’ birthdays, their recent stock market fortunes, and so on, when the subject of what they’re most proud of comes up.


Gerald, a 35 year old dentist, proudly exclaims, “Of everyone here, I by far, have the larges...

Once upon a time there lived a woman in Brampton who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them, but unfortunately they always gave her a very embarrassing, and somewhat lively reaction.

When it became apparent that she and her boyfriend would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man but I don't think he can live with my problems." So she decided to make the supreme sacrifice and give up beans.
A year later her car broke down on the way home from work. Sin...

My body is in a disgusting, embarrassing, totally repulsive state right now

New Jersey, I'm in New Jersey.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It took a lot of balls for my friend to join the new reality tv show called “Embarrassing Bodies”.

Three, to be exact.

All new hospitals will be designed to look as embarrassing as possible

You won't be seen dead inside one

I almost had a wet dream last night. Very embarrassing...

Time to take matters into my own hands.

Pharmacist: May I help you, sir?

Customer: Yes... I, uh... well, this is sort of embarrassing, but I'm going out on a date tonight and, you know, I need some...

Pharmacist: Protection?

Customer: Right.

Pharmacist: Small, medium or large?

Customer: Uhhhh... Medium, I guess.

Pharmacist: Okay, that'l...

Yesterday I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book.

Not only was it embarrassing but it cost a fortune in stamps.

Embarrassing Situation

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "...

After an embarrassing loss, the coach announced to the players:

“When I told you to play like you have never played before, i did not mean that you should play like you have never *played* before!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Strange Woman Looked Into My Window This Morning and Saw Me Masturbating Furiously.

Thankfully, after about ten seconds of embarrassing silence, the light turned green.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My fighter pilot friend says flying a helicopter is like masterbating.

It feels good, but it's embarrassing if your friends see you doing it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Embarrassing moment at docs

I was sitting in the doctor's . The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand, doc,I said . "Why?" "Because," the doctor says. "I'm trying to examine you."

Jesus and Moses are relaxing on a boat and talking about the good old days.

The subject of miracles comes up, and they decide to see if they can still perform them.

"It's been almost 4000 years since I did this one" Moses says, then raises his arms. The water parts, revealing the floor of the lake.

Jesus claps His hands and says "Good one! It's only been abo...

Embarrassing Fart Story

Here’s one that a lot of y’all can probably relate to. I’m probably gonna add more to it at some point.

.......

One day in third grade we were all sitting on the carpet listening to our teacher read something. My stomach hadn’t been too kind to me that day. .......


You know...

The most embarrassing thing that can happen to a data scientist...

Is premature extrapolation.

My father looked me in the eyes and sagely advised, “ Son, find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.”

“She knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them.”

The day I was born was the most embarrassing day of my life.

A room full of strangers saw me naked and I didn’t talk for a year because of it..

What was God's most embarrassing fear in his teenage year?

Premature immaculation

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeeez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?" The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!" "I got every word," says the parrot. "Ask me anything, I'll answer whatever you want."

"Okay," the guy says. "How can you hang onto your perch without any feet?" "Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but si...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was an American wrestler from Texas named John, who throughout his high school career had never lost a match. As he went on into college he continued undefeated. He became a national icon and symbol of American strength.

News began to circulate of a Russian wrestler who was fierce and unstoppable. As each wrestlers legends grew, a match was set up between the two, America versus Russia. The match would be held in Texas.

John began training immediately. Every day his coach would tell him, “This Russ ...

As get older, I’ve developed an embarrassing habit of screaming loudly during a proctology exam.

It makes my patients extremely uncomfortable.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you think you had an embarrassing childhood, my Father's name was Richard.

Half of my family photos contained Dick picks.

What is the most embarrassing species of bird?

Morning wood -pecker

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The most embarrassing moment of my life was when I had a cramp in my hand while jerking off

The guy looked at me and asked why I stopped.

Why did the woman embarrassingly demand to see the manager immediately?

She didn’t have a “Karen” the world

Three nuns passed away and went up to Heaven. They were pleasantly surprised when Saint Peter informed them that in exchange for their many years of servitude and chastity, God Himself was going to bestow upon them each one wish...

The first nun said with a blush, "This is slightly embarrassing, but I have to admit, while I did love serving the Lord, the vow of chastity was really tough on me. May I return to Earth for a weekend of unbridled lust, with the face and body of Angelina Jolie?"

Saint Peter said, "Your wish i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bar Experiment

One night a guy and some of his friends went to a bar. The guy saw a very sexy woman all by herself. His friends told him to go talk to her. What's the worst that could happen? As he approached the woman he said, "Hi my name is Jeff" with a big smile. Out of nowhere, the woman yelled out, "NO I WON'...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My daughter has got to the age where she ask embarrassing questions about sex

Such as today when she asked "Is that the best you can do?"

Every time I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments of my like come flooding back to me.

I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.

I get really embarrassed when female guests visit my house and my dog sniffs their crotch.

Ok, he's a chihuahua and I have to lift him up, but it's still embarrassing.

The thought of one of my friends catching me playing with my train set is so embarrassing.

So I covered the set up with bedsheets. Nobody will find out now, my tracks are covered

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My 9 year old daughter is starting to ask me some really embarrassing questions about sex that I dont want to answer

I mean, just yesterday she asked me “is that the best you can do?”

The most embarrassing erection I ever got was during a prostate exam.

Of course then he realised I wasn’t a real doctor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Autocorrect is embarrassing

Just text my pal asking if he wanted to go for a wank down the river!

I meant the canal

An old woman goes to the doctor's and says she has an embarrassing problem...

She knows when she's breaking wind but it doesn't make any sound and has lost any sort of stinkiness that it used to have.

She went on to say that in fact she'd done it three times since coming in the room- and that as it's just so unnatural, it's really bothering her. He gives her some pills...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cleetus had a embarrassing disease

So he went to the doctor:

" Sho doc, I have this scratchy in me parts and I was thinking you may have some midicin to you know get thi old junk back on health"

The doctor examined him and diagnosed with an STD, he gave him some suppositories

" Alright Mr thoothill, this supposi...

I find it really embarrassing when there's that really large splashing sound when you take a poo.

Of people trying to get out of the jacuzzi.

How can Donald Trump stop embarrassing leaks?

Depends.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.