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Embarrassing Jokes

Luke Skywalker took a hissy fit in a restaurant. Try as he might, using Chopsticks was seemingly far beyond his fledgling Jedi skills. Embarrassing himself and causing a bit of a scene, Ben Kenobi leans over and offers some wisdom:

"Use the forks, Luke!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a cop and prostitute have in common?

They're both standing on the side of the road, embarrassing their families.

A guy was playing golf one day and he got lost

He saw a lady up ahead of him and went to her and said, "Can you please help me, I don't know what Hole I'm on."

She told him "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 7; you're on 6."

He thanked her and continued playing golf.

Later, he got lost again.

He saw the same lady and...

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I accidentally sent my nudes to everyone in my address book

It was so embarrassing and it cost me a fortune in stamps!

When you call your teacher mom, it’s an embarrassing mistake.

When you call one daddy, the man is escorted from the building, and you are now the victim of a crime.

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A husband died.

The widow organised his funeral and arranged with the undertaker to have him laid out in an open coffin so that she and the family could say their goodbyes before the lid was screwed down.

On the day before the viewing was due to take place the widow received a call from the undertaker advis...

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The Penis Poem–by Willie Nelson

My nookie days are over,
My pilot light is out.
What used to be my sex appeal,
Is now my water spout.
Time was when, on its own accord,
From my trousers it would spring.
But now I’ve got a full time job,
To find the gosh darn thing.
It used to be embarrassing,
The...

She yells, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight, you pig!"

Everyone in the bar stops and stares.

Completely embarrassed, the guy slinks back to his table with a red face.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes.

She smiles and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I'm st...

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A man goes to see his therapist after an embarrassing incident at a church.

The therapist sits him down and asks what happened. The man groans and says "Well, I was at Costco and I saw they had a massive box of communion wafers. I thought it was funny so I bought it and took it home.

"When I got home I remembered I had a huge box of wine so I grabbed it from the cell...

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans.

He loved them dearly, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat explosive effect on him.


One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, “she’ll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this,” so...

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George claims that his dick is the "Hardest Dick In The World!"

George will pay anyone $5000 cash to anyone who can bring him something absolutely harder than his dick.


One man brings a basketball-sized boulder. George easily smashes the boulder with his dick. The man picks up the boulder pieces and angrily walks off.


A second man brings a ...

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Defective Parrot

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Sheesh. I wonder what happened to this poor Parrot?"

The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy smokes!" the guy replies. "You ...

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Two dwarfs walk into a bar where they pick up two prostitutes and take them back to their own respective rooms.

Unfortunately the first dwarf can’t get an erection no matter what. He’s depressed, and his depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of, “one, two, three- uuump!” all night long.

In the morning the second dwarf asks the first, “ how was your night?”
<...

It's a bit embarrassing to admit here, but I was once attacked by a whole bunch of street mimes..

#

..and they did some unspeakable things to me.

Jesus and Moses are relaxing on a boat and talking about the good old days.

The subject of miracles comes up, and they decide to see if they can still perform them.

"It's been almost 4000 years since I did this one" Moses says, then raises his arms. The water parts, revealing the floor of the lake.

Jesus claps His hands and says "Good one! It's only been abo...

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I just read somewhere that capitalization is the difference between "I helped my uncle Jack off a horse" and "i helped my uncle jack off a horse".

Well that's embarrassing. Now everyone thinks my uncle's name is Jack.

Had an embarrassing moment earlier. Farted really loudly when I lifted something heavy....

Had to apologise to the guy at the next urinal.

The day I was born was the most embarrassing day of my life.

A room full of strangers saw me naked and I didn’t talk for a year because of it..

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My daughter is getting to the age where she is asking embarrassing questions about sex...

yesterday she asked me: "Is that all you got?"

My dad always told me to find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and marry her.

She knows how to make bad decisions and stick to them.

I find it really embarrassing that whenever anyone visits my house, the dog starts sniffing their crotch.

Especially, as it is a Chihuahua and I have to lift him up.

Well, that was embarrassing.

I forgot where I parked my car. Then my wife reminded me that I was shopping online.

At a hotel restaurant, a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table.

Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.

"This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and she pops her eye back in place. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy dinner to make ...

What's the most embarrassing part about Hillary Clinton's emails?

The Nigerian Prince actually came through with the money transfer.

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Embarrassing moment at docs

I was sitting in the doctor's . The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand, doc,I said . "Why?" "Because," the doctor says. "I'm trying to examine you."

After an embarrassing loss, the coach announced to the players:

“When I told you to play like you have never played before, i did not mean that you should play like you have never *played* before!”

How can Donald Trump stop embarrassing leaks?

Depends.

An old women goes to the doctor

She says to the doctor, "I have a really embarrassing problem and I have finally convinced myself to come and see you"

"You see, I constantly fart, but they don't smell and they don't make any noise so it hasn't bothered me all these years. I've even farted three times since coming into your ...

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