UPJOKE
honkblaresoundtootclaxonbleepbeeperwhooshshriekchirpwailchimeclunkdialsclap

Beeping Jokes

My carbon monoxide detector won’t stop beeping.

It’s giving me a headache, and dizziness, and nausea.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

ONE GERMAN, ONE JAPANESE AND A HILLBILLY WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.

Suddenly, there was a beeping sound. The German pressed her forearm and the beeping stopped. The others looked at her questionly.

"That was my pager," she said. " I have a microchip implanted under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later, a phone rang. The Japanese woman lifted her...

I had to take the batteries out of the carbon monoxide detector last night.

The loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.

[FRONT PAGE!](https://media2.giphy.com/media/FGmbEOTVWQHzW/200_s.gif)

For Christmas, I gave my wife an alarm clock that swears instead of beeping.

She’s in for a rude awakening.

After turning off the constantly beeping machine, my grandpa finally slept better

No idea why the doctors and nurses were screaming though

Mommy, why are all the cars beeping their horns?

Son: Mommy, why are all the cars beeping their horns?

Mother: Because there’s a wedding going on.

Son: But isn’t the horn a warning signal, Mommy?

Mother: Exactly, son.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A reddit admin awoke to the sound of a beeping alarm clock

but pressed the snoo's button and went back to sleep

When I was a kid we were in line at the bank and the lady in front of us pager started beeping

I yelled "y'all look out she's backing up"

Han Solo is chilling in his room when suddenly the light goes out.

He tries to fix the bulb, but after an hour of laborious effort, he gives up.

He heads over to Yoda's place to see if he can help. As Yoda opens the door, he spots a huge machine with flashing lights, beeping in the middle of the room.

"What's this?" he asks Yoda.

"A cloning m...

I heard patients were not sleeping well at the hospital

So I unplugged all the loud annoying beeping things in their rooms. They sleep much better now

A man walked into a psychiatrist room

He said,"I had a dream. It went like this:

I was walking on a road, and suddenly, beep beep beep beep beep beep..."

After ten seconds, the psychiatrist asked the man nicely to stop beeping. The man, however, went on.

After half an hour, the psychiatrist is tired of asking for th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Russian soldier is standing naked in the shower looking at his watch furiously pressing the buttons

His comrade hears the beeping and comes to see what's up,

"What are you doing there naked blyat? There is no water in the building."

"Yesterday I looted this watch. There is English writing on it and I didn't know what it meant so I asked the commander."

"So?"

"He said ᵂ ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A new farmer buys several sheep hoping to breed them.

After several weeks he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant and calls a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn’t have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know ...

Wife was in the ICU

Doctor : It seems she is in coma.

Husband : Please save her. She is just 28.

*Suddenly the ECG started beeping. A hand moved and her lips mumbled*

And she spoke, " **I'm 27** "

My friend was showing me his new golf ball.

He tells me, "This ball is amazing, you can't lose it. If it goes in the rough, it makes a beeping sound. It glows in the dark so you can find it when its getting dark. If it goes in the water, it will float and make its way back to the shore."

I said to him, "That's incredible, where did ...

You can't lose this ball

Two golfers are about to play 18 holes when one of them says he's going to the pro shop to buy some golf balls, and asks his friend if he needs any balls.

His friend says, "No thanks, I have a ball."

The golfer says, "You only have ONE ball?? You're going to lose that, and then what w...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.