My flight was delayed from birds striking against the airliner.

Wtf birds, just do your job. What are they even paying you for??? I got a connection to make.

Mick and Paddy on an airliner.

Mick and Paddy were on an aeroplane, and halfway through the flight, Mick spoke:

"Paddy, if this plane would turn upside down, do you think we'd fall out?"
And Paddy replied "Nah, we'd still be mates."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Rude parrot on an airliner

A man gets on a plane and takes his seat, only to realise that the occupant of the seat next to him is a parrot. The plane takes off and after some minutes a stewardess approaches.

"Can I get you anything, sir?" she asks the man".

"Yes, I'll have a coffee, please, when you have a minut...

The Captain of an American Airliner receives a message from a few miles ahead...

The Captain of an American Aircraft Carrier is sailing his ship through a deep fog, so much that he can barely see anything. They are moving slowly, and all crew members are instructed to be on high alert, ready to act at a moment's notice. Suddenly, he receives a call from something just a few mile...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is Reddit's favorite airliner?

Virgin airlines.

TIL the Airbus A380, the world's largest passenger airliner, shares a type rating with yo momma!

Clearly we need more nerdy yo momma jokes.

Speak English

A Lufthansa airliner is parked at the gate at Munich airport. Its pilot requests something from the tower in German.

Tower responds in English, "If you'd like to say something, say it in English."

The Lufthansa pilot asks in English, "Tower, why do I, a German, flying a German aircraft...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

BLIND PILOTS

An airliner is fully boarded and ready to push-off from the gate, when two blind pilots enter the main cabin. The pilots both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.
Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men e...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a bunch of passengers are boarding a plane to Los Angeles...

...when the captain and first officer come on board. Each is wearing thick sunglasses and carrying a walking stick, which they use to feel their way through the cabin towards the cockpit, tripping and stumbling as they go. Many passengers are understandably quite nervous, but several awkward laugh...

Pilot Choice

As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him. Sudde...

Wants to feel like a woman one last time before her plane crashes...

One day, there was a reasonably attractive woman on board an airliner that just so happened to be crashing.
As her plane plummets to certain destruction, she can't help her need to feel like a woman one last time.
"Are there any men on the plane that want to make me feel like a real woman one...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A plane gets hijacked by a couple of terrorists

The head terrorist is in the cockpit with the pilot. He demands that the pilot takes them to a free country or else the entire plane will blow up.

The pilot retorts: " This is an airliner, not a spaceship!"

The 30th anniversary of 9/11

It’s the 30th anniversary of the attacks on the World Trade Center, a father and his 12 year old son are walking through New York City, looking at all of the plaques and memorials and that signified what happened on that day.

They walk up to the One World Trade Center memorial building and th...

the fowled experiment

scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the wind...

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