An airliner is in the middle of its flight when pilot is contacted by air control

"Delta 627, you need to reduce your altitude 5.000 feet." "What for?" is the pilot skeptical. "Noise avoidance." responds the controller. "Noise? What noise? We are at 35.000 feet, what noise could there be?" responds our pilot, now curious. So the air controller humours him: "Have you ever heard ho...

At the low cost airliner

Flight attendant: would you like a drink?

Passenger: what are the options?

Flight attendant: yes or no

What do you call a fast food company that also manufactures airliners?

McDonald's Douglas

As a crowded airliner is about to take off

As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a 5-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.
...

If you're getting on a commercial airliner,

for safety's sake, bring a bomb with you...

because the overwhelming odds are there won't be two guys on the same plane with a bomb.

Except for that one guy.

An airliner was having engine trouble and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and prepare for and emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the air hostess if everyone was buckled in and ready.

"All ready back here, Captain," came...

As the airliner was preparing to land in Madrid in a rainstorm, an English passenger seemed noticeably afraid. "What's the problem, fellow?" asked his seat mate.

"Surely," said the Englishman, "you've heard the saying, 'The planes in Spain fall mainly in the rains!!'"

My flight was delayed from birds striking against the airliner.

Wtf birds, just do your job. What are they even paying you for??? I got a connection to make.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day at a busy airport

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Rude parrot on an airliner

A man gets on a plane and takes his seat, only to realise that the occupant of the seat next to him is a parrot. The plane takes off and after some minutes a stewardess approaches.

"Can I get you anything, sir?" she asks the man".

"Yes, I'll have a coffee, please, when you have a minut...

The Captain of an American Airliner receives a message from a few miles ahead...

The Captain of an American Aircraft Carrier is sailing his ship through a deep fog, so much that he can barely see anything. They are moving slowly, and all crew members are instructed to be on high alert, ready to act at a moment's notice. Suddenly, he receives a call from something just a few mile...

TIL the Airbus A380, the world's largest passenger airliner, shares a type rating with yo momma!

Clearly we need more nerdy yo momma jokes.

Mick and Paddy on an airliner.

Mick and Paddy were on an aeroplane, and halfway through the flight, Mick spoke:

"Paddy, if this plane would turn upside down, do you think we'd fall out?"
And Paddy replied "Nah, we'd still be mates."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is Reddit's favorite airliner?

Virgin airlines.

What do you call a robotic transforming Malaysian airliner?

If it's evil, a Deceptigone. If not, an Autobottomoftheocean

Shamelessly stolen from [here](http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/38i70d/what_would_be_the_worst_machine_that_a/crv9i7p)

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