2 presidents and 1 dictator are in a helicopter flying over a poor village.

President 1- Look! I would drop this 100$ bill and make a family happy.

Dictator- What if you throw 2 50$ bills, and make 2 families happy?

President 2- What if you throw yourself and make your country happy?

Rent a man a helicopter, he will fly for a day.

Throw him off the flying helicopter and he will fly for the rest of his life ...

There are 3 helicopter pilots...

One has an apple, one has a banana, and one has a hand grenade. The first pilot doesn't want his apple so he throws it out the window, the second pilot doesn't want his banana so he throws it out the window, and the third pilot doesn't want his hand grenade, so he throws it out the window. When the ...

Three men are in a helicopter.

They urge one another to throw things off the side. The first says "Watch this!" and drops a rusty nail out of the helicopter.

"That's nothing!" says the second man, who proceeds to drop three rusty nails out of the helicopter.

The third man smiles, says "Take a load of this," and drop...

Helicopter flavored potato chips?

A guy walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?" The bartender shakes his head and says, "No, we only have plain."

What's the diffencer between a bird and a helicopter?

It's a matter of a pinion.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I used to think doing "the helicopter" in public was socially acceptable

But apparently, it's considered a dick move

I COMPLETELY disagree with Trump's military trans ban...

I mean, wouldn't all those attack helicopters be useful??

Donald Trump, Enrique Peña Nieto and Vladimir puttin are travelling in a helicopter for a top secret meeting when

Suddenly Vladimir Putin throws his beautiful secretary out of the helicopter.

Others:- Why did you do that?

Vladimir Putin :- too many beautiful women in our country

Then,Enrique Peña Nieto throws his tequila out

Others :- Why?

Enrique Peña Nieto :- Too much tequil...

Two blondes in a helicopter

Two blondes won a joy ride in a helicopter. As they reached maximum altitude one turned to the other and said "I hope nothing goes wrong, have they got enough fuel?" The other responded "I hope so too, imagine if they ran out, we'd be stuck up here forever!"

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and ...

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An American, a Brit and a Mexican are sitting in a helicopter.

The Brit throws out a bag of tea, explaining to the confused others: "We have so much tea in England we can just throw it out!"



The Mexican proceeds by throwing a bag of peppers out, explaining "We have so much peppers in Mexico, we can just throw it out!"



The American ...

A blonde woman goes up for helicopter lessons.

She arrives at the air field raring to go.
She does her ground school and heads up in the helicopter with the trainer.
She does well so the trainer decides to let her take it up on her own.
The instructor heads back to the tower and instructs her to take off and head to an area just outsi...

A blind man is swinging his dog around on its leash like a helicopter. A shocked onlooker asks "What are you doing?"

The blind man replies "Oh, just looking around."

Did you hear about the broken helicopter that Mickey Mouse bought from Scotland?

Disneyland

3 political leaders were travelling on a helicopter.

1st politician: If I drop one dollar, one person will be happy.

2nd politician: If I drop 10 1 dollar notes, 10 persons will be happy.

3rd politician: If I drop.....(the pilot interrupted)

Pilot: If I drop you 3 everyone will be happy.

After the helicopter crash, the blond pilot was asked what happened.

She replied, "It was getting chilly in there, so I turned the fan off."

Helicopter ride . . .

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, “Esther, I’d like to ride in that helicopter.” Esther always replied, “I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.”

One year, Esther and Morris went...

Helicopter rotors are also air conditioners

When they stop, the pilot starts sweating.

A blonde woman was taking helicopter lessons.

A blonde woman was taking helicopter lessons. The instructor said:

"I'll radio you every 1,000 feet to see how you're doing."

At 1,000 feet, the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great. At 2,000 feet, he said she was still doing well.

Right before she got to 3,000 f...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Don't do the helicopter!

It's a dick move

A Blonde Crashes a helicopter

A passerby jumps out and rushes up to her and exclaims,"What happened!?". She explains,"It got cold so I turned off the fan".

Hear about that helicopter that crashed into a Newfoundland cemetery?

So far they've recovered over 80 bodies.

A blonde crashes a helicopter

A policeman arrives shortly and helps the blonde out from the wreckage. "How did this happen?",questions the policeman. The blonde replies,"It got chilly so I turned off the fan."

Do you know how the French came up with the word for helicopter?

Hey Look Up There!

A blonde was taking helicopter lessons...

A blonde was taking helicopter lessons and she was finally ready to try it on her own. The instructor told her to radio him every 1000 feet to make sure everything was okay.


At 1000 feet she radioed him, "Everything is fine."


At 2000 feet she radioed him, "Everything is fine, j...

Three guys were traveling on a helicopter.

Suddenly, their engine stops and the chopper falls. The first guy hangs from the leg of the chopper. The second guy hangs from the first guys leg. The third guy hangs from the second guys pants.
As they were falling they agree to sing a last song. The first guy asks to sing and the other two agre...

BREAKING: Helicopter crash in a New Jersey cemetery

300 dead bodies recovered so far

(Oldie but goodie) What do you get when you mix an elephant, a helicopter and a rhino?

Hell if I know.

Three pilots died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.....

**'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to**
**get into heaven.'**


**The Army helicopter pilot thumbed through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.**


**It...

The Pope is saddend that he never sees much of the countries he visits and decides it's time for a change

After a visit to Berlin, the Pope decides he wants to travel to Rome by car. Off course, he didn't bring a car and so the German government seizes the opportunity to impress him with German engineering. They lend him the most powerful car they have available, with a German driver/bodyguard. And off ...

3 military guys were flying around in a helicopter

They had just finished a mission and had some time to kill, so the soldiers decided to each toss something out of the helicopter to try and find once they landed.

The first guy threw a gun, second guy threw a knife and the third guy threw a hand grenade. Once they landed they went out looki...

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Three men are flying in a helicopter over China: an American, a Chinese man, and a Japanese man.

The American loves China, so he throws a gold disk down to the surface. The Chinese man also loves China, but is not quite as well off, so he throws a silver disk. The Japanese man hates China, so he throws out a live hand grenade.

The three men land and head into town. The American sees a li...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A teacher gave her class an assignment.....

She asked all the kids to come back to school the next day with a story, and what the story teaches you.

The next day she asked who wants to share their story. Little Johnny goes first and says "I live on a farm, and we had 12 chicken eggs, but only 10 of them hatched. That teaches you to...

Breaking news: A helicopter has crash landed into a cemetery in Ireland

The pilots didn't survive, and so far local police have recovered 956 bodies.

An employee is absent.

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employee was absent without giving any prior notice. Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted by a child's whispered, "Hello."

"Is your Daddy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispere...

Bill Clinton steps off of a helicopter onto the White House lawn

He's carrying a pig under each arm. A marine who's there to greet him says, "Nice pigs, sir!" Clinton responds, "Thank you! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." The marine replies, "Nice trade, sir!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I sexually identify as an attack helicopter.

Because I explode on impact.

Two guys are in a helicopter.

During their flight the helicopter encounters some dense fog and quickly becomes lost. After a few minutes of careful maneuvering, the two find themselves hovering next to a large building where they can see a guy in his office, sitting at his desk.

Thinking quickly, the copilot grabs a piec...

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"No Jews Allowed"

A US Navy cruiser anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave.

The first evening, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy and influential plantation owner:

'Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter's Debutante Ball. I would like you to send...

Why couldn't the monk who flew a helicopter understand the monk who flew commercial jets?

Because he was on a higher plane.

A man is stuck on the roof of his house after a flood, he prays to god for deliverance.

A man is stuck on the roof of his house after a flood, he prays to god for deliverance. A few hours later a guy in a dingy floats past and offers him a ride. He says "No, God will provide safe passage for me."

A day later a rescue team arrive with a boat and offer him a space, he again declin...

You've heard of "helicopter parents" but I had a "boomerang father".

He was meant to come back but he never did.

A helicopter crashed on a graveyard

Reports says over 500 dead.

Turkey shot down Syrian helicopter at the border.

How did they train it to do that?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Americans spy in Soviet Union

1960's. CIA decided to send the most advanced spy into Soviet Union. They trained him for 15 years in how Soviets Lived, 10 years in Russian, so he was completely fluent, another 5 years in Russian customs traditions. According to everyone in CIA, this guy was UNDETECTABLE. After US president wishes...

What do you call a friendly helicopter?

A hello-copter

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

12 of my favorite anti-jokes.

1. A horse walks into a bar, several of the patrons get up and leave quickly after assessing the danger of the situation.

2. How do you confuse a blonde?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.

3. What's red and smells like blue paint?
Red Paint.

4. I like my women l...

What do you call a helicopter with a bad paint job?

A patchy gunship

Liar Cop

Late one night a man is driving down the road, speeding quite a bit. A cop notices how fast he is going and pulls him over. The cop says to the man, "Are you aware of how fast you were going?"

The man replies, "Yes I am. I'm trying to escape a robbery I got involved in."

The cop give...

An old man and an old woman went on a vacation to Las Vegas every year...

Each time as they walked past the helicopter rides the woman would say to the man "please please please take me on a helicopter ride!"

Every year the old man inquired about the cost of ride. Every year $100 was the response from the operator.

Being a frugal old man he would look over a...

Getting married next week

I told my fiance I'll set a date the day I see the Queen jump out of a helicopter.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I am borrowing this joke from a torrent day user who doesn't seem to exist anymore. Let his joke live on!!!

�When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don�t take it out on someone you know. Take it out on someone you don�t know, but you know deserves it. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I�d forgotten to make. I found the number and dia...

What do you call a helicopter mixed with a rhino??

Well hell-if-i-know!

Two cows were grazing in the field, when one of them says to the other, "How about that mad cow disease, huh?"

The second one says, "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter"

My uncle died after falling out of a helicopter..

..so at his funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a parachute. Well, it's what he would have wanted.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[LONG] A joke my uncle told me the other day

A helicopter pilot takes his grandfather along with him on the helicopter and decides to do some stunts in the air.

 

The first stunt involves flying rapidly towards a mountain and dodging it just in time. After that, the grandfather says: "I expected this."

&nbsp;<...

Will Smith is lost in the woods...

One day Will Smith was researching a new role for a movie by camping alone in the woods. Eventually he got lost and a search party was formed.

First, a Search and Rescue team made up of local volunteers and firefighters went into the woods to look for him. They searched for hours but came bac...

A helicopter

There are two men in a helicopter, the gunner says to the pilot,"are you going to rotate clockwise?" The pilot says,"yaw"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

50 Bucks is 50 Bucks...

Jake and Mabel are a married couple and they are barely scraping by each year. The only time they spend any extra money is when they visit the county fair. Every time they go to the fair, there is a helicopter ride that circles the entire fair.

Jake says to Mabel, “Gee I really wish we could...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Great Leaders' helicopter ride

Kim Il-Sung, Kim Jong-Il and Kim Jong-Un were on an helicopter touring Best Korea's coutryside.

Kim Jong-Un said: "I'll toss a 100-dollar bill out the window make one man' day."

Kim Jong-Il said: "That's not how you do it; I'll toss ten 10-dollar bill and make ten people happy."
...

My Brian Williams's helicopter jokes have been going great!

None have been shot down so far!

A helicopter flying over Seattle,with all communication devices down.because of the fog and rain he lost his position.

Desperate the pilot writes on a piece of paper "Where am I?" and sticks it on the windshield. He sees a tall building and surrounds it. The people inside see the note and hurry to help the pilot and they write on the window: " You're inside a helicopter ". The pilot makes a loop and safely lands. Ev...

So a woman wakes up one night to the sound of breaking glass.

She looks out the window and is shocked to see three men breaking into her garage. Quietly, she calls 911.

"911, what's your emergency?"

"Some men are breaking into my shed."

"Alright, sit tight. No officers are available now, but we'll send someone as soon as we can" the opera...

2 cows were standing in a field

One cow asks the other "Arent you afraid of getting Mad Cow Disease?"

And the other cow replies "Why should I? Im a helicopter"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Iranian, a Israeli, and a Nazi are walking through the desert...

....when they happen upon a magic lamp! Excited, they rub the lamp and a Genie appears. "Thank you for releasing me! In exchange, I will grant you each one wish".

The Iranian thinks for a minute, and says: "My people get pushed around by the rest of the world, but we would be fine if we ha...

What is that thing on top of a helicopter?

A fan. The moment the thing is turned off, the people inside start sweating.

In a helicopter somewhere over Seattle

There was a helicopter pilot lost over Seattle on a particularly cloudy day. He finally comes up next to an office building and holds up a sign to person in the window. The sign read "WHERE AM I?" The person in window responded with their own sign, which read "IN A HELICOPTER".

The pilot imm...

What do you call a helicopter with no radar and no windows?

A Helenkelicopter.

An American soldier and two miners are on a helicopter.

The miners are carrying iron ore and the American soldier is carrying bombs to a special facility. The soldier looks at the altimeter and sees that they are going down. He tells the miners this and they all agree to throw three sacks full of each's cargo. They all throw it over and land a few hours ...

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At school, kids were given the task to tell a story with a moral lesson

The next day, the teacher asks:

'So, what's your story Timmy?'

'This one time when we were taking eggs on a cart to the neighbouring town, the cart's wheel broke and so did all the eggs.'

'And what's the moral of this story?'

'That you shouldn't put all your eggs in one b...