an American, an Arabian and a Vietnamese in a helicopter

Gasoline was low, the pilot tells them to get rid of unnecessary things to lower the weight.

The American throw a suitcase full of money and said: That just 10 million dollars, There's so many of them in my bank.

The Arabian throw a suitcase full of gold and said: That just 20 kilogram...

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Anybody interested in a free ride in a helicopter for 4 people? I'm still looking for 2 more adults to join me and my wife.

We leave early Saturday morning (Feb 6th) from New York and will fly to Boston , where we will have breakfast, then have lunch on a friend’s yacht.
Then we’ll do a flight along the coast, up to Cape Elizabeth returning to Boston for dinner, then fly back home. If interested, please message me. ...

Life is like a helicopter.

**I don't know how to operate a helicopter.**

Whoever invented police helicopters doomed us all

Everything’s gonna happen now that pigs can fly

Where do Russian helicopter pilots keep their drinks?

In Akula

The Helicopter Ride

Walter took his wife Ethel to the state fair every year, and every time he would say to her, “Ethel, you know that I’d love to go for a ride in that helicopter.” But Ethel would always reply, “I know that Walter, but that helicopter ride is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars.”

Finally, t...

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Two guys in a helicopter are crossing a mountain range when the rotor breaks and the chopper is going to crash.

As they are falling to their certain death, the pilot calmly reaches to his pocket and pulls out a bright red lipstick. He puts lipstick on, then tears the steering wheel out of the dashboard and shoves it up his ass. Passenger looks at the pilot in horror and shouts "what the hell are you doing, we...

Did you know that an helicopters propeller serves to keep the pilot cool?

Because when it stops the pilot starts sweating.

A blonde woman goes up for helicopter lessons.

She arrives at the air field raring to go.
She does her ground school and heads up in the helicopter with the trainer.
She does well so the trainer decides to let her take it up on her own.
The instructor heads back to the tower and instructs her to take off and head to an area just outsi...

A man drops a brick, a knife, and a bomb out of the window of a helicopter.

Joe has decided to go for a walk in the park. As he travels the park, he sees a kid crying. Concerned, he asks what's wrong. The kid says, "A brick fell and landed on my foot!". After making sure the kid was okay, Joe keeps walking. Soon, he sees a kid who is pale as a ghost. Concerned, he asks what...

Why did the flight of mi-24s get confused when a bee flew into the lead helicopter?

Because the lead helicopter is now beehind.

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A US Navy cruiser anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave. The first evening, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy and influential plantation owner:

"Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter's Debutante Ball. I would like you to send four well-mannered, handsome, unmarried officers in their formal dress uniforms to attend the dance. They should arrive promptly at 8:00 PM prepared for an evening of polite Southern conversation. They should be e...

Hide and Seek

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"


Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the b...

An elderly couple named Bill and Helen went to the county fair each year.

One year, a man at the fair was giving helicopter rides for 50 dollars. Having never been in a helicopter in all his years, Bill begged Helen to let them ride. She refused, quipping "50 bucks is 50 bucks."

The following year, the man was there again, and again Bill begged for a ride. Again H...

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One day a very religious man is praying at home when suddenly a tsunami hits.

He climbs to the roof of his house to avoid the flood and starts praying to God to save him.

"Oh God, I've worshipped you all my life, I'm not ready to die. Please save me from this flood"

After a few minutes of this, a guy on a rowing boat see's the man in distress and calls out
...

Doctor to patient with gash on forehead: "What was the last thing you heard before the helicopter rotor hit you?"

"Someone shouting 'Duck, duck go!'"

I made a book about helicopters

It really took off

Three men are in a helicopter.

They urge one another to throw things off the side. The first says "Watch this!" and drops a rusty nail out of the helicopter.

"That's nothing!" says the second man, who proceeds to drop three rusty nails out of the helicopter.

The third man smiles, says "Take a load of this," and drop...

My toy helicopters are really popular

They’re flying off the shelves

1980s European leaders Mitterrand, Brezhnev and Thatcher were flying around Europe in a helicopter, trying to recognize cities without seeing them.

Thatcher went first. She stuck her ear out the window and stated: "I can hear Big Ben chime. This is London!"

Next was Mitterrand. He stuck his nose out and stated: "I can smell fresh baguette. This is Paris!"

Last was Brezhnev. He stuck his hand out and yelped: "What... hey! Somebody ...

TIL For 15 years, the Swedes thought sounds from the sea were Russian submarines invading their territory. They regularly investigated, sending subs, boats and helicopters - at great expense - only to come up empty-handed.

Upon investigation by a biologist, the noise was discovered to be farts from fish.

It seems the Swedes were having herring problems.

Concerned when one of his most reliable workers doesn't show up, the boss calls the employee's home.

The phone is answered by a giggling child.

"Is your dad home?" the boss asks.

"Yes."

"May I speak to him?"

"No."

"Well can I speak to your mom?"

"No, she's with the policeman."

Alarmed, the boss says, "Gosh. Well then, may I speak with the policeman?"...

Man in a helicopter

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, ci...

Fifty Dollahs Is Fifty Dollahs

Herman and Zelda meet, fall in love, and marry. They're a young couple without much money, but lots of love between them. Every summer, they make a point to attend the county fair because they love walking hand in hand and exploring the attractions. And every summer, there's a helicopter ride at the...

Killer

A grandson asks his grandfather:

Grampa did you get to kill anyone when you were in the army?

Yes, I killed more than 50 men.

But I tought you were an helicopter mechanic!

Yes, but not a good one.

There were 11 people hanging on to a single rope that suspended them from a helicopter trying to bring them to safety. Ten were men; one was a woman.

They all decided that one person would have to let go because if they didn't, the rope would break and all of them would die.

No one could decide who it should be. Finally the woman gave a really touching speech, saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were use...

Three guys were traveling on a helicopter.

Suddenly, their engine stops and the chopper falls. The first guy hangs from the leg of the chopper. The second guy hangs from the first guys leg. The third guy hangs from the second guys pants.
As they were falling they agree to sing a last song. The first guy asks to sing and the other two agre...

A man gives helicopter rides at the yearly state fair for twenty dollars.

One year, a couple comes up to the ride and bickers with each other about spending the twenty dollars for the ride. The conversation ends with the husband saying, "You know...twenty dollars is twenty dollars" and they walk away.

This goes on for years, same bickering, always ending with husb...

What do helicopter pilots call it when their guacamole that's gone bad falls on the ground?

Black guac down...

A brunette and two blondes were hanging on a rope that was attached to a helicopter...

They were hanging on for dear life. However, they were told that the rope was going to break soon and that it could only support two people at this rate.

The two blondes started arguing about who should let go of the rope. The brunette didn't speak for most of the argument, but suddenly thoug...

The Cechnyan mob kidnaps two Czechs, two Irishmen, two Englishmen, and two Americans.

A ransom note is sent to each respective countries' embassy, demanding the equivalent of $25 million,or they will kill the hostages.

After two weeks, they receive responses from each embassy.

The English, Irish, and American embassy all state that they do not negotiate with terrorist...

Investigator to trainee helicopter pilot: "So you survived the crash. How did it happen?" Pilot: "Flying too high. I was shivering. Too cold." "Then what?"

"Then (pointing to the rotor) I switched off the fan."

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An American, a Brit and a Mexican are sitting in a helicopter.

The Brit throws out a bag of tea, explaining to the confused others: "We have so much tea in England we can just throw it out!"



The Mexican proceeds by throwing a bag of peppers out, explaining "We have so much peppers in Mexico, we can just throw it out!"



The American ...

A remix of a classic

A fellow was ~~stuck on his rooftop in a flood~~ going about his regular business in the middle of a pandemic. He was praying to God ~~for help~~ to keep him safe.

Soon a man ~~in a rowboat~~ with a Pfizer vaccine came by and the fellow shouted to the man, "~~Jump in~~Roll up your sleeve, I c...

Charles, Angus and Patrick are in a helicopter when the pilot informs them they are losing altitude.

Desperately, they throw out whatever they have on them. Charles throws out his teapot, Angus throws out his bagpipes and Patrick throws out a bomb. The helicopter recovers and they land safely.

When Charles gets home, he finds his father in the garden crying. When he asks him what happened, ...

I was getting a bit overworked at the helicopter factory.

So they put me on rotas.

I told my mom i identified as a helicopter.

She said: Props to you.

After the helicopter crash, the blonde pilot was asked what happened...

She replied, “It was getting chilly in there, so I turned off the fan.”

A man walks into a bar and asks for helicopter flavour crisps.

The barman says "sorry, we only do plain"

Why does Scottish Mickey Mouse no longer use his helicopter?

It Disney land.

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What is it called when you eat ass on a helicopter?

Skyrim.

A blonde woman was taking helicopter lessons.

A blonde woman was taking helicopter lessons. The instructor said:

"I'll radio you every 1,000 feet to see how you're doing."

At 1,000 feet, the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great. At 2,000 feet, he said she was still doing well.

Right before she got to 3,000 f...

What do you get when you mix a helicopter, elephant and a rhino?

Hell if I know.

Did you hear about the helicopter that crashed in the cemetery?

Police have found over 200 bodies so far.

“Son In Iraq I killed 15 people.”

Son: Dad you were a helicopter mechanic

Dad:Never said I was a good one

I'm an helicopter instructor

It has its ups and downs

The CIA, F.B.I and a local police department take part in a contest and are tasked with finding a rabbit released in the nearby woods

The police department deploys search squads and dogs, and after 4 hours comes back with the rabbit.

The FBI deploys helicopters and drones and finds the rabbit in 2 hours.

The CIA comes back after 30 minutes with a badly beaten bear who cries out “I am the rabbit! And I surrender”

Man on the mountain

One day on a nearby mountain a man stood atop it. He looked at the view and turned his pockets inside out. Powdered gold gushed out at amazing speed as he stood there.

Soon the media caught wind of this and went to investigate. After stuffing as many buckets of gold into their van as they cou...

Helicopter Crash

A helicopter carrying passengers suddenly loses engine power and the aircraft begins to descend


The pilot safely performs an emergency landing in water, and tells the passengers to remain seated and to keep the doors closed, stating that in emergency situations, the aircraft is designed t...

50 dollars is 50 dollars

Every year for 45 years James and Lucille had gone to the state Fair. Every yearJames told Lucille he wanted to go on the helicopter flight. "Its only 50 dollars" he would say. Every year Lucille would say "50 dollars is fifty dollars" and that was the end of the discussion.

On their 46th ...

Two guys are in a helicopter.

During their flight the helicopter encounters some dense fog and quickly becomes lost. After a few minutes of careful maneuvering, the two find themselves hovering next to a large building where they can see a guy in his office, sitting at his desk.

Thinking quickly, the copilot grabs a piec...

I walked into the store and asked "do you have any helicopter flavoured chips?"

The cashier says "no , we just have plain".

Two cows are standing in a field...

Two cows are standing in a field,
One turns to the other and says, “Did you hear about the Mad Cow Disease going around the farm?”
The other cow responds, “Good thing I’m a helicopter.”

What is a fleet of helicopters called?

Hellacopters

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What do you call someone that is attracted to helicopters?

Helasexual

A rich guy is flying on his helicopter when suddenly it crashes, killing everyone. What was the last thing that went through his head?

The helicopter blade

A man awakens in the middle of the night to find that his house was being robbed.

He calls up the local police to ask for someone to help stop them.

"Help, my house is being robbed!" He says to the dispatcher.

"We're sorry, but there are no cars available to help you right now. Please lock yourself in your room and we will send an officer by in the morning to take a...

Carp is about to hit the fan.

That's right, I'm going fishing in a helicopter!

What did the Billboard Top 40 artist say when she broke up with her boyfriend before kicking him out of a helicopter?

new single dropping soon!

You're in a car headed North.

You see a Red Fire Engine, to your right.

And a Fence to your left.

There's a Horse Infront of you

And a Helicopter behind you.

What do you do?



A) Put your drink down. And carefully get off the Merry-Go-Round...

What do Jeffrey Dahmer and a helicopter have in common?

They're choppers.

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I used to think doing "the helicopter" in public was socially acceptable

But apparently, it's considered a dick move

Do you know how the French came up with the word for helicopter?

Hey Look Up There!

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Don't do the helicopter!

It's a dick move

I identify as an Apache helicopter

I always have strange army men inside me

Why did the cannibal chef rush to the Bryant helicopter crash scene?

To get some fresh grass-fed Kobe beef.

As Trump flies in his helicopter over DC

As Trump flies in his helicopter over DC, he says to Melania:

Look, there are a million Trump fans gathered in the streets to wave to me.

She says: No, Donald. There are five million. But they are only waving with one finger each.

A man walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk if he's got any helicopter flavored potato chips.

The clerk's replies, no, sorry, we're all out...

But, I've got plane.

There are 3 helicopter pilots...

One has an apple, one has a banana, and one has a hand grenade. The first pilot doesn't want his apple so he throws it out the window, the second pilot doesn't want his banana so he throws it out the window, and the third pilot doesn't want his hand grenade, so he throws it out the window. When the ...

A blonde was taking helicopter lessons...

A blonde was taking helicopter lessons and she was finally ready to try it on her own. The instructor told her to radio him every 1000 feet to make sure everything was okay.


At 1000 feet she radioed him, "Everything is fine."


At 2000 feet she radioed him, "Everything is fine, j...

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An extremely wealthy man invited his high school friends to his big estate for a reunion.

Aside from being extremely wealthy, he is also extremely arrogant and prideful. As he welcomed his friends to his house, he gave them a tour of his estate, showing his cars, helicopters, private jets, and even his own yacht, all the while bragging about all his assets and wealth. Finally, at the end...

How to sound condescending?

Just scream, "I robbed a bank" while jumping from a helicopter.

Rent a man a helicopter, he will fly for a day.

Throw him off the flying helicopter and he will fly for the rest of his life ...

Did you hear about the broken helicopter that Mickey Mouse bought from Scotland?

Disneyland

2 presidents and 1 dictator are in a helicopter flying over a poor village.

President 1- Look! I would drop this 100$ bill and make a family happy.

Dictator- What if you throw 2 50$ bills, and make 2 families happy?

President 2- What if you throw yourself and make your country happy?

Helicopter backwards is retpocileH

Helicopter upside down is how Kobe died

Sean Connery lay on his death bed as he is rushed in a helicopter.

But he isn't on his way to the hospital. As the craft gently touches down, he is carefully wheeled off and pushed into the midst of beautiful New Orleans.

"Well, here we are, Sir Connery," his doctor says, beaming. "Orleans Parish, the most culturally diverse and gorgeous parish in all of Lo...

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A third grade teacher assigns her students homework

They are to ask their parents for a story with a moral and share it the next day.
The next day the teacher calls on little Peggy-Sue. Peggy-Sue stands and says “My daddy told me about the chickens that we raise for slaughter. One day we bought 12 eggs and only 9 of them hatched. The moral of the...

Bill Clinton steps off of a helicopter onto the White House lawn

He's carrying a pig under each arm. A marine who's there to greet him says, "Nice pigs, sir!" Clinton responds, "Thank you! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." The marine replies, "Nice trade, sir!"

A blind man is swinging his dog around on its leash like a helicopter. A shocked onlooker asks "What are you doing?"

The blind man replies "Oh, just looking around."

Late one night a man is driving down the road, speeding quite a bit. A cop notices how fast he is going and pulls him over. The cop says to the man:

"Are you aware of how fast you were going?"
The man replies, "Yes I am. I'm trying to escape a robbery I got involved in."
The cop gives him a skeptical look and says, "Were you the one being robbed?"
The man casually replies, "No, I committed the robbery."

The cop looks shocked that...

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George walks up to me he's bruised and battered and covered in blood...

I ask him what the hell happened to him. He says "I'm just walking along, minding my own business and this horse comes out of nowhere and knocks me down." I say "That explains it, let me call you an ambulance." He says "Hold on I haven't finished yet, so I get up, dust myself down and wouldn't you k...

What's the diffencer between a bird and a helicopter?

It's a matter of a pinion.

Breaking news: A helicopter has crash landed into a cemetery in Ireland

The pilots didn't survive, and so far local police have recovered 956 bodies.

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How can you tell Donald trump has fake hair?

Is that your final answer?

>!Dude holds all press conferences next to a fucking helicopter and his hair doesn’t move!<

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I just helicoptered here from the next city over

And boy is my dick tired!

The pope

The pope is arriving to Roma Airport. The pope car is not ready so a cardinal sends his private driver waiting him to the airport.

When the pope arrives he sees the driver has come with a Ferrari.

The pope says "please, I'm a real fan of nice cars and this car is so wonderful I want to...

My Hungarian boss' favorite joke

In the midst of the Cold War, the CIA sends its best spy into Russia. He has spent the last 10 years learning how to blend in with the locals. He speaks perfect Russian, he can dance the kalinka better than anyone, and he can drink an entire bottle of vodka without batting an eyelash. As soon as he'...

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There is a global interest in survival and the ability to thrive after an apocalypse or major crisis. (Kind of long)

Scientists decide that sending 3 men to a deserted island for 5 years with no hope of rescue or assistance would be a good indicator.

The United States, France, and China each offer up 1 person for the study and they all get sent to their fate.

5 years later a helicopter lands on the...

Why couldn't the monk who flew a helicopter understand the monk who flew commercial jets?

Because he was on a higher plane.

God Will Save Me

A heavy rain began to fall onto a small town. Townspeople were instructed to evacuate as it was believed the rain would not stop and floods were coming.

One man refused to leave. A van pulled up in front of the house and emergency personnel instructed the man to evacuate as the rain became he...

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Three men are flying in a helicopter over China: an American, a Chinese man, and a Japanese man.

The American loves China, so he throws a gold disk down to the surface. The Chinese man also loves China, but is not quite as well off, so he throws a silver disk. The Japanese man hates China, so he throws out a live hand grenade.

The three men land and head into town. The American sees a li...

Turkey shot down Syrian helicopter at the border.

How did they train it to do that?

3 military guys were flying around in a helicopter

They had just finished a mission and had some time to kill, so the soldiers decided to each toss something out of the helicopter to try and find once they landed.

The first guy threw a gun, second guy threw a knife and the third guy threw a hand grenade. Once they landed they went out looki...

You've heard of "helicopter parents" but I had a "boomerang father".

He was meant to come back but he never did.

The Pope is saddend that he never sees much of the countries he visits and decides it's time for a change

After a visit to Berlin, the Pope decides he wants to travel to Rome by car. Off course, he didn't bring a car and so the German government seizes the opportunity to impress him with German engineering. They lend him the most powerful car they have available, with a German driver/bodyguard. And off ...

A helicopter flying over Seattle,with all communication devices down.because of the fog and rain he lost his position.

Desperate the pilot writes on a piece of paper "Where am I?" and sticks it on the windshield. He sees a tall building and surrounds it. The people inside see the note and hurry to help the pilot and they write on the window: " You're inside a helicopter ". The pilot makes a loop and safely lands. Ev...

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The Great Leaders' helicopter ride

Kim Il-Sung, Kim Jong-Il and Kim Jong-Un were on an helicopter touring Best Korea's coutryside.

Kim Jong-Un said: "I'll toss a 100-dollar bill out the window make one man' day."

Kim Jong-Il said: "That's not how you do it; I'll toss ten 10-dollar bill and make ten people happy."
...

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Russian mafioso visits Italian mafioso

They talk about their lifestyles and Italian asks "Hey, do you have newest model of Mercedes?" No, I don't." Admits Russian. "Well, how can you call yourself mafioso if you don't. Russian fumes but doesn't say anything. "And does your house have three storeys?" "No, it does not." "Well, how can you ...

What do you call a helicopter with a bad paint job?

A patchy gunship

At least we know Kobe was a good dad

He wasn't a helicopter parent.

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