Three men are in a helicopter.

They urge one another to throw things off the side. The first says "Watch this!" and drops a rusty nail out of the helicopter.

"That's nothing!" says the second man, who proceeds to drop three rusty nails out of the helicopter.

The third man smiles, says "Take a load of this," and drop...

“Son In Iraq I killed 15 people.”

Son: Dad you were a helicopter mechanic

Dad:Never said I was a good one

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An American, a Brit and a Mexican are sitting in a helicopter.

The Brit throws out a bag of tea, explaining to the confused others: "We have so much tea in England we can just throw it out!"



The Mexican proceeds by throwing a bag of peppers out, explaining "We have so much peppers in Mexico, we can just throw it out!"



The American ...

What do Jeffrey Dahmer and a helicopter have in common?

They're choppers.

Three guys were traveling on a helicopter.

Suddenly, their engine stops and the chopper falls. The first guy hangs from the leg of the chopper. The second guy hangs from the first guys leg. The third guy hangs from the second guys pants.
As they were falling they agree to sing a last song. The first guy asks to sing and the other two agre...

Helicopter Crash

A helicopter carrying passengers suddenly loses engine power and the aircraft begins to descend


The pilot safely performs an emergency landing in water, and tells the passengers to remain seated and to keep the doors closed, stating that in emergency situations, the aircraft is designed t...

What did the Billboard Top 40 artist say when she broke up with her boyfriend before kicking him out of a helicopter?

new single dropping soon!

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and ...

My friend started a business selling helicopters.

It's really starting to take off.

50 dollars is 50 dollars

Every year for 45 years James and Lucille had gone to the state Fair. Every yearJames told Lucille he wanted to go on the helicopter flight. "Its only 50 dollars" he would say. Every year Lucille would say "50 dollars is fifty dollars" and that was the end of the discussion.

On their 46th ...

One cow asks another cow, “Are you afraid of mad cow disease?”

The other cow says, “Why should I be? I’m a helicopter.”

2 presidents and 1 dictator are in a helicopter flying over a poor village.

President 1- Look! I would drop this 100$ bill and make a family happy.

Dictator- What if you throw 2 50$ bills, and make 2 families happy?

President 2- What if you throw yourself and make your country happy?

Rent a man a helicopter, he will fly for a day.

Throw him off the flying helicopter and he will fly for the rest of his life ...

Two blondes in a helicopter

Two blondes won a joy ride in a helicopter. As they reached maximum altitude one turned to the other and said "I hope nothing goes wrong, have they got enough fuel?" The other responded "I hope so too, imagine if they ran out, we'd be stuck up here forever!"

Helicopter ride . . .

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, “Esther, I’d like to ride in that helicopter.” Esther always replied, “I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.”

One year, Esther and Morris went...

What do you get when you mix a helicopter, and elephant and a rhino?

Hell if I know...

I COMPLETELY disagree with Trump's military trans ban...

I mean, wouldn't all those attack helicopters be useful??

A blonde woman goes up for helicopter lessons.

She arrives at the air field raring to go.
She does her ground school and heads up in the helicopter with the trainer.
She does well so the trainer decides to let her take it up on her own.
The instructor heads back to the tower and instructs her to take off and head to an area just outsi...

There are 3 helicopter pilots...

One has an apple, one has a banana, and one has a hand grenade. The first pilot doesn't want his apple so he throws it out the window, the second pilot doesn't want his banana so he throws it out the window, and the third pilot doesn't want his hand grenade, so he throws it out the window. When the ...

Helicopter flavored potato chips?

A guy walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?" The bartender shakes his head and says, "No, we only have plain."

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"No Jews Allowed"

A US Navy cruiser anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave.

The first evening, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy and influential plantation owner:

'Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter's Debutante Ball. I would like you to send...

Donald Trump, Enrique Peña Nieto and Vladimir puttin are travelling in a helicopter for a top secret meeting when

Suddenly Vladimir Putin throws his beautiful secretary out of the helicopter.

Others:- Why did you do that?

Vladimir Putin :- too many beautiful women in our country

Then,Enrique Peña Nieto throws his tequila out

Others :- Why?

Enrique Peña Nieto :- Too much tequil...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I used to think doing "the helicopter" in public was socially acceptable

But apparently, it's considered a dick move

What's the diffencer between a bird and a helicopter?

It's a matter of a pinion.

Helicopter rotors are also air conditioners

When they stop, the pilot starts sweating.

After the helicopter crash, the blond pilot was asked what happened.

She replied, "It was getting chilly in there, so I turned the fan off."

A blonde woman was taking helicopter lessons.

A blonde woman was taking helicopter lessons. The instructor said:

"I'll radio you every 1,000 feet to see how you're doing."

At 1,000 feet, the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great. At 2,000 feet, he said she was still doing well.

Right before she got to 3,000 f...

A blind man is swinging his dog around on its leash like a helicopter. A shocked onlooker asks "What are you doing?"

The blind man replies "Oh, just looking around."

Two guys are in a helicopter.

During their flight the helicopter encounters some dense fog and quickly becomes lost. After a few minutes of careful maneuvering, the two find themselves hovering next to a large building where they can see a guy in his office, sitting at his desk.

Thinking quickly, the copilot grabs a piec...

A Blonde Crashes a helicopter

A passerby jumps out and rushes up to her and exclaims,"What happened!?". She explains,"It got cold so I turned off the fan".

I identify as an Apache helicopter

I always have strange army men inside me

Did you hear about the broken helicopter that Mickey Mouse bought from Scotland?

Disneyland

Do you know how the French came up with the word for helicopter?

Hey Look Up There!

A blonde was taking helicopter lessons...

A blonde was taking helicopter lessons and she was finally ready to try it on her own. The instructor told her to radio him every 1000 feet to make sure everything was okay.


At 1000 feet she radioed him, "Everything is fine."


At 2000 feet she radioed him, "Everything is fine, j...

Hear about that helicopter that crashed into a Newfoundland cemetery?

So far they've recovered over 80 bodies.

A blonde crashes a helicopter

A policeman arrives shortly and helps the blonde out from the wreckage. "How did this happen?",questions the policeman. The blonde replies,"It got chilly so I turned off the fan."

BREAKING: Helicopter crash in a New Jersey cemetery

300 dead bodies recovered so far

A very religious man's child was caught with measles....

The man put the child in his bed and trusted God to rescue him. A neighbor came by and said, “His temperature will soon be too high and will cause irreparable health problems, let me give him some medicine.”


“No thanks” replied the religious man. “I’ve prayed to God and I’m sure he will ...

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A teacher gave her class an assignment.....

She asked all the kids to come back to school the next day with a story, and what the story teaches you.

The next day she asked who wants to share their story. Little Johnny goes first and says "I live on a farm, and we had 12 chicken eggs, but only 10 of them hatched. That teaches you to...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Don't do the helicopter!

It's a dick move

3 military guys were flying around in a helicopter

They had just finished a mission and had some time to kill, so the soldiers decided to each toss something out of the helicopter to try and find once they landed.

The first guy threw a gun, second guy threw a knife and the third guy threw a hand grenade. Once they landed they went out looki...

Breaking news: A helicopter has crash landed into a cemetery in Ireland

The pilots didn't survive, and so far local police have recovered 956 bodies.

Bill Clinton steps off of a helicopter onto the White House lawn

He's carrying a pig under each arm. A marine who's there to greet him says, "Nice pigs, sir!" Clinton responds, "Thank you! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." The marine replies, "Nice trade, sir!"

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead walk into a bathroom.

Much to their surprise, the mirror greets them, saying,

"I am a magic mirror. Each one of you can tell me one way you think you are better than each of the other ladies. If you are right I will give you a reward beyond anything you could imagine. If you are wrong, I will suck you into the mir...

A genie appears infront of a man...

And tells him that he can have 3 wishes, but his ex wife will get double anything he asks for.

The man thinks and says "I wish for a trillion dollars"

"It is done. Now your ex also has 2 trillion dollars."

"I wish for the biggest mansion in the world with everything that comes...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three men are flying in a helicopter over China: an American, a Chinese man, and a Japanese man.

The American loves China, so he throws a gold disk down to the surface. The Chinese man also loves China, but is not quite as well off, so he throws a silver disk. The Japanese man hates China, so he throws out a live hand grenade.

The three men land and head into town. The American sees a li...

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A man goes into a bar followed by an ostrich.

He gets a beer and a sandwich. When he asked the bartender for the bill the bartender replied: "$7 33 cents"

The man puts his hand in his jacket pocket and randomly grabs a few bills and coins and drops it on the table. To the bartender's surprise it was exactly $7 33 cents.
"That was for...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I sexually identify as an attack helicopter.

Because I explode on impact.

Getting married next week

I told my fiance I'll set a date the day I see the Queen jump out of a helicopter.

I'm so good at programming I don't even need to test before I ship code.

Sent my program last week and haven't heard of any problems since!

Signed,
Richard
Junior Helicopter Auto-Pilot Software Developer

The Pope is saddend that he never sees much of the countries he visits and decides it's time for a change

After a visit to Berlin, the Pope decides he wants to travel to Rome by car. Off course, he didn't bring a car and so the German government seizes the opportunity to impress him with German engineering. They lend him the most powerful car they have available, with a German driver/bodyguard. And off ...

A helicopter crashed on a graveyard

Reports says over 500 dead.

Turkey shot down Syrian helicopter at the border.

How did they train it to do that?

A man's house is drowning

The boat tries to save him, but the man says:

"No, no the god will save me"

The water level rises up, and big ship tries to save him, but the man says:

"No, no the god will save me"

The water level rises up, and helicopter tries to save him, but the man says:

...

Three pilots died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.....

**'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to**
**get into heaven.'**


**The Army helicopter pilot thumbed through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.**


**It...

You've heard of "helicopter parents" but I had a "boomerang father".

He was meant to come back but he never did.

An employee is absent.

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employee was absent without giving any prior notice. Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted by a child's whispered, "Hello."

"Is your Daddy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispere...

My uncle died after falling out of a helicopter..

..so at his funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a parachute. Well, it's what he would have wanted.

Why couldn't the monk who flew a helicopter understand the monk who flew commercial jets?

Because he was on a higher plane.

$50 is $50

There was a newly married jewish couple called Mike and Ida that lived in a relatively small town. Every year there was a big fair that came to town that Mike and Ida decided to go to when they were 19, and they were blown away with all of the events and festivities. There was one in particular that...

A helicopter

There are two men in a helicopter, the gunner says to the pilot,"are you going to rotate clockwise?" The pilot says,"yaw"

So a prostitute offered me to do anything for 500 bucks..

I asked her to complete the remote helicopter mission in the GTA Vice City

A husband and wife attend the same fair every year for 50 years

Every year the husband asks his wife if they can go on the helicopter tour for $50 and she says no, because $50 is $50.

On the 50th year at the fair the husband is arguing with his wife about going on the ride and she gives him the same response: "no, $50 is $50."

This year the pilot ...

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The Great Leaders' helicopter ride

Kim Il-Sung, Kim Jong-Il and Kim Jong-Un were on an helicopter touring Best Korea's coutryside.

Kim Jong-Un said: "I'll toss a 100-dollar bill out the window make one man' day."

Kim Jong-Il said: "That's not how you do it; I'll toss ten 10-dollar bill and make ten people happy."
...

A helicopter flying over Seattle,with all communication devices down.because of the fog and rain he lost his position.

Desperate the pilot writes on a piece of paper "Where am I?" and sticks it on the windshield. He sees a tall building and surrounds it. The people inside see the note and hurry to help the pilot and they write on the window: " You're inside a helicopter ". The pilot makes a loop and safely lands. Ev...

What do you call a helicopter mixed with a rhino??

Well hell-if-i-know!

What do you call a helicopter with a bad paint job?

A patchy gunship

My Brian Williams's helicopter jokes have been going great!

None have been shot down so far!

What is that thing on top of a helicopter?

A fan. The moment the thing is turned off, the people inside start sweating.

In a helicopter somewhere over Seattle

There was a helicopter pilot lost over Seattle on a particularly cloudy day. He finally comes up next to an office building and holds up a sign to person in the window. The sign read "WHERE AM I?" The person in window responded with their own sign, which read "IN A HELICOPTER".

The pilot imm...

What do you call a helicopter with no radar and no windows?

A Helenkelicopter.

The Ecuadorean Public Works Minister visits his Argentinian counterpart

The Argentinian sends his chauffeur to pick him up in his Mercedes Maybach for lunch in his 10 acre estate. Whilst enjoying lobster, the Ecuadorian asks "where do you get your money from?" The Argentinian says: "do you see that bridge? 30%". Both laugh.

​

Six months la...

2 cows were talking and one says, "Hey, have you heard about this mad cow disease?"

And the other one says, "Why are you asking me? I'm a helicopter."

My god will save me

A man lived in Florida in a two-story house near the water. During hurricane season one year the emergency services order the town he lives in to evacuate to avoid being swallowed up by high waters. A group of people evacuating stop by his house in a big pickup truck.

“Hop in and we can all g...

A fellow was stuck on his rooftop in a flood. He was praying to God for help...

A fellow was stuck on his rooftop in a flood. He was praying to God for help.

Soon a man in a rowboat came by and the fellow shouted to the man on the roof, "Jump in, I can save you."

The stranded fellow shouted back, "No, it's OK, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me. NEXT!"<...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Anger Management: It Really Works!

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don’t take it out on someone you know. Take it out on someone you don’t know, but you know deserves it. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I’d forgotten to make. I found the number and dial...

One day this old couple were at a carnival...

The man said to his wife:
“Honey, can we go on the helicopter ride?”
The wife says:”no, it says to be quiet so the pilot can focus, but you always shout. Even though, it says it’s $10 and I didn’t bring my money.”
The man keeps asking his wife until the pilot came up to them:
“Hey, I hea...

To his great surprise, Bob won the largest lottery in history.

Unsure what to do with his newfound fortune, he decided to build the world's biggest ship. It was 10 miles long and 3 miles wide; a floating city. Once the ship was complete, Bob had to hire thousands of people to work on it and make it run properly. He held mass interviews and hired sailors, police...

Late one night, a man was speeding down a road

A cop notices how fast he is going and pulls him over. The cop says to the man, "Are you aware of how fast you were going?"

The man replies, "Yes I am. I'm trying to escape a robbery I got involved in."

The cop gives him a skeptical look and says, "Were you the one being robbed?" ...

Big flood.

Local priest is listening to the news about a bad storm moving in and how the flooding is expected to be bad enough to warrant evacuations.
The lord will protect me he says under his breath.
Fast forward to ten hours later and he is on the roof watching the waters get higher and higher.
A b...

A soldier, a ninja, and a cowboy

Are flying over a city in a helicopter getting ready to land after a long battle, all three are sitting in silence until the ninja pulls out a throwing star and tosses it out of the chopper.

The soldier looks at him funny and asks why he did that. The ninja replies, "it is a time honored tra...

A ship wrecks and people get stranded on a deserted island....

...everyone start to panic and the captain says a ship will sail pass in a week and all will be saved by it. The passengers try to group themselves and each take an action so they have a place to stay, food to eat and are protected at night.

One man does not care and is lazying around in the...

The Flood

It rains heavily for several days and flood waters start to rise. People are being evacuated as the water covers the ground completely.

The village priest is forced onto the roof of his house to escape drowning. He is sitting calmly and patiently in his soaking wet clothes when a lifeboat com...

During a major hurricane the order is given to evacuate.

However a devout christian is confident that the lord will protect him from the storm.

As the water begins to rise a police man comes by in a 4 wheel drive and makes a call for evacuation.

“The lord will save us.” The man says confidently. The cop shrugs and drives off.

The w...

Women say they want a man who is funny and spontaneous

But you knock on their bedroom window at midnight in a clown costume and suddenly it's all screaming and throwing things and police helicopters.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Police training

2 FBI agents, 2 state troopers, and 2 Detroit cops are sent out to the woods for training.

At the end of the training, the instructor tells the class he’s going to release a rabbit and they are to track it, capture it, and bring it back.

First, a rabbit is released for the FBI agents, ...

A great flood happened

A man was in his home when he saw on the news that a great flood was coming and everyone in the area must get to safety. He said to himself “oh, god will provide”

The waters stared coming and he sat in his living room with water up to his ankles. After a while the water rose too high and he h...