Three men are in a helicopter.

They urge one another to throw things off the side. The first says "Watch this!" and drops a rusty nail out of the helicopter.

"That's nothing!" says the second man, who proceeds to drop three rusty nails out of the helicopter.

The third man smiles, says "Take a load of this," and drop...

“Son In Iraq I killed 15 people.”

Son: Dad you were a helicopter mechanic

Dad:Never said I was a good one

Three guys were traveling on a helicopter.

Suddenly, their engine stops and the chopper falls. The first guy hangs from the leg of the chopper. The second guy hangs from the first guys leg. The third guy hangs from the second guys pants.
As they were falling they agree to sing a last song. The first guy asks to sing and the other two agre...

A blonde woman goes up for helicopter lessons.

She arrives at the air field raring to go.
She does her ground school and heads up in the helicopter with the trainer.
She does well so the trainer decides to let her take it up on her own.
The instructor heads back to the tower and instructs her to take off and head to an area just outsi...

What do Jeffrey Dahmer and a helicopter have in common?

They're choppers.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An American, a Brit and a Mexican are sitting in a helicopter.

The Brit throws out a bag of tea, explaining to the confused others: "We have so much tea in England we can just throw it out!"



The Mexican proceeds by throwing a bag of peppers out, explaining "We have so much peppers in Mexico, we can just throw it out!"



The American ...

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and ...

I made a book about helicopters

It really took off

Charles, Angus and Patrick are in a helicopter when the pilot informs them they are losing altitude.

Desperately, they throw out whatever they have on them. Charles throws out his teapot, Angus throws out his bagpipes and Patrick throws out a bomb. The helicopter recovers and they land safely.

When Charles gets home, he finds his father in the garden crying. When he asks him what happened, ...

One cow asks another cow, “Are you afraid of mad cow disease?”

The other cow says, “Why should I be? I’m a helicopter.”

50 dollars is 50 dollars

Every year for 45 years James and Lucille had gone to the state Fair. Every yearJames told Lucille he wanted to go on the helicopter flight. "Its only 50 dollars" he would say. Every year Lucille would say "50 dollars is fifty dollars" and that was the end of the discussion.

On their 46th ...

Helicopter Crash

A helicopter carrying passengers suddenly loses engine power and the aircraft begins to descend


The pilot safely performs an emergency landing in water, and tells the passengers to remain seated and to keep the doors closed, stating that in emergency situations, the aircraft is designed t...

My friend started a business selling helicopters.

It's really starting to take off.

What did the Billboard Top 40 artist say when she broke up with her boyfriend before kicking him out of a helicopter?

new single dropping soon!

I COMPLETELY disagree with Trump's military trans ban...

I mean, wouldn't all those attack helicopters be useful??

Two blondes in a helicopter

Two blondes won a joy ride in a helicopter. As they reached maximum altitude one turned to the other and said "I hope nothing goes wrong, have they got enough fuel?" The other responded "I hope so too, imagine if they ran out, we'd be stuck up here forever!"

Helicopter flavored potato chips?

A guy walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?" The bartender shakes his head and says, "No, we only have plain."

2 presidents and 1 dictator are in a helicopter flying over a poor village.

President 1- Look! I would drop this 100$ bill and make a family happy.

Dictator- What if you throw 2 50$ bills, and make 2 families happy?

President 2- What if you throw yourself and make your country happy?

What do you get when you mix a helicopter, and elephant and a rhino?

Hell if I know...

A pilot walks into a bar & asks for a packet of helicopter-flavoured crisps

"Sorry" says the bartender, "We only have plane"

Rent a man a helicopter, he will fly for a day.

Throw him off the flying helicopter and he will fly for the rest of his life ...

What's the diffencer between a bird and a helicopter?

It's a matter of a pinion.

Helicopter ride . . .

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, “Esther, I’d like to ride in that helicopter.” Esther always replied, “I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.”

One year, Esther and Morris went...

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I used to think doing "the helicopter" in public was socially acceptable

But apparently, it's considered a dick move

There are 3 helicopter pilots...

One has an apple, one has a banana, and one has a hand grenade. The first pilot doesn't want his apple so he throws it out the window, the second pilot doesn't want his banana so he throws it out the window, and the third pilot doesn't want his hand grenade, so he throws it out the window. When the ...

A blonde woman was taking helicopter lessons.

A blonde woman was taking helicopter lessons. The instructor said:

"I'll radio you every 1,000 feet to see how you're doing."

At 1,000 feet, the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great. At 2,000 feet, he said she was still doing well.

Right before she got to 3,000 f...

Helicopter rotors are also air conditioners

When they stop, the pilot starts sweating.

After the helicopter crash, the blond pilot was asked what happened.

She replied, "It was getting chilly in there, so I turned the fan off."

A blind man is swinging his dog around on its leash like a helicopter. A shocked onlooker asks "What are you doing?"

The blind man replies "Oh, just looking around."

Two guys are in a helicopter.

During their flight the helicopter encounters some dense fog and quickly becomes lost. After a few minutes of careful maneuvering, the two find themselves hovering next to a large building where they can see a guy in his office, sitting at his desk.

Thinking quickly, the copilot grabs a piec...

Donald Trump, Enrique Peña Nieto and Vladimir puttin are travelling in a helicopter for a top secret meeting when

Suddenly Vladimir Putin throws his beautiful secretary out of the helicopter.

Others:- Why did you do that?

Vladimir Putin :- too many beautiful women in our country

Then,Enrique Peña Nieto throws his tequila out

Others :- Why?

Enrique Peña Nieto :- Too much tequil...

Did you hear about the broken helicopter that Mickey Mouse bought from Scotland?

Disneyland

Do you know how the French came up with the word for helicopter?

Hey Look Up There!

Hear about that helicopter that crashed into a Newfoundland cemetery?

So far they've recovered over 80 bodies.

A blonde crashes a helicopter

A policeman arrives shortly and helps the blonde out from the wreckage. "How did this happen?",questions the policeman. The blonde replies,"It got chilly so I turned off the fan."

3 military guys were flying around in a helicopter

They had just finished a mission and had some time to kill, so the soldiers decided to each toss something out of the helicopter to try and find once they landed.

The first guy threw a gun, second guy threw a knife and the third guy threw a hand grenade. Once they landed they went out looki...

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Don't do the helicopter!

It's a dick move

BREAKING: Helicopter crash in a New Jersey cemetery

300 dead bodies recovered so far

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A teacher gave her class an assignment.....

She asked all the kids to come back to school the next day with a story, and what the story teaches you.

The next day she asked who wants to share their story. Little Johnny goes first and says "I live on a farm, and we had 12 chicken eggs, but only 10 of them hatched. That teaches you to...

A Blonde Crashes a helicopter

A passerby jumps out and rushes up to her and exclaims,"What happened!?". She explains,"It got cold so I turned off the fan".

A blonde was taking helicopter lessons...

A blonde was taking helicopter lessons and she was finally ready to try it on her own. The instructor told her to radio him every 1000 feet to make sure everything was okay.


At 1000 feet she radioed him, "Everything is fine."


At 2000 feet she radioed him, "Everything is fine, j...

Breaking news: A helicopter has crash landed into a cemetery in Ireland

The pilots didn't survive, and so far local police have recovered 956 bodies.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three men are flying in a helicopter over China: an American, a Chinese man, and a Japanese man.

The American loves China, so he throws a gold disk down to the surface. The Chinese man also loves China, but is not quite as well off, so he throws a silver disk. The Japanese man hates China, so he throws out a live hand grenade.

The three men land and head into town. The American sees a li...

Bill Clinton steps off of a helicopter onto the White House lawn

He's carrying a pig under each arm. A marine who's there to greet him says, "Nice pigs, sir!" Clinton responds, "Thank you! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." The marine replies, "Nice trade, sir!"

3 men are stranded on a desert island...

They wander around and find a magic lamp, from which a genie appears.

The genie offers to grant each man one wish.

The first man wishes for a boat so he can leave. *poof* The man is rewarded and he makes his getaway.

The second man wishes for a helicopter so he can leave. *poof...

A devout Christian man living in New Orleans refuses to leave his home after hearing news of an imminent hurricane and flood.

A richly devout Christian man lives alone in New Orleans. He keeps to himself mostly, isolating himself in prayer and self-reflection with little care for the outside world.


One day, the man notices it growing dark outside earlier than normal. He steps outside and feels the wind has pick...

Irish Vs. English

An English naval vessel is called to attention by an Irish Guard.

Irish: Aye, approaching vessel, I advise ye turn 15 degrees south to avoid a collision.

The English Captain replies: "Negative, sir. We advise you redirect 15 degrees north to avoid said collision."

Irish: I repea...

Compared to planes, helicopters are extremely complex, and have to be crafted with inhuman precision...

It's a wonder they ever took off...

A helicopter crashed on a graveyard

Reports says over 500 dead.

Two Boats and a Helicopter

*Not my joke*

A storm descends on a small town, and the downpour soon turns into a flood. As the waters rise, the local preacher kneels in prayer on the church porch, surrounded by water. By and by, one of the townsfolk comes up the street in a canoe.

"Better get in, Preacher. The wate...

You've heard of "helicopter parents" but I had a "boomerang father".

He was meant to come back but he never did.

Getting married next week

I told my fiance I'll set a date the day I see the Queen jump out of a helicopter.

Turkey shot down Syrian helicopter at the border.

How did they train it to do that?

A very religious man's child was caught with measles....

The man put the child in his bed and trusted God to rescue him. A neighbor came by and said, “His temperature will soon be too high and will cause irreparable health problems, let me give him some medicine.”


“No thanks” replied the religious man. “I’ve prayed to God and I’m sure he will ...

What do you call a helicopter with a bad paint job?

A patchy gunship

Why couldn't the monk who flew a helicopter understand the monk who flew commercial jets?

Because he was on a higher plane.

A helicopter

There are two men in a helicopter, the gunner says to the pilot,"are you going to rotate clockwise?" The pilot says,"yaw"

My uncle died after falling out of a helicopter..

..so at his funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a parachute. Well, it's what he would have wanted.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I sexually identify as an attack helicopter.

Because I explode on impact.

Two cows are in a field and one says to the other "I'm kind of worried about this Mad Cow disease, are you?

The second cow replies "Nah I'm not worried about it. I'm a helicopter"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Great Leaders' helicopter ride

Kim Il-Sung, Kim Jong-Il and Kim Jong-Un were on an helicopter touring Best Korea's coutryside.

Kim Jong-Un said: "I'll toss a 100-dollar bill out the window make one man' day."

Kim Jong-Il said: "That's not how you do it; I'll toss ten 10-dollar bill and make ten people happy."
...

An employee is absent.

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employee was absent without giving any prior notice. Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted by a child's whispered, "Hello."

"Is your Daddy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispere...

A helicopter flying over Seattle,with all communication devices down.because of the fog and rain he lost his position.

Desperate the pilot writes on a piece of paper "Where am I?" and sticks it on the windshield. He sees a tall building and surrounds it. The people inside see the note and hurry to help the pilot and they write on the window: " You're inside a helicopter ". The pilot makes a loop and safely lands. Ev...

A genie appears infront of a man...

And tells him that he can have 3 wishes, but his ex wife will get double anything he asks for.

The man thinks and says "I wish for a trillion dollars"

"It is done. Now your ex also has 2 trillion dollars."

"I wish for the biggest mansion in the world with everything that comes...

My Brian Williams's helicopter jokes have been going great!

None have been shot down so far!

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead walk into a bathroom.

Much to their surprise, the mirror greets them, saying,

"I am a magic mirror. Each one of you can tell me one way you think you are better than each of the other ladies. If you are right I will give you a reward beyond anything you could imagine. If you are wrong, I will suck you into the mir...

Late one night...

Joke: Late one night a man is driving down the road, speeding quite a bit. A cop notices how fast he is going and pulls him over. The cop says to the man, "Are you aware of how fast you were going?"

The man replies, "Yes I am. I'm trying to escape a robbery I got involved in."

The co...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Anger Management: It Really Works!

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don’t take it out on someone you know. Take it out on someone you don’t know, but you know deserves it. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I’d forgotten to make. I found the number and dial...

What is that thing on top of a helicopter?

A fan. The moment the thing is turned off, the people inside start sweating.

In a helicopter somewhere over Seattle

There was a helicopter pilot lost over Seattle on a particularly cloudy day. He finally comes up next to an office building and holds up a sign to person in the window. The sign read "WHERE AM I?" The person in window responded with their own sign, which read "IN A HELICOPTER".

The pilot imm...

I'm so good at programming I don't even need to test before I ship code.

Sent my program last week and haven't heard of any problems since!

Signed,
Richard
Junior Helicopter Auto-Pilot Software Developer

Three pilots died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.....

**'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to**
**get into heaven.'**


**The Army helicopter pilot thumbed through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.**


**It...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two cows are standing in a field...

One cow turns to the other and says "Daisy, are you worried about catching this 'Mad Cow' disease that's been going around?"

The other cow replies "Don't be so stupid Buttercup! I can't catch it because I'm a helicopter!"

The Pope is saddend that he never sees much of the countries he visits and decides it's time for a change

After a visit to Berlin, the Pope decides he wants to travel to Rome by car. Off course, he didn't bring a car and so the German government seizes the opportunity to impress him with German engineering. They lend him the most powerful car they have available, with a German driver/bodyguard. And off ...

An American soldier and two miners are on a helicopter.

The miners are carrying iron ore and the American soldier is carrying bombs to a special facility. The soldier looks at the altimeter and sees that they are going down. He tells the miners this and they all agree to throw three sacks full of each's cargo. They all throw it over and land a few hours ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man goes into a bar followed by an ostrich.

He gets a beer and a sandwich. When he asked the bartender for the bill the bartender replied: "$7 33 cents"

The man puts his hand in his jacket pocket and randomly grabs a few bills and coins and drops it on the table. To the bartender's surprise it was exactly $7 33 cents.
"That was for...

What do you call a helicopter with no radar and no windows?

A Helenkelicopter.

A fellow was stuck on his rooftop in a flood. He was praying to God for help.

Soon a man in a rowboat came by and the fellow shouted to the man on the roof, "Jump in, I can save you."

The stranded fellow shouted back, "No, it's OK, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me."

So the rowboat went on.

Then a motorboat came by. "The fellow in the motorboa...

A man was trapped on his houses roof after his home town was flooded

a man in a row boat approached his house and said "hope in i will take you to safety"

the man declined and said "god will save me"

​

a short while later a man in a yacht came by and told the man to climb aboard to safety

again the man declined with the answer...

$50 is $50

There was a newly married jewish couple called Mike and Ida that lived in a relatively small town. Every year there was a big fair that came to town that Mike and Ida decided to go to when they were 19, and they were blown away with all of the events and festivities. There was one in particular that...

A husband and wife attend the same fair every year for 50 years

Every year the husband asks his wife if they can go on the helicopter tour for $50 and she says no, because $50 is $50.

On the 50th year at the fair the husband is arguing with his wife about going on the ride and she gives him the same response: "no, $50 is $50."

This year the pilot ...

A man's house is drowning

The boat tries to save him, but the man says:

"No, no the god will save me"

The water level rises up, and big ship tries to save him, but the man says:

"No, no the god will save me"

The water level rises up, and helicopter tries to save him, but the man says:

...

The Ecuadorean Public Works Minister visits his Argentinian counterpart

The Argentinian sends his chauffeur to pick him up in his Mercedes Maybach for lunch in his 10 acre estate. Whilst enjoying lobster, the Ecuadorian asks "where do you get your money from?" The Argentinian says: "do you see that bridge? 30%". Both laugh.

​

Six months la...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So a prostitute offered me to do anything for 500 bucks..

I asked her to complete the remote helicopter mission in the GTA Vice City

My god will save me

A man lived in Florida in a two-story house near the water. During hurricane season one year the emergency services order the town he lives in to evacuate to avoid being swallowed up by high waters. A group of people evacuating stop by his house in a big pickup truck.

“Hop in and we can all g...

One day this old couple were at a carnival...

The man said to his wife:
“Honey, can we go on the helicopter ride?”
The wife says:”no, it says to be quiet so the pilot can focus, but you always shout. Even though, it says it’s $10 and I didn’t bring my money.”
The man keeps asking his wife until the pilot came up to them:
“Hey, I hea...

To his great surprise, Bob won the largest lottery in history.

Unsure what to do with his newfound fortune, he decided to build the world's biggest ship. It was 10 miles long and 3 miles wide; a floating city. Once the ship was complete, Bob had to hire thousands of people to work on it and make it run properly. He held mass interviews and hired sailors, police...